I'll admit it, I just couldn't stay away...
Ordinarily, she wouldn't have said it so soon. When she was first dating Roy, she hadn't told him she loved him for months. She still remembered it clearly. He had taken her to the classiest restaurant she had ever been to. They had eaten authentic Italian food staring at a gorgeous view of the park. Afterwards, they had gone back to his place and sat snuggled together watching old Molly Ringwald movies (her pick, though he didn't seem to mind). When he had dropped her off at her place that night, giving her a quick kiss full of emotion, she had told him. Just thinking about it now brought a stab of pain to her chest. "I'm gonna have to get used to that," she thought with a frown.
It had just felt right with Jim. Even though they were only friends, she found that she truly meant what she had said, maybe even more than she had with Roy. Or maybe that was just because she was so vulnerable right now. He had said it back, though. That was something. But what if he had just said it to avoid hurting her feelings?
These thoughts went through her head over and over again, fighting with each other, as she lay in bed that night; well, late afternoon was more accurate. After the exchange, they had sat for a little while longer, neither saying anything. After about ten minutes, Pam had looked up from Jim's shoulder and the silence became even more profound. Then Pam surprised even herself by smiling. Jim returned the smile, a little hesitant.
"Jim, I…" She stopped. She didn't really know what she should say. He didn't help her, simply returning her gaze.
She decided to try again, this time taking a slow, deep breath before beginning. "I think I need some time. You know, to sort some things out? I just…it's too soon."
She didn't know what she had expected, but what he did surprised her. He smiled again, this time more fully and said, "Pam, that's fine. More than fine. Take all the time you need. Just remember, I'm here if you want to talk."
"It's just, I need some time to think, you know? Everything's happened so fast and I haven't really had time to process any of it…"
He cut her off, "Pam! It's okay, really. You don't have to justify yourself to me. I don't think I'd trust it if you said you were ready to jump into anything right away."
After a few more minutes of talking, they decided to remain friends; for the time being, at least. Jim listened, really listened and was more understanding than she would have expected. He talked her into going to dinner with him the next night so that she could talk things through some more. She agreed only because her mom was so far away, she wouldn't be able to take a drive to see her until the weekend and the phone just wasn't good enough for this kind of thing. Her only condition was that they went somewhere cheap, preferably a fast food place. More than that and she would have felt like she was on a date and she didn't think she could handle that, not yet. He agreed with a condition of her own; a condition that truly surprised her.
"Let's not tell anyone about this, okay?"
"Ummm, yeah. Okay."
He explained, "It's just, people talk. I know it and I know that you know it. People are going to find out that you and Roy are over soon enough," he immediately regretted his choice of words when she winced, "Sorry. They're going to find out, though, and if they hear about the two of us going to dinner…it just won't turn out well. They'll talk. Phyllis, Kelly..." He added after slight hesitation, "Michael. I just don't want you to have to deal with that right now."
She agreed. She didn't really need to be convinced. He was right, people would talk and while she had been able to ignore it before, there would be an undeniable truth to it now and she couldn't handle that yet.
They got up then. They walked down the remaining steps in silence, neither able to think of anything to say. They hugged once more, quickly this time with minimal touching, and said good-bye.
Now Pam lay in her bed, reliving the day for the dozenth time since she had been home. Walking in had been awkward. She and Roy were still living in the same apartment; her without anywhere else to stay and him in hopes of being able to patch things up. He had spent the previous night on the couch. Neither had said much to the other since the night before, though they were still being civil to each other. Today, she had come home and gone straight to the bedroom where she planned to stay the rest of the night.
"How am I going to make it through tomorrow?" she thought before replaying the day to herself one more time…
I hope you guys like this. Again, please review. Good, bad, let me know. They kept me going last time and they'll keep me going this time. Until next time, enjoy yourselves!