Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue
I don't own the 39 Clues, not a single clue,
So please do not sue.
~ Wicked
P.S: Sue me, and the whole Lucian Headquarters will be coming after you. Guaranteed.
Taking care not to let it come into contact with his exfoliated skin, he swirls the silvery liquid in a silver canister, not trusting any of the servants to do it. Or any of the agents under his command, they might bungle it up. And definitely not his sister. She would ask why he was doing that, which would give her a reason to blackmail him, or threaten him. Whichever. Capping the canister tightly, he swiftly shook it a few times before labeling it "mercury." Along with a magazine, it was placed in a briefcase which he picked up before walking out of the room, closing the door but not bothering to lock it. All of his agents knew that his office was out of bounds, and if any one of them ever tried to enter it, they would find a few lovely….. surprises…. In store for them. At any rate, Step One of his plan was complete. Moving on to Step Two.
First, he would ask nicely, Ian thought, or he would resort to using blackmail and / or threats. As the sleek limousine slid smoothly to a stop in front of a mansion, the suited chauffeur rushed to open the car door. Carrying a black briefcase with him, Ian walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. Three seconds later, it popped open. Before Ian even had time to be freaked out by how someone could open the door so quickly, he saw the face from one of the insane alien mutation species inhabiting Earth glaring at him. Ah, just the person he was looking for.
"What do you want, Cobra," Dan spat, all the while still glaring at Ian. A tinkle came from somewhere around Dan. Anyhow.
"Good afternoon, Daniel. A simple hello would have been nice." Ian said smoothly, not at all perturbed by Dan's hostile glare. He was, after all, used to it. Since Korea, then Jamaica …. Wait, it was Boston, during Grace's funeral. Then again, Dan had been looking at him that way for as long as he could remember.
"It's Dan! Not Daniel! And I would say good afternoon, except I would be lying! Cause nothing's ever good when you are around! Especially, my life." Dan shouted at Ian, whilst jumping up and down.
"Whatever, Daniel. I came because," Ian was about to continue when he suddenly realized what the little dweeb was wearing. Bloody hell! He had a black hoodie on and a black scrap of cloth vaguely resembling a scarf with golden bells sewed on them, was tied around Dweeb's waist, resulting in jingles and tinkles coming from Dan every three seconds. Natalie would throw a fit if she ever had to wear that…. thing. "What are you wearing?" Ian exclaimed.
"Smart, Cobra. Don't you know that this is a hoodie? Wait a moment; you DON'T know that this is a hoodie. All you know is Armanne suits. Whoops, I forgot that. Do forgive me."(jingle) Dan remarked.
Ian frowned ever so slightly, until he realized frowning gave him wrinkles. And he did'nt wish to go for Botox so young.
"First, Daniel, it is Armani, not Armanne. It's about time you knew the difference. Second, I was talking about the thing you have around your waist. Thirdly, I came for your help."
Dan overlooked the name thing. Those insufferable Cobras just refused to call him Dan. But then again, he called them Cobra. Just to piss them off. He meant it though. Most of the time. Okay, correction. Most of the time, he meant it to the older Cobra. "And what makes you think that I would help you?"(jingle)
"Well, it would be wiser for you to help me. Firstly, I wouldn't show Amy those recordings I have of you in your sleep about you professing your love for a certain someone related to me. And I wouldn't show it to Natalie."
Dan paled. How the hell did that Cobra find out about what he did in his sleep? (tinkle)
Ian, of course was totally lying. Just that Dan didn't need to know that. It was a lucky guess about the "sleep recording" thing. Ian knew that Dan had liked Natalie for a while now, it was so obvious. But Dan didn't need to know that. If he needed to, Ian could always create a fake recording. No one would know the difference. When he was younger, Ian got into an argument with his bloody crappy private tutor Vikram and Isabel had hired for him over a simple question. Angry, he had threatened to sue (the tutor thought he was faking it), pulled out a dart gun (which he had now given to Natalie, but the stupid tutor thought it was a mere toy, when it really contained sixteen different Lucian poisons with no known antidotes to date, plus the ability to kill somebody within a minute if handled properly) threatened to upload a video of the male tutor singing 'If I were Gay' on YouTube (The tutor thought he was joking), fired the tutor (the tutor assumed he was fooling around and throwing his weight about), and finally got Vikram and Isabel to speak to the tutor. After a 5 second talk with the tutor, which went something along the lines of "Are you implying that my son is wrong?" (said with THE signature Kabra glare inserted.) Every Kabra had been trained to smoothly execute the Kabra
"Oh no, sir, ma'am". The tutor practically ran out of the house, Vikram and Isabel sending him off with a signature Kabra smirk. While Ian was, in fact uploading the promised video on YouTube, with the help of Photoshop and some other useful things. The next day, it had one million hits. And to top everything off, he mailed a copy to his ex-tutor.
"C-Come in" (tinkle) Dan stuttered. Dan was disgusted at himself! He STUTTERED! Like his bookwormish sister! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. His Ninja Gaiden avatar would be so DISGUSTED! His distaste must have been shown on his face because a smirking Ian walked into their living room and sat on the most decent looking chair he could find.
Dan sat down opposite Cobra. Swallowing his pride, dignity, Grace's words (never trust a Kabra), Amy's words (never trust a Kabra, especially male ones), Nellie's words (Never trust a Kabra unless you want to have you Incredibly Important IPod taken away from you, egged, and then sat on) Dan muttered unwillingly
"WhatdoyouwantmyhelpwithCobra?"
Ian reached into the black briefcase and pulled out a silver canister and a magazine. Placing them on the table, he pointed to the porch where Amy was with her oh-so-adorkable boyfriend, Evan. The scene grated on Ian's nerves. There might be the tiniest trickle of envy running through his veins at the moment, but he was not jealous. Not in the least. Kabras' didn't get jealous, they got even. An old family saying, one of Ian's favorites', in fact.
"You don't like him. I don't either." Ian said matter-of-factly.
Dan stared at Amy's oh-so-annoying boyfriend, and agreed with Ian.
"I totally agree with you. How did you know?" Dan asked.
"I am a Lucian, Daniel. However, we don't like him for different reasons. You don't like him because he has the ability to be more irritating than you, whist I don't like him because…' Ian paused for a while.
'Secondly, remove that weird looking thing around you waist. The jingles and whatnot are bloody irritating.' Ian said irritably. However, Dan was not one to give up easily, ummm…. Not one to pass up the opportunity to watch a Cobra uncomfortable.
"Wait a sec, why do you not like Evan? AND he is NOT more annoying than me. NOBODY can be more annoying than Dan Cahill, Supreme Ninja Lord and Ruler of the Earth. AKA, me." Dan smiled smugly. Ian rolled his eyes.
Maintaining a smooth, even voice, Ian put his Lucian Lesson on masking emotions to good use, not bothering to comment on the whole "Ninjas/Ruling Earth" comment made by Dan. This was just another of those one million things he was used to Dan Cahill doing. "Hmmm, there are many reasons. Not the least of which is his incredibly hideous fashion sense. His face gets on my nerves. And did I mention his fashion sense is absolutely horrible? Plus his high-pitched whiny voice is so irritating. And also, his dreadful sense of fashion." His fashion sense was really dreadful, Ian thought to himself. Ian looked outside where Amy and Evan (A/N: "Amy and Evan" sounds so weird. It should be "Amy and Ian" or "Ian and Amy."Review if you are an Amian fan who agrees with me! Okay, I get that author's notes are irritating so I shall end here like right no-) were chasing each other around the porch, laughing. Amy was- never mind, he should be focused on the task at hand.
"Daniel,"
"DAN! It's DAN D-A-N not DANIEL how many times do I have to tell you?"
"Whatever Daniel."
"You dumb Cobra!"
"That is getting old Daniel. I suggest you shut up and listen UNLESS, you want something to be posted on YouTube." Dan shut up.
"This," Ian said, gesturing to the bottle of mercury "is mercury. An intake of mercury may cause brain damage, leading to death."
A/N: Most of you can probably guess what mercury has to do with anything, especially with a guy who ALREADY suffers from brain damage (*COUGH* Evan *COUGH*).
This is my first fic, so reviews will be GREATLY appreciated, but you are not forced to submit them. Free will. HOWEVERRRR, there shall be a poll,
Option A) Evan dies from mercury poisoning, Ian gets Amy.
Option B) Evan (kinda) takes the mercury, Ian gets Amy.
Option C) Leave suggestions . All suggestions will be considered.
And while you guys are at it, might as well drop a review, huh?
Before I leave one last thing… This chapter is dedicated to the awesome TQW, cause she is just awesome. Till the next chapter!
~Love, Wicked.