Another one of my songfics. It was originally a one shot, but I was told to add another chapter, so I did. The Song for this Chapter is called "I Never Knew You" by Cage.
All characters mentioned in this are the property of Illen Chaiken and Showtime.
Shane was in one of her states again. Blood shoot eyes and complexion paler than usual. Nausea and headaches.
I I
I I
She thought she could handle it. Her friends thought she could handle it. But she couldn't. There was no way she could.
Playing devil's advocate against herself, she had blamed Jenny's death on herself and sought fit to punish herself. Her old life, the life she thought she'd left behind a long time ago began to creep up on her until she was enveloped in it completely.
The line between reality and the world of deluded pseudo-fantasy that had become her dreams began to blur along with her vision. She right was back where she was years ago before her friends came into her life and the streets weren't nearly as friendly.
You're always dying inside that much closer to home
On a crowded street corner surrounded by people all alone
But as she sat down near a wall and began to lower head to stare at the hard, cruel concrete below her, he caught a glimpse of something. She raised her head and mouth opened in disbelief.
Pain in the heart, rain in the dark, the womb is glum and bitter
She walks around the corner, it's like she brought the sun with her
She had to be dreaming, this couldn't be real. But it couldn't be anyone else. She was unmistakable, no matter how long it had been since she'd seen her last.
Then everything just brightened up, I couldn't make this up
My fingers in my eyes as she walked by like I was waking up
She rubbed her eyes, did a double take and blinked. It was her, it had be. Carmen was alive and well and only a few feet away from her. But she didn't notice, she could notice. Shane was hidden the shadows of a tall buildings alley. She couldn't just let her walk away. But she couldn't say anything. She was too shocked. She just stood and watched her walk away but found her legs moving beneath her.
And so many words, I couldn't string a sentence together to bother her
I instantly forgot all my plans and started to follow her
And Shane knew it was ridiculous, but that was how her life was going these days. Crazy, insane, unbelievably wrong. And one of the few right things was in front of her. She couldn't help but wish things were right again.
It's like the sky opened and God handed you directly to me
I know it sounds crazy but so is life, I'm sinking
And feeling like your heart is beating solely for me
She continued to follow her but kept her distance, not wanting to scare her.
What if she doesn't want to see me? I know she doesn't want to see me. But I really want to see her. She's so beautiful. She hasn't changed. But neither have I. That's my problem.
She couldn't help but stare, but Shane at least tried not to gawk. Her decorum was already lacking, being almost too drunk and high to walk down the street.
Your legs are long and toned, you must be walking home
I love the way your lips move when you're talking on your phone
Intoxicating, your truly undue impurities
Plague every thought of you while I'm trailing you like you're security
Her already staggered steps were starting to slow down as Carmen stopped at a crosswalk. Shane hung back and leaned up against a light post, watching her. Her hurt to even do that much. She thought about the past three years without Carmen, the things she'd done in that time, and how much she wished Carmen was there for that time instead.
It had to have been fate that brought them together again. Except that, they weren't together again. Except Shane didn't believe in fate. Shane didn't really believe in anything and she certainly did not believe in herself. But there was this part of her that wished she could turn back time and make things right.
Make everything right. So Jenny would be alive and still be her best friend instead of her so-called girlfriend. So Alice wouldn't be fighting off criminal charges. So she had never left Carmen. So Dana had never died.
So many things were so wrong.
Through her eyes, now a color mixture of green, brown, and red, she watched the crossing light and change and Carmen cross. She waited until Carmen was on the other side before she crossed herself, but by then the light had changed.
She heard the screeching of tires and man cursing at her for crossing without looking. The man's voice was coming from inside a taxi that had just barely hit her, but she didn't care.
Lost, we couldn't know our paths would cross but time knew it
Feet sticking out the window, a opportunity climbing through it
Pain for sale, looking to find a new taker
Chance to speak blown, when you looked at me I looked in the newspaper…
She knew Carmen would have heard the noise and turned back, so she ran off, ignoring the pain. She hid behind some bushes on the other side of the street. She was safe from view but her paranoia was starting to get the better of her. She made sure she was in the clear before stepping out, no doubt with twigs and things in her hair, but she could care less. She spotted Carmen who had resumed her way to her destination.
As Shane continued to follow, she realized she was entering a residential neighborhood.
This must be where Carmen lives.
It was a little piece of lower-rent suburbia and Carmen was nearing in on her house because she took her key out. Shane watched her step inside.
I'm miles out of my way, creepy, I want more
Was gonna turn back but you stuck your key in your front door
I'm standing across the street, stars that aligned us to meet
Standing outside with your trash feeling incomplete…
Shane stood across the street and watched, silently, not sure if she should do anything. She wanted to go forward. She wanted to knock on Carmen's door and look her for real and not from afar. She wanted to look into her eyes and see the same girl she fell in love with, not the stranger she'd just followed home. She wanted her life back.
Because the sky opened and God handed you directly to me
I know it sounds crazy but so is life, I'm sinking
And feeling like your heart is beating solely for me
Unlikely, impossible, I couldn't dream to think it
There were suddenly voices in her head, telling her turn back and go away and run to hole in the ground she came from. Telling her to stand up and stop being a coward and do what she should have done a long time ago. Voices telling her to wait for a sign, that's it's too early. Voices telling her, 'it's been three years, since when is that early?'.
There's something happening between us you can't deceive
I'm so in over my head I've learned to breathe in it
She didn't know what was happening anymore.
She was across the street.
No, she was in front of Carmen's door. Her finger was reaching out for the doorbell.
No, she watching herself make all these foolish choices and do all these foolish actions.
No, she was there. Definitely there. Finger inching forward, hear pounding out of her chest, blood beating in her ears, making the soundtrack to her terror. She couldn't believe she was doing this. Was she doing this? It made no sense. Carmen was supposed to be happy. Shane couldn't make her happy.
But she wanted to. My God, she wanted to. Wanted to try again.
But she shouldn't. She couldn't. She would.
She was.
The door opened almost instantly and Carmen was standing right there, just as shocked as Shane was that she was there.
Looking at one another, eye to eye, nobody saying a word. Until finally Shane opened her mouth to say something. Before she could even get the words out, she collapsed and everything went black.
Face to face for the first time, you feel what I'm feeling
Selfishly no longer breathing because of me
"Shane?"