Title: White and Nerdy

Rating: PG 13 / T for a bit of language

Genre: Humor

Summary: Roger strives to convince Mimi of just how nerdy Mark truly is. (written for Challenge Central, Challenge 31)

A/N:

Disclaimer: I don't own Rent. I don't own Weird Al's song "White and Nerdy," either, whence I acquired my title. I don't own anything else, really, in this story, anyway, but I won't say what I don't own for fear of spoiling it. Nyeh.

This is the challenge:

"must involve the line 'Kill the witch' and be Roger-centric"

Despite the fact that my laptop is DEAD, I still have the urge to write. Ergo, I wrote this in a notebook somewhere, lost the notebook, found it again, and am now copying it onto the sucky home computer we have… which I don't like. I miss my lappy! ;.;

That aside, please do leave a review!

The Story
"Come on; just because he's really into film and is really nearsighted and quirky and doesn't have the best social skills doesn't mean he's a nerd, Roger," sighed Mimi, giving me one of her eternally patient looks.

"No," I replied, returning the look with a slight roll of the eyes, "but they don't exactly do much to counter that classification, do they?"

She frowned at me. "That's not the point –"

"Yes, it is," I interrupted. "It just furthers my argument that Mark is a nerd."

"But nerds are, like, into cult stuff. Star Trek, or whatever. Mark isn't." I laughed, and she shot me a questioning look, doubt creeping into her eyes. "Is… he?"

"Oh, he is," I assured her, snorting with my laughter.

She lifted an eyebrow. "Oh really?" She blinked. "What?"

I grinned. "You'll see. Come up to the loft tonight, after your shift, and you will see one of Mark's rather nerdy and cult-associated traditions."

So, Mimi did thus, knocking on the door, that evening, once she'd returned. I opened it, grinning – she was a bit late for one of the best parts, but she was still in time for most of Mark's nerd-fest.

Anyway, though I was grinning, she wasn't. "So," she said, moving past me and looking very tired. "You gonna show me how nerdy Mark is, or not? And what is Mark watching?"

As she'd now moved farther into the loft, she could see that our small, somewhat fuzzy TV was on by the glow it cast onto Mark and the couch upon which he sat. The TV was pretty crappy, being 'rescued' from a pawn shop somewhere, and the sound kept cutting in and out, but that didn't stop us from using it and the slightly better maintained VCR that was hooked up to it.

I lead Mimi around behind the couch, gesturing to the flickering screen, upon which Mark's eyes were riveted, even as an odd grin was plastered upon his face.

Mimi blinked at the picture of a mob dragging a woman up to a mustached knight, shouting things like, "Kill the witch! Burn her!" Mimi did not recognize this iconic film, though, which surprised me.

Mark was shouting the lines along with the characters, in spite of the inconsistent audio, and he remained completely oblivious (for the moment) to the watching Mimi and me.

Mimi stared at him, then looked questioningly at me, so I obliged her, explaining, softly, smugly, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail."

"Uh… What's that?"

My smugness for the moment left me. How could she not know?! Everyone knew of that movie, right? "Only the greatest nerdy cult film ever that isn't sci-fi and isn't Rocky-Horror Picture Show," I hurriedly informed her.

Meanwhile, Mark and the film had moved on to, "She has got a wart…"

Then, along with that mustached knight, he said (affecting a somewhat nasally voice to match said knight), "What makes you think she is a witch?"

I looked at Mimi, smiling as I saw her mouth slowly drop open wider at Mark's recitation abilities.

"She turned me into a newt!" Mark even did this shifty eyed uncomfortable look. "I got better…"

"I… don't think I believe this," said Mimi, slowly. "You set this up, didn't you?" she accused me, suddenly. "Just to prove me wrong?"

I stared at her and shook my head. "Why on earth would I do that? I just wanted you to appreciate just how nerdy Mark is. That's all."

Mimi blinked and sighed, obviously unhappy about being disproved in her contention that the filmer wasn't part of that particular social group. But, she accepted her loss and moved on, bouncing around the couch to sit next to Mark… who waved at her, but kept right up with the dialogue.

"Why do witches burn?"

"… uh… because they're made of wood?"

"Gooooood! So. How do we tell if she's made of wood?"

"Build a bridge out of 'er!"

"Ah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone…?"

"Oh yeah… umm…"

"Does wood sink in water?"

"No! No… no, it floats!" "Throw 'er into the pond!"

Mark, instead of joining the villagers in their shouting, mimed Bedevere's calming movement. "What also floats in water?"

"Bread!" "Apples!" "Very small rocks." "Cider." "Churches, Churches!"

"A duck!"

Mimi stifled a snigger, while I rolled my eyes. "Do you want something to drink?" I asked the room in general.

"Yes, please," said Mimi. "Whatever's handy."

Mark ignored me and continued on. That was well enough, but he watched this movie so often, that hearing it repeated, now, once I'd proven my point to Mimi, was beginning to grate on my nerves. However, I busied myself with getting a beer for me and a coke for Mimi (she didn't like beer, but favored fruitier drinks when she had alcohol). I didn't bother to get anything for Mark; he'd ignore it in this state.

"We shall use my larger scales," Mark / Bedevere was saying. I suppose it's a mark of how many times Mark has watched this that even I know the character names.

I brought the drinks over and handed the can to Mimi, who opened it. I then sat on one of the nearby chairs.

"So, you do admit it, then," I prompted Mimi.

"Admit what?"

"That Mark's a nerd."

"… everyone can recite lines from their favorite movies, Roger."

I sighed. Mimi just wasn't willing to admit defeat! Oh well. "He can recite them on cue, you know," I informed her. "And if I shut the movie off, he'll keep right on reciting them. Also, he's got a collection of Monty Python stuff he keeps in his room over there… including boxers, a Black Knight doll and a stuffed killer rabbit."

Mimi ignored me, but sat there, next to Mark, watching the movie and watching him. I scowled and drank my beer.

Then, after a sip or two, I got up and abruptly pulled the TV's plug from the wall. "Ok, Mark," I informed him. "That's seriously enough."

Mark glowered at me. "Let a man have his small pleasures, Roger. Who's the one who pays for the electricity, anyway?"

"Benny. You just buy the food."

"… shut up. Plug it back in."

I didn't. Instead, I returned to my seat and picked up my beer. Mimi giggled at us.

"I'll sing the Camelot song," he threatened.

"If you do that, I'll burn your killer rabbit," I returned.

"I'll burn Rufus."

"You wouldn't!" He looked like he meant it though; instead of cowing, however, I scowled back. "Fine. I'll burn Steve."

"Children!" broke in Mimi, amidst her giggles. "Settle down, now. Roger? No burning things. Same for you, Mark… it's not cold enough, and you don't want to waste fuel, do you?"

We settled back.

"There you, go!" she said, brightly. "Now, Roger? I actually want to see the movie, so would you kindly plug the TV back in?"

"No," I said.

So, Mark began to sing, "We're knights of the round table; we dance whenever we're able…"

And that, Collins, is why I need to spend the night here, in your apartment. So, quit laughing and LET ME IN!!!

END

A/N: So... there you are. And I did all those lines from memory! Isn't /that/ pathetic? -giggles- Ok, I know this wasn't the greatest fic, but I'd still appreciate some feedback, even if it is just: Snarky? Stop writing, now, before you hurt yourself.