Three whole years have passed since Laura Hollis was able to call Carmilla Karnstein hers. Three whole years since Laura was Carmilla's girlfriend. Three whole years since Laura had said 'I love you' in a romantic way. Three whole years since Laura had talked to Carmilla.
Three whole years and Laura still thought of Carmilla every day.
Something would remind her of Carmilla. It would remind her of her laugh, her voice, her hair, her eyebrows, her jaw line, her nose, her intelligence; it would remind her of anything about Carmilla. Her friends caught on a week after she left. They were there to support her through it all.
Just what made Laura so upset with Carmilla leaving when she did, is how they planned to live together through college so they didn't have a chance of an awful roommate. Laura had a room all to herself her freshman year making it worse on herself, so she guess that's why Carmilla fought so hard for them to be roommates. She, of course, wanted to as well. She also wanted to make her dad feel reassured they weren't moving too fast, but she agreed because it felt nice to wake up next to someone you love.
This was the year that Laura chose to forget Carmilla. She spent the last three years believing she would come back. The school year had started off decently, Laura happily living on her own in a apartment that was barely off campus, but down the hall, her friends, Perry and Lafontaine, lived. Perry was a blessing to Lafontaine and Laura, she made sure both of them made it to class with at least something to eat. This morning was no different.
"Laura, you better be ready in the next five minutes or I'm eating your muffin," Lafontaine yelled from Laura's kitchen.
Laura hurriedly brushed her hair while scrubbing at her teeth. Once she decided she looked presentable to the world, she walked into her kitchen taking the muffin Perry made for her that Lafontaine had tried to grab the second she walked in. She moaned at the first bite.
"Either you're just really trying to make me jealous or you really need to get laid. Considering it's been three years, I think you need to get laid."
"No, I'm not going," Laura said already knowing how these conversations go, "I'm able to get laid on my own and I'm almost an adult. I don't need to be sneaking drinks to underage people."
"That's exactly why we need to do it," they said, "we had great times when we were just little freshmen. It finally got you out of the crying phase and into the anger phase."
"Let's just get to class," Laura said finishing her muffin.
"So you'll think about it?" They said hopeful.
"If I say yes will you drop it?" Laura asked slightly annoyed.
"Yes," they said with a smile on their face.
Hours of classes later, Laura sat on her couch dressed in a tank top and sweats watching The 100. She was eating leftover pizza watching Bellamy make an absolutely awful decision again.
Lafontaine decided to make an entrance making Laura jump, "Hey, are you, Laura, you said you would come out with me tonight."
"I said I would think about it, and I thought no."
"Please, you don't want me to drink alone, do you? I could get lost and then you and Perry would have to come looking for me," they begged.
"I really don't want to go out."
"Is it because Carmilla would? Is that it? She's gone, Laura. She left you. She messed up, but even if you still love her, she wouldn't want you to live like this."
"I don't love her!" Laura lied feeling hurt when she said it, "but you're right. She's gone." Laura turned off the TV and got up taking her glass into the kitchen. "Give me a few minutes."
Shortly later, they walked to the party at the Zetas. They waved at Kirsch when they walked through the door. It didn't take long for Lafontaine to find JP and they both ran off leaving Laura alone. Laura grew furious that the only reason Lafontaine begged her to get out of her apartment was to hook up with someone, but she would give them a talk later. She was about to head downstairs for another drink when a familiar face showed up at the bottom of the staircase.
"Shit," Laura said out loud.
It was like she could hear her because Carmilla looked up and met Laura's eyes. She spoke the same thing, or at least Laura thinks she did with how her face looked.
Laura ran to the bathroom and locked it. She went to the wall opposite of the door and slid down the wall until she was sitting. Laura didn't know how to exactly feel. She wanted to cry her eyes out, but she also wanted to go downstairs and yell at the girl she loves. She just sat there in shock and conflicted on what she should do.
She spent the rest of the party holed up in the bathroom. She yelled that she was 'busy' when someone knocked on the door eventually that got some people yelling back 'get some!' Her phone eventually died leaving her with no way to text Lafontaine or Perry.
When the music finally got turned off and there wasn't any more yelling, Laura left the safety of the bathroom hoping Carmilla had left. She went to the staircase and seen the cup she dropped before she ran to the bathroom. She walked down the stairs and at the bottom she seen Carmilla with a drunken smile staring at her.
"Hey cupcake," she slurred.
"H-hey," Laura said wanting nothing more than to kiss Carmilla. She still had the same sexy voice that Laura always heard in her dreams.
"How have you been the last three years, I think?" Carmilla asked unsure of herself.
"Awful."
Carmilla had a frown, "No, no, no, you can't say that. I left."
"Exactly, you left me. I cried for two years. Actually I still cry when no can notice. I thought I was finally done with you, but you show up in my life again still being perfect," Laura said fighting herself.
"I'm far from perfect," Carmilla stated she tried to move away from the wall but almost fell. She comfortably leaned against it with a slight sway, "I left so you could be happy."
"I was happy with you!"
Carmilla felt taken back, "No you weren't. Perry told me about how you didn't want me anymore." Carmilla had her drunken bliss smile taken away.
"What do you mean? Carmilla, I love you, I've always have. I wanted to spend my life with you," Laura said fighting the urge to hug Carmilla.
"Bullshit, you didn't even want to live with me through college."
"I wanted to keep my father off our backs. He thought we were going way too fast with our relationship."
"Maybe, he was right then," Carmilla said standing straight before letting a small giggle out. "I wanted to ask you to marry me, but I was going to wait until after graduation. I couldn't believe myself but at the same time I was absolutely sure I wanted you. I really loved you."
"I really love you too," Laura said hoping Carmilla would catch the hurt in her voice.
"Do you still actually cry over me?" Carmilla asked.
Laura sighed, "Yes, you're in my dreams." Laura looked at the people passed out around them, "I better get going."
"Laura," she looked back at her, "I fucking missed you," Carmilla said in a broken voice.
Laura pulled her into a hug and felt Carmilla sobbing, "Carm, it's ok. I missed you too." She felt her own tears come up. She debated with herself over the next words that came out of her mouth, "You want to stay with me tonight?"
"Please?" Carmilla asked.
"Come on," Laura said nudging her towards the door.
Carmilla wiped her eyes letting out a small laugh when Laura helped her with the tear streaks in her makeup.
They walked with a respective distance between each other until Laura got annoyed with Carmilla's sway in her drunken walk. She grabbed her hand and moved closer to her so they would keep the same pace. Laura felt at ease knowing Carmilla was by her side with her hand in hers. They walked in a comfortable silence until Laura broke it.
"Were you really going to ask me to marry you?"
"Yes," Carmilla let out a breath, "I actually had the ring with me at prom."
"Why didn't you ask me then?" Laura asked curious.
"I was scared since I believed you didn't want to marry me then since we were talking about the roommate situation. When I believed we were at a time where it was perfect you were wearing my jacket," Carmilla said with light smile.
"I had the ring?" Carmilla nodded, "you should've just told me to reach into your pocket."
"Why so we could've been a week away from a wedding and I bail because I was told you actually didn't love me?"
"Can we not talk about this when you're drunk? You probably won't even remember this conversation in the morning," Laura said annoyed.
"But I want to, Laura. I'm not that drunk," Carmilla defended herself.
"You can't even walk right," Laura let go of her hand as they got closer to the building. Carmilla let out a whine. "Really?"
"Your hand is warm."
"Sure, that's the only reason," Laura rolled her eyes and started up the stairs looking back at Carmilla who still hadn't stepped on the first step. "Carm, we're not standing out here all night."
"Are you sure you want me up there?" Carmilla asked in a small voice.
"Yes, now come on," Laura said.
Carmilla started up the stairs before tripping on the third step.
"You ok?" Laura asked helping her up.
"I'm fine, bruised, but fine."
They walked up the rest of the stairs to the third floor, Laura helping Carmilla not fall again. Carmilla laughed at how protective Laura became after her fall. Laura saying she didn't want a lawsuit but really meaning 'I don't want to see you hurt.' They made it into her apartment, Carmilla said it was perfect for her and said it was like her. Laura left her in the living room to go to the kitchen to get her a water bottle.
Laura came back to Carmilla staring at a picture from one of their dates, "You remember that day?"
"I nearly got kicked out of my house, so you took me out for a picnic then I bored you to sleep."
"You were soothing, I couldn't help it. You were running your hands through my hair and reading in a calm voice," Laura blushed slightly.
"Simpler times," Carmilla smiled before looking over at her.
"Here," she handed her the bottle, "I think I've got one of your old shirts stashed away somewhere."
"How? It's been three years, Laura."
"Lafontaine did a huge purge of your things, but I hid some. I had hope this was all just a misunderstanding. I also needed comfort," Laura said shyly.
Laura walked back to her bedroom with Carmilla right behind her. She found one of Carmilla's shirts under her own shirts in the bottom drawer and pulled out a pair of sweats and handed them to her. Carmilla stripped right there into the clothes making Laura blush.
"Don't act like you haven't seen it," Carmilla teased.
"I-I don't remember the tattoos," Laura stuttered. She couldn't lie, Laura thought Carmilla was hotter with them.
"Yeah, I got them after I left."
Laura turned and changed into her own sleep clothes. When she turned around she was surprised to see Carmilla in her bed. "Hey, I thought you would sleep on the couch."
"Please, can I sleep here? I want to know I was with you tonight," Carmilla pleaded. "I promise, just sleep, no funny business. There might be cuddling though."
Laura couldn't say no to the look on Carmilla's face. It was the soft look that she was only one to see. "Fine, but if I feel your hands in places they shouldn't be, you're out." Laura got in the other side of the bed. She felt herself immediately get pulled closer to Carmilla. She looked up to see the smile on her face.
"You want to know which one is my favorite tattoo?" Laura nodded. Carmilla moved her pants down a bit and on her hip was a tattoo of stars that Laura realized were in the shape of a cupcake, "I got it a month after leaving."
"It's just like you," Laura said looking back up at Carmilla.
They held each others' gaze for a bit before Laura realized she leaned in to kiss Carmilla. Laura moaned into it and felt Carmilla's stupid smirk form. They broke apart after a few seconds.
"Do you moan at every kiss?"
"I haven't really done anything like that in a while," Laura said a bit hurt that Carmilla had and a little giddy at the kiss.
"I haven't done it meaningfully in a while," Carmilla said before pecking Laura's lips, "I think we need to get some sleep."
"Yeah, we should," Laura said before turning off her lamp. She buried her face into Carmilla's neck hearing her steady heartbeat, "I love you."
"I love you too, Laura," Carmilla said sleepily.
For the first time in three years, Laura actually got to sleep peacefully.
Laura woke up to Carmilla stretching and heard all the pops from her bones. She heard the groan of a hangover and the panic at someone sleeping next to her. She also felt her trying not to wake her up as she slipped out of bed.
"Nice try," Laura said with her eyes still closed. She pulled Carmilla back down, "You're going to lay here for a little longer, drink water, and we will have a talk."
"Laura, I'm hung over. Let's not talk with me short tempered."
"We wouldn't have to if you would've talked to me three years ago," Laura said sending Lafontaine a text saying she was alive.
"Laura," Carmilla started.
"No, we're having a talk. I love you, Carmilla, and I damn well know you love me too." Carmilla looked at her wide eyed, "I know about the engagement ring too."
"What else did I tell you?"
"That you left me because Perry, who I'm having a talk with too, said I didn't love you and that you really missed me," Carmilla groaned. "I missed you too, and I'm upset with Perry too." Laura kissed her cheek before settling her head back against her chest, "You also showed me your star cupcake and said it was your favorite but not why."
"Isn't it obvious?" Carmilla let out a chuckle, "It's my two favorite things, you and the stars. I tore myself apart but couldn't leave you behind. I carried you on my body. In more than one place," Carmilla raised her left arm up showing the inside of her wrist. It had her initials, "I literally wore you on my sleeve because you're my heart."
"You're a sap, you know that right?" Laura said before kissing her again. She was enjoying so much that she didn't hear her front door open.
"Laur- Hey, get off her right now!" Lafontaine came into her room pulling Carmilla out of the bed. They got her out making Carmilla land on her arm.
"Fuck!" Carmilla cried out.
"Lafontaine, what did you do?" Laura yelled worried about Carmilla. "I was on top of her!"
"Laura, it's Carmilla, the girl who left you three years ago without notice!" Lafontaine yelled. Carmilla let out a moan of pain, "Shut it."
"She left because of Perry!" Lafontaine looked really confused. "Carm, are you ok?" Laura ran over to help her up.
"Fuck," Carmilla groaned when she moved it.
"It's broken," Lafontaine said feeling kind of bad, "What do you mean it's Perry's fault?"
"Perry told me that Laura didn't love me that she felt bad for me since I didn't have anyone," Carmilla said in anger.
"I'm sorry for breaking your arm, but that doesn't seem like Perry."
"Look, I was very vulnerable at the time she told me, so I believed anything I was told especially when I was insecure about it," Carmilla explained, "Now, can we take me to the hospital or something for my arm?"
"Yeah, sure," Laura said getting clothes out to get dressed. "Lafontaine, do you mind?"
"Sorry," they said before walking out.
Laura changed into her clothes before assisting Carmilla, "Hope you don't mind you pants from last night."
"I don't care if we go in what we're wearing right now," Carmilla said. She carefully moved her arms with Laura's help to take off her shirt. She let out another moan of pain when the sleeve of the shirt flicked her wrist.
"I'm sorry," Laura apologized.
"Don't be, just help me finish getting dressed," Carmilla said reaching for her bra, "This is disappointing. I like it better when we're undressing each other."
Laura let out a chuckle, "Of course you like that better." She snapped her bra in place and put the shirt over her head.
Carmilla was finally dressed and Laura started leading her out of the room, "Hey, Laura." Laura turned around slightly confused. "I do want to have an actual talk."
"We will, let's see your broken arm right now," Laura let out a smile. She wanted to hear those words.
Carmilla pulled her back into her arm, "I love you," she gave her a quick kiss.
"I love you too," Laura let out a smile, "Come on, you need to be told to take it easy."
They walked out to see Lafontaine staring at the floor on the couch. Laura grew concern for her friend now but felt like Carmilla was a bigger priority at the moment. She called out to them, "do you want to come with or stare at my floor?"
"I want to know why you two get to get back together and act like you're both in high school again with how happy you are and I'm still sitting around here conflicted with two people," they looked up at them. "It frustrates me because, Laura, you've spent the last three years of your life crying over her. Carmilla, you left her because someone told you that she didn't love you. People don't date each other for two and a half years without starting to fall in love. You two were the most sickening couple in the school!"
"Ok, look, I've never been in the best of places mentally. It's easy to manipulate a depressed teenager, my mother did it no problem. Perry was also one of your close friends and she was close to Laura too so forgive me for believing in her friends. Also, we're not back together. We're throwing the idea around and were planning on talking but you interrupted us before we could," Carmilla said pissed off.
Laura looked at her in shock. She couldn't believe Carmilla had admitted to being depressed. It was one of those things she had shared with Laura that was not to be spoken about away from them. "She's right; I might have cried over her for three years, but Perry was the one to break us up. I trust Carmilla, she wouldn't lie about something like this," Laura let out a sigh, "I'm taking Carmilla to a doctor, if you're coming with then let's go, if not then leave."
"Ok," Lafontaine said getting up, "I'll see you Monday." They walked out the door with an angry walk.
"Ok, now for the doctors," Laura said leading Carmilla to the door and downstairs to her car.
When in the car, Carmilla sat quietly while Laura drove, "You know I'm not going to bite you, right?"
"Do you want to rephrase your sentence?" Carmilla asked amused with Laura's slight blush.
"You're just being really quiet," Laura said.
"I don't know what to say, honestly. Once we get too deep into a conversation, we'll be there or in a fight."
"Ok, then let's not talk or worry about that right now," Laura said slightly feeling worried about Carmilla. She pulled all of her focus onto the road when Carmilla turned on the radio.
The doctor did confirm that Carmilla's arm was broken and the nurse had to fight back a laugh when she found out how it happened. Carmilla threw her a glare that shut her up. He got Carmilla into a cast, one that Laura urged her away from black and they playfully argued about it until Carmilla mentioned it was on her body not Laura's so she got a red one, and sent them home.
The ride home was nerve wrecking for both of them. They were even more on edge on the walk up the stairs. When they were back in Laura's apartment, Laura sat down on her couch waiting for Carmilla to say something. She didn't even know if she had her thoughts all in the right place. She wanted Carmilla to be her girlfriend again and forget the last three years happened. That was the problem, the last three years did happen and if you looked between the two, you would notice.
"Laura?" Carmilla asked pulling her from her thoughts.
"Yeah?"
"What's running through that head of yours?" Carmilla asked sitting down next to her.
"I want you, but I can't just forget that you just left me," Laura said, "I love you so much, but I can't just let those three years go. I waited and you never came back."
"I understand," Carmilla said in a sadden tone.
"How do you feel about this?" Laura asked, "Don't tell me what I want to hear."
"I'm disappointed," Laura wasn't surprised to hear that, "I was completely convinced that you didn't love me and then I find out you still love me, but you aren't interested in me anymore."
"Carm," Laura grabbed her face to look at her, "I love you, but I don't know if I can trust you not leaving me again. I just want some time."
Camilla sadly nodded at her, "I understand."
"This isn't a no, ok? I love you, you have to believe me. I just don't want to get attached and you bail."
"Ok, I love you too."
"We're having a talk with Perry though," Laura said.
"Ok, I'm going to go," Carmilla said, "Just let me know if you want to talk or hang out."
"Carm, you don't have to leave. You can tell me about what adventure you were on while I was here," Laura said. She wanted to know everything Carmilla had done. She wondered if she had found something that made her absolutely happy or made her feel at ease.
"I didn't do that much," Carmilla said scratching the back of her head.
Laura didn't believe her. She seemed different not in a negative way, but she didn't seem as tense as she was in high school. She also didn't smell of cigarettes and Laura was actually thankful for that. She hated Carmilla smoking but didn't push her to get rid of them, she just suggested for her to get rid of them.
"Come on, it's just me," Laura said hoping for just a little information.
"That's exactly why I don't want to tell you," Carmilla admitted. "What did you do?"
"School, work, and daughter duties?"
"Sounds exciting," Carmilla let out a small chuckle, "You didn't go out to find yourself?"
"I found myself with you."
"Laura," Carmilla groaned.
"I know, I shouldn't be saying anything like that, but you wanted to know about finding myself," Laura said looking away from Carmilla.
They sat in silence for a small amount of time enjoying each other's presence. It was interrupted by Carmilla's phone, "I've really got to go."
"Ok," Laura sighed in disappointment, "Please don't be afraid to call or text me."
"I'm not afraid," Carmilla said standing up, "Just unsure of things."
Laura got up and went to hug Carmilla. She felt relief when Carmilla wrapped her arms around her, but regret when Carmilla let go and headed out the door saying bye.
I literally have no idea where I'm going with this. I started it during class when I was suppose to be taking notes because I thought it was appropriate to write this in my bible class. I also needed a distraction from my shitty week (it wasn't The 100's fault for my week, but they contribute to the heartbreak). This was started off because of a song by Modern Baseball called Your Graduation because that song has become a hit between myself and friends.
So... We'll see how this goes. I'm making no promises out of this.
But like always, I hope you enjoyed and have a nice day. I also hope you get all the sunshine and rainbows your heart desires, or if you prefer something else then I hope you get that.
And... Farewell.