Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED/ Destiny.
Maybe, Just Maybe
29th of October, C.E. 75
She's never hesitated like this before. Her hand was a few inches from the phone, shaking nervously. She gave a deep sigh and retracted her hand and held her pen tighter than ever, her writing embedded deep into the paper with force and reluctance.
An hour later, her gaze swept to the phone again. She bit her lip, feeling the copper taste of her blood. She dropped the pen and told herself to get on with it. It was just a birthday greeting to a fellow friend.
Maybe not even friend, just comrade.
Yes, that would give her the excuse she needed.
Comrade.
A comrade would know another one's birthday, right?
Fine, a close comrade then.
She sighed and dialed, gripping the phone tightly, pressing it against her ear. She could hear the ringing. Once, twice, thrice…the rhythm was repetitive. And she didn't know whether or not she was happier that she got his answering machine instead of his voice.
She took that as an omen that this year wasn't the year to greet him.
She then immediately slammed the phone down, gasping, panting, and feeling her heart beat out of her chest.
She brought a hand to her face, feeling the mist in her eyes. And she sobbed uncontrollably.
"I couldn't even get a birthday greeting right."
xXx
9th of August, C.E. 76
It was a coincidence, or at least, she wanted to think it was.
Their eyes met from the far ends of the ballroom. They were both holding a glass of champagne. The soft music serenading the hall was like a background to them. And the people passing through them were like translucent shadows.
He shrugged, a small smile gracing his lips.
She forced a smile back.
She came alone to the PLANTs' current chairman's birthday ball. He came alone too, she noticed.
She knew it wasn't right for her to think so, but she couldn't help but feel happy at that fact.
xXx
24th of December, C.E. 77
She gripped her utensils tightly until her knuckles turned frighteningly white. She was seated beside him and she knew she only had her brother and sister-in-law to blame. Lacus and Kira tried to ease the uncomfortable tension but it didn't work. There was still that uneasy silence that befell them.
She sat across the fireplace, her legs crossed after dinner. Athrun was the first to leave, saying that he had booked an early flight to PLANTs the next day.
After he had sent Kira and Lacus his Christmas greetings, he turned his gaze to Cagalli. "Merry Christmas, Representative Athha."
Cagalli let her gaze linger for a moment, "Merry Christmas, Admiral Zala."
xXx
14th of February, C.E. 78
It must be hard for him, she let herself wonder. This was his mother's death anniversary, after all.
She was in a memorial ball for those who died and politicians, celebrities and important people all over the world came to attend. And she was quite certain that his presence was also required, being an important member of the ZAFT army.
She found herself resting on balcony, leaning against the railing. She gazed at the stars and wondered whether they were artificial or not. She hoped they were.
Why?
Because she wanted the reassurance that man could at least make something as beautiful as that. That man had the capability to do so.
"You're going to get cold if you stay out here all night."
Cagalli froze and later found her voice a little raspy, "I'm used to it."
And Athrun knew it wasn't the weather or temperature that she was referring to.
"Thanks for coming," Athrun murmured. "I'm sure your busy back in ORB. Thank you for taking the time to come here."
"You don't have to act so thankful about it, Admiral," Cagalli spoke, gripping the rail tighter. "If this was really a memorial then nobody would be competing over who dressed the best."
"True," Athrun whispered, standing beside her, taking in her simple green dress that he knew all too well was forced into her. He smiled to himself, glad that she didn't change one bit. "Still, I appreciate the gesture."
Cagalli finally turned her head to look at him, "As I have said, you don't need to thank me."
xXx
19th of September, C.E. 79
"Representative Athha," they had come face to face in one of the halls of an Earth Alliance building for a meeting.
"Admiral Zala," She greeted back, her hands behind her, twisting her fingers especially when she saw a red head behind Athrun.
Athrun lowered his head for a while before raising it again, a courteous smile on his face, "Representative Athha, you remember Meyrin Hawke, don't you? She's a friend of mine."
Cagalli noticed that his friend looked a little miffed and that she pouted a little. She probably didn't like the 'friend of mine' status. Cagalli laughed inwardly. Ironic that even though she and Athrun were in a relationship in the past, it would've been a tremendous honor just to be considered as his 'friend'. Miss Hawke wasn't satisfied with this title, it seemed.
"Of course," Cagalli nodded. "Miss Hawke, you've grown into quite a beautiful woman."
It was true, Cagalli supposed. Her hair was no longer tied into two pigtails but one ponytail and her eyes were shining rather brightly and Cagalli noticed that there was a fire in them – a fire that disappeared from her own eyes.
"Thank you, Representative," Meyrin smiled. "You look rather glowing too."
"I appreciate the compliment," Cagalli offered her a small smile. "I have to go now. I need to attend yet another meeting."
"Well we shouldn't prolong you any longer," Athrun said as if he was fine but his voice betrayed him, cracking a bit.
"It was great seeing you both again," Cagalli said wholeheartedly. Alright, maybe not so much. "Best wishes to you both."
"Thank you, Representative," Meyrin bowed. "Best wishes to you too."
As soon as she turned towards the corner, Meyrin stepped a little close to Athrun, "Why didn't you tell her that we were dating?"
Athrun sighed, "We've only gone out twice, Meyrin."
"Well, when are we going out again?"
The question was left unanswered.
xXx
18th of May, C.E. 80
Kira and Lacus were the first to call early in the morning, greeting her, along with the news that she was going to be an aunt. She wished her brother a happy birthday as well and had a nice few minutes joking with him about his impending fatherhood. And she thought to herself, Maybe today would be a happy day.
As she entered the office, her secretary gave her the same greeting and later, her cabinet members and other officers wished her a happy birthday as well.
There was a conference later that day and Cagalli was once again sure that Athrun would be present. A part of her looked forward to it; a part of her didn't. Seeing him would be enough of a birthday present. But then again, she dreaded seeing him. After all, she couldn't bring herself to greet him on his birthday.
A lot of the politicians present shared their greetings and Cagalli nodded politely. She was walking down the hall when their eyes met. He smiled and she knew that that smile was meant only for her. And she felt giddy at that.
"Happy Birthday," he greeted, putting his hand on her shoulder as a gesture of comradeship, or at least she thought it to be. His hand lingered on her shoulder for a few seconds before dropping it to his side again.
"Thank you…" Cagalli answered, a real smile, albeit small, graced her features. "Athrun."
"…" he didn't answer for a while. "Cagalli."
They shared a smile and went on their separate ways. Cagalli felt satisfied, contented and actually happy. She then thought bitterly, At least he was able to greet her face to face. She couldn't even do it on the phone.
But at the end of the day, as she lied on her bed, she went through all the birthday greetings she received and she came to a conclusion. Aside from Kira and Lacus's greeting, there was only one other's greeting that mattered to her.
It was Athrun's.
xXx
29th of October, C.E. 80
It was after sunset and Cagalli looked at the huge screen on one side on her home office. She sighed and dialed a familiar number.
Ring, ring, ring.
His face then appeared and she gripped the edge of the table that she was leaning against.
"Hi," he gave her a smile.
"Hi," Cagalli smiled back. "I just…I just wanted to say…Happy Birthday."
"Thank you," Athrun said. "That means a lot."
"You know, for the past six years, I wanted to call you," Cagalli confessed. "But I couldn't."
"What made you change your mind?" Athrun asked.
"You greeted me on my birthday," Cagalli shrugged. "It would be unfair for me to not greet you on yours."
Athrun laughed and Cagalli felt her heart flutter a bit, "I had the same problem. Back then, I couldn't greet you but then I told myself to just get over it. I did. And it felt great."
Cagalli's smile widened, "This feels great too."
"I'm glad."
"So…" Cagalli rubbed the tip of her foot on the carpeted floor. "How have you been? We've never had a decent conversation ever since…you know."
Athrun's head lowered a bit, "I'm good. Contented. And you? You're eating alright?"
"Yes," Cagalli bit her lip, steeling herself to ask the damned question already. "And…um, and…any girls?"
Athrun froze for a moment and Cagalli gulped, afraid that she crossed a line and was relieved that he answered, "No. No girls."
"Not even Meyrin?" Cagalli took another risk.
Athrun shook her head, "It didn't work out."
Cagalli hugged herself, suddenly feeling cold and commented offhandedly, or she tried to think so, "You looked great together."
Athrun gave her a bittersweet smile, "I wasn't ready for a relationship yet."
A cold silence enveloped them and Athrun broke the ice, "And you? Any suitors?"
"I'd be lying if I said there was none," Cagalli said in a small voice.
"So…you're in a relationship?"
"I wasn't ready either," Cagalli admitted.
"I see."
She could've ended the call but…she couldn't find the heart or the will to. She wanted to see him so badly and the short moments that they've come across each other through the years weren't enough.
"Lacus is giving birth in a few months," Cagalli said. Thankfully, Athrun smiled.
"Yes, Lacus sent me a few pictures of the unborn child," Athrun told her.
"She did?" Cagalli perked up. "I got them too."
"Did she tell you that Kira fainted?" Athrun chuckled.
"I was laughing my ass out," Cagalli confessed, laughing.
"They…they asked me to be the godfather too," Athrun informed. "I assume that they asked you too?"
"Yes," Cagalli nodded. "They also asked me to think of a good name for a boy because if it was a boy, they'd be using the name I came up with."
"Same here," Athrun grinned. "Except it was a girl's name I'd be giving them. What's your choice?"
"Leo?" Cagalli said questioningly.
"For lion?" Athrun arched an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I liked the animal."
"Kira would have a heart attack if his little boy turned out to be one."
"He's going to have to deal with it. What's yours?"
"Candace. It means fire."
"Well, Kira's going to have a heart attack if his little girl turned out to be what her name means."
"He's going to have to deal with it then."
They laughed.
"This is nice," Athrun said softly.
"What's nice?" Cagalli sat on her table.
"This," Athrun motioned with his hands. "Us. Talking."
Cagalli nodded, smiling. "It does feels good, doesn't it?"
"It does," Athrun nodded. "Thank you…for giving me the best gift I could ever ask for."
At this, Cagalli blushed.
Athrun chuckled, "I probably don't have the right to say this but…you still look adorable when you blush."
This earned him a redder Cagalli. But inside, Cagalli was happy. Ecstatic. Maybe…they could still be friends. Maybe, just maybe.
"So…" Athrun trailed off.
"I'll talk to you later?" Cagalli suggested.
"Sounds nice," Athrun agreed. "I'll be looking forward to it."
"Athrun," Cagalli called him.
"Yes?"
"Do you think…are we…are we friends?" Cagalli asked.
It took a while for Athrun to answer and the silence was nerve-wrecking.
"No."
Cagalli's heart dropped.
"We're more than that. We always were. And we always will be."
Cagalli closed her eyes and smiled, nodding, feeling tears prick her eyelashes.
"And maybe, just maybe," Athrun continued. "Someday, it will become more than what we are now."
"I'll see you later," Athrun could see tears form in Cagalli's face. "Athrun."
"Cagalli," it was just her name he spoke but she felt the message conveyed – care, loyalty, love and most importantly, the word 'always'.
And the line went off.
Cagalli sat on the nearest chair she could find and curled up in the little space it gave, her arms wrapping around her knees.
There was hope, after all.
"And maybe, just maybe, someday, it will become more than what we are now."
They were already more than just friends. It would take time…yes, time.
And maybe, just maybe, they'd be able to be the way they always were.
Well, not exactly the way they were...
But maybe, just maybe, there will come a time when they'd both be able to sort out whatever issues they had and arrive at the same stop.
Someday…
Maybe, just maybe.
I felt like writing something hopeful today. ^^
Thanks for reading, I hope you all enjoyed it and please review!