"Oh my gawd!" the cute blonde girl squealed in an absurdly high-pitched
voice. "I can't believe I'm actually here at a WWF event! This is so cool!"
The blonde girl's not-quite-as-attractive best friend nodded. "I know!" she exclaimed as well. "This is so cool! And I can't believe we have front row seats!"
They grinned at each other as they stood in line, waiting to get inside the huge arena. A huge crowd of fans milled around, some of them carrying homemade signs. Most of them carrying homemade signs, actually. Suddenly a ripple filtered through the throng of people and the two girls glanced up suddenly. Oh my god! Matt and Jeff Hardy were walking by to get into the building. The girls strained to touch the brothers, just wanting to get a closer look. It was as if fate intervened as both Matt and Jeff glanced over and locked eyes with the two girls. They smiled at each other before the Boyz disappeared inside.
"That was so cool!" the blonde girl squealed once more, reaching over to grasp her friend's hand and they jumped up and down like valley-girls on crack. Tonight was SO going to be the best night of their lives!
*****
Finally, the two girls got inside the arena and they looked around with wide eyes. The ring was, like, only ten feet away from them. It was great! Hey, maybe they'd get blood splattered on them! They were standing there, talking amongst themselves when a man in a suit worked his way through the crowd towards him. He seemed to be looking specifically for someone and his eye's lit up when he saw the girls. The girls, however, looked confused.
"Hey," the guy paused by them, looking both of them up and down. "Were you two standing in line a little while ago. Because, you see, Matt and Jeff said they say two girls standing in line that they knew they had a deep mystical connection with. They were very insistent that I hunt down the two girls right away so none of the other WWF superstars like Edge or Christian stole them away. So, were you those two girls?"
Immediately, the blonde girl nodded and squealed. "Oh my gawd! That was totally us!" Her friend agreed and the man smiled.
"Wonderful! I'm going to give you both backstage passes-" he paused while he pulled out a couple of laminated cards from his pocket and handed them to the girls. "-Just shows these to the big security guys and they'll tell you where to go."
"Cool!" The blonde chick grabbed the passes and handed one to her friend. "This is SO COOL!"
Her friend was just a little more subdued then other and arched a brow. "Goodness, you're articulate tonight."
This did nothing to dampen the blonde's enthusiasm as she started to jump up and down like a kangaroo on a sugar high. Anyway, at that point the show started. But since our story has nothing to do with actual wrestling, but rather a pointless romance between two random fans and those perennial Fan Fic stars, the Hardy Boyz, we're not even going to mention who was on the card that night. Gee, we wouldn't want wrestling to interfere in a romance, right?
The show finally ended with Stone Cold climbing on the turnbuckle drinking beer. Oh, wait ... I said no actual reference to wrestling, didn't I?. Okay, okay, forget I said anything about Stone Cold and let's resume the main focus of this random exercise in a waste of time and memory. The main focus of our story, as you may remember, was the two girls in the front row. The ones who somehow had a deep, mystical connection to the Brothers Extreme. They had barely paid attention to the show, they were too excited about meeting the Hardyz. They had talked about it for hours straight, and didn't even notice when RVD did something nifty right in front of them.
Slowly the fans started to file out of the arena, until the two girls were the only ones left. They glanced at each other, then down at the backstage passes they held in their hands. Suddenly they both began to squeal and jump up and down. Now it was time to go backstage for the pre- requisite first meeting with their soon-to-be true loves ... The Hardy Boyz!
*****
The backstage was abuzz with activity as wrestlers talked and hung out after their matches. Ack! No! I mentioned actual wrestling again! Silly me ... We all know that wrestlers in fan fics don't actually wrestle. They stand around and do one of two things. They either get all angsty and mope around until, from out of left field, love finds them and fixes everything. Or they devise strange plots and participate in backstage hijinks. Sometimes, it's a combination of the two. But they never actually wrestle because, heaven forbid, they might get all sweaty and thus become unappealing. And we can't have the wrestlers appear unappealing, can we? If we did, then none of the obsessive fans would want them.
At that point, the two generic fan-girls were wandering around backstage. As per usual story requirements, they were receiving looks from every wrestler they came across as the boys backstage fell instantly in love with them.
"Did you see those two girls!" Triple H suddenly piped up.
"I sure did!" The Hurricane answered. "They were Hurri-Hotties! I think I've fallen deeply and instantly in love! Wassupwitdat!?" (It's a well- known fact that ever wrestler in a fan fic must use his or her catch phrase at least once. Hurricane was simply observing this rule.)
"They totally reek of awesomeness!" Edge popped his head around the corner, watching the two girls as they strode down the hall. (See, Edge was doing the same thing. They've studied their fan-fics well.)
The two generic fan-girls were quite oblivious to the stir they caused as they searched for the Hardyz locker room.
"I can't wait to see Matt!" The blonde screeched and clutched her friend's shoulder.
"Well, I can't wait to see Jeff! He's so cute and I love him so much!"
"Not as much as I love Matt!"
"Uh-huh!"
"Uh-uh!"
"Uh-huh!"
"Uh-uh!"
They went on like that, pointlessly arguing until they reached the Hardyz locker room. They glanced at each other, then knocked on the door. If this had been a movie, dramatic music would swell up in the background and everything would be in soft, blurry images. Oh, and in slow motion too. But this wasn't a movie and so no dramatic, romantic music was heard. The locker room door simply opened and who should appear in the doorway but Matt Hardy. Immediately, he stepped forward and swept Blonde Fan-Girl in his arms and gave her a passionate, soul-searing kiss. The other Fan-Girl stood there for a moment, but it wasn't for very long because Jeff Hardy suddenly stepped forward and swept HER into his arms. Suddenly the four of them paused and looked at each other.
"When we saw you two in the line up," Matt started to say, "it was like 'Wow ... did you see those two girls. ' We totally felt a deep, mystical connection to you two. It was love at first sight!"
Jeff nodded, agreeing with his older brother as he stared at the Fan- Girl #2. "I mean, I know we've been in love many, many times. But you two must be our true soul-mates."
The two Fan-Girls grinned and each wrapped a protective arm around their respective Hardy. They stared at each other, love in their eyes as a few of the other wrestlers looked on and grumbled.
"Why is it that the Hardyz get all the cute girls that show at the WWF?" Test grumbled and crossed his massive arms over his chest. "I mean, seriously, you'd think I'd be attracting all the chicks with my super studliness."
"I know!" Christian agreed, looking at the fellow Canadian. "I want a soul mate! I want a soul mate! Me! What about my soul mate!!" His hands clenched at his side and his eyes screwed shut. Ah, it was time for a Temper Tantrum a la Christian. He threw himself backward on the concrete and began to thrash around like a three year-old in a toy store.
"What about Rob," point. "Van," point. "Dam," point. RVD stood there as well, watching Christian continue his dramatics on the floor. "I need a chick as cool as I am."
"Stone Cold Steve Austin don't need to find true love. WHAT?! I said, Stone Cold Steve Austin doesn't need to find love. I got mah wife, Debra and that's good enough fer me!" Austin made a cameo before wandering away again. It was simply amazing how many different superstars would pop up, just to make a single comment or two, then disappear again. Well, no time to puzzle it out because suddenly Vince McMahon appeared in the hall. He was watching the scene with the Fan-Girls and he arched a brow.
"You know, I don't think my product has enough female wrestler's who really have no business being in the ring. We could always do with a couple more girls to push and give top spots." He approached the Hardyz and their brand new true loves and smiled.
"Hi. I'm Vince McMahon and I noticed that you're new around here. You probably have no wrestling talent whatsoever, but I'd like to offer you a spot on my roster. You'd get to be champions, and heck, I'll even get the top guys in the business to job to you." He pointed at Fan-Girl #1 and smiled. "We can make you the sister or daughter of one of our superstars. Hey Undertaker!"
Guess who appeared at that particular moment. If you guessed Taker then you get a gold star! Yes, the dead man himself wandered around the corner and stared at Vince. Fan-Girl #1 was slightly obscured by the owner of WWFE at this point so Mark didn't see her. "Yeah, whattaya want, boss man?"
"I just found a girl with no wrestling experience or talent. But we want to stick her in a program with you. We were thinking she could be your daughter--" Vince was suddenly interrupted as Fan-Girl #1 stepped out from behind him and stared at the Undertaker.
"Oh my god ... DAD!?" she screeched, running towards Mark and wrapping her arms around him. Mark, for the most part, looked confused. But suddenly something clicked in his mind and he hugged her back.
"Ah, you must be one of my long-lost daughter's that keep popping up. I have a whole bunch of them now. Well, c'mon ... I'll take you to meet your sisters." Taker and Fan-Girl #1 exited hand in hand, with Matt trailing behind his soul mate like a lost puppy dog. That left Fan-Girl #2 standing there, looking uncomfortable. Vince looked over at her and arched his brow.
"You probably don't have any wrestling experience either, right?"
"Right." Fan-Girl #2 answered glibly.
"In that case, you can be the new WWF Women's Champion. In your debut match, Jazz can job to you. Hey, and after that, you can win the Intercontinental title, the European title. And , what the heck, you can win the Tag-Team titles, too. And then, for good measure, we can have another superstar try to win your heart. Of course, Jeff will try to defend your honor and challenge the other guy to a match and then get horribly injured. Maybe we'll have Jeff die and then you can be all dramatic and angsty. What do you think?"
Fan-Girl #2 grinned and shook hands with Vince. "Sounds good to me, Mr. McMahon." Jeff, on the other hand, looked a little worried about what he just heard.
And so our story closes. Two WWF Fan-Girls got the surprise of a lifetime; the love of the Hardyz and a spot on the roster offered by none other then Vince McMahon himself. All was right in the world of the fan fiction.
The
End
The blonde girl's not-quite-as-attractive best friend nodded. "I know!" she exclaimed as well. "This is so cool! And I can't believe we have front row seats!"
They grinned at each other as they stood in line, waiting to get inside the huge arena. A huge crowd of fans milled around, some of them carrying homemade signs. Most of them carrying homemade signs, actually. Suddenly a ripple filtered through the throng of people and the two girls glanced up suddenly. Oh my god! Matt and Jeff Hardy were walking by to get into the building. The girls strained to touch the brothers, just wanting to get a closer look. It was as if fate intervened as both Matt and Jeff glanced over and locked eyes with the two girls. They smiled at each other before the Boyz disappeared inside.
"That was so cool!" the blonde girl squealed once more, reaching over to grasp her friend's hand and they jumped up and down like valley-girls on crack. Tonight was SO going to be the best night of their lives!
*****
Finally, the two girls got inside the arena and they looked around with wide eyes. The ring was, like, only ten feet away from them. It was great! Hey, maybe they'd get blood splattered on them! They were standing there, talking amongst themselves when a man in a suit worked his way through the crowd towards him. He seemed to be looking specifically for someone and his eye's lit up when he saw the girls. The girls, however, looked confused.
"Hey," the guy paused by them, looking both of them up and down. "Were you two standing in line a little while ago. Because, you see, Matt and Jeff said they say two girls standing in line that they knew they had a deep mystical connection with. They were very insistent that I hunt down the two girls right away so none of the other WWF superstars like Edge or Christian stole them away. So, were you those two girls?"
Immediately, the blonde girl nodded and squealed. "Oh my gawd! That was totally us!" Her friend agreed and the man smiled.
"Wonderful! I'm going to give you both backstage passes-" he paused while he pulled out a couple of laminated cards from his pocket and handed them to the girls. "-Just shows these to the big security guys and they'll tell you where to go."
"Cool!" The blonde chick grabbed the passes and handed one to her friend. "This is SO COOL!"
Her friend was just a little more subdued then other and arched a brow. "Goodness, you're articulate tonight."
This did nothing to dampen the blonde's enthusiasm as she started to jump up and down like a kangaroo on a sugar high. Anyway, at that point the show started. But since our story has nothing to do with actual wrestling, but rather a pointless romance between two random fans and those perennial Fan Fic stars, the Hardy Boyz, we're not even going to mention who was on the card that night. Gee, we wouldn't want wrestling to interfere in a romance, right?
The show finally ended with Stone Cold climbing on the turnbuckle drinking beer. Oh, wait ... I said no actual reference to wrestling, didn't I?. Okay, okay, forget I said anything about Stone Cold and let's resume the main focus of this random exercise in a waste of time and memory. The main focus of our story, as you may remember, was the two girls in the front row. The ones who somehow had a deep, mystical connection to the Brothers Extreme. They had barely paid attention to the show, they were too excited about meeting the Hardyz. They had talked about it for hours straight, and didn't even notice when RVD did something nifty right in front of them.
Slowly the fans started to file out of the arena, until the two girls were the only ones left. They glanced at each other, then down at the backstage passes they held in their hands. Suddenly they both began to squeal and jump up and down. Now it was time to go backstage for the pre- requisite first meeting with their soon-to-be true loves ... The Hardy Boyz!
*****
The backstage was abuzz with activity as wrestlers talked and hung out after their matches. Ack! No! I mentioned actual wrestling again! Silly me ... We all know that wrestlers in fan fics don't actually wrestle. They stand around and do one of two things. They either get all angsty and mope around until, from out of left field, love finds them and fixes everything. Or they devise strange plots and participate in backstage hijinks. Sometimes, it's a combination of the two. But they never actually wrestle because, heaven forbid, they might get all sweaty and thus become unappealing. And we can't have the wrestlers appear unappealing, can we? If we did, then none of the obsessive fans would want them.
At that point, the two generic fan-girls were wandering around backstage. As per usual story requirements, they were receiving looks from every wrestler they came across as the boys backstage fell instantly in love with them.
"Did you see those two girls!" Triple H suddenly piped up.
"I sure did!" The Hurricane answered. "They were Hurri-Hotties! I think I've fallen deeply and instantly in love! Wassupwitdat!?" (It's a well- known fact that ever wrestler in a fan fic must use his or her catch phrase at least once. Hurricane was simply observing this rule.)
"They totally reek of awesomeness!" Edge popped his head around the corner, watching the two girls as they strode down the hall. (See, Edge was doing the same thing. They've studied their fan-fics well.)
The two generic fan-girls were quite oblivious to the stir they caused as they searched for the Hardyz locker room.
"I can't wait to see Matt!" The blonde screeched and clutched her friend's shoulder.
"Well, I can't wait to see Jeff! He's so cute and I love him so much!"
"Not as much as I love Matt!"
"Uh-huh!"
"Uh-uh!"
"Uh-huh!"
"Uh-uh!"
They went on like that, pointlessly arguing until they reached the Hardyz locker room. They glanced at each other, then knocked on the door. If this had been a movie, dramatic music would swell up in the background and everything would be in soft, blurry images. Oh, and in slow motion too. But this wasn't a movie and so no dramatic, romantic music was heard. The locker room door simply opened and who should appear in the doorway but Matt Hardy. Immediately, he stepped forward and swept Blonde Fan-Girl in his arms and gave her a passionate, soul-searing kiss. The other Fan-Girl stood there for a moment, but it wasn't for very long because Jeff Hardy suddenly stepped forward and swept HER into his arms. Suddenly the four of them paused and looked at each other.
"When we saw you two in the line up," Matt started to say, "it was like 'Wow ... did you see those two girls. ' We totally felt a deep, mystical connection to you two. It was love at first sight!"
Jeff nodded, agreeing with his older brother as he stared at the Fan- Girl #2. "I mean, I know we've been in love many, many times. But you two must be our true soul-mates."
The two Fan-Girls grinned and each wrapped a protective arm around their respective Hardy. They stared at each other, love in their eyes as a few of the other wrestlers looked on and grumbled.
"Why is it that the Hardyz get all the cute girls that show at the WWF?" Test grumbled and crossed his massive arms over his chest. "I mean, seriously, you'd think I'd be attracting all the chicks with my super studliness."
"I know!" Christian agreed, looking at the fellow Canadian. "I want a soul mate! I want a soul mate! Me! What about my soul mate!!" His hands clenched at his side and his eyes screwed shut. Ah, it was time for a Temper Tantrum a la Christian. He threw himself backward on the concrete and began to thrash around like a three year-old in a toy store.
"What about Rob," point. "Van," point. "Dam," point. RVD stood there as well, watching Christian continue his dramatics on the floor. "I need a chick as cool as I am."
"Stone Cold Steve Austin don't need to find true love. WHAT?! I said, Stone Cold Steve Austin doesn't need to find love. I got mah wife, Debra and that's good enough fer me!" Austin made a cameo before wandering away again. It was simply amazing how many different superstars would pop up, just to make a single comment or two, then disappear again. Well, no time to puzzle it out because suddenly Vince McMahon appeared in the hall. He was watching the scene with the Fan-Girls and he arched a brow.
"You know, I don't think my product has enough female wrestler's who really have no business being in the ring. We could always do with a couple more girls to push and give top spots." He approached the Hardyz and their brand new true loves and smiled.
"Hi. I'm Vince McMahon and I noticed that you're new around here. You probably have no wrestling talent whatsoever, but I'd like to offer you a spot on my roster. You'd get to be champions, and heck, I'll even get the top guys in the business to job to you." He pointed at Fan-Girl #1 and smiled. "We can make you the sister or daughter of one of our superstars. Hey Undertaker!"
Guess who appeared at that particular moment. If you guessed Taker then you get a gold star! Yes, the dead man himself wandered around the corner and stared at Vince. Fan-Girl #1 was slightly obscured by the owner of WWFE at this point so Mark didn't see her. "Yeah, whattaya want, boss man?"
"I just found a girl with no wrestling experience or talent. But we want to stick her in a program with you. We were thinking she could be your daughter--" Vince was suddenly interrupted as Fan-Girl #1 stepped out from behind him and stared at the Undertaker.
"Oh my god ... DAD!?" she screeched, running towards Mark and wrapping her arms around him. Mark, for the most part, looked confused. But suddenly something clicked in his mind and he hugged her back.
"Ah, you must be one of my long-lost daughter's that keep popping up. I have a whole bunch of them now. Well, c'mon ... I'll take you to meet your sisters." Taker and Fan-Girl #1 exited hand in hand, with Matt trailing behind his soul mate like a lost puppy dog. That left Fan-Girl #2 standing there, looking uncomfortable. Vince looked over at her and arched his brow.
"You probably don't have any wrestling experience either, right?"
"Right." Fan-Girl #2 answered glibly.
"In that case, you can be the new WWF Women's Champion. In your debut match, Jazz can job to you. Hey, and after that, you can win the Intercontinental title, the European title. And , what the heck, you can win the Tag-Team titles, too. And then, for good measure, we can have another superstar try to win your heart. Of course, Jeff will try to defend your honor and challenge the other guy to a match and then get horribly injured. Maybe we'll have Jeff die and then you can be all dramatic and angsty. What do you think?"
Fan-Girl #2 grinned and shook hands with Vince. "Sounds good to me, Mr. McMahon." Jeff, on the other hand, looked a little worried about what he just heard.
And so our story closes. Two WWF Fan-Girls got the surprise of a lifetime; the love of the Hardyz and a spot on the roster offered by none other then Vince McMahon himself. All was right in the world of the fan fiction.
The
End