I don't own Naruto okay? This is a little humor fic I came up with dealing with the Akatsuki. Sorry if it's not too long. Well enough with my pathetic A/N, on with the fic! Please note this is meant to be funny and not bashing any pairing. The only thing I am making fun of is the fact Deidara looks like a girl and many people think him a woman when they first see him, I know I did anyway.
Deidara was walking through the Akatsuki hideout molding birds out of his clay bombs. Many of the other members were minding their own business and leaving Deidara alone. However, Sasori was always avoiding Deidara. Deidara walked by and saw Sasori run off. What is up with Sasori-no-donna? Why would he run off like that? Do I offend? Deidara thought as he sniffed his armpit. My deodorant didn't give out yet… thank god. Deidara walked further along in the hideout and saw Itachi. He scowled at him and kept walking.
"That Uchiha, he thinks he's so great…." Deidara scowled and kept walking to his room.
Meanwhile, Tobi was prowling around the base begging to become a member. Pein was walking to the meeting hall holding his ears from annoyance of Tobi. "But Pein-sempai, Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi would plead to Pein.
"Tobi, that is exactly the problem, you are a good boy. The Akatsuki is a criminal organization. So you see, Good Boys wouldn't belong here." Pein sighed rubbing his temple. "Do us all a favor Tobi and go away!"
"Awwwwwww…but Tobi wants to join so much!" Tobi cried continuing to follow Pein.
"Look we only recruit the best of the best when it comes to members here. Why else would we recruit Uchiha Itachi, Sasori and Deidara?" Pein asked Tobi, trying to convince him to leave. Tobi was not worth his time to fight and he hoped to high heaven that he wouldn't have to use force on Tobi.
"Because they are pretty and pretty criminals are the best?" Tobi asked.
"I give up; there is no reasoning with this idiot." Pein said walking away.
"Wait Pein-sempai!" Tobi said running after him. "Please! Pretty please with sugar on top! Tobi is a good boy! Why will you not let Tobi join?"
"Be gone Tobi!" Pein yelled slamming the door in his face.
Itachi happened to notice Sasori running down the hall after Deidara walked past. "Sasori-kun, why are you running from Deidara-san like you are?" Itachi asked. "It's not like he is a real threat, he's not scary or anything like that."
"Oh yeah, like you would know anything about not being scary, Uchiha." Sasori said sarcastically. "You are one of the scariest members of the Akatsuki there is, what with your Mangekyou Sharingan and all."
"Whatever. Anyway, there is nothing creepy about Deidara, why are you running from him?" Itachi asked.
Sasori took a breath. He had to admit it, Deidara was attractive and he couldn't deal with the prospect that he would turn him down. The only thing Sasori didn't know was that Deidara was not a woman but a man. "As long as you do not tell anyone this Uchiha, I will tell you why."
"Your secret is safe with me." Itachi said.
"Well I think Deidara is really attractive. I want to ask her out." Sasori said.
"Okay." Itachi said. How do I break it to Sasori that Deidara is a man and not a woman?
"Is there anything wrong with wanting to ask out your partner?" Sasori asked.
"Well….it could make things pretty awkward between you if Deidara doesn't share your feelings…" Itachi said pensively. "I can't tell you how many awkward nights Kisame and I had after his little 'I love you Itachi-kun' I heard in his sleep"
"Okay…" Sasori said walking away. "I will be sure to think about what you said Itachi-san…"
Sasori walked back to his room thinking. How am I going to ask out Deidara? Sasori lay on his bed and looked at the roof of the hideout. "It's rare that any Akatsuki member gets to rest on a comfy bed." Sasori said turning on his side. He had to weigh the options and what was on the line. Deidara was an excellent partner, one that was extremely talented but on the other had he believed that Deidara would be an excellent girlfriend, the beauty of his dreams. He closed his eyes and fell into a serene dreamland. In the dream he was walking along with Deidara, hand in hand.
"I love you Deidara-chan." Sasori said kissing Deidara on the cheek.
"I have something to tell you Sasori-no-donna…" Deidara started to say in the dream.
"SASORI!" Kisame yelled walking into Sasori's room. "I heard what you and Itachi were talking about…" he teased sitting on the end of Sasori's bed.
"ITACHI TOLD YOU!?" Sasori asked.
"No, he never tells me anything. Well I overheard the conversation. Anyway, you do know Deidara is a guy?" Kisame said.
"No way she's not a man." Sasori said. "No man looks that good."
"Well what if Deidara is a man?" Kisame asked, "Would you feel the same?"
"Maybe…" Sasori said. "But I am telling you, Deidara is a woman."
"Want to make a wager about that?" Kisame smiled.
"What kind of wager?" Sasori asked raising his eyebrow.
"Oh nothing really… you are just going to have to do my laundry for a month if you lose." Kisame laughed.
"You're on Shark-boy!" Sasori said. "And if you lose, you have to clean all my puppets with your toothbrush."
Itachi was walking by and noticed the little wager. "Getting out of laundry duty huh Kisame?" Kisame then turned to Itachi and smiled at him. "I'll take that as a yes. Well, it's not my place to argue here. Go on with your foolish wager." Itachi then sat down and smiled, knowing what was about to happen. "Well how are you going to find out who is right Kisame?"
Kisame paced the floor rubbing his chin. He knew the best way was to show Sasori how different Deidara was from girls…down there… but how to do it…? Just then he saw Tobi walking by and it came to him. I should use that Tobi brat as the one to get to pull down Deidara's pants. That'll show Sasori up. "Tobi can you be a good boy and come here please?" Kisame said.
"Tobi is a good boy! How can Tobi help you Kisame-sempai?"Tobi smiled.
"I need you to do a favor for me." Kisame said.
"Sure! Tobi is a good boy and will do anything for you Kisame-sempai!" Tobi said.
"Good. I need you to…" Kisame bent down and whispered into Tobi's ear instructions.
"Gotcha Kisame-sempai!" Tobi saluted.
"Remember, it has to be when Deidara is around us all." Kisame said.
Deidara was walking to the kitchen for a snack when he noticed that Tobi and Kisame were smiling evilly at him. "What is wrong with you guys?" he asked. Just then Tobi ran up and grabbed Deidara's waist. "TOBI YOU LET GO NOW!" Deidara yelled
"Tobi is a good boy!" He smiled and pulled down Deidara's pants.
"No. Tobi is a dead boy!" Deidara yelled as he pulled up his pants and ran after him.
"Sempais!!!!" Tobi yelled running away from Deidara.
Sasori started to walk to Kisame's room and collect all his dirty laundry. This is so disgusting! He thought as he collected it and took it to the laundry room.
"Make sure they don't shrink!" Kisame yelled
"I hate you." Sasori grumbled.