Warning: Many crack!ships. None of them go beyond a kiss, however.
The Casting of Love Spells
"Are the sausages safe?" Sirius whispered.
"Yes! Avoid the pumpkin juice and the marmalade, though." Remus whispered back.
Sirius fidgeted, prodding at his food with his fork. He glanced up and scanned the Great Hall, watching the other students and the professors unintentionally take in more than pumpkin juice with every sip. His eyes flickered to his left, where James was shoving a piece of toast slathered with marmalade into his mouth, and then to his right, where Remus was staring at him with concern.
"Sirius."
"Remus, what if I accidentally ate some?" Sirius whispered, worried. "We've slipped the potion into different foods and meals three times now. Didn't we put it in the gravy yesterday? I think I might have eaten some of the gravy!"
Remus looked at him. "Sirius!" he hissed. "It'll be fine. Whatever happens, it'll be fine. It's most important that every single person in the castle ingests the potion. We've taken extra precautions to make sure of that. So just shut up and eat your sausages!"
"What're you two arguing about?" James said with his mouth full.
"Sirius disagrees with me on the proper way to cut the roots for the potion we're making in Slughorn's class today." Remus lied.
"Remus, he's probably right. No offense, mate, but you're even more rubbish at potions than him." James said, shrugging. "Say, speaking of potions, where's Pete? I need to ask him about the color-changing concoction we're going to need for the next Quidditch match." James got to his feet and stared down the table.
"I dunno." Sirius said absently. "Well, I guess I'll see you later, I need to-"
"Yeah, me too." Remus interrupted him. "Come on." He grabbed Sirius' arm and pulled him out of seat.
The two of them exited the Great Hall, turning to watch James in order to make sure that he wasn't following them. Remus let go of Sirius' arm a bit reluctantly.
"Hey, Remus, it'll be soon. Don't worry. And even if- even if I did eat that gravy, it won't change anything." Sirius said.
"Soon." Remus agreed.
An hour later, they sat together on the floor of an empty classroom. Remus muttered the incantation over and over again, making sure that he pronounced the words exactly right before he incorporated the wandwork in. Old spells tended to require more precision, and this one was no exception.
"Are you ready?" Sirius asked.
"Yes."
Sirius settled into a seating position directly in front of Remus, their legs folded and knees touching. Sirius held out his empty left hand. Remus grasped it with his own left hand, and they let their joined hands rest between them on their ankles. They both picked up their wands in their free hands.
Slowly, Sirius and Remus raised their wands so that their tips met and a purple spark leaped between them. In unison, they began to speak the incantation, moving their wands together in a synchronized circle. When the circle had been completed, there was a flash of light, and then it was over and the room seemed cast into sudden darkness.
"Did it… Did it work?" Sirius asked.
"I don't know. Everything happened how it was supposed to. We used the potion as a conductor to cause the spell to affect everyone who'd ingested it in the past few days, then we invoked the polarity of male and female. Then with the mild love spell we threw in, with the age restriction… The purple light and all of that were supposed to happen. I reckon it worked."
"Well… d'you want to go see?" Sirius asked, glowing with the thought of successful mischief.
Lily lay sprawled on her bed with her books all around her like a cocoon. Their pages fluttered in the breeze cast by the door opening.
Lily looked up briefly from her studying, and she caught the eye of Alice Prewett, who stood in the doorway. Then Lily found that she couldn't draw her eyes away. Alice was beautiful in a way that seemed full of wonder and promise, with how her Hogwarts robes settled about her, and the manner in which she carried her books, all nestled safe in her arms like that.
Something sharp pressed into Lily's arm, the cover of a book, so she pushed it aside and straightened into a seated position. Alice walked over without a moment's hesitation. The bed dipped as Alice's weight settled upon it, and Lily leaned toward her ever so slightly.
"Your hair is pretty like that." Lily murmured, reaching up to brush her fingers through Alice's short hair.
Alice giggled. "Thank you." She said. "Yours is very pretty, too."
They stared at each other for a minute, drinking in the sight. Then Lily reached up and grasped Alice's face in her hand, smoothing over her soft cheek with a thumb.
"I like you, Alice." Lily breathed.
Alice leaned forward and closed the space between them with a kiss. Then she rested her head against Lily's shoulder with a look of contentment on her face, and Lily smiled too, and she continued to stroke Alice's hair.
"We have class soon." Lily said. "Let's go together."
When Remus and Sirius exited the classroom, they spotted a pair of Hufflepuff students walking by, joined hands swinging between them. Sirius looked at them with surprised glee.
"Remus!" he exclaimed, pointing at them.
"I see them." Remus said, grinning. "I know both of those blokes, too. They're in my Ancient Runes class. Who would have thought that they'd be most suited for each other out of all the older male students here?"
"Then, shall we?" Sirius asked, holding out a hand to Remus after taking an overdramatic bow.
Remus smiled up at him. They linked hands, and Sirius lifted Remus' hand in his own high into the air with a flourish, then let their hands drop and the two of them started down the halls while walking, for the first time, like a normal couple traveling to and from class.
It felt like a dream. The halls were full of happy couples, all of them wearing dazed looks on their faces that Remus assumed surely matched his own. A pair of girls stopped, suddenly, and stole a quick kiss right there, bathed in full sunlight, within full view of the other students. Remus began to feel giddy.
"Sirius!" he said with excitement. "It really worked!" the elation of their success had finally got to him, too.
Sirius swung Remus into a deep kiss. They laughed as the other students just walked around them, lost in their own joy and bliss with each of their same-gender partners.
"We should go on a date! How about we nick some things from the kitchens, then head down to the lake?" Sirius asked.
"Not yet, Sirius." Remus warned. "We still have class, remember?"
"But won't the professors all have much better things to be doing with their time?" Sirius asked with a crooked grin.
"It's only a mild love spell, remember? It doesn't inspire lust. Just chaste kisses, and hand-holding, and spending time together, and cuddling, and all of that couple-y stuff. The professors will be perfectly able to do without each other and teach normally." Remus said. "We just wanted to be normal for a few days, so that's what we're getting. No pain, no prejudice, just… this." He waved his hand around at the halls and at themselves.
"Hey, guys!" a familiar voice said from behind.
"Pete! Are you heading to Potions class?" Sirius asked him.
"Yeah, but first I have to find James!" Peter said brightly.
Remus and Sirius shared a look.
They continued to walk together for a while, Peter trailing behind them, before they heard another familiar voice and turned to face it with relief.
It was James, and he was deep in conversation with Frank Longbottom. Peter approached them, his eyes focused only on James with a softened, dedicated shine in them. A glimmer of horror flashed through Remus, fading initially only to flare up again when he noticed the look that James wore, matching that on Peter's face, as he continued to speak with Frank.
"James!" Peter said, and it was as if that name held all of the light in the world for him.
"Hey, Pete." James replied, distracted. "I'm a bit busy now, so I'll see you later. We'll resume the marauding and mischief another time, okay?" He didn't once break eye contact with Frank.
Remus froze. Sirius pried their fingers apart, then grabbed Remus with both hands and stared at him anxiously.
"Remus! Remus, what is it?"
"Sirius… There's an even number of male students, right? We double-checked that beforehand. Same with the female ones, and also the female professors, but the male professors are odd-numbered because of Dumbledore." Remus began talking fast.
"Yeah." Sirius confirmed. "What's wrong, Remus?"
"It's Peter. Like all of the others, he's supposed to be paired up with the boy that's best suited for him in the entire school. And that appears to be James, which is a bit gross, but it still makes sense."
Sirius glanced after James, who had begun to walk away with Frank, laughing and mussing his ridiculous hair as he tended to do while flirting. Then he glanced at Peter, who stood there with a lost expression on his face.
"…But James is with Frank." Sirius finished, his eyes widening.
"This shouldn't have happened! Everyone was supposed to be happy!" Remus said, closing his eyes.
"Remus, we'll figure this out later. For now, let's just go to class." Sirius said, trying to reassure him.
Remus nodded. "Hey, Pete!" he called, his voice strained. "I'm sure James'll have time for you later. You can walk to class with us if you'd like."
Peter smiled at them, his face brimming with trust. He walked over to join them, looking over his shoulder at James' receding figure a few times. He didn't appear to harbor any resentment against Frank, or even so much as notice that the special look in James' eyes was reserved for another.
Remus took Sirius' hand again, and they started off to Potions.
The class passed normally enough. All of the students, except for Remus and Sirius, had different partners than usual, but Slughorn didn't seem to notice or care. He did, however, mention the possibility of teaching a lesson that would be compatible with one of Beery's Herbology lessons, and so Remus and Sirius concluded that the spell had worked just as well on the professors as it had on the far majority of the students.
Remus and Sirius, dragging Peter with them, decided to return to their dormitory after that and see if they could determine what had gone wrong with the spell.
"Everything worked perfectly. Everything except for, well, Peter." Remus said to Sirius, lowering his voice so that Peter couldn't hear them talking about him. "I don't understand."
"I guess the first thing to do is check and see if this happened with anyone else." Sirius said. "What if we use the map?"
"The map?" Remus frowned.
"Then we could look for any students that aren't in pairs. Assuming the spell worked, wouldn't most of them want be together? We can question the ones that aren't, and see if they've been affected or not."
"Yes… Yes! Maybe that's it! Maybe one student never ingested any of the potion! That would leave us with an odd number, and would explain why Peter didn't get his happy couple like the rest of them." Remus exclaimed.
"Quiet!" Sirius whispered.
Remus looked up and caught Peter staring at them curiously.
"James will be here soon, right?" Peter asked. "He'll come back to our room."
"Y-yes, Peter. Just wait a little longer. James'll come soon." Remus said awkwardly. The blind belief on Peter's face made Remus' stomach twist.
"Hey, Pete, do you know where the map is?" Sirius asked, tossing clothes and various other objects aside as he searched through his trunk. "I thought I had it, but J- some idiot probably borrowed it without telling me."
"James has it. We were planning on getting some stuff for the color-changing concoction today." Peter said, a fond smile on his face.
Sirius cursed. "How do we find the guy with the map without using the map!"
"Let's… start with the common room." Remus said, grabbing Sirius' hand and squeezing it a bit.
"Are you looking for James?" Peter asked. "I'll look for him too, I think."
"Peter, it might be best if you stay here." Remus said with pity.
Peter shook his head. "No. I want to find James."
The three of them exited their dormitory and started down the stairs. Various couples were scattered throughout the room, each of them locked away in their own little world where the only thing of importance was each other.
"James!" Peter said, starting for a corner of the room. Remus and Sirius raced after him.
And sure enough, there was James, his arms wrapped around Frank Longbottom's neck, the two of them perched on the armrest of a chair. James didn't notice them until Peter shouted his name again and eagerly walked toward him.
"Peter! I don't have time for you! Go away! I Frank and I rather fancy each other, and we don't particularly want to be interrupted!" James snapped.
"But…" Peter's voice faded.
For Remus, the common room grew suddenly quiet. He watched as James started to snog Frank, as Peter trembled and his eyes didn't leave James' face, as Sirius walked up and yanked James and Frank apart to demand the map. James glared at him, then dug the parchment out of his pocket and tossed it onto the floor. Two girls passed next to them, and Remus caught James and Frank both glance after them, at Lily and Alice, who returned their glances briefly before continuing on.
"Here. Now let's go." Sirius muttered, waving the parchment in Remus' face.
"Peter…" Remus said, reaching out to grab Peter's shoulder. "Let's go back to the dormitory now."
"He said that he'd see me later." Peter said, forlorn. "But then he said go away. I can't wait at the dormitory. James will not be coming soon." He tried half-heartedly to shake off Remus' grasp, but he didn't have the energy to protest further.
Remus and Sirius escorted Peter back up the stairs, then into their room, and then they sat down next to him on James' bed and each of them placed an arm around Peter and stared at the mess they'd made of things. Peter didn't cry at first. He just sat stiffly in shock, and waited as his heart artificially broke with all the pain of real love.
Then he sobbed.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Sirius said. He and Remus held out the map between them over Peter, and they began to scour it for any people traveling alone or in odd-numbered groups.
"Well, I guess that solves the problem with the male professors." Sirius said, lifting a finger to point at Dumbledore's office, where there was a lone dot labeled with the headmaster's name. "The age restriction seems to have worked out alright, at least."
"Sirius, there!" Remus exclaimed, extracting his arm from Peter to point at three dots in the dungeons.
Sirius tipped his head and read the labels. "Avery. Snivellus. Regulus." He listed, his hand curling tighter around the parchment at the last two names.
"I don't see any others." Remus said, giving the map a last, sweeping glance.
"Then I guess we're going into the dungeons." Sirius said grimly. "Mischief managed." He stuffed the map into his robes, and started for the door.
"Sirius, wait!" Remus said. He turned to face Peter, who hadn't stopped sobbing. "Peter, I'm so sorry. Please, just stay here, and we'll come back and find some way to fix all of this. I promise."
Peter gave him a shaking nod. Remus sighed, and then got up to join Sirius.
"I don't like leaving him here. This is all our fault, Sirius."
"I know. But we need to find Snivellus and the others. No matter what horrifying sight will greet us when we get there." Sirius' face held a disgusted expression. "I don't see how any combination of those three could be good for the eyes. It might blind me. Remus, what if we find Snivellus kissing my brother?"
"Come on." Remus sighed again, taking Sirius' hand without a thought.
The trip to the dungeons passed without anything of consequence happening. For the far majority of the school, professors included, the spell worked exactly as planned. There were even a few mixed-house couples, and Remus couldn't help but feel proud that the degree at which some people suited others transcended even house boundaries.
As they neared the dungeons, the students that they passed became predominately Slytherin.
"Look, even the Slytherins get that dumb expression on their face when they're in love." Sirius said to Remus as he pointed at a couple of Slytherin girls.
"Yes, they're human, just like the rest of us. What else is new?" Remus said, rolling his eyes.
"Merlin's pants!" Sirius exclaimed suddenly. "That's new, that better be new!" he was pointing at a small group of students in a corner. The twisted look of horror and fury on his face startled Remus at first, but then he recognized the two students with their arms around each other and their lips together, and he knew that a similar look of horror had graced his own face.
Avery and Regulus were snogging. They parted, each wearing a smile, and Remus turned toward Sirius and watched as Sirius feigned retching.
"Well. That would leave Snape as the uninterested party." Remus said. "So where is- Oh."
"Oh." Sirius echoed.
Snape was staring at Regulus with a look of haunted despair in his eyes that was all too similar to the one Peter had had, though Snape did a better job of hiding it.
"Ha! Serves Snivellus right, no one could ever return his love, anyways." Sirius said with sudden glee.
"Sirius!" Remus said. "But this isn't supposed to be happening! This means that there are two of them, and both of them are obviously being affected by the spell, but neither of them are paired happily!"
Sirius started to say something, but then his eyes hardened and he pressed his lips together. The manner in which he stared at Snape was almost predatory. "I'm not sure that I want Snivellus paired happily." He said.
Remus grasped Sirius' face and gave him a quick kiss, blocking his view of Snape.
"If this is because the spell put him with your brother…" Remus warned.
"No! It's because Snape is evil!" Sirius yelled.
Snape broke his mournful stare at Regulus to slowly turn and face them. His wand hand rose in a single, fluid moment. "Sectumsempra."
"Protego!" Remus shouted, pushing Sirius out of the way even as he successfully blocked Snape's curse. "Run!" he yelled at Sirius.
Sirius started to take a few steps away, but then he stopped to raise his hand in order to cast a curse of his own in retaliation, his face distorted by hatred.
"No!" Remus yelled, pulling Sirius away. "It's not his fault that he's hurting!" Remus called upon his reserve of werewolf strength to drag Sirius after him. It only took a few moments before Sirius relented and stopped resisting, turning around completely to flee alongside Remus.
"Sirius!" Remus said as they ran, panting. "Snape was desperate. He may have dealt with not having his affections returned better than Peter, but he still was pushed to a breaking point. We pushed him to a breaking point."
They emerged from the dungeons, then, and Remus slowed their pace. "I can't imagine that level of pain. To be compelled by a love spell toward one who doesn't even want you." He was breathing hard. "I don't know how Snape and Peter can bear it."
"I don't know how you can bear this!" Sirius said, gesturing to themselves. "Not being able to do this-" he kissed Remus desperately in the center of the hall. "-How, how can you bear it?"
"Sirius…" Remus said. "I've lived in hiding all of my life. I never was under any illusion that my relationships would be any different. Even if I were with a girl."
"Well, I haven't. And I hate it. I absolutely hate it, Remus." Sirius whispered. "Can we go on a date now? Please? We can deal with Snivellus and Peter later!"
Remus bit his lip. Then he shook his head. "No, Sirius. We can't. There's been enough 'dealing with this later'. It is later. I- I think we might have to break the spell early."
"But then we'll never get the chance to go on an actual date, Remus!"
Remus grabbed Sirius and pulled him close, wrapping him into an embrace. "I know. But it's worth saving Peter, at the very least, from pain." He murmured into Sirius' ear.
Eventually, they parted. Sirius still looked conflicted, so Remus reached up and touched his face, smiling even though he felt disappointment and grief at what they both deserved, yet couldn't have.
"Well, good afternoon, Mr. Lupin and Mr. Black." A voice grabbed their attention.
"Good afternoon, headmaster." Remus greeted Dumbledore.
"Ah… Young love… how sweet and beautiful." Dumbledore said with a weary grin.
"Y-yes, sir." Remus said. Sirius took his hand again.
"But there's something different here." Dumbledore said, turning his brilliant gaze upon Sirius. "Only one of the two of you are smiling."
"I love Remus, sir." Sirius blurted out. "I'm in love with him. And he-"
"And I'm in love with Sirius." Remus supplied in a rush. It was the first time he'd ever admitted it to anyone but himself or Sirius.
"I do not doubt either of you." Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling. "However, I do believe that the two of you are the only honest ones here at the moment."
Remus and Sirius both looked at the ground.
"We're sorry, headmaster. We didn't mean any trouble by it, I swear!" Sirius said.
"No, I don't think you did." Dumbledore said. "Come, walk with me for a bit."
Sirius and Remus hesitated. Only when Dumbledore started walking and looked expectantly over his shoulder back at them did they start to follow him.
"Now, at this very moment, I am feeling an inexplicable thread pulling me away and toward another individual. It's a painful feeling, to be separate from someone whom I love." Dumbledore said.
Remus winced. "I'm sorry, sir. We didn't think about that." He exchanged a look with Sirius.
"It's quite alright. I am not unfamiliar with feeling that particular sort of draw to this individual. Your spell has changed absolutely nothing in that regard." There was sorrow in Dumbledore's voice. "But there were many obstacles to our relationship, and acceptance was the least of them."
Dumbledore paused. He faced them both quite deliberately. "You have something that I never had with that man: love based on trust and tolerance. You accept each other and all that you are, and your love comes from that. I, however, saw those values where they did not exist."
"I-" Sirius tried, at a loss of what he could say.
"You needn't say anything, Mr. Black. I understand. I also understand that I will not be remembering our having had this conversation."
"No. You won't remember it, sir." Remus admitted.
"What worth does spent time have if it is never remembered?" Dumbledore asked. "If you can have all of this, but at the same time not? Things change, Mr. Lupin and Mr. Black. Even if sometimes the wizarding world resists it, it can never prevent time from changing." He looked at Sirius. "Mr. Black, if you wish to help me, as I assume you were trying to tell me earlier, than all that I ask of you is this: keep hoping."
Remus was still trying to understand what Dumbledore had mentioned about spent time when he realized that the headmaster had already begun to return to his office.
"Remus, let him go." Sirius said before Remus made a move to follow Dumbledore. "He's right." Sirius took a breath. "And we need to end the spell early."
In the same empty classroom as before, Sirius and Remus settled back into their previous position, together, and chanted the countercurse. The circle receded with their wands. Then it shattered as they flicked them away, and purple sparks flew from the jagged break in the air.
"Obliviate." Remus and Sirius then said in unison. That done, they exited the room with a feeling of exhaustion.
Remus almost reached for Sirius' hand, but then he didn't.
"Sirius," Remus started, glancing around him at the people in the halls, everything returned to normal even if some of the students seemed a bit disoriented. "I think we should tell Peter and James."
"About us? Yeah." Sirius said. "I wonder how Pete's doing. You reckon he's feeling better now?"
"I reckon he is." Remus said, a sad smile forming on his face.
End