My eyes simply can't stand the pain anymore. The pain I see them go through everytime, everyday. It is unbearable that I am the one making going through that. It makes me feel bad, that I am so scared of me. The monster that is in my heart, my soul. I am corrupted, I can keep denying it but it will not change anything.

The soul taken by the devil will never be saved. It will never leave this vessl again, because it is linked with the thing that keeps it alive. Yet I never choose to have my soul corrupted like that. It was a curse set by my grandparents their mistakes. Unfortunatly I am the one, having to deal with the consequences.

A bright future was not something spend for me. That much is for sure so far. From being bullied in middle school to being kicked out of the house forever. I have seen it all, have had to go through it all.

But I am not asking for mercy from anyone. If it happened to me I am pretty sure that in a way I deserved this , the one who has been called names most of his life by everyone. Yet I don't mind the names anymore, it is a part of me now.

To inform you that you really don't have to feel anything for me. There are many people who need your help and kindness more than I.

Baljeet, I will now direct the letter to you. My love, everything I discribed now is nothing for you. I just want the people of the world to know that I wasn't just a bully who did this for fun. I would have never hurt someone with scaring them forever in my mind.

I would never do such a thing if I had any choice in going on that path. Unfortunatly I never had that choice to begin with. There was one simple road for me, only one that would let me survive.

You being in my life made me want to change my ways Baljeet. It really did but I was untill now so caught up in the lies that I have created that I don't even know how to get out of them anymore. It was a web and I was the insect that was doomed to die to the spider that is the end.

Struggling would have only made it worse I assume. Yet you pushed me to try to get out of that web. You wanted to give me my freedom back even after what happend between the two of us in the past.

I really thank you for that but here is where the part were I come to the point. It is that everything is starting to take its toll on me and I can't take it anymore.

You deserve more and better. I don't want to hold you back.
Good bye

Bufford