(Original story in Italic)
Setup: Archie saved from the clutches of police. Back at the brownstone, Archie is cheekily enjoying the role of a client, sprawled out in the red chair with a smug smile…
As Wolfe accepted his beer and a glass from Fritz, I used the opportunity to explain my position to him as I took my glass of milk: "I'm a client now, Fritz, I am sitting here to avoid a misunderstanding. As I client, the closer to Mr Wolfe, the better. As an employee, nothing doing until my personal problem is resolved. Now." I turned to Wolfe, who was glaring at me while opening and pouring his beer. "You tell me how much you want for a retainer, and I'll write a check. Otherwise I'll bound out of this house as a man obsessed."
"Confound it! I'm helpless, I'm committed." Wolfe exclaimed
"Yes, you are. Now how about a retainer?"
"No!"
Fritz backed out of the room and closed the door behind him. I took a sip of my milk and decided to play nice: "You care to hear how I spent my day?"
"In a moment. Now I need you to come here, Archie," he pointed next to his side of the table
I raised my eyebrows, got up and swayed to his side, wondering what he wanted to show me. I didn't have to wonder for long, because as soon as I appeared at the place of destination, Wolfe's large hands grabbed me by my middle. For his large volume, he has unbelievable strength. I was not even touching the ground at one point. Odd feeling for a grown man to be swept of his feet like that, but I didn't have time to explore my feelings, because the next moment I found myself across my boss' massive lap.
It happened so fast I didn't even have a chance to struggle. All I could think about at that moment was thanking God, that the office was soundproof and Fritz was back in kitchen. Not, that I was crying out, I wouldn't allow myself to do that even if it did hurt. But the sound of the… impacts… was fairly loud. I did not count, but there wasn't many of them. Soon, still without a single word, Wolfe let me go and I got off of him and thoughtlessly fixed my hair and my pants.
Wolfe gestured to the red chair and completely calmly said: "Proceed," like if we were interrupted by a mere phone call.
It took few more blinks for me to realise, that it is over and I am free. I stopped staring and made my legs to move me back to the chair. On the way I realised how hot my face felt, but I forced myself to ignore it. I sat down and I cleared my throat to compose myself before telling Wolfe about my findings. After I was done, Wolfe ordered me to write the report up till Lon Cohen comes to discuss our option of getting the people in. I didn't find it necessary, but I didn't dare to argue at that point. I moved to my table, put fresh paper in and started to type, while Wolfe grabbed his unfinished book and got reading.
I stopped typing after a while, because I couldn't focus. Wolfe noticed the quiet and put his book down: "Yes?"
I wanted to ask, though I didn't want to look at him at this time, so I didn't turn to look at him and kept looking at my typewriter. "Why um… why did you…" I couldn't finish the sentence, but Wolf was merciful enough not to make me.
"I thought you were listening at the door, when I was talking to the police about your temperamental foolishness, so you should know exactly 'why'."
I nodded, more for myself then to him and the heat rising in my face made me glad I was turned to my report and not to my boss at the moment. I returned to typing as I was hoping this subject would never be mentioned ever again.
It wasn't.
Setup: After the case is closed
Every Friday morning at 11 after Nero Wolfe comes down from the plant rooms of the roof, he signs the salary checks. And today wasn't an exception. I gave him the filled out checking book and he signed them. For Theodore, Fritz and… "There seems to be a check missing," he noticed.
"Ah. And what check would that be?" I lead him on.
"Yours," he looked up at me.
"Well, you know I like to get payed for my labor, just like the next man, but last week I was on leave," I explained, as he filled and handed me a check. "Uh, what's this for?"
"Enough of this flummery. Take your check."
"But technically I wasn't here as your assistant, but as your client. Therefore it is I, who should be paying you." I took Wolfe's pen and wrote and signed a check of my own. "Now at present, this is all I can afford. I don't get payed much."
Wolfe looked at it: "Pfui"
"Very well…" I grabbed the check by both hands in the middle.
"Archie!" Wolfe launched at me over the table. The sheer power and energy that seventh of a ton can produce never stops taking me by surprise. I jumped back and I did something I was just pretending I wanted to do. I ripped the check.
Wolfe's growing shadow over me made me sure, that it might actually hurt this time. It did. My protests about intentions were not making any impact on the anger and frustration of my boss about another debacle with the bank.
When it was over and I was sent to null and void, to my horror I noticed the door cracked open. Could somebody hear the ordeal? Was it possible, that Theodore… no, he was all the way in the plant rooms. Kitchen was closer, but hopefully Fritz was safely preoccupied by lunch by this time. I was thinking about it whole day, looking for signs at Fritz's behavior. A smirk. A note. A reference. By the dinner, I was sure he didn't hear anything and that I was panicking for nothing.
I was less sure in the morning, when with my breakfast I was served toasted buns...