This one owes a great deal to autumnshutup who prompted it and then added a lot of great ideas. If you were expecting something serious, leave now.
Sabrina thinks, absently, that she was being ridiculous expecting sex with Puck to be anything passionate or romantic. He's spent the past fifteen minutes just playing with her boobs, while she's just been leaning against the headboard, reminding herself that this is Puck's first time having sex with anybody, and she shouldn't have thought he'd be any good at it yet, that she was excited to bang a virgin because she thought she'd get to train him, that she knows how immature Puck is.
It still doesn't make her any more patient, so she presses her lips to Puck's, reminding him what they're there for.
He's unperturbed. "They jiggle!" he proclaims with excitement.
"Yes," Sabrina agrees. "And you can play with them later. They're not going anywhere."
He keeps playing with them.
Finally, Sabrina lets out an exasperated sigh and sticks a hand down Puck's pants, reminding him, "We were going to have sex."
Puck freezes, his hand still on her chest, and says, "Oh. So that's why people like it."
Sabrina pushes aside the thought that Puck has never even masturbated and just says, "Yeah. So can we get on with it?"
Puck nods energetically and pushes his lips against hers. Sabrina is overjoyed at the idea that they're actually getting on with it (this is not how she imagined her wedding night), but then she finds Puck pressing his fingers into her nipples.
He grins at her and says, "They're like little buttons."
Sabrina heaves an enormous sigh and proceeds to undo Puck's zipper, deciding that next time she'll undress him first. Maybe then he'll be able to pay attention to what's supposed to be happening, instead of goofing off.
Several false starts later, Sabrina gives up an pulls her shirt back on. This way maybe he'll be able to focus.
It does help, until Puck takes a look down at the space between Sabrina's legs. He draws back abruptly and cocks his head to the side, staring at her.
"What?" she demands. She wants sex now.
"What... what is that?" Puck asks.
Sabrina raises her eyebrows. "That's my vagoo- my vagina."
"Your what?" Puck asks.
"My girl sex bits." Oh lord, Puck is naive.
"But... where's your penis?" Puck demands, looking closer at Sabrina, putting his face down by her thighs.
"Girls don't have those," Sabrina explains, wishing someone else had given Puck sex ed. Like Uncle Jake. Who was supposed to.
"But how do you pee?" Puck asks.
Sabrina's very dry answer is, "Super girl magic."
Puck, though, doesn't get this, and his eyes widen and he gets a small, excited smile as he asks, "Really?"
Sabrina rolls her eyes and snaps, "No, of course not, snot-for-brains, but I really don't feel like explaining it right now."
Puck is not deterred and he just demands, "Explain."
Sabrina has had enough, so she half-shouts, "Puck. Sex. Now. Or so help me I will bite your dick off."
"Jeez, calm down," Puck says, backing up a little. "I was getting to it."
There is a very long pause in which nothing happens, and then Puck asks, "Um... what do I do?"
Sabrina rubs her temples, then points. "You stick your dong in there."
Puck examines Sabrina's vagina for a few moments and asks, "How?"
Sabrina sighs and says, "Just roll over. I'll take care of it." Seriously. She has to do everything.
She does a fairly decent job, as far as she's concerned (and, from the look on Puck's face, he thinks so too- it's worth all the trouble just to see his expression), and when he's finished, she rolls off him. She thinks it's too much to expect him to be a good lover on the first try.
He's still interested in her privates, though, and after she rolls off him he spends several minutes examining them while Sabrina explains what's what, exactly. She's glad her mother insisted she learn about her own anatomy. It makes things much easier.
"What's that?" Puck asks at one point, gesturing to something in particular between her legs.
Sabrina angles herself to try to see what he's pointing at, but since she can't, he touches it, and Sabrina's eyes go wide.
"That's my clitoris," she says, fighting to keep her voice even. "They call it the clit."
"Can I poke it?" Puck asks. "It looks funny."
"No, Puck, you can't-" Sabrina stops herself in the middle of rolling her eyes. What on earth is she saying? She gives off a slow smile. "Poke it all you want."
Puck grins at her and starts poking. He looks positively ecstatic. She feels the same way.
From then on, the evening is amazing. For someone so clueless, Puck actually does a pretty good job.