Author's Note: Well, this is my humourous fanfic. It contains a splash of Sandle and Grillows. It's a really random story. Just had to publish it, I couldn't help myself. I hope you enjoy it, or at least get some kind of enjoyment from it. Please Read and Review.
Summary: Gil's loses his "babies" and Ecklie goes to help find them. Through in some Ethel Merman, Cheetarah, and Margaritas and you've got yourself an insanely weird story.
Rated T for swearing, suggestive language, and the mention of Plushies conventions
Disclaimer: I own nothing, abso-frickin-lutely nothin! Never will I own it unless Tony Zuiker hands it to me on a 14karat white gold plate.
The Tribe Has Spoken
The two abominations lay disgustingly on the bed; it had been obvious that they had not been cleansed in quite some time. She stood in the room, glaring menacingly and with disgust at them; something had to be done about those two. Taking out her cellphone, she hit the redial button, and waited for an answer, "Sara? Yeah, it's Cath. I finally found 'em. Call the others; It's goin' down tonight."
xxxx
He had looked high and low, deep and wide, in the light and the dark; nothing. Everywhere he had looked, but still to no avail. He started to think that all hope was lost and he would never see them again.
Now, as he sat in his office, a tear slowly trickled down his cheek; Those two were the only long- term relationships he ever had in his entire life, before she came along. Their existence had so much emotional baggage, if gone forever, he knew not what would become of himself.
What was he thinking? Sitting there and moping would do nothing; It was time to take action into his own hands!
"ECKLIE!" his yell reverberated through out the entire lab.
The giant nerd stomped into his co-worker's office, "Dammit, Gil! What the hell do you think you're doing, deafening the entire lab?!"
The entomologist just smiled, "Sit, Conrad; We need to speak."
"Um...Okay...Gil, are you on any meds?"
"Only the ones my doctor and Cath give me."
Conrad frowned at this; he, although his hatred of Gil was quite pungent, still worried about the guy," Okay, So...what did you wanna talk about?"
"My babies are missing."
"Excuse me?"
"My babies, not the bug ones, mind you, but the other ones."
"You mean the ones that involve a Brazilian Pygmie Hybrid and your Nanny Mildred?"
"How did you know?! Did you torture Catherine? Dammit, Conrad, how could you?!"
"Gil," He softened his voice, "Cath and I talk during break sometimes. It's okay, conversation between two human beings is perfectly normal." Especially when it is between me and that saucy woman, whoo! He said to himself, secretly wishing he had an eighth of Gilbert Grissom's charm towards women.
"Okay, fine, I'll believe you...for now." Gil looked at him suspiciously, eventhough he knew that Conrad Ecklie would never stand a chance with Catherine, let alone Cheetarah from Thundercats and she wasn't even real. He continued , " I need you, Con, to help me find my babies."
"Why? Why me? Why not one of your Graveshift cronies?"
Grissom huffed, " Because, Ecklie, they are missing and WE MUST INVESTIGATE! Also, my guys are under suspicion, and I need someone who isn't. AND, you owe me money from your splurge from the Plushie's convention last year. Dare I tell the lab your secret obsession, 'Piglet'?"
Conrad Ecklie's Face turned a deep crimson from embarassment and anger, "I hate you!"
"So, you'll help me?"
"Mmm...Yeah...But I better get paid overtime."
"Not happening; we're taking the rest of the day off for this."
"Dammit!"
xxxx
Sara, Greg, Nick and Warick were in the meeting room, sitting at the large table located in the center of it. Sitting at the head of the table, Sara looked to her comrades, " I know this is last minute, guys, but we need to get it all done tonight; Grissom's getting suspicious, and he's using Ecklie as a bloodhound. Since we're clocking out early, we need to get some supplies and get to work. Catherine and I are taking care of the food at her house. Greg, you're getting the firewood..."
Greg spit out his coffee in surprise, "What the hell, I can't even lift firewood. Come on, Sar! Can't I just buy the costumes or something?"
She sighed, "How about this, Greg; you and Warrick and go get the costumes and paint, and afterward, he can help you carry firewood. Is that okay with you, Rick?"
"Not a problem," he replied, "But Greg's payin' for the gas; his Pinto couldn't haul a damn twig, let alone a log. We're gonna be taking my Dodge. How much wood you need?"
"Enough to make a bonfire."
"I can do that."
"Thanks, Warrick," she turned to Nick," You know what to bring right, Nicky?"
"Yup," he smiled, "You want me to bring the blender and ice too?"
"Why not? Okay, off you go guys. We've got some major work to do." Sara and Nick soon left, leaving Greg looking towards Warrick.
"Hey, War?"
"Yeah, Greggo?"
"Why the hell does Nick need a frickin' blender?"
"He's bringin' the party, man. That's the most important part," Warrick shook his head and sighed at his younger friend's naivte towards partying.
xxxx
They had looked everywhere; Saver's, Goodwill, St. Vincent D'Paul and every other thrift store in Vegas. He was tired and getting kinda cranky. Gil, however, was the stalwart of the entire expedition; tireless, cheery, and determined, he never once gave up hope in finding his two beloveds. Conrad was sick of it.
"Gil," he said, both standing in the middle of Sally's Dime Store to his counterpart, "I don't think we'll find them here."
The entomologist turned to him, eyes intense and mouth taut, "What are you saying? That we should give up?!"
"No, I'm saying that it's highly unlikely that we'll even find your things at any store, even this one, in all of Vegas."
"They're not 'things', Conrad; they're my BABIES!" Gil seethed, "They are as dear and near to me as your Piglet costume is to you!"
"Shh!" warned Conrad, "NEVER EVER MENTION MY PREDILECTION TOWARDS PLUSHIES IN PUBLIC!" he took a deep breath, and smoothed out his shirt nervously as the other people around him stared with shock. He look to the other man, "Gil, did you even ask your girlfriend where your thi...I mean...your 'babies' were?"
The entemologist's face went to an emotionless blank, and a look of sheepishness swept his face soon afterward, "Umm...actually, no. I guess we should go and ask her then, huh?"
"Oh My God!" he exclaimed. Conrad put his hands through what hair he had left and yanked, Why God, why? Why did I have to work with such an emotionally and socially impaired man?! I know he's some kind of genius, but COME ON! There's only so much a normal person like myself can take! He took a deep breath and shakily said to Grissom, "Get into the Denali, Gil."
"Why? Where are we going? I thought..."
"GET YOUR BIG BUTT INTO THE DENALI, GIL! WE'RE GOING TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S!"
"Okay, Okay! Sheesh...someone's touchy. Is it that time the month for you?"
"Shuttup, and get into the car, NOW."
"...Fine.."
xxxx
Flames licked the huge pile of wood as they reached up into the night sky. Everyone there dressed in grass skirts and tanks, their faces coverd in tribal paint, with mixed drinks in hand. Catherine's backyard had been transformed from a suburban nightmare into a fab tribal meeting grounds combined with a few makeshift tiki huts comprised of old blankets, pool sticks, umbrellas, and broomsticks.
Sara and Greg, both of their faces covered in red and blue tribal war paint, held eachother's hands as they pranced drunkenly around the bonfire, singing, "Hooked on A Feelin'". Greg stopped mid, "Ooga Chaka! Ooga Chaka!" and kissed Sara rather clumsily,
"I love you, Sara! You're so cool!" he slurred loudly.
She giggled, "I love you too, Steve!"
"Who's Steve?" Before he could get an answer, she had dragged him underneath Cath's deck with a blanket, both giggling noisily.
Warrick walked over to Nick's mini bar, where Nick and Archie stood talking to eachother (Nick was the unofficial bartender, and the bar was made of golf clubs, duct tape, curtains, and an ironing board), "Dude, what the hell did you put in Greg and Sara's drink? They didn't even finish their first margaritas!"
The texan grinned evilly, "Old Texan secret."
Archie looked at him disbelievingly, "You are so full of crap. My mom tells everybody that about her meatloaf; it's just tabasco sauce."
Nick frowned, "Hey! I don't use tabasco! It's a whiskey and tequila cocktail." Taking out a half emptied gallon jug from under the ironing board, he waved it in front of them, "See!"
Warrick's jaw dropped, "Shit, man! You've only made a few margaritas. Have you been drinkin' most of that?"
"No, I put most of it in Hodges' Long Island Tea," Nick sniggered, then looked towards Catherine's giggle-filled deck, he sighed hopefully, "I'm so glad I got those two wasted; I've always wanted Greggo and Sara to get together. They're gonna make some really cute babies!"
Warrick and Archie shook their heads and walked off slowly towards Hodges, who was by now, completely wasted and doing a very bad impersonation of Ethel Merman in front of Henry, Bobby, Mandy, and Wendy.
"What?!, " Nick exclaimed, "Is it that bad to be a friggin' romantic Honestly, you guys?!"
Catherine stepped out from her kitchen's sliding doors, dressed in a tight black tank top and short mini grass skirt and flip-flops. Her hair was pulled up in a clamp, and her face glowed with excitement. In her arms; Gil Grissom's Ugly Ass Tropical Shirt he had gotten from Brazilian Pygmie in the middle of a rainforest. She raised the decaying garment up into the air, her voice loud and filled with purpose, "IT IS TIME FOR THIS BABY TO BURN! WHO'S WITH ME?!"
The drunked crowd cheered, (except Nick; he wasn't drunk. He just got a kick out of seeing his friend co-workers acting like drunken idiots.) While they cheered, Nick took out his camcorder, and began recording the event.
Greg poked his head out from the deck, Sara's bra hanging from his neck, "Oooo! I wanna help!" But he was soon yanked back under deck.
xxxx
"Catherine? Lindsay?" Gil called out as he walked through his girlfriend's house, "Are you guys there?"
"Hey, Gil?" he heard Conrad yell, "You need to come out to the kitchen."
"Why?"
"You'll see." Gil walked slowly out into his girlfriend's kitchen. Ecklie stared out the sliding doors, his mouth in a startled "O".
He walked over beside Ecklie, and soon saw the horror of what Ecklie beheld; Catherine had his favorite shirt raised in her hands...near a bonfire.
"NOOO!" he screamed, pushing Eckile from the door. He opened the door, and ran to Catherine, "Don't do it, Cath, don't do it!"
She looked back at him, smiling, "I...have...to...Gil."
The crowd chanted loudly, "Down with the shirt! Down with hawaiian prints! Down with teal! Down with the shirt!"
"Noooo!" he screamed once more, and reached for them. But it was too late; she had tossed it into the great firepit. He dropped to his knees, defeated.
Catherine knelt by his side, "Gil, let's face it; it had mold and bacteria on it. Who knows what kind of deadly disease lay in it. It had to go, baby."
He looked into her eyes and whimpered, "Okay, but only because it was diseased...What about my Nanna Mildred's Straw hat?"
"Uhh..." she began to grit her teeth, "Well, Gil...I..uhh..Gave it to Lindsay. She really likes it. She tied a pink ribbon on it and wore it for a friend's party. I gotta tell you, babe, she looks quite pretty in it."
"You gave it to Linds? Well, as long as she's got, it's fine. Better she keep it if she looks better in it than me, I guess." he smiled reluctantly and kissed her, "So, uh, where's the drinks?"
Nick ran up to them, two margaritas in hand, "Here you go guys, enjoy." Then walked over to Warrick and the rest of the group, who had now emersed themselves in fully enjoying David Hodges as a bumbling drunk, who thought he could actually do stand-up comedy now.
Just as the two were to take a sip off of their margaritas, Ecklie walked over to Gil, flustered and disgruntled, taking his margarita, "Gimme that! If I can't get paid, the least I can do is get smashed!" He guzzled the drink in one gulp. The drink, having almost instantly gone through his blood, caused him to fall flat on his ass after taking his first step towards the group formed by Hodges, or shall I say Ethel Merman, stand-up comedian.
"It's getting really dizzy in here..." he slurred before passing out on the lawn.
Gil looked to Catherine, "That bastard drank my margarita!"
Grinning, she took his hand, "It's okay, Gil, we can always share."
His eyebrows raised mischieviously, "I know something better we can share." She laughed as he grabbed her hand, both running towards her bedroom.
Well, what do you guys think? Random? Insane? Amusing? Please let me know! Reviews help! This is an intended one shot, but if you want more, let me know. Thanks!