HERE THERE BE SPOILERS for "Crisis on Umbara". Don't read this until you've played the flashpoint.
If you have played it and know what I'm talking about, I'm so, so sorry.
I recommend reading "Last Hope" and "Outtakes From Odessen" before this, possibly "Winter Fete" to get the full context of Clan Taerich's involvement with all of this.
He's gone.
Odessen had never felt so cold as it did then, even during the worst parts of the winter season. The echoes of her booted, stumbling feet on the stone ground rang in her ears.
He's gone.
Normally there would have been a flurry of motion upon the Alliance Commander's return to the base. But now people stopped and turned at the two women and one man walking out of the shuttle they'd stolen off of Umbara. Looking at the empty space where another man should have been. She could hear the whispers already as questions circulated. Where is he? Why does she look like she got shot? Is he dead? Had the message she'd sent out on the flight back from Umbara already circulated to here?
He's gone.
The Alliance is rotting from the inside out… you've become a symbol of oppression… She would have done almost anything to get the echoes of his voice out of her head. She almost would have rather had Valkorion back in her head. At least his had never been a voice she'd loved. He hadn't betrayed her.
He's gone.
Lana tried to speak, but Xaja didn't want to hear the Sith's empty platitudes and apologies for not knowing this was coming. With a muted wave of her hand, the redhead gestured for the blonde to stand down. "Take my brother to medical," she quietly said, and was proud of her voice for not breaking. "Get yourself checked out as well."
"... Yes, Commander." Lana sounded far more quiet and subdued than anyone might have ordinarily guessed her to be capable of. "Come along, Captain."
"Yeah, okay." Korin paused to squeeze Xaja's shoulder. "I'm… I'm sorry, Xaj. He was my best friend- this hurts all of us, you most of all. We're here if you need someone to talk to… or scream at, or beat up, or whatever."
Her brother meant well, but none of the available options currently on Odessen or Zakuul were the ones she wanted to talk to. There was only one person she wanted to speak with.
He's gone.
Word spread quickly through the Alliance gossip chains. As Xaja walked unseeingly through the base, people cleared out of her path, their stares drilling holes in her armoured tunics. How did she not see that coming? Why did he do that to her? Is this a ruse? She was monitoring all of us for that sleemo? Weren't they married? What about their kid? Is she single now? (That last one nearly made her whip around and decapitate the asker. The reminder that she was not Vaylin and would sooner swear loyalty to the Sith Empire than ever do things reminiscent of Vaylin was the only thing that stopped her.)
You're a symbol of oppression.
Their- no, her- quarters were the most secure location on Odessen, with constant monitoring and Z0-0M typically stationed outside the door like she was now. But he know how to get past all of that. This wasn't safe anymore. Was he spying on the security cams of the base via his implants? Watching her right now? "Master Xaja!" the one-time Shroud excitedly said as the former Jedi appeared in the corridor. "Oh, it's a delight to see you again! Little Daenril has been so terribly cranky without you or Agent Theron here! Where is Agent Theron?"
"Enough, Zeeyo," Xaja numbly said as she mechanically palmed open the door. He'd known all the passcodes and security measures in the base- they'd have to change things up drastically for her protection to make sure he couldn't come back and finish what he started on Umbara. "The base is now on red alert security measures. Please take all appropriate measures. If Theron Shan is seen, apprehend on sight. My son is now the highest protection priority."
"Oh." Even Zeeyo could pick up Xaja's mood. "Okay, Master Xaja! No harm will come to Daenril while HK and I are around!"
"Good. Where is my son?"
"He's still with your father!"
"Thank you. Don't let anyone disturb me." Not lingering to hear the droid's chipper acknowledgement, Xaja palmed the door open and slipped into the dim, mercifully quiet room.
Immediately the heartbreak came back to strike her in the chest, making her crumple to her knees on the floor. Everything in this room felt like Theron- the spare jacket he'd left tossed over the couch, a motley collection of datapads and extra slicing gear strewn across the desk from where he'd been trying to teach her how to do his job (it hadn't been a great success, half because the lessons had been interrupted with kisses and touches, and half because their son had woken up from his nap and squalled for attention right about the point that clothes had started coming off...), the container of caf that he preferred over what the cantina typically served just visible inside the storage cabinet.
The first sob she'd fought to hold down all through the walk through the base finally jolted itself out of her chest. Then another. The sound that escaped her throat wasn't a sound that a Jedi Master or the Alliance Commander or the technically-Empress-who-stubbornly-refused-to-be-acknowledged-as-such should have ever made- it was a sound reserved for a woman who'd just been broken in the deepest, most intimate way.
You said you loved me! Was that a lie too? What about our son?
You know I love you, but this is bigger than both of us. Our son will be better off without me.
You won't feel a thing.
Thirty seconds to impact. Goodbye, Xa- Commander.
She heard muffled shouting from beyond the door and something that sounded like "swear to the Force, Zeeyo, if you don't let me by I will reprogram you into a protocol droid!", but didn't bother getting up to investigate. It wasn't worth it. None of it had been worth it. He's gone. He betrayed me. Why? This hurts so much! What did I do wrong? Why? Theron, why?
The door slid open and a figure ran into the room despite Zeeyo's protesting squawk, dropping to his knees in front of Xaja. "Oh, sweetheart," Reanden whispered as he grabbed her shoulders. "Look at me, baby. I'm right here. I've got you, honey. I'm so sorry…"
"Daddy…" Xaja fell forward into her father's arms, bitterly weeping into his shoulder. "Daddy, he was the traitor all along! He said he loved me, but he shot Lana and Korin and nearly killed all three of us and started the war on Iokath and I don't know what I'm going to do!" Some part of her, the part that was a Jedi tightly attuned to the Force, felt disbelief and horror and a rapidly-building fury radiating from her father. "Why did he do this? He said he loved me! He-!"
"Lana told me." Reanden's arms tightened around the redhead's back. "Oh, sweetheart… I'm so sorry, baby girl." Xaja felt a kiss pressed to the side of her hair as her father held her tightly. "Shh. We're going to track him down and make him answer for this, okay? Where is he?"
"I don't know. He stranded us on Umbara and stole the shuttle and part of the adegan crystal shipment, and we've got no idea where he could be. Dad, he left us to die. He tried to kill me!"
"And I told him before he married you that if he ever hurt you, I'd skin him alive and get Sorand to make sure he stayed alive for the entire process." Reanden's voice was a growl as he slowly stood up, pulling his broken daughter up with him. "Shh, sweetie. C'mere." Xaja felt herself being led over to the couch and sat down. Theron's jacket was picked up and thrown unceremoniously somewhere on the other side of the table, out of sight, but not out of mind. For a second, Reanden was gone, and Xaja felt panic choke her- then there was the sound of rustling about in the tiny kitchen unit, liquid being poured, and then an old ceramic mug was being pushed into her shaking hands, the aroma of tea wafting from the hot liquid inside.
"I'm not going anywhere, baby girl." The couch shifted as Reanden sat down beside her, wrapping his arms around her thin shoulders. "Tell me everything, sweetie. I need to know everything you can remember before I go make him wish I was going to just kill him."
"This doesn't make sense." Reanden stroked Xaja's long, tangled hair away from her face as he frowned in thought. "That's not something he'd do."
"But it was him. I could feel him in the Force, and it was really him." Xaja scrubbed at her red eyes with the kerchief her father had put in her hand some time ago. "I thought he loved me, and Daenril too. Was it all a lie?" Panic made her jolt upward. "Where's Daenril?!"
"He's safe. Sorand has him and I expect by now either Lana or Senya have put themselves on his personal protection detail. None of them will let any harm come to him." Reanden pulled Xaja back down and kissed her forehead. "I can't say for certain, but it sounds like there's something we're missing."
"All the clues that were sitting in front of my face the entire time," Xaja bitterly said.
"Maybe, sweetheart. The base is in alert status and we'll treat Theron as a traitor if he's found- I'm already modifying patrol routes and passcodes. If we need to, we'll move you and Daenril somewhere safe where he can't reach either of you. But I don't think he was trying to kill you, and I don't think he'll try to come after your son."
"Dad, he rigged the train to crash so Lana and I would die! He shot Lana and Korin and tried to shoot me!"
"With a stun bolt. I saw the impact marks on Lana and Korin's gear, and I think we both know the Umbarans and Imps wouldn't have been shooting stuns at you. Even if he'd missed you and Lana, he had ample opportunity to kill Korin on the shuttle before fleeing. Why only stun your brother and leave him his own blasters when he dragged Korin out of the shuttle and stole it? Why shoot out the window of the train so you and Lana could escape?"
"He was shooting at me and missed because I moved," Xaja numbly answered.
"Possible, but it still doesn't explain the stun rounds and the fact that he spared Korin's life when it would have been easier and more logical to kill him. If he'd wanted to kill you, he wouldn't have told you his plan to crash the train so you would have had time to escape."
"He wanted to see me panic."
"Okay, then why did he only take some of the adegan crystals? I saw the shipment numbers and what you and Lana retrieved. He could have taken far more than he did."
"... Maybe he was getting shot at by Umbarans and didn't have time to grab more."
"That didn't stop you and Lana from retrieving most of the shipment."
"We're both Force-users, he's not, at least I don't think he is. I don't know, maybe he just wants to taunt me." Xaja abruptly stood up from the couch and paced back and forth. Her shoulders and side felt so cold without her father's comforting touch, but it was nothing compared to the ice shards that had once been her heart. "He called me a symbol of oppression and said… he said as long as I was in charge there'd always be war, and he said that if a few million people died so there would be peace, it was worth it!"
"That is definitely not the Theron Shan I know. The man you married once got into a shouting match with his father and his boss over letting Ruan burn to keep the black cipher decryption a secret- please don't ask me how I know about that. It's not his style to risk innocent lives to get a job done." Reanden leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "There's three possibilities I see here, baby girl."
"What are those?"
"The first one is that we've been lied to for years and Theron's a far better spy than I'm ever going to be, in which case I'll tip my hat to him before I kill him for betraying you." Reanden brought his fingers up to tap at his chin. "Option two… there are certain groups who can… strongly affect the minds of others. I know Imperial Intelligence used a form of… chemical mind control that the SIS picked up, and Force knows if anyone else has figured that out." Something in his Force-presence shifted, and Xaja felt the sharp, nauseating stench of old terror radiating from her father. The same fear Lana says she feels from you whenever anyone mentions carbonite around you… "It's… not out of the realm of possibility that Theron might have been the victim of some sort of mental conditioning, and if he's been given a command to betray and kill you, he's fighting it tooth and nail to try and save you. Could be SIS, could be something from the Revanites, maybe..."
That idea made Xaja pause in thought. "But what he said… he sounded so sure of himself on the train, and before. Wouldn't any orders to kill me under mental control have made him kill me here? Besides, he's Jedi trained."
"We both had similar training to keep Force-users out of our heads. That didn't make a difference for mental conditioning for me." Reanden looked down and away- Xaja watched his hands clench into fists as he fought for composure. She'd never known what exactly it had been that had made him betray Imperial Intelligence and work for the SIS as a double agent- he'd always said it had been her mother. But if the Empire had kriffed with his brain like what he was describing…
"Daddy?" she whispered.
Reanden looked back up and forced a small smile, forcing the pain and fear in his eyes back down. "Sorry, little one. I'm okay now. The third option is that he's found a lead to whoever tried to kill you on Iokath, and being the reckless idiot that he is, decided the best plan would be to get in with them to take them down from the inside- and any good infiltrator needs a solid cover story. He's a spy- it's what he does best. Maybe someone was listening in when he told you why he was leaving you."
Words came unbidden to Xaja's mind, words spoken in Theron's voice. You know I'd do anything to protect you, right? I love you too, but this is bigger than both of us. His voice on the train had said cold, cruel words, but his eyes betrayed something else..."Why wouldn't he tell me?" she whispered brokenly.
"Because you're a terrible liar, sweetheart. If my theory's right and Theron is going undercover, he needed you to have a convincing reaction."
A double agent. He had the skill to do so, but for kriff's sake their son was only a year and a couple of months old. Why like this? I don't believe you. What about our son?
I'd do anything to protect you.
You know I love you.
Had he been planning this all along? Was that what his surprisingly-touching words had meant in the staging area before the four of them had taken off for Umbara? Had he given her that long, lingering kiss with the knowledge that he was going to break her heart in only a few hours' time? The small circle of metal on her left hand weighed heavily on her finger, glinting in the dim light, almost as heavy as the crystal necklace he'd given her for their first Winter Fete on Odessen. She'd never taken the pendant off. "I don't know what to do," she whispered.
"Okay. We'll act under the assumption that he's actually the Hutt-spawned son of a schutta that your youngest brother currently thinks he is, but hope that he's working for your benefit, wherever he is." Reanden stood up and came around the table to hold Xaja's thin shoulders. "Lana tells me she's got people looking for Satele Shan, and we're going to sit Jace Malcom down for a long chat to figure out what he knows. Theron knows most of our intel, but he's never gone up directly against me before. I should be able to scramble systems here so what he has will, for the most part, be useless. Bey'wan and Hylo are already coordinating to get people out looking for him, and it wouldn't surprise me if Sana-Re is using some sort of Force-thing with her Enclave to find him. And Shae Vizla would probably be delighted to get her people out looking for him too. One way or another, we'll track him down and bring him home- alive, so he can give you some damn answers."
"And if he is trying to kill me and Daenril? What if someone else here is working with him?" Xaja felt the panic rearing back up to choke her again. "Who can I trust?"
"Shhh, little one. Take a deep breath." Xaja felt her father brush a thumb over her cheekbone. "And another one. There's my girl. I know Theron hurt you, no matter what his end game is, but I need you to think hard. Is there anyone else you feel like you can trust, regardless of what he did to you?"
She'd trusted Theron more than anyone else- she'd shared her secrets with him (and she'd thought he'd shared his back with her!). She'd shared her bed and her body with him. He'd known everything about her, from the tiniest scars she had to where she was ticklish to all of the things that made her wake up screaming in the middle of the night. But if he'd been able to betray her like this… Lana had been steadfast since she'd rescued Xaja from Zakuul years ago, but she hadn't supported Xaja's decision to side with the Republic on Iokath over the Empire. I did that so Theron wouldn't have to go up against his father! What would it take for Lana to leave and follow Theron's footsteps? What if Korin, still a gambler and a career criminal at heart, found a lure that took him away from Odessen too? What if Sorand decided it was time for Darth Imperius to return and fill the void in the Empire that Acina's death had left? Did her youngest brother secretly still blame her for the death of his wife almost two years ago at Vaylin's hands? What if Arcann, despite his swearing of loyalty oaths to her, decided he missed having control over the Eternal Fleet and-
"First line of the Jedi Code, honey. Breathe and then tell me it."
Instincts that had been drilled into Xaja from the tender age of five years old had her mouth moving despite her brain being disengaged. "There… is no emotion, there is- there is peace…"
"Good girl. You're okay. I've got you."
Dad. Dad was Imperial Intelligence, but he rescued you from Vitiate years ago. Didn't he get the intel that let Lana rescue you from the Spire? "I… I think I trust you?"
"Okay. Thank you, little one, that means a lot." Reanden reached to rub a knot between Xaja's shoulders. "Is there anyone else?"
"... Tee-Seven?"
"That little guy's been with you since you were a Padawan, right? I don't think he could be re-programmed to go against you even if someone tried. Never seen a droid so loyal before." Reanden smiled. "You've had Rusk working with you for years too. Do you trust him?"
Rusk had fought at her side for years before the Revanite incident that had brought her and Theron together in the first place. He'd been the one she'd trusted to go with her for that first ill-fated attack on the Emperor's battle station. Even when he'd vehemently disagreed with her decisions, he still backed her in the end. "I think so."
"Good. That's a good start." Xaja felt her father kiss her forehead. "You've just had your trust in most, if not all, of your command crew and followers shattered. I don't blame you for being scared. But we're not going anywhere. We're staying and fighting with you, and one way or another we'll get answers, even if I have to wring them out of Theron Shan's neck myself. Okay?"
"Okay, Dad."
"There's my girl." Reanden glanced around the room, his gaze critical. "He knows how to get in here too easily. I'll talk to Lana or Senya about re-programming the locks for their quarters and moving you and Daenril there, at least temporarily. If we have to move you two back to the Spire, then we have to move you. I am not letting the worst-case-scenario happen with either of you."
Xaja just numbly nodded as her father started making emergency plans for the protection of herself and her son. Maybe Theron was doing this to protect her, but all she could think about was how cold his voice had been on Umbara, colder than the wind that had cut through her damaged tunics.
This isn't over, Theron!
No, this is just the beginning!
Sorand had finally taken his leave from the medical wing, cradling a thoroughly-upset Daenril Shan against his chest and seeking out Senya, presumably to arrange protection for the toddler and his mother. Korin leaned back against the wall above his medical cot and sighed as he watched his brother leave, the memory of Sorand's normally-brown eyes glowing sulphuric yellow haunting him. "He might kill Theron anyway if he finds him first, no matter what we or Xaja say."
"If your father doesn't, or Arcann. Reanden might keep a calm head and figure out the plan, but Arcann takes these sorts of things very seriously. He'll be furious." Lana raked a hand through her blonde locks. "He's made contact?"
"And passed initiation with that whole fiasco, apparently." Korin tapped at the discrete implant hidden under his hair, one that looked to have taken inspiration from Theron's own cybernetics. One tiny comm in his ear, and one overlay wired over his left eye. It had helped so much during his time as Theron's pesudo-protege during the five years of occupation under Zakuul, and now it was set to get the workout of its life with Korin's mentor's staged defection. "Can you tell how she's doing? He wants to know."
Lana closed her amber eyes. "... She's devastated. She's fallen for it completely. Even when Theron finishes his mission and returns, I don't think he'll be able to fully restore himself to her good graces."
Korin blinked the message over the secure, tightly-encrypted channel to Theron, and sighed when the other man didn't immediately respond. "If we'd known she'd react this badly, I don't think he would have agreed to do it."
"And we both know there wasn't another option. I'm not as good in the field as Theron, and and the kinship laws of your homeworld…"
"Yeah, I know, same reason we couldn't have asked my father to do it. Theron's the only one who could have pulled off a convincing act like that."
"Mmm. How's the head?"
"Hurts, but ain't exploding. Of all the places he coulda shot me with that stun bolt, why the back of my skull?"
"Maybe he was worried about whoever may have been listening in. At least he was able to get you that intel about the extra shuttle we could steal."
Korin nodded, then blinked his way through the overlay as Theron finally responded. Saw her message. Will respond to her soon. You're still Plan Besh if I fail. Tell her I'm sorry. I love them both. Protect them for me.
"What does he have to say?" Lana asked, recognizing Korin's blinks.
The smuggler-turned-spy ran his hand over his face. "He saw that HoloNet broadcast she sent out. He's gonna send her a response as soon as he can, but for now we keep to the plan. And he kriffing hates it."
"Understood." Lana shook her head. "I hope he knows what he's doing." The blonde Sith sighed. "She's going to hate all three of us for doing this to her, no matter what the end result will be."
Korin relayed the message back across to Theron. Dead-drop locations are ready to go. Stay safe, brother. Lana says she hopes you know what you're doing.
Theron's answer came back seconds later. Me too. Be careful.
Four days later, Xaja stared in mute horror at the small white stick in her hand as she crumpled on the floor of her refresher in her secure quarters on Zakuul. Three weeks along? Oh no. No no no no. This can't be happening. How can I protect this little one and Daenril too?
Moments later, she rested her hand protectively on her still-flat stomach, resolve steeling her gaze. If he has really turned, he can't target what he doesn't know about. Your father will never learn of your existence, little one. I'll keep you and your brother safe, no matter what.
I'm stubbornly in the camp that believes Theron's being all double-agenty in that flashpoint, and Lana's totally in on it. Naturally, Korin's in on it too, and Reanden's guessed it fast. But poor emotionally-compromised Xaja...
Also, a giant KRIFF YOU to BioWare for taking away my favourite companion for at least the foreseeable future and curb-stomping my feels in the process. That is all.