Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, only Harry Potter merchandise. I would love to own Draco though *sigh*.

Thoughts

I often wonder, what if.

You see I just sat there crying, balling my eyes out like some snivelling wreck. He hurt me you see. I know they're just insults but they do hurt. They cut me up inside. Left me broken and aching. I don't want to fight or argue but he does, he thinks I'm lower than him, a piece of filth.

It hurts to be treated like that, I've been hurting for ever. I want to care for him, to be there for him. To hold him in my arms, to love him.

I love him.

I have done since I glanced at him across the hall.

He sneered at me.

I cried.

He shouted at me.

I cried.

He degraded me.

I cried.

But never in public, always on my own. No one knows how I feel, no one. They think I'm big bold and brave. But I'm not. I'm really a vulnerable little girl inside.

Just me. Just little old me .

No one knows how I feel. I feel like there's this gaping hole inside me, and the void will never be filled. I've always wanted love but I've never had it. I get ridiculed. I've tried to be nice, I really have. I've helped people. In more ways then one, but I never get a thanks in return.

I want a true friend. I thought I had one in Harry and Ron, but no. No I didn't. They left me. After I helped them in school. I stuck with them through thick and thin. Me Miss Reliable.

Not anymore.

I'm alone.

My family died not long ago. I had to face the loss alone. I've always been alone but never realised it.

Here I am, Hermione Granger, all alone. I've cried all emotions dry. I've cried so much that my eyes hurt, my skin is sore and my heart's broken into shards, scattered everywhere.

I want to have friend I want to be loved but I can't. I'm not pretty enough or likeable.

I'm plain.

I'm me.

I could never change.

Yet once in my life I loved someone. An unrequited love that burned.

It stung.

It hurt.

I would sit there longing for him.

I still do.

I wonder, what if I told him. Told him how I feel. Told him my secrets. What would he have done. But I suppose its all false hopes. He would shun and degrade me. He would laugh. I'm glad I did not tell him because that one rejection would of sent me over the top. I would have killed myself.

Maybe I should I have nothing to live for.

Nothing at all.

Just little old me.

But no I shall not I will live, be it a sad lonely life I will live.

I'll just sit here some more.

Alone.

Always alone, on the terrace. Breeze drifting through my hair.

My ugly hair. So plain and brown. Frizz. Nothing.

Cotton night gown blowing in the breeze. A plain gown.

Eyes watching the moon and stars. Ugly eyes. Plain, dull and lonely.

I'm just me. Only me. Never anything more.

Maybe I should change, change for me. Be a better person strive for a better life. I could do better but yet I won't just for now.

I will be dull Hermione Granger. Plain and boring and safe.

Just me.

My soul I suppose is another matter, its full of life, life that is buried deep down with worry.

Me just me.

I could love.

Be happy.

But I'm not.

I used to be.

But not anymore.

I'm me just plain old me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well sorry for that I know its very bad, I was sad one day and thought I would write it.

Please review, I would love to know you thoughts.

Luv always natyslacks

Oh and thank you Helen for spell checking this thank you! Thank you also flowerdrum, monkifer and lucyferina!