It was absurd.
It was absurd, and ridiculous, and utterly Tookish he would say, to be swept from his cosy Smial into the sprawling world with naught but thirteen strange dwarves and a meddling wizard at his side. He could feel it, he could feel his mother and every Took who lived before him laughing at him from beyond the Green hills, gasping for air and cackling as perfect, respectable Bilbo Baggins was upended from his comfortable life and thrown, quite literally, to the wargs.
It was an adventure, no doubt, that none of his fellow Shire-folk could ever hope to experience, complete with Stone Giants, the ethereal Elves and a particular Orc so vile that even Lobelia Sackville-Baggins would curl her lip in disgust and demand he apologise for making her witness his repulsiveness. The Took part of Bilbo was revelling in delight after facing down Azog, the Pale Orc on behalf of Thorin Oakenshield, the greatest dwarf Bilbo had ever known. Yes, he was arrogant and proud and even downright rude when he intruded in Bilbo's home that fateful night, but over the course of their travels he had come to like the dwarf, and he had begun to see past the bitter mask that was Thorin's defence and was alarmingly afraid of how much he fancied these parts of him.
It was all but cemented on that Carrock, as Thorin fiercely embraced Bilbo in front of the whole company, mind you, and apologised for his previous perception of the little hobbit. Bilbo sighed wistfully to the stars as he recalled the embrace, his first true display of acceptance from the company leader as his companions cheered for their success and lives in the background. It was all background noise to Bilbo, who could focus on nothing more than the strength of the dwarrow's arms and furs against his cheek, the steady rhythm of Thorin's heartbeat lulling his own to settle in the same pace.
Resting at the skin-changers ridiculously oversized house had given Bilbo plenty of time to rest and recuperate which, unfortunately, left a lot of time for thinking. He had sought out peace and quiet from the rambunctious celebration of his fellow companions, who were merry in spirit and vigorous in their reviving, settling upon the swaying grass in Beorn's garden, the faint buzzing of oversized bees a strangely soothing melody. His thoughts kept straying back to Thorin, which Bilbo considered highly unhealthy and unproductive because really, what good could come of such fancies? Even if they made it through the journey, even if they defeated Smaug and took back the mountain, and even if Thorin returned his feelings, where would that place him? He had no place in the dwarrow world, lest of all the mighty Kingdom of Erebor and by the King's side, no less. He sighed again as he felt his heart drop in his chest, the endless impossibilities gnawing at his mind. "You silly, silly Took," he whispered harshly, wrapping his arms around his knees.
"Why would you say such things to yourself?" The deep voice materialising from nowhere made the hobbit jump and squeak, wide eyes making contact with the cause of his dilemma. "Have you not already proven your worth to yourself?"
"It's not just a matter of tackling an Orc and plunging my letter-opener into it that proves ones worth." Bilbo stammered wildly, fingers now clenching at his pants.
Thorin hummed in response, settling himself gently beside Bilbo in the grass, as his injuries from the Pale Orc were still tender. "Then what other matter bothers you so? You have proven your willing heart and your courage, what more could plague your mind on this topic?" His queries were entirely sincere, Bilbo noted with dread, as he felt he could reply in no other manner than entire sincerity himself. He keenly felt his stomach drop to his hairy feet as his mouth grew dry and his heart began palpitating.
"Perhaps in matters of the dire and hopeless, I have shown such things, but regarding matters of the heart ," Bilbo, paused, wetting his lips and swallowing his fear, risking a glance at Thorin through the corner of his eyes, "I find that I am lacking the courage to give my heart to another, lest it be handed back in lesser condition than I gave it in."
Bilbo cringed inwardly as he saw a light flicker in Thorin's eyes, another hum escaping the dwarrow's throat. "This is no simple matter for Hobbits either, I now see, and despite the pain it is causing you I am gladdened, as I find I also lack this courage of which you speak and it gives me heart to know I would not be truly mistaken in this venture. Perhaps, then, it is not courage we both lack, but faith, in trusting what we have guarded with one who could easily destroy it."
"You make a fine point," Bilbo stuttered, surprised by this turn of discussion. Was Thorin implying… was he truly insinuating that he had… more than friendly feelings for me? "It makes one wonder if our situations are not needlessly complicated, and that an opening of hearts may lead us to happier times," he stammered quickly as Thorin inhaled sharply. Bilbo could slap himself – where was all this boldness coming from? Is it the starlight, the wind gently swaying through the grass and the feeling of good, healthy earth on my feet? Or is it the changing of my character… has this adventure truly changed me so quickly, in such a dramatic way? Gandalf did warn me… but I did not expect this!
"Ah, Bilbo, glad is my heart to know you feel as I do," Thorin smiled terrifically, blue eyes crinkling as he grasped the back of Bilbo's neck and gently pressed their foreheads together. Bilbo was beyond shocked, his mouth falling open as he felt the heat of Thorin's hand on his neck set a fire under his skin.
He's touching me.
Again.
Again?!
Does this mean…
"Do you mean it?" Bilbo whispered tentatively, his breath ghosting across Thorin's cheeks as he weakly grasped Thorins shirt in his numbing fingers. "Truly?"
He hated it, this uncertainty fluttering through his stomach. He felt ridiculous, as if this was some form of untoward prank, that a dwarf such as Thorin Oakenshield would even look his way… the way of a perfectly unrespectable bachelor hobbit. It was ludicrous!
"I confess I may not have been the most… welcoming towards you, and for that I apologize. But you have shown your heart and its worth to be a thousand of my own, treating me with such civility I did not deserve for the way I have behaved towards you, and by saving my life and choosing to stay with the company, with me, despite our abhorrent treatment."
"Bilbo Baggins, you are truly a remarkable creature, and I wish to express my desire to court you. Only if you find this acceptable, of course, otherwise I will respect your decision and bear you no ill will, and neither will the company."
Bilbo's heart hammered in his chest so rapidly he thought it may explode, his eyes clenched shut as Thorin gently drew away from their position, his rough, calloused hand softly sliding from his neck raising gooseflesh in its wake.
The midnight air was strangely still as Bilbo sat as still as the stone trolls, his mind whirling through the entirety of the unprecedented situation. He knew not how long he sat among the grass, the stars twinkling overheard in such a spattering he hadn't seen since he had stargazed in the Shire as a mere faunt. His heart was stuttering with nerves, as although he couldn't deny that he wanted Thorin, oh how he wanted, like a teen fauntling discovering just what was under his attractive neighbour's smallclothes, he couldn't bring himself to simply accept Thorin so blindly. He had feelings for him, he was sure, the kind that he had never felt before, but to give his heart so openly to Thorin was a daunting prospect, even moreso to consider how this would continue once they had reclaimed Erebor.
Thorin was trying awfully hard not to fidget, giving the hobbit all the time he required to come to a decision. He had been kneeling for so long his knees began a fierce sort of ache, the burn leading him to rock back onto his heels and attempt to stand.
"Wait!" The sudden movement shocked Bilbo out of his stupor, hands reaching out to pull the dwarf back to him in blind panic. Thorin stumbled forward, knees thudding against grass and dirt as he tumbled to the ground, his hands scraping earth as a dull ripping sound emanated from his pant leg.
"Oh sweet Yavanna, I am so sorry Thorin!" Bilbo squeaked, hands flying and patting the dwarf in an alarmed manner as Thorin attempted to right himself, Bilbo scrambling to assist the man in some way. "Oh dear, oh dear, I can patch that up right away I can assure you, just a little needle and thread and this will all be a silly memory –" Bilbo babbled onwards, staring at the rip in the fabric over Thorin's left knee in faint horror.
"Bilbo." Thorin gruffed, grabbing the hobbits surprisingly sturdy wrists and removing his hands from his leg. "I don't care about the damn trousers."
And that was it.
"Oh, confound it all," was his last thought as he lurched forward and closed the distance between his lips and Thorin's, faintly registering the strange prickling sensation of a beard scraping across his face as he finally, finally felt warm lips meet his own, his heart thudding so loud he was sure that all his distant relations could hear it back in the Shire. His hands reached up to grasp handfuls of Thorin's hair as Thorin's own reached for his neck and hips, their mouths slotting together just so as Bilbo's thoughts followed the litany of oh, oh, oh, and he was certain he had never been so exhilarated in all his life.
A swift clearing of the throat broke the two apart, Bilbo with a particularly undignified squeak as Dwalin stood at the absurdly large door of the house, an uninterpretable glint in his eyes. "Just thought I should remind ye of the skin-changers warning to not be outside in the dark… lest something unsavoury should befall the pair of you." Dwalin turned to depart, knuckle-dusters glinting under the firelight from the torches mounted on the porch walls, pausing as he looked over his shoulder to Thorin. "Also, congratulations, I'm sure Nori will be glad to know that he now owes half the company their winnings."
Bilbo was sure he would be having a conversation about privacy with certain members of the company… after certain events with a certain dwarf that would, of course, be kept strictly confidential.