"Advice"
Ceres woke to the odd sound of silence up above. The old house felt empty, and that made her strangely apprehensive. The sounds of thunder and rain reached her sensitive ears, and she shivered with unexpected cold. Quickly dressing, the young vampire stepped from her room to find her evening meal, which had not been on her table waiting as usual. Yes, something was most definitely odd.
Following some inner instinct, the girl made her way upward, letting her mind drift. As it often did, Ceres' thoughts became centered on one person in particular. Her master. She didn't feel him anywhere near, and he hadn't once popped out from the wall since she'd awakened, which was his way of greeting her on a new night. Victoria wondered where he was. It wasn't like him to miss the opportunity to scare the shit out of her, and frankly she missed what had become a welcome ritual from her master. After all, it seemed to be about the only way she'd had contact with him lately.
With a slightly depressed sigh, Ceres headed toward the kitchens, hoping to find Walter there so that she could get her daily ration. But, even as she neared the huge room, she noticed that there weren't any of the traditional sounds coming from within. She couldn't feel the presence of any of the other servants at all. With a frown of annoyance, Victoria turned and left, making her way upstairs to report. Oh well, she thought, 's not the first time she'd go on duty without having had dinner.
Making her way with determination, Victoria climbed the stair that would lead her to the office of the commanding officer of Hellsing, Sir Integra, to receive her orders for the night. At the top of the stairs, just as the girl was about to turn left toward the foreboding sanctuary of her master's master, she noticed a light coming from Walter's domain, and decided to investigate. Surely the man would have been in his employer's office by now?
Felling somewhat shy at the prospect of entering the private abode of so formal a man as Walter, Victoria knocked on the door rather nervously before a tired voice bid her enter. With a feeling of unease, the girl cross the threshold and found her friend sitting in a wingback chair beside a brightly burning fire. The heavy drapes of the floor to ceiling windows on the far side of the room had been drawn back, revealing the pulsating storm outside. Rain ran in cold rivulets down the thick panes of bullet proof glass, almost like they were weeping in the flashing radiance of streak lightning.
Victoria's crimson eyes came to rest upon the figure slouching down with what seemed like despondency in the comfortable chair. Walter held a round brandy glass clasped in both hands, the caramel liquid shined in the firelight, reflecting back from green eyes filled with a great sadness. Ceres noted that the man had removed his usual vest and gloves, and now sat in just his shirt sleeves, his leg crossed over one knee, as he stared into the flickering flames of the small fire.
There hovered about the aging man a feeling of great sadness, one that made Victoria almost want to cry. Walter had always been such a confidant person, someone she could go to when she herself felt in need of a cheering lift to her spirits, and it was hard to see him like this. So pained, almost as if he were grieving for something. Or someone, she thought.
She watched as the retainer swirled the alcohol round in the tumbler, before taking a tiny sip of the amber tinted stuff, and setting the glass down on the small table beside his chair. Victoria didn't make a sound, she was too stunned. She'd never seen Walter this way, and didn't really know how to proceed now that she was here. Yet, she couldn't just walk away and leave him like this; her lingering humanity wouldn't let her. Her friend was obviously needing someone to talk to, and he'd listened to her often enough. Now, she could at least return the favor by lending a patient ear.
Victoria was so caught up in her own thoughts that she jumped when the older man spoke. Without even turning his head, Walter acknowledged her unasked question. "There not here, you know. They've gone out for the evening, on a drive. I don't suppose they will return until dawn." With a sigh of frustration, the man gestured to a nearby footstool, turning his rather intense gaze to her startled face. "Do have a seat, Miss Victoria. You'll give me a migraine if I have to keep craning my head up at you."
Smiling sheepishly, Ceres pulled the plush footstool close to the fire, while Walter chuckled softly. "You'll want something to eat, yes?" he asked of the apprentice vampire, raising one black brow in question. The girl nodded, and watched as the gentleman rose rather stiffly from his seat to shuffle to a darkened side of his room. Victoria saw that there was a tiny apartment fridge built under the vast bookcase that lined one wall, and that from this, Walter pulled a packet of medical blood. Turning toward the perplexed girl, the man smiled. "Alucard often comes to visit, and a proper host must always be prepared. Even if that guest is rather unique."
Victoria grinned brightly up at the older man as he handed her the cold packet containing her meal. To hear her master called such by a man who was once called the Angel of Death seemed funny somehow. With an amused expression on her tiny face, the girl ripped open the plastic and began drinking. Her scarlet eyes followed the lean man as he sat back down and picked up his own discarded glass. Ceres could see the haunted look return to Walter's face, and that feeling of dread crawled back up her spine.
So, her master had gone out, and with Sir Integra no less. On a drive, Walter said. Victoria could feel something inside her start to pulse with pain. She bit down on her lip, and quickly turned her eyes toward the fire, shielding her face from the scrutiny of a certain pair of eyes. But she couldn't control the flicker of anguish that flashed across her alabaster face, leaving a faint blush behind. Why did that hurt so much, she mused? After all, it wasn't like she hadn't known. Nonetheless, Ceres couldn't help it. As much as she tried to hide it, to bury it deep down, the hurtful feeling still surfaced. With a dainty sniff, the girl once more put the packet back to her lips, trying to fight off her turmoil.
Shaking his head, Walter saw how the girl was trying her best to hold back her emotions, and gave another sigh. Poor thing, he thought, turning back to the light of the flames that burned so happily in the grate. Outside the lightning crackled, illuminating the room, making the shadows dance. He knew exactly what the girl was going through, and he also knew that if she didn't let it go, she would suffer an eternity for what her heart would put her through. Oh yes, he definitely knew the pain she was experiencing right now. How could he not? Especially as it had happened to him as well.
So long ago, the man thought. So long, and yet not long enough to kill the pain. He looked over at the sorrowing girl, feeling a kinship with the young vampire. They were two of a pair, her and him. Yes, two people who had fallen where most even feared to tread, where most would have sensibly walked away from. Or more precisely, have run away from at break neck speed, he mused.
It's rather pathetic really, Walter thought, bringing his glass back up to his lips. You and I, Police Girl, we seem to have the most extraordinarily bad luck. With a great understanding of the irony of their situation, Walter turned his glass up and drowned the last swallow of heated brandy. With a sudden decision, he stood, once again startling the female vampire. He knew, more than anyone, that Victoria would understand what it was he was about to tell her.
Victoria blinked rapidly when her old friend suddenly stood up and paced to the darkened mantel above his fire. Reaching out a long arm, the man grasped a silver gilded frame in one hand. Smiling sadly at what ever it held, Ceres was astounded to see Walter glance over at her before handing the picture to her. She gingerly took the photograph and tilted it toward the firelight. The picture was of a woman. A rather beautiful woman with long read hair done in a style favored of the late forties early fifties.
The striking woman had a gentle smile on her face, as if she were giving the photographer a gift. But it was the eyes that the girl found so lovely. Those large, liquid brown eyes held such warmth, such caring, that Victoria found herself smiling rather stupidly back at the imagine. She had no idea who the woman was, but there was one thing she did know. Whoever she was, she had been special. This woman made you want to like her. How could you not? She was so beautiful. She was so pure.
Ceres looked up at the Hellsing butler with a frown of confusion, wondering who this woman was, but Walter had turned his back on her. Leaning with one arm propped up against the mantel, the girl could see his narrow face was filled with a vast sorrow. One that seemed to have always been there, only she'd never noticed it before. When he'd finally composed himself and turned back to her, Victoria could see that his Walter's eyes held unshed tears in them as he smiled wanly, putting his hands behind his back.
"Her name was Meredith. Meredith Hellsing, Miss Integra's mother. Today is the anniversary of her death. She died twenty-four years ago, giving birth to her daughter."
Victoria gasped. This beautiful lady was the mother of Sir Integra? But, but she didn't look anything like her, Ceres thought. Her master's master had cold eyes. Nothing like the doe-like ones this lady had. Instead of the compassion that flowed from the portrait, all the young vampire had seen from Integra was a cold calculation that sent shivers down her spine. Surely not!
Walter saw the disbelief that was plainly written on Ceres' face, and couldn't help but chuckle. He could well understand the confusion. After all, mother and daughter looked nothing alike, and frankly there was too much of the father in the child for the mother to shine through. Clearing his throat somewhat shakily, the older man returned to his chair, crossing his legs once more. Clasping one bent knee with his hands, the man began to speak.
"As you can see, Sir Integra looks more like her father than her mother. I'd known Meredith since we where children. We went to school together, she and I, and were the greatest of friends. When I was fifteen, my father introduced me to the elder Sir Hellsing, Integra's grandfather, and he decided that I would enter his services under my father. I was to be his apprentice, learning the family trade, you might say." Walter smiled ruefully, rubbing at his cheek with remembrance. Oh, the halcyon days of youth. How quickly they passed!
With a rye lift of black brows, the retainer turned back to face the girl before him. Young Ceres was watching him like the proverbial hawk, listening to his every word. Walter found that it was very easy indeed to open up to the girl, telling her what no one else knew. Perhaps it was because she herself was in the same situation he had found himself in that made it so easy to confide within her. Walter did not know, but it was good that he would finally be able to lift this weight from his heart. For too long now it had hung about his shoulders, like an albatross, following him not matter how long ago it had been.
As for Victoria, she was entranced. She'd never heard this before. Not in all the time she'd been here had anyone opened up to her with such fellowship, and that Walter trusted her enough with his inner thoughts touched her to the very quick. He'd been one of the few humans that hadn't shunned her, and that more than anything, had helped Ceres through several of the darker periods of her new life. The young undead found that she wanted to know more, wanted to know all about the man sitting so sadly before her.
With a fond smile for the girl sitting so stilly beside him, the elder man continued on with his story. "I felt so very full of myself, having gained a position within the prestigious Hellsing Organization, that I boasted to Meredith about where it was that I was now working. She begged me to let her come and see the "Big House," as we called it back then." Walter laughed.
"Neither one of us were gentry, and such a place as this compared only to Buckingham for us. Father gave me permission to escort Meredith around the grounds for an afternoon, and she fell in love with the place. We had tea with the younger Master Hellsing, who was just a few years older than we, and had a smashing good time." Walter sighed, and shook his head. "It wasn't until two years later that I realized that Meredith hadn't only fallen in love with the manor, but with its Master as well."
"She came by everyday after her schooling. At first I thought she was coming by to see me. I was ecstatic. You see, Miss Victoria, I had been in love with Mer long before I entered service here at the manor. But I, being the foolish lad I was, hadn't the nerve to tell her. Each day I watched as she became more and more lovely. More and more beautiful, and I couldn't tell her. Finally, on my seventeenth birthday, I mustered the courage to say something. That's when I found them."
"Mer had come by, as she usually did, and I naively thought it was to wish me tidings on my birthday. When I found her, however, she was not alone. She and my new master where together in the rose garden. The two had obviously grown close over the two years, only I hadn't noticed how close." Walter passed a hand over his eyes, straining to keep his voice level. He hadn't known how hard this was going to be, but he'd tell this tale of his, if only to keep young Victoria from trodding down the same path.
"The love of my life was passionately kissing the man that had recently become my new master. The very man that I had sworn to give my life for, should he have need of it. He and I had become great friends over time, and I truly would have died to keep him safe. He was like the older brother I'd never had, yet there he was, with the only woman I'd ever wanted."
"I was torn. You see Miss Victoria, I loved them both, and I knew that both cared for me. Still, it hurt unbearably to see her with him. I knew then, that I had been too late. My Meredith was in love, and there was nothing I could do. I slipped away before either one had noticed me, and returned to washing the Rolls with my father."
"Not more than an hour later, Meredith came to tell me that my master had proposed. She'd said yes, and then she grabbed me and hugged me. She was so happy, happier than any other time I could recall. Mer was radiant with joy, and I found that I couldn't be angry with her. I loved her after all. You can't be angry with the person you loved so much, after all. Not even when that person didn't love you. So, I wished her the best of luck and tried my best to let her go."
Walter turned toward the vampire listening to him. Ceres was crying unashamedly, tears running down her pale face. He saw the considerable understanding deep within those huge eyes of hers, and it pained him to know that he had been the one to bring such sadness to her. But, if she learned his lesson well, perhaps she wouldn't be baptized by the same fires as he. Perhaps, she would come away unscathed by the damning emotions of an undying love.
"I vowed that day that I would do everything within my power to see her happy. I would watch over her from afar, and keep the man she held so dear, safe. It was all I could do. When Mer found out that she was pregnant, it was the happiest day of her life. She never got to see her little girl grow up, however. After so many hours of labor, the doctors couldn't stop the hemorrhaging. As her father was away on a mission from the Queen, I was the first person to hold Integra. When they place her in my arms, I took her to her mother, and showed Meredith the beautiful baby girl she'd just given the world."
"She died just moments later. She made me promise, Victoria, to always watch over her little girl, and I said that I would. I swore to her that Integra would always be my concern, that I would love her as if she where my own child."
Walter smiled at the sobbing girl before him, letting one lone tear fall down his weather cheek before reaching out to take Victoria's chin in his hand. He smiled at the girl; a gentle smile full of regret. "Just before she died, Meredith told me that she was sorry for causing me so much heartache. You see, she had known how I felt about her, but that when you fall in love, sometimes it hurt to do so."
The retainer let go of the sorrowing girl's chin, and rose somewhat stiffly from his seat. The storm had passed, and so had most of the night. Dawn would soon be here. Not more than an hour away, if Walter where any judge. The man picked up his vest and slipped it back on along with his pristine gloves.
He noticed that Ceres had placed her head in her hands, and was crying into them, her shoulders shaking. Yet, she made no sound. Good, he thought, rolling his sleeves down and buttoning them. She was trying. She was beginning to understand. As painful and hurtful as it may be, the girl recognized what it was he had been trying to say to her.
Walter paused by the bowed head of the shaking girl as he made his way to the kitchens to prepare Sir Integra's morning tea. He placed his hand on the vampire's unruly curls in sympathy. It broke his heart to see the girl suffering as she was, but it was truly for the best. He had only one thing left to say before going about his duties.
"A word of advice, Miss Victoria: Don't do what I did. Don't fall in love with someone who's in love with someone else. It will only hurt you in the end, and make you bitter besides. I wouldn't want to see such ugliness in one who's so good. You deserve much more than an eternity of sadness, my girl. He will never change what it is he feels, and you oughtn't have to live in another's shadow. Not even for love."
With that, Walter strode forward, head held high with pride, leaving Ceres Victoria to cry out her new found wisdom alone.