Disclaimer: If I owned it I wouldn't be writing this now would I?
"Am I not good enough?" The blacked haired boy in front of Usagi was pleading with her. Usagi clutched her chest. Her heart was being torn in two. She opened her mouth to speak, & woke up.
Usagi Tsukino looked around the room; it took her a moment to realize that she was in her room & not on the roof of her old high school. Everything was the same as when she was in high school. The same posters, same stuffed animals heck she even had same quit on top of her bed.
Usagi thought back to that black haired boy on the rooftop, Seiya, the male persona of Sailor Star Fighter. He never said that he loved but his actions spoke more than his words had. It had taken Usagi three years to understand what had really torn her heart in two that day on the rooftop. She had always thought that it had been the fact that she missed Mamoru, but that hadn't been it. No Usagi's heart had torn at the thought of losing him, Seiya Kou. The boy who called her Odango, & had given her a reason to smile. The one person who held not a piece of her heart like Mamoru had, but her whole heart.
Usagi looked around on her calendar the day's date was circled in red & had hearts around it. How could Usagi have forgotten her own wedding day? Usagi looked at the white gown that hung from her closet door. Getting up Usagi made her way to the gown & touched the fine silk & lace confection. She knew she would look exquisite in it. She retracted her hand & moved towards her desk, there in drawer underneath a book of Tennyson, she pulled out a journal. It was a plain blue leather cover with a gold star embossed on the front. It was in this journal & nowhere else that she kept her thoughts of Him there.
I dreamed of him again, the same five words, 'Am I not good enough?' It tears my heart, ( now that I know where my heart lies) that I let him go like that. Today is my wedding day, the day I pledge my body to another. I am unable to pledge my heart to him (Mamoru) but it seems it is something that must be done. I said I would & so I shall. I fear that one day I will look back on this day with hatred, it's him that I am pledging myself to not Seiya Kou, but Mamoru Chiba. I con not think too much about him though, because if I do I may do something rash. So for now I will put this book of memories away & end it with a saying that has become etched upon my heart. "It is better to have love & lost, then never to have loved at all." Yes it has become etched upon my heart. So now I have finished bottling my memories in this book of him & hope that one I will be able to look at them & feel anything but the loneliness that feel now.
"Usagi are you up?" Ami's voice drifted quietly into Usagi's room, making Usagi jump. She put the journal underneath her book Tennyson & went to answer the door. Giving one of her token smiles she opened her bedroom door.
"Yep & I am starving! When's breakfast?" Ami laughed quietly & entered into her room. Out of all of the Scouts Ami was the one who Usagi was least expecting to see. Minako certainly, Rei was right up there with Minako, Makoto not so much at least not until later, but Ami well to say that they had grown apart was an understatement. After Eternal Sailor Moon's Fight with Galaxia & Chaos Usagi spent more time apart from her Sailor Soldiers, giving them the freedom to choose what they wanted to do. Ami was in the middle of four years at Stanford, & hardly saw any of the Sailor Scouts anymore.
Usagi no longer had that innocence that had once adorned her countenance, something Ami realized shortly after Eternal Sailor Moon's last fight. Something had happened to her friend. It could have been something she saw or something she had to do while during her battle. Ami wasn't sure.
"Ami?" Usagi looked at her friend with a bemused look on her face. Ami blinked a couple of times before realizing she was starring. Usagi would never tell any of her friends that she had seen them all die, it was something they couldn't handle. It wasn't something Mamoru could handle despite what he kept telling her.
"Oh um, I don't think anybody else is up yet but we could see if there's anything in the kitchen if you'd like." Usagi nodded & grabbed Ami's arm. Dragging Ami out of the room Usagi's thoughts strayed once more to the black haired boy & her blue leather journal with the golden star on it.
To say Sailor Star Fighter was in a bad mood was an understatement. She had been stalking around the palace grounds for days, snapping at anyone who crossed her path. Today though was even worse, Today anywhere Sailor Star Fighter went there was only one thing that people were talking about.
"The Moon princess is marrying the Earth prince today; oh how I wish I could see it." One of the other maids tried to shush the girl as Fighter walked by. They heard a crash as Fighter knocked over a vase. The two maids looked over as Fighter gave them a look to kill a cat. Quietly they moved to clean up the mess & Sailor Star Fighter walked away.
"Fighter!" Fighter turned towards the her name being called; Maker was behind her coming up quickly, "Fighter I know you're in a bad mood but don't take out on the staff. Oh it's a council day be in the throne room in an hour."
Fighter made a face & nodded. Today didn't seem to be her day. As Maker walked away Fighter's thoughts went back to a blonde haired girl with stars in her eyes.
Usagi didn't know how she made it through the first part of the day, everything had been a blur, because no matter how many times told how hansom Mamoru looked in his tux or how bright Usagi's future looked. Usagi's thoughts kept with a blue haired boy who's question haunted her dreams.
Now she was standing in front of a mirror wearing her wedding dress with only one wish in her mind, 'I wish it was him' even though Usagi thought she had put all of her memories of him away never again to be thought of. She had been wrong, she tried thinking of Mamoru's smile but only his came up. She wanted to cry. A knock on the door sounded.
"Usagi it's time." Usagi stood & walked out the door. She heard a gasp, turning she smiled at her father. He held out his arm taking it they made their way to the chapel. As the doors opened Usagi heard an intake of breaths. Yes the gown had done its job, looking up towards the end of the aisle Usagi had to blink a couple of times, for a few seconds she had seen Seiya not Mamoru. With every damning step Usagi took memories came flooding back of her time with Seiya.
She took two steps; there was the first time she ever met him. Another four steps; their "not a date" date. Three more steps; the baseball game they had just won, he was lifting her into the air. Four more steps; the way he always smelled of olive blossoms. Another four steps; the way he always smiled as he called her 'Odango'. Finally she at the front with Mamoru; and all she could remember was the way his begged her when he asked her "Am I not good enough?"
"Usako?" Usagi looked up as Mamoru motioned his head towards the preacher. Who was looking at her with an expected look. She blinked several times & looked at Mamoru. She looked at the preacher, & opened her mouth.
"I, I can't do it. I'm so sorry Mamoru." As the stunned silence rang through the chapel, Usagi ran. Out the door & into a nearby park. By the time anybody had even moved she was a twinkling star.
Fighter was glaring; the whole room was sitting on pins & needles in fear of what may happen should the say something wrong in front of Fighter. Next to Fighter a very bored looking Healer fiddled with the hem of her tunic. Maker stood on the other side taking notes. The room was getting quiet when the doors burst open. The Starlights where about to attack when Fighter stopped dead when she saw who it was.
"Fighter!" Suddenly Fighter's arms were full of a blond haired girl who looked up at her. Her breath hitched.
"Odango?" She breathed out. Fighter's eyes were wide. "I thought you were get-"
"I couldn't do it. Even if I did it wouldn't be fair to Mamoru. Not when my heart was someone else's." The whole room was silent as Fighter took in her Odango. Her hair was up she was wearing a veil, and a white gown. It took Fighter a moment to realize that the white gown was in fact a wedding gown.
"Odango what made you come here?" Usagi stared at Fighter for a moment before giving a sad smiling. For the two of them, they were alone.
"I'm so sorry for not answering you all those years ago, but now I can say: You are more than enough, you're more than I could ever want or need." Fighter wasn't thinking of the people in the room when she kissed her. Someone cleared their throat behind them. Both Usagi & Fighter turned to find where the noise came from & saw a grinning Healer. Turning red Usagi hid her face in Fighter's tunic. It was Maker that spoke.
"Princess, do your people know where you are?" Fighter glared at Maker before turning to a very red Usagi. Fighter put her hand under Usagi's chin & lifted her face. Usagi looked like she wanted to fall through the ground. Finally she turned toward Maker.
"N-No, I kinda ." Fighter & Maker didn't understand until Healer started howling with laughter. Turning even redder Usagi went back to hiding her face in Fighter's tunic. Gasping for breath Healer managed to speak.
"Oh yeah, if they ever figure out she's hear, we'll be getting visitors." Fighter scowled & wrapped her arms around Usagi. They both had a way to go with their relationship, but this was a start.
Author's Note:
I have always believed that Usagi & Mamoru's relationship was based purely on the idea of a future they had to create. Not one that they wanted to create. I actually didn't watch the Sailor Stars Arc until a few years ago after I found the manga version in a used book store, & after watching the anime I have to say that what Seiya felt for Usagi was more powerful than the relationship based off the past.
As for why Usagi is so different? I feel that seeing her friends die right before her eyes would have scarred her for life. She would have distanced herself from her friends. Plus I find it really hard to write ditsy characters. *shrugs* If you don't like it then so be it.