To Shag And To Protect

by TamaraJagellovsk

collection of one shots, set in Jack's and John's time at the Agency. Rated T for the moment. Stole the title but can't remember from whom. Probably been retconned. Note: these chapters are in no way chronological or even necessarily congruent - it's Time travel! alternate realities! crossing timelines! temporal displacements! makes your tongue tingle!

1. pyramid

"Agents Harkness and Hart, please tell me this report is one of your not so funny jokes."

The Trouble Twins glanced at each other and turned to the Commander as one.

"No, ma'am", they answered in unison.

"It was a simple standard procedure operation for fuck's sake!"

"Bring it home or bring it down, we know, but -"

"Exactly, Harkness! Retrieve, otherwise disable. How hard can that be?"

John lost his temper.

"It was too fucking big to move!"

"So you concluded that blowing up The Great Pyramid of Giza was a valid option."

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Half an hour and two hyper vodkas later Jack chuckled:

"Blowing up The Great Pyramid of Giza."

John pouted most adorably.

"Well I didn't hear you make any suggestions!"

Jack heaved a sigh and refilled their glasses.

"OK whatever. The high and mighty feel that a backup mission is in order, and since they still cling to that completely uninspired Whoever Caused It Fixes It policy -"

"We get to jump back to ancient Egypt. Copy that."

"I suggest we come up with a plan. Ideally one that doesn't involve temple slaves."

John put his boots up on the table, tilting his chair backwards.

"You're no fun these days."