On the night she was attacked, Tris was cared for by her instructor, Four. But what happened the next night when she was supposed to go to sleep in the same room as her attackers? A one-shot addition to Divergent. Fits between chapters 23 and 24. All rights to the characters and world of the Divergent trilogy belong to Veronica Roth and her publishers.
I'm exhausted. I've been beaten up before, thanks to Dauntless training and Eric gleefully pairing the weak with the strong for his own amusement, but this is different. After a training fight I was never afraid to go back to the dorm and fall asleep. Even with Dauntless' no-holds-barred sparring style, those fights didn't feel personal. Being attacked and nearly killed at the chasm? That was personal. And now I have to sleep in the same room as my attackers until initiation ends.
Al tried to apologize, but I still don't trust him. And Drew is in no shape to hurt me after the thrashing Four gave him. But Peter is, well, Peter. He's cocky, unrepentant, and still ranked below me. I've taken Four's advice and leaned on my friends, but Uriah, Lynn, and Marlene sleep in the Dauntless-born dorm, so that leaves me with just Christina and Will for allies.
Don't get me wrong, Christina and Will are great. I'm lucky to have them, but it's hard to trust anyone right now. I thought Al was my friend and I trusted him. That nearly got me killed.
As lights-out approaches, I feel myself getting more and more anxious. My body needs rest, but I don't see that happening tonight. In the bathroom I change into black yoga pants and a soft cotton tank. I think about the hoodie Four loaned me after my attack, and the comfort it would bring me right now. It's stuffed in a shopping bag under my bunk, and I'm tempted to pull it out and put it on, but I decide not to invite the scrutiny.
I crawl gingerly into my bunk and pull up the blankets. I know I'm not going to sleep, but maybe my body can rest. The other initiates are still milling about, talking and laughing as they get ready for bed. Christina, already in place on the bunk above me, hangs down so I see her upside-down face.
"Hey, Tris," she whispers loudly, "I have a surprise for you. Don't fall asleep right away."
"I doubt I could if I wanted to," I grumble. "What kind of surprise."
"A good one," she replies. "That's all I'm going to tell you for now."
She smiles reassuringly and disappears onto her top bunk. In the bed next to ours, Will gives me the same look. He must be in on the "surprise" as well.
At 10:00 on the dot, the lights snap off, and only a soft, blue safety light near the entrance to the bathroom keeps the room from being totally dark. I sigh and settle in. Breathing still hurts, so I try to keep as still as possible and take shallow breaths. If Peter comes after me again I'm going to have to make a lot of noise, because I am in no condition to fight.
The clock near the safety light reads 11:00 when I hear a gentle tapping on the dorm door. It's not a knock, but three taps, as if someone is drumming a finger against the door. It stops, and Christina slides nimbly from her bunk, creeping toward the door. She raises her hand and with one finger repeats the three taps. I take another shallow breath, and Christina opens the door a crack. In the light from the hallway, I see her grin and nod at whomever is on the other side.
From my other side, I hear Will, close to my ear.
"Put some shoes on," he whispers.
I startle violently at his sudden, close voice, and he puts his hands on my shoulders to steady me. Painfully, I sit up in my bed and rotate so my legs are out of bed. I grope around for my sneakers and slip my feet into them. My hand also finds the bag with Four's sweatshirt in it, and I grab that as well. I have no idea what Christina and Will's surprise is, but I might get cold in just a tank.
Christina and Will slip into their shoes as well, and we make our way out of the dorm as quietly as possible. Out in the hall we find Uriah, Marlene, and Lynn waiting for us. Uriah's usually jovial face appears concerned, and he is relieved when he sees me.
"Come on," he says softly.
We fall in formation behind Uriah, and I notice that my friends have put me in the middle of the group. Uriah is in the lead, just a step in front of me. Will is behind him on his right, with Christina behind Will. Marlene is on my left, and Lynn follows me. Surrounded by this entourage in black, I feel like a prize fighter headed to the ring, surrounded by my team. But the bruises on my face and ribs are evidence that my fight is over, and I clearly lost.
No one speaks as we wind through the halls of the Dauntless compound. We approach the door to one of the apartments, and Uriah opens the door without knocking. He peeks inside and everything must be okay, because he opens the door wide and ushers us inside.
The first thing I see inside is Uriah's brother, Zeke, and Zeke's girlfriend Shauna. At the sight of my bruised face, Zeke's expression turns grim. Shauna looks concerned and hurries over to me.
"Tris," she says breathlessly, "Are you all right?"
I nod, and she throws her arms around me in a motherly, but painful hug.
I am struggling to breathe when a deep voice coming from the direction of the kitchen snaps, "Shauna! What are you doing? She has bruised ribs!"
Instantly, Shauna pulls back, her face appalled at her own carelessness. I gasp for breath, but that hurts more than suffocation, and I feel myself getting dizzy. Four emerges from the kitchen and slides a chair behind me. Gratefully, I sit, and concentrate on getting enough oxygen without taking a breath deep enough to hurt. It's impossible.
"Tris, I am so sorry…" begins Shauna.
I wave her off. "Ok.." I choke out. "you… didn't… know."
Someone hands me a glass of water and I take a sip. The pain fades somewhat, and I look around the room. This must be Zeke's apartment. It's small, like Four's, but has more furniture. Everything is old and has clearly been through a few owners, but the entertainment system along the far wall is state of the art. Boys have weird priorities.
Shauna and Four help me up from the kitchen chair. I pat Shauna on the shoulder to let her know that there are no hard feelings, and they lead me into the living room. They gently place me in a large recliner, and everyone takes seats on the furniture or the floor, forming a rough circle. Four is on one side of me, and Christina is on the other. For the first time since my attack, I feel completely safe. They've even bolted the door so no one else can get in the apartment.
Zeke is the first to speak.
"We talked about it earlier today, and we're not sure how you're supposed to get any sleep in the dorms with your attackers. So we thought we would bring you here for a while so you could relax, and maybe even smile a little if it doesn't hurt too much."
Uriah's brother is known for being wild and funny, so his sincere tone surprises me. It's touching, really. We've only met once, the night we went zip lining, but I already like him and Shauna and think of them as my friends.
I try to smile at Zeke and say, "just don't make me laugh."
He grins back at me, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender.
"I'll try, but no guarantees," he retorts.
I reply, "Well, if I don't laugh at your jokes, you'll know why."
He nods and I look around the room. I came to Dauntless just weeks ago with no one, and now I have a room full of friends. I appreciate them so much right now. After making eye contact with each person around the circle, I thank them for their concern and support.
Uriah breaks the tension, "Well, are we mourning or are we having some fun? Let's play a game!"
Heads nod around the circle and a debate begins about what we should play. I sit quietly and watch the energetic Dauntless work out a plan.
"Not Dauntless or Candor," says Christina, "Tris is in no shape for dares."
"Initiates can't drink, so Never Have I Ever is out," adds Will.
"How about Would You Rather?" asks Marlene.
There are nods and several exclamations of support around the circle, so it's settled.
"What's Would You Rather?" I ask timidly.
Zeke and Uriah look at me in disbelief, but Christina explains.
"We take turns picking someone around the circle and asking them 'Would you rather…" and then anything you can think of. It can be gross, or personal, or anything at all, and they have to say which they would rather do. After you answer, it's your turn to ask someone else."
"That's it?" I ask, "you don't have to do it, you just have to answer?"
Christina laughs and assures me that you just answer. I nod my approval and the game begins with Zeke going first because he's the host.
"Uri," he asks his brother, "would you rather give up Dauntless cake forever or never have sex?"
"Like ever?" asks Uriah. Zeke nods.
"No Dauntless cake or no sex. For life?" Zeke nods again.
"Well," begins Uriah tentatively, "I guess I'd give up cake then. It would suck, but I really want to be a dad someday." We smile at his answer, and he turns to Christina.
"Would you rather go back to Candor or be factionless?"
"Candor," replies Christina, "I didn't fit in there, but at least I know what to expect. Being factionless is scary."
"Oh come on," I tease her, "The real reason you couldn't be factionless is because you'd have to give up shopping!"
"That too!" says Christina with a laugh. "OK, Will, would you rather have your fears tattooed on your face for everyone to see, or have to go naked for the rest of your life?"
Will doesn't even hesitate, "Naked. I can hide behind stuff, but what if my fears are embarrassing? Or what if I have a lot of them? It's hard to hide your face forever!"
"Sounds like someone is pretty confident that his nakedness isn't 'embarrassing,'" teases Uriah. Will's face reddens and everyone laughs at his discomfort. When he regains his composure, Will turns to Four.
"Um, Four, would you rather tell us your fears or your real name?" he asks.
Four scowls, then answers shortly, "name."
"Well, what is it?" asks Christina.
"I don't have to tell you," he snaps back.
"You can't blame a girl for trying," says Christina, trying to lighten the mood by flipping her hair and playing dumb.
Four smiles at her warily and turns to Lynn.
"Lynn, would you rather spend your life alone, or surrounded by idiots?"
Lynn grins at him, "I'm here with you idiots, aren't I?"
Everyone laughs, and Lynn moves on to find a victim.
The game goes on for a while, but my body is just too weary. At some point I fall asleep, so my friends stop calling on me and just let me rest. I wake suddenly to the sound of loud laughter, and discover that someone has put a blanket over me. I really need to go to the bathroom, but I am going to need help getting out of this chair. I turn to Christina, but she is rolling on the floor laughing about something. I scowl and decide to wait until she calms down to get her attention.
"Do you need anything?" rumbles Four's deep voice from my other side.
I turn my head to face him and my cheeks blush deep red. "I need to, um," Why is this so hard? "I need help getting up."
The words stumble out of my mouth, but he seems to understand. Four removes the blanket that was covering me, and I am suddenly chilled. He helps me lower the foot rest on the chair and gingerly lifts me as I find my footing.
"Thanks," I mumble, embarrassed that I need help.
"No problem," he replies as I shuffle toward the bathroom.
When I return to the room, everyone is quieter and people are putting their shoes on. We must be heading back to the dorms. I feel fear rise in my chest at the prospect of going back there, and panic registers on my face. My breathing becomes even shallower and more labored, if that's possible. I think I might be sick.
Four sees the look on my face and hurries to my side.
"Hey, it's ok," he says in a calm voice. "You don't have to go back there. You can if you want, and Christina and Will can keep an eye on you. Or you can stay here; Shauna is staying with Zeke tonight and you can stay on the couch. Or you can come back to my place like you did last night. It's up to you. But you need to get some sleep somewhere."
I can't go back to the dorm. That's impossible. And staying with Zeke and Shauna, whom I barely know, feels awkward. I really want to go with Four, but I don't think I can ask for that. It feels wrong. I'd be alone with a guy, one I barely know. I'd be forcing him to sleep on the floor, and I can't put him out like that. I feel overwhelmed by this decision. What is wrong with me?
Four solves the problem for me by saying, "Tris? Will you come home with me tonight, or is that too uncomfortable? I'd really like to have you where I can keep an eye on you, but if you're not comfortable being alone with me, I understand."
When he puts it that way, it feels like I'm doing him a favor, and I certainly don't feel bad about that. In fact, with my Abnegation background I would feel bad saying no to him. Somehow, I feel like he understands that. He explains to the group that I'll be staying at his apartment tonight so he can keep an eye on me, and surprisingly no one argues.
We begin the walk back toward the dorms, but stop outside the door to Four's apartment. He invites Christina to come in and see where I'll be staying. She follows us inside and openly gawks at Four's sparsely furnished apartment. I sit down on the bed, and Christina offers to bring me things from the dorm, but all I need is sleep. She says goodnight and leaves with the others.
When they're gone, I point to the shopping bag I've been dragging around all night.
"I brought back your hoodie." I say simply.
For some reason, I think he looks disappointed, but he nods and approaches the bed. He looks at the bruise on my cheek and asks about my other injuries. I pretend to be fine, and Four tucks me under the blue comforter.
He lays down in his spot on the floor, just like he did last night. And just like last night, I watch his back muscles move rhythmically as he falls asleep, then I drift off to sleep as well.
It is early, too early, when pounding on the door wakes us up. Four throws on a shirt with the sweatpants he slept in, and orders me to hide myself in the covers while he sees who is at the door. It's Christina, and I peek my head out to see her distraught face streaked with mascara-tinted tears.
"It's Al," she says. "Come on."