[A massive Imperial Trump® Star Destroyer looms over the small planet of Lah'mu, its gigantic underbelly casting a blood-curdling shadow over the clear blue and green of the tiny planet. From its hull shoots out a small Imperial Trump® shuttle, and it makes its way through the atmosphere of the planet until it begins hovering over the luscious blue ocean and heads towards the mainland. An antique droid repairing a downed drone on a hilltop spots the shuttle zoom past it and quickly begins to transmit data via an antenna. A small girl begins to run as soon as she hears the deafening roar of the shuttle's engines, and as she sprints she spots the shuttle zip over her head. Meanwhile, in his farmhouse, Galen Haley examines several monitors indicating the unexpected arrival of the shuttle. While he is examining, the little girl opens the door to the farmhouse]

Little girl: Mama!

Laura Haley: We know.

Galen [gathering bags]: Nikki, gather your things, it's time.

[The little girl, Nikki, begins to gather her belongings while her mother and father begin to fill bags and packs. Laura races over to a monitor and turns it on, and an image of Clarence Thomas pops out]

Clarence: Yallo.

Laura: Justice Thomas, it's Laura. It's happened. He's come for us at last.

[Nikki looks in desperation at her mother]

Clarence: You know what to do.

[Outside, the shuttle zooms over the farmhouse and lands on a landing platform, a few meters around from the house]

Galen: Nikki, come here.

[Nikki walks towards her father, who puts his hands on her shoulders]

Galen: Remember, whatever I do, I do it to protect you. Not the unions, not the corporations, not the special interest groups or the 501(c)(3)s or even George Soros.

Nikki: I understand, daddy, except for all the other things you just listed.

Galen: In time, my dear, you'll learn the dark nature of politics, if you don't get sucked into one of those safe spaces first, of course. But, I love you, Stardust.

Nikki: I love you too, Papa.

[The two hug each other passionately]

Laura: Galen.

[Galen looks somberly at Laura and then let's go of Nikki]

Galen: Go.

[Galen then exits his home, stiffens his back, and sees two men approaching him. He takes a deep breath]

Man #1: Um, Mister, uh, Mister Haley?

Galen: Yes?

Man #2: Hi, Mr. Haley, we're from the bank, uh, Lehman Brothers.

Galen: I know where you're from.

Man #1: Oh, well, um, that's good to hear! Uh, my name is Bill, and this is my associate, Jeff. Um, I… I assume you know why we're here.

Galen: To recite to me the Volcker Rule?

Jeff: Um, well, as you are probably well aware, we are here to collect the money on the subprime loans that we lent to you.

Galen: I'm sure your computers are mistaken, I've paid back all the loans.

Bill: Yes, well, in our records it doesn't say so.

Galen: Well, if we're going to talk about records here, need I remind you of the questionable securitization Lehman Brothers engaged in that almost led to their collapse?

Jeff: Mr. Haley, our records indicate you paid off the interest to the loans but not to the loans themselves. We've come to collect the money you owe us.

Galen: I've paid back every penny.

Bill: Well, Mr. Haley, our records indicate you haven't, so I'm afraid we will have to foreclose your farm here.

Galen: But you can't do that!

[Suddenly, a man flanked by a few soldiers in dark black armor approach from behind, and Galen drifts his attention towards them]

Man: Bill, Jeff, thank you very much, but I'll handle it from here.

Jeff: As you wish, sir.

[Bill and Jeff move out of the way while the man draped in white approaches Galen, who looks at him with ire. Meanwhile, Laura and Nikki dart up a hill and take cover, with Laura peeking out to observe the precarious situation. She then turns back to Nikki]

Laura: You know where to go, don't you?

[Nikki nods, and Laura pulls off her necklace and puts it around Nikki]

Laura: Remember what Mr. Obama said: hope. Trust the Force.

[Laura then hugs Nikki tightly and Nikki runs off. However, she stops and then takes a look back and then turns around]

Man: You're a hard man to find, Galen. But farming? Really, a man of your talents? You spend time mulling around picking and planting crops and engaging in silly farmer unions, all for what? To be put out of business by a Naboo farmer perhaps, who has twice the skills you do?

Galen: I wouldn't be the one to talk, Reince. You once were a prominent chairman for the RNC and now look at you: a patsy for Mr. Trump.

Reince Priebus: [chuckles] I have become a far more successful man as Lord Trump's aide than I ever would remaining in the deplorable Republican establishment.

Galen: Well, congratulations, cause you're a full deplorable now. Tell me, how is it sharing a room with Steve Bannon?

Reince: I did not come here to discuss with you the close circle of Lord Trump. I came for other reasons.

Galen: To foreclose my land by some corrupt bank? Please, Reince, you knew deregulation was a bad idea.

Reince: Deregulation was not responsible for the crash, my friend, but the increasing strains of regulation! I assure you, though, the banks are honest and are fully co-operating with the Trump Team.

Galen: Yeah, when you have a former Goldman Sachs as Secretary of Treasury, I can't imagine why.

Reince: How is life as a peasant farmer, Galen?

Galen: It's peaceful.

Reince: It's lonely, I assume.

Galen: Since Laura died, yes.

Reince: [rather somber] Oh, oh, no, no, that's… that's terrible. My condolences, if I may. Search the house!

[The troopers move out and pass Galen, who turns around to see the invaders march into his living place, trashing his quarters]

Galen: What do you want, Priebus?

Reince: The project is stalled. We've allocated so much money to building a space wall and to our new and improved health care reform plan- cleverly called Obamacare 2.0- that we haven't been able to accomplish much. However, with your expertise, we need you to come back.

Galen: In your dreams. First you foreclose my house and then you come here violating my 4th Amendment rights with unreasonable search and seizure and now you ask me to come back and resume working on a super weapon capable of killing more people than Bill Clinton slept with. You think that's going to convince me?

Reince: Please, Galen, you've been listening to MSNBC again. What happened to you? We… we are on the verge of greatness, of making history! We are doing this to provide peace and security for the galaxy.

Galen: Yeah, right, "peace and security." You're confusing peace with terror.

Reince: Please, Galen, this isn't a Dubya speech I'm making. I'm begging you to come back.

Galen: My mind just isn't what it is anymore, Reince. Ever since Big Pharma skyrocketed the costs of anti-encephalon decay medicine, all my gray matter has been disappearing. I have trouble remembering, even simple things. I mean sometimes I even forget what gender I am.

Reince: Galen, you are a terrific scientist, an admirable scientist, but horrible liar. I mean, where did you get your skills from, Donna Brazile? Trust me, when you spend days around Lord Trump, you get pretty good at detecting liars.

[Nikki, ducking behind blades of grass, peeks out to see her father conversing with Reince. Suddenly, there is shuffling, and Laura comes running from the field]

Reince: Oh, my, look, Laura is back from the dead.

[Some of the troopers begin to point their guns at Laura and she stops, huffing and puffing and looking around]

Reince: Stop!

[Laura quickly pulls out a gun and points it at Reince, who begins to chuckle]

Reince: And here I thought you people were against the 2nd Amendment. Laura, you certainly look good, yet troublesome as ever.

Laura: You're not taking him.

Reince: Please, Laura, this has nothing to do with the patriarchy, relax. Please, put that gun down, I'm almost certain you have no clue how to use it. And I'm not just taking Galen here, I'm taking you all. You, Galen, your child. By the way, Galen, I thought you said she had an abortion!

Galen: That was, uh, that was Lena Dunham who said that.

Reince: Ah, yes, Lena. What an interesting character. But anyways, you all will live in comfort. I mean, Lord Trump is quite hospitable. And just wait till you meet Melania and Ivanka and Eric and Don Jr., they're all super great kids.

Laura: Yes, you're taking us, as hostages!

Reince: No, Laura, as heroes of the Empire. Peasant farmer today, close friends with the most royal family in the galaxy tomorrow. Heck, maybe your child might up marrying little Barron. Can you imagine that, Laura? Having grandchildren with the last name Trump?

Laura: It makes me sick thinking of that.

Galen: Laura, please, put the gun down.

Reince: Think very carefully, Laura. Shooting one of Lord Trump's highest staffers will not look good for you, especially coming from an anti-2nd Amendment pro-gun control advocate. Just think of it: gun sales will skyrocket, more people around the galaxy will be armed with AR-15s and semi-automatic weapons. The NRA will be the top interest group in Washington. And you will be the hero, the posterboy.

Laura: I'm a girl.

Reince: I apologize for assuming your gender.

[Laura and Galen stare at each other carefully, Laura trembling, her finger curled around the trigger]

Laura: You'll never win!

Reince: You will pay for your treachery.

[All of a sudden, one of the troopers fires his guns and shoots Laura, who in turn shoots Reince in the shoulder and he falls to the floor. Galen lets out a yell and then runs over to his deceased wife, lifting her had. Reince slowly gets up and his face turns red as he looks at the troopers].

Reince: Wh-what the hell was that?

Trooper: Uh, what do you mean, sir?

Reince: Why the hell did you shoot her?

Trooper: Uh, I thought you gave the order to…

Reince: When did I say "shoot the woman?"

Trooper: Well, in my defense, sir, you said "you will pay for your treachery…"

Reince: Yes, pay for your treachery as in monetary compensation, as in total enslavement and servitude to the all-exalted Galactic Empire! I never said to shoot her, you bumbling idiot!

Trooper 2: Wait, are we not shooting people now?

Trooper 3: Yeah, in the military regs it says "take no prisoners," sir. We were just following what our military orders instruct us to do.

Trooper 1: In my defense too, sir, I kinda forgot that the trigger was the firing mechanism.

Reince: You have been trained by the best of the best, personally under General James "Mad Dog" Mattis! How the hell did you not know the trigger was the shooting mechanism?

Trooper 1: I don't know, stress I guess? I mean, you could've given us a trigger warning to be fair.

Trooper 2: Man, do even start with that.

Reince: We cannot go around just killing people out in the open, are you out of your mind? Okay, nobody mentions this to anybody, am I understood? If word gets out on this, the NRA will have our heads, and who knows what Lord Trump will do.

[All the troopers nod in unison]

Reince: No, they have a child, go find it, and remember, take her alive, don't shoot her!

Troopers: Yes, sir!

[Nikki quickly scrambles away from the scene as the troopers begin to look around. She runs down a steep slope and runs into a dark and misty cave where she opens the hatch and enters through it. Meanwhile, one of the troopers picks up one of the latest American Girl doll and then begins to look around. Nikki peeks out from her hiding spot and sees the troopers, with flashlights, marching past her. When the troopers leave the area, Nikki takes a sigh of relief then brings her knees to her chin. Hours pass, and a storm approaches. Nikki turns out on flashlight and then quietly freezes as she hears footsteps above her. The hatch opens and a man looks down on her]

Clarence: My child, come! Come! We have a long ride ahead of us, longer than my confirmation hearings.