I don't know how many people liked the first part, but I hope you'll like this! Also, I don't own "Milo Murphy's Law", otherwise Dakota would be Captain America, and he and Cavendish would make out passionately every few seconds.
(Black screen)
(A circle is shown. Its diameter is calculated, and the equation is written down. The numbers are then mixed and matched and are turned into a title:
DIAMETER: PART 2
(A simple white background is shown (a la "Avatar:TLA")
PREVIOUSLY, ON DIAMETER…
"When we last saw our heroes, they had returned from a disgusting chore in the renaissance, only to find themselves in an AU where people only know one thing: The diameter of every circle they see, and just that. This was no one's fault, least of all Dakota, but that's not the point. Anyhow, after a weird encounter with Milo Murphy, the two found a bunch of nukes sent into the city, and decided to go back to the car…"
"Dakota, why are you telling me all this? I was with you the entire time! Not to mention the nukes were released just a minute ago!", Cavendish said, annoyed with his partners unnecessary narration.
"Well, it may have been a minute for you, but for them, that was all the way back in October 1st! Oh, and comment on the post if you haven't already!", Dakota broke the fourth wall again.
Cavendish sighed. His friend could really drive him nuts sometimes.
"Can we hurry up? Those nukes could hit any moment!"
"I'm trying, I can't find the car!"
"How hard can it be? It was right…"
Cavendish then saw a deserted spot for where their car was.
"…Here".
"Well, this is problematic.", said Dakota matter of factly.
"You think?!", shouted Cavendish.
"Why are you so huffy and puffy, like, like a wolf in a fairy tale?", said Dakota.
"Oh, I don't know, maybe because we created an AU where people only know about diameters, and a nuke is flying to the city!", shouted Cavendish.
"Oh, yeah! My bad! We better hurry!... Wait…"
"What? What could possibly be keeping you?!"
"Well, for one, the nuke should have hit by now, no?"
Cavendish realized that was true. The looked around. The nuke had been called back. A yell could be heard.
"What are you doing releasing nukes like this?!", shouted a mysterious voice. "You could have ruined the entire plan!"
"Ah, boss?", said another mysterious voice. "You're next to a microphone."
"Oh, I am, ain't I? Very well. I shall step away from the microphone and back to my office, which is in the towering 80 foot building right next to you. Maybe I'll deal with that car we took that looked a lot like it belonged to a gentleman with a top hat and a gentleman in a training jacket!"
"Ok, sir!"
Cavendish and Dakota had overheard that (obviously).
"Well, Dakota! It looks like we'll have to enter that building and take our car back if we want to fix this!", announced Cavendish.
"All right! Bureucracy! Wait, that's boring. Ah, well", stated Dakota.
The two made their way to the building, and as they did, noticed all the horrible differences that had happened. People were wandering aimlessly, being instructed by circular devices on what to do and what to buy and what to think. The once creative and heroic Milo was now reduced to buying unnecessary things. The smart and brilliant Melissa was now glued to a screen, showing off calculations of diameters. Zack was hiding in a box, calculating diameters and hiding from the world. Amanda was looking for the perfect diameter.
Every person on earth… Wonderful, brilliant, people… People Cav and Dak saw as friends… were wasted to a motionless blob, focused on diameters, menial work and buying dumb things.
Cavendish and Dakota felt even worse. They had to fix this!
The two entered the building and found themselves in a hustling and bustling building, filled with what seemed to be sentient circles, all rushing around to complete the assigned work of the day. Filing paperwork, sending E-Mails, constructing nukes… It was exhausting just to look at.
"So… Sentient circles. Figures", said Dakota.
"Never mind that, let's ask for directions", said Cavendish.
They approached a circle worker.
"Hello! Allow me to introduce myself, Balthazar Cavendish and my esteemed associate, Vinnie Dakota!", introduced Cavendish.
"Hi, how ya doin'?", Dakota asked nonchalantly.
The circle stared at them.
"We… Would like to see if you could locate our car. It was taken in. If you don't mind.", Continued Cavendish.
The circle snapped out of it, shushed them and tackled them into a corner.
"Quiet you buffons! Answer me this: Do you know about more than just diameters?", he asked, quietly.
"Yes", they both answered.
"Perfect! Finally! I told mother she was wrong! Come with me, and we can…", the circle started, but the other circles had already noticed and were panicking.
"What's going on?", asked Dakota.
"Humans aren't supposed to be as knolwegable as you two! You're going to be caught! Run!", The circle yelled, and jumped through a window.
"C'mon, Dakota! Maybe in the confusion, we can find our car!", Cavendish said.
"But the circle said to run!", Dakota said.
"But we have to fix the future!"
"I know, but what if we can't 'cause we're caught?", Dakota asked.
The twos arguing led to their downfall. A circular tube sucked them into a gerbil wheel, and some burly circles carried them off to an elevator.
80 floors of awkward silence later…
Finally, they had managed to get up. Dakota's small talk did not help.
"I've never seen a bear eat honey. I wonder if I should try! Hey, Cavendish, when all this is over, let's find some honey, 'kay? Ooh, and let's watch Winnie The Pooh (2011)"! That film is hilairius! Say, are you more Rabbit or Owl? Probably Rabbit. Which is something he doesn't have in his hat. Believe me, I was surprised. Almost as much as when we had to fight those Pistachions. Did I tell you about my clock joke?"
"Thank the boss we're up already. How do you put up with that?", asked one of the burly circles.
"Trust me, I have no idea", said Cavendish.
The two were finally dropped off in the office of the boss. The burly men left, the door was closed. An eerie silence had dropped; what had so far felt like an odd adventure, was slowly taking a turn to the worst. Cavendish and Dakota exchanged looks: They were both worried about the jam they were in.
Finally, the boss entered: an intimidating looking circle with a tie and a monocle. He has a evil smile plastered on his face.
"Hello, time travelers", he says, his voice familiar: He was the one berating Elliot for releasing the nuke.
"I'm sure you're very curious as to what all this is", he said.
"Not really", said Dakota.
"What?", said the boss, startled.
"Yes, honestly, we just want to fix this already.", said Cavendish.
"Don't you want to understand the origin of this situation?", the boss said, clearly disappointed.
"Nope", Cavendish and Dakota said.
"Fine. I'll do the short version. When you two stole those things from the past..."
"For the record, that was Dakota.", stated Cavendish.
"Doesn't matter! But write that down, Lou.", the boss said, and Lou, his secretary who had not been seen up to this point, started typing.
"Anyhow, when you stole those things, you left your trunk open, allowing a container of radioactive waste..."
"Why did we even have that?!", Cavendish wondered, bewildered.
"...And this led to it spilling in the water, which was later carried to the owner of the stables you cleaned, which he spilled accidentally on his papers, bringing his diameter calculations to life! Having gained intelligence for the next few years as apprentices of Da Vinci, we built a time machine, went to the future, and took over! Now, all people know are about diameters and we have them at our will, doing inane things! With all the special people wasted, the world is ours!", he laughed evilly.
"...That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!", said Cavendish.
"Yeah, this is all pretty stupid.", agreed Dakota, who was a little guilty over the whole affair.
"It is, isn't it? And now you're going to die! With you out of the way, we'll have no enemies! Except for that stupid resistance group! Circles who don't want to enslave humans; how dumb can you get?!", the boss said.
"You should know! While you blabbered on and on, we managed to free ourselves from these ropes!", boasted Cavendish.
"Mmm. Thank goodness I can knaw ropes. Could have used some salt, though", remarked Dakota.
"You think you'll get away so easily? Get them!", the boss yelled, and a ton of burly circle guards encircled them.
"Dakota, I have a plan", said Cavendish.
"Does it involve running for our lives?", asked Dakota.
"Took the words right out of my mouth", Cavendish replied, and the two started running. They broke through the door, only to find even more guards. They had blasters and tazers and were screaming up a storm. Cavendish and Dakota shrieked and looked around for an exit. Suddenly, the circle they had met from the start, with a group of other circles all with bandanas, crashed through a window and started fighting the guards.
"Run! We'll explain later! Viva la revolution!", yelled the circle.
"That was the nicest circle I've ever met!", stated Dakota.
"Considering every single other one wants us dead, yes, I'd say he is!", remarked Cavendish as the two ran to the elevator. They opened it and more guards were inside. They opened the second elevator and even more guards were there. They opened the third one.
"Hello! Nice weather we're having, no?", asked Mr. Drako.
Cav and Dak stared blankly and decided to run down the stairs.
"Running down 80 floors? Are you crazy?", asked Cavendish.
"Do we have another choice?", asked Dakota.
"Not really, but I'm going to be really tired, so that's on you.", Cavendish complained.
"Not the only thing that's on me today", Dakota said sadly.
"What?", asked Cavendish, surprised at the sudden change in Dakota's tone.
"Never mind, we gotta get outta here!", Dakota said and the two ran down the stairs. A bunch of guards came out of nowhere, though, led by the boss on a giant round table with wheels and lasers.
"Get them!", he screamed.
Cavendish and Dakota got pushed into a wall. This caused Dakota's boom box (which he hid in his jacket for action montages) to start playing Ram Jam's "Black Betty".
"What taste!", Cavendish said sarcastically.
"Guess the author didn't have much of a playlist for this one", remarked Dakota and the two kept running.
They were on the 79th floor, and ran through a coffee break.
"Hey Pat, how's the kids? Filed those paperwork yet, Don? Don't kill us, we're totally not your enemies!", Dakota said as they ran past.
"If they said they're not enemies, they must be good!", said Pat the circle.
"Get them! They're enemies!", said the Boss on his table of doom.
"Mixed messages. See, this is why I wanted the promotion over Randy. I'm never told anything!", complained Don.
Cav and Dak jumped down the stairs and landed in a kitchen.
"Get them aprons on! We have 80 floors to feed!", yelled the chef, Alberto.
"You, new guy! You know what the orders are?", the chef asked Dakota.
"Trust me!", Dakota said, getting in character. "They won't know what hit them!"
Dakota then made a 50 course feat: Ham, Breafest Burritos, Corndogs, Chicken soup, Salmon, Fried Onions, Double Cheese Burgers, Pastrami on rye, spagetthi with meat balls, double decker wedding cake, stuffed peppers, cranberry sauce and just a little bit of spinach on the side.
"This is magnificent! You should be promoted at once!", said the chef.
"This is quite the job opportunity…", considered Dakota.
"Are you actually considering this?!", yelled Cavendish.
"I don't know why it took us so long to get to the kitchen, but we're here now!", said the boss.
"Thanks, but I'll pass! I'm a wild horse that can't be tamed!", said Dakota as he and Cavendish ran.
"'Till we meet again, wild horse…", said the chef wistfully as the chase continued.
Cav and Dak kept going, running down floor after floor, hitting out guard after guard, and getting more and more tired.
"We'll never make it to the end! We're only on the 40th floor!", Cavendish said, exhausted.
"I don't know what to do. I'm out!", said Dakota.
"Look! A fire escape!", Cavendish said. "This is our ticket out of here!"
They went out and saw a plane being ridden by the circles with the bandanas.
"Come with us if you want to live!", they said.
"Come on, let's join them!", said Dakota.
But as they tried to board, the boss and his men aimed a nuke at the plane.
"Blast off", the boss said sinisterly and they shot the nuke.
"Jump off!", Cavendish yelled, and all the circles, Cavendish and Dakota jumped off.
They ran back into the building just in time and the nuke hit the plane, which crashed into the bosses statue of himself.
"Well, that stinks", he said.
Cavendish and Dakota and the resistance circles decided the only way was too get into the elevator. They entered and found themselves stopping every floor as more and more entered. The burly guards hit them again and again.
"What do we do?", asked Cavendish.
"Well, looks like I'm going to have to fight my way out of this one.", said Dakota.
"But how? We have no training and I doubt these guys have the strength."
"We don't. We really only had the plane", said one circle.
Dakota suddenly hit 5 guards off of him. The 20 something guards already inside backed off for a second.
"Before we get started… Does anyone want to get off?", asked Dakota.
What followed was a brawl of epic proportions, with Dakota taking down swarm after swarm with nothing but will power. He smashed some, kicked some, broke their radiuses. He took down each one for 40 floors. As the last one tried to back off…
"Please, this is nothing personal, I just have to do my job".
Dakota knocked him out.
"Are you sure? Kinda feels personal.", Dakota said.
They got off.
"That… Was amazing, Dakota! How did you do that?", Cavendish asked in awe.
"No time! We gotta get out of here!", Dakota said.
They ran off to the door.
"Going away so soon?", asked the boss. "At least take our farewell present!"
They fired their balsters, but our heroes managed to escape and jumped into a moving truck.
"Blast it! Follow them now!", yelled the boss, and he and the other guards jumped onto their own truck.
They zig zagged though the streets, hitting car after car, causing numerous explosions. Cav and Dak and the circles just managed to lose them, and were heading to the circles hideout.
"Well, that was something. Could you please turn off the music? It's been on loop for quite a while.", Cavendish asked, but suddenly he noticed Dakota.
Dakota's face was blank, as he stared at the mess that was before them, as he thought of all the people now made dumb because of the circles, as he thought of all the horrible things that had happened.
"It's because of me", he said.
"What are you talking about?", Cavendish asked, concerned.
"If I had just not taken all that cool stuff from the past, I wouldn't have left the trunk open, and the circle wouldn't have come to life. It's my fault our friends are mindless zombies. It's my fault all this destruction happened. And this isn't even the first time things went wrong 'cause I took stuff I shouldn't have taken!", he said, sadly.
"Dakota.", Cavendish said, holding Dakota's hand. "It's true you messed up. And it's true you've done this more than once. And it's true you caused all this destruction…"
"You are going to make me feel better at one point, right?", Dakota asked.
"But it's not your fault. No one could have forseen this. And unlike me, you've been doing all you can to get us out of this mess. You came up with all the good ideas in the building. We wouldn't be in this getaway truck if it wasn't for you. You made a mistake. But now you're fixing it. You're doing a good job." Cavendish said, meaning every single word.
"Thanks, Cavendish. I needed to hear that", Dakota said gratefully. Knowing Cavendish thought this was giving him much motivation.
They arrived at the base of the resistance. The circles gathered round to see these two strangers.
"These humans are with us! They are from another world; they know things. Actual things.", said the circle who they had met at the beginning (whom this author is tired of calling circle who they met at the beginning)
"But… That's impossible, Pythagoras (thank you)!", said a circle with an eye patch.
"Not anymore! And these two can help us take down The Boss!", said Pythagoras.
"Um, if you don't mind, we have no idea who you people are. Do you mind explaining?", asked Cavendish.
"Oh, how rude of me! Allow me to introduce: The resistance! We are circles who have seen the light: Torturing humans, forcing them to be our slaves; it is wrong! We want to co-exist with the humans! We do not consider diameters to be the only thing! Heck, we do not just like circles! We are very interested in triangles, for example!", said Pythagoras.
"Wait, you're a secret society that loves triangles? That's just like the Illum…", started Dakota.
"No! Don't even start!", said Cavendish.
"Now, what's the plan?", asked the circle with the eye patch.
"I'm not sure, David. We have no plane, we've lost many men, and these two couldn't get their car back.", said Pythagoras sadly.
"Wait! I still have our time device! Maybe something can be done with that!", said Cavendish.
"You could contact the past! How did we not think of that?", Dakota asked, incredulous.
"So? What are you waiting for? Call the most capable man you know!", said Pythagoras, reinvigorated by the good news.
"All right! I'm calling Milo! I wonder though, how will the call work, what with us in a different universe and what not?", wondered Cavendish.
"Eh, I'm sure it will be fine", said Dakota.
(In our regular, TMMLWG continuity…)
"Ready for another day, Richard?", Richard Chase asked himself, looking in the mirror of his office at the fire station. It had been a quiet morning, so far, but Richard knew a quiet morning meant nothing in his line of duty. Something could go wrong any minute… Like… Then…
No! Not now. He had to focus. He could think about that… Later.
He looked at the pictures of Melissa he had taped to the dash board on his office wall. Pictures of her as a baby, pictures of her first day in a new kindergarten, pictures of her science projects (and recently, he had even added a picture of her and Milo. He had to admit, their friendship was growing on him) His wonderful, beautiful, precious baby girl… Someone had to protect her. And all other little girls and boys. And their Mommy's and Daddy's. Someone had to.
He had to.
He washed his face and prepared himself to get going.
Suddenly, a voice came from his forehead.
"Hello? Hello? This is Balthazar Cavendish! Hello? Is anyone here?"
Richard turned with a shock. Was his forehead talking? What kind of madness was this? He had no time for this!
"How the heck is my forehead talking?!", asked a shocked Richard.
"Hello? Who is this?", asked Cavendish.
"Um… I am Richard Chase. You should probably know this, considering… You're my forehead."
"Is this seriously my life?", thought Richard.
"Chase? As in Melissa Chase?", asked Dakota.
"My daughter? Yes. Why are you asking? Also, now that I am thinking about it, is my forehead really called Balthazar Cavendish?", Richard asked.
"Sir, I am Balthazar Cavendish, but I am not your forehead."
"So why is your voice coming out of it?"
"Huh. Guess that's where it went. Ah, well. Look, sir. I am a time traveller from the future who used to protect pistachios before discovering that they become evil and sentient if saved. Me and my partner, Vinnie Dakota, are stuck in an alternate universe he inadvertently created, where circles have taken over and all people know are the exact diameters of every circle. We are trying to fix this, and are hoping you can connect us to your daughter's friend, Milo Murphy. She and Zack will also be needed."
"…Ok, I've officially lost it.", said Richard.
"Hey, dad!", said Melissa, who suddenly entered.
"Melissa? What are you doing here?", asked Richard.
"Melissa is here? Melissa! Help us! Get Milo and Zack!", said Dakota.
"I came to get you your lunch. You forgot it.", Melissa said.
"Ah, thanks, honey!", said Richard, and he gave his daughter a hug.
"Melissa? Did you hear me? We need you, Milo and Zack!", said Cavendish.
"Dad… Why does your forehead sound like Cavendish?", asked Melissa.
"So I'm not crazy?", asked Richard.
"Apparently", Melissa joked. "Cavendish, what's wrong? Is Dakota with you?"
"Yes I am. Thank you for asking! Look, we got stuck in an alternate universe by making a mistake in the past. Now circles have taken over and humans only know about diameters. It's really complicated, but we need you to bring Milo and Zack and help us solve this! You three need to find a way to get Brick and Savannah's time travelling car and travel to the future to let us travel to the past and stop ourselves!", Dakota explained.
"No problem!", said Melissa and she went off to get Milo and Zack.
"Wait, you got all that?", asked Richard.
Cavendish and Dakota hung up for now.
"And now, we wait!", said Cavendish.
"For us? How thoughtful!", said The Boss.
"Oh no!", everyone said.
"How did they find us?", said Pythagoras.
"…How did we, Larry?", asked The Boss.
"Well, you've got me. By all accounts, it doesn't make sense. It was very well hidden and we were driving the other way", Larry said, referencing the Emperor's New Groove.
"And now, you die!", The Boss said, and aimed his nuke launcher at them.
"I guess this is the end.", said Cavendish.
"Cavendish, if this is the end… There's something I need to tell you…", Dakota started, but it was too late. The nuke was launched and…
TO BE CONTINUED…
Post Credit Scene:
"Wow..."
With an awed expression on her face and a gaping mouth, a young teen, 13 years of age, walked around the house, marveling at a ton of old pictures.
She picked one up and geeked out.
"Oh my gosh! Is that the first picture of you with Great Aunt Savannah and Great Uncle Brick?"
"Give me that, you rascal! It is extremely fragile!"
Balthazar Cavendish, now even greyer, grabbed the picture with his whitered hand and guarded it.
"Oh, calm down, Cavendish! She's just curious!"
Vinnie Dakota looked tired, weary, yet, somehow, he managed to keep a pleasant smile, despite all he had gone through.
The girl gasped.
"Is that a picture with Great Uncle Perry and Great Aunt Stacy? Why are you all laughing?"
Dakota smiled wistfully.
"They should never have made that CGI "Perry The Platypus" movie. Good for a laugh, though."
The girl giggled, and then laid her eyes on a very interesting picture.
"O.M.G!"
She picked the picture up and squeed.
"Is that the first picture of you two as a couple?"
Cavendish and Dakota both turned to look at the picture, featuring the two next to the breakfast burrito place.
The weather was cold, but their cheeks weren't, as Cavendish gave Dakota a big kiss on the cheek in the photo, Dakota giving his partner a dreamy look.
The aging time travelers smiled at each other.
"It's not a very long story.", Dakota proposed.
Cavendish chuckled. "Oh, well! I guess we can tell her, if you really want to."
They sat her down and gave her some cocoa, and the two cleared their throats.
"Little lady, for your listening pleasure, I, Balthazar Cavendish..."
Dakota cut in, grinning.
"And I, Vinnie Dakota..."
They both talked at the same time.
"Will tell you about how we met and fell in love."
1. Yes, I am a very mean person! You'll just have to wait!
2. References to The Emperor's New Groove and Captain America: The Winter Soldier are included in obvious places.
3. Hope you all liked it! Part 3 will come out in a while…
4. Next time, for Pride Month: Homosexual, the story of how Cavendish and Dakota fell in love!
Hope you liked it! Share your thoughts!
SpongeGuy.