A/N: I don't like twilight. I prefer Harry Potter.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I would like to tear it apart, though.
Warning: Character death. *grins evilly*
"He's not a real vampire." I scoffed, earning a wide-eyed expression from Bella Swan.
"Wha- I- h-he!" She gaped at me, looking even more unattractive than I thought possible. She started doing that twitchy thing and I got the overwhelming urge to slap her. I didn't though.
"He's. Not. A. Vampire." I repeated, scrunching my nose at the disgusting scent of her blood.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She said, feigning innocence.
I rolled my eyes, "Riiight, and I'm the queen of friggin' England. Your sparkly boy toy is not a vampire. He's an anemic faerie." I declared, folding my arms just under my breasts, "By the way, you are the most poorly written female character I have ever had the displeasure of reading. Those horrid books are twenty-four hours of my eternal life I'll never get back." I glowered at her, "I hate you."
She gaped at me. Again. She looked a lot like that gross fish I used to own that ate its own poo, "You don't even know me!" She protested. I sneered at her, flashing my fangs in a threatening manner. She cringed away from me, making me ridiculously happy.
"Oh, see, that's where you're wrong. I know you're a Mary-Sure that wouldn't know hardship if it bit you in the ass. You moved into your dad's place 'cause your mommy and step-daddy went off to further Phil's career. You moved to Forks even though you hate the cold and wet." I grabbed her by her sleeve and dragged her into the girls' bathroom, "You met Edward in biology, yada, yada, yada, he and his family left, you became a suicidal zombie, jumped off a cliff, he tried to kill himself in Italy 'cause of a rumor sent by Rosalie, and you followed the dumbass there!"
I snarled, "You wonder why daddy won't let you be with your 'true love'?" I used quotey fingers around true love. Ugh, stupid humans. Stupid faeries. Bella was still gaping at me, like only a Mary-Sue could. I growled viciously, "Lemme show you what a real vampire does with a damsel in distress."
And I did.