AUTHOR'S NOTE!
This is my take on various scenes from Episode 6 of Series 3, mainly but not exclusively from Naomi's and Emily's points of view! This will be a familiar format to those of you who have read my Series 3 Episode 9 story except this one is all about Naomi's episode
This first chapter is told from Naomi's POV and the action starts from where she has left home in the morning to go to college. I hope you enjoy it and please do review if you can, whether you like the story or not!
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I was still seething with anger as I approached the college and met up with the swarm of all the other students making their way in. The mass of student humanity tailed back as far as the eye could see but my thoughts were still firmly fixed on my bloody mother and her fucking do-gooding mentality. Well, I could hardly be blamed for not thanking my Mum profusely for inviting a complete stranger in to our house and giving him a bed for the night. Particularly when the bed in question happened to be my bed and, more to the point, I was actually already sleeping in it at the time she so generously extended the invitation!
It wouldn't have been quite so bad if this stranger had enjoyed more than a passing resemblance to Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp or some other hunk. Sadly for me he looked more like a disgusting tramp who had really let himself go a bit recently and he was the last thing you would want to find lying next to you first thing in the morning. Of course just to make my humiliation complete, I totally forgot at that moment that I always slept completely naked. So when I shot out of bed, hell bent on confronting my mother about the creature from the black lagoon, he got his own private viewing of my magnificent body free, gratis and for nothing.
So there I stood rooted to the spot, in my very embarrassed morning glory, while this tosser with the looks of Jesus (but without his charisma and generosity of spirit) stared at me without any shame and popped sexist comments about my butt-naked body. Has a day ever started so badly? Would I be able to recover my dignity and composure in time enough to deal with all the shit of a normal day in this godforsaken dump of a college? Could the start to the day possibly get any worse, I asked myself?
Shit! Fucking hell!! Of course it could! I suddenly spotted Emily standing to the side of the long line of students climbing up the bank of steps which led up to the college building. Fortunately she hadn't seen me, I was fairly sure of that, as she was looking away in another direction when I clocked her. I immediately ducked down as low as I could without making myself look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame and made my way up the steps almost bent double as if in agony suffering from stomach cramps. I succeeded in making it to the top of the steps without catching her attention, though it was obvious to me that I was the person that she was so desperately lying in wait for.
Emily had been hanging around me like a lovesick puppy virtually the whole time since Pandora's pyjama party. Yes, I know we kissed at the party! But we were both pretty pissed and fairly high after munching our way through all those brownies that Katie had spiked with MDMA. So anything I say about those three (or was it four?) kisses we shared being……well….. alright, I suppose, has to be taken with an uncommonly large pinch of salt. It certainly didn't mean I wanted her to be sticking to me like a leech for ever after like she'd been doing. Talk about me and my shadow! I felt like whenever I turned round, she'd be there like a bad penny, smiling at me with a ridiculously happy look on her face. It had been really getting on my tits. I like the girl, sure, but she seems to have singled me out for some reason to be her one and only best friend and I don't remember having filled in the application form for one of them.
Anyway I seemed to have succeeded in escaping her clutches for once so I made my way to my usual spot, breathing a huge sigh of relief. I have been in the habit recently of chilling out on some steps around the corner of the building to enjoy some relative peace and quiet. There I could smoke a last cigarette before dragging my sorry arse into college for the start of yet another thrilling day of further education. After a few blissful minutes to myself my valuable private thoughts were interrupted by the arrival on the scene of Kieran, my politics teacher. However he was one person who I had to admit I was in no hurry to run away from. .
Kieran was different from all the other teachers in the college for a number of reasons. Firstly, he absolutely hated being a fucking teacher and made little or no attempt to hide the fact. Worse, you'd have been hard pushed to find anyone less suited to the job of being a teacher than him. He was disorganised, lacked any real authority and, on the evidence of what I had seen so far, hated kids. Hardly what you'd call the ideal qualifications to be teaching anywhere let alone a shithole like Roundview College. Yet in a funny sort of way that's exactly why he was by a country mile my favourite teacher – because he refused to play the game or conform to the stereotype. He was very much his own man even though it made him seem like a fish out of water most of the time.
He often joined me here in the morning for a smoke and a chat before we both reluctantly dragged ourselves kicking and screaming to face up to the awful reality of our shared nightmare that was Roundview College. Today was another case in point for Kieran who said he was late meeting me because he'd been held up by our wonderful college director, otherwise variously known as Cruella de Vil or the Wicked Witch of the West. Apparently she wanted to send him on a motivation course or some such shit. Clearly his dislike for teaching most of the deadbeats and dickheads that passed for students here hadn't gone unnoticed up on high. What a fucking pointless exercise that would be! Let's just strip everyone of their personality and individuality, shall we, including the teachers.
Kieran asked after my Mum which only served to bring back the dreadful memory of this morning's incident in the bedroom and I moaned about her tiresome Mother Nature healing programme for a while. Fifteen people staying in our house and none of them paying rent, I pointed out to him. I didn't mention one of them staying rent-free in my bed though. Friend or not, that particular story was definitely not for public (or even pubic) consumption! Mind you, he did say that Mum couldn't be that bad if she made me which I thought was really sweet of him, even if it did sound a little bit cheesy!
He did finish on a note of mystery and intrigue, however, as the bell rang out loud and clear to signal that everyone had to report for parade inspection – or assembly as it's officially called - in five minutes. He said as we both made to leave that our glorious leader was summoning the whole college, teachers and students, to assembly and that I would like what she would have to say. When I tried to question him for more details he just waved behind him and said 'You'll see. Just be there, Missy!' I couldn't imagine what it could all be about but it hardly got my juices going or my pulse racing with excitement.
As I entered the student common room I saw Effy and Pandora sitting together and so I made my way over to them and sat down opposite them, looking around me nervously for any signs of Emily, but as yet she was nowhere to be seen. I caught Effy and Freddie exchanging meaningful glances from across the room and asked Effy what that was all about. As usual Effy said 'Nothing' in her customary enigmatic, non-communicative style. Pandora tried to open her mouth to answer my question for her but Effy's instant 'Shut up!' to Panda put paid to any chance of finding out what was going on between the two of them.
All of a sudden, just as Effy decided for some reason to get up and move away from us I heard my name being called out. I half turned round, certain in the knowledge of who I would see and sure enough there was Emily right at my shoulder, saying 'Hi!' with a cheery smile on her face and plonking herself down right next to me. I didn't have the heart to say 'oh for fuck's sake, why can't you leave me alone?' but I must have come pretty close to it. I knew it would have sounded incredibly rude and more than a bit unfair but right at that moment I felt as if the whole world was conspiring against me not to give me a moment's peace.
What happened next was in all honesty a bit overly theatrical for my liking but the lights suddenly went out to widespread screams, mainly from the Hair & Beauty set I imagined, and Doug appeared from nowhere, shining a torch up onto his face so we could see him.. He started spouting some crap about warring kingdoms settling an ancient score without resorting to bloodshed. It was obvious nobody had a Scooby-Doo what he was banging on about. Fortunately the college director soon cut that short by turning the lights back on and shutting up Doug in midstream before announcing to all of us that there was going to be an election next week for a Student President who would be chosen by votes from all the students. Fucking hell! Was that the big secret?
Barely had the college director finished her announcement than Emily was turning towards me and suggesting in an excited whisper that I ought to run for the position. Horrified at the idea, I shook my head, pulled a face and, without actually saying so, made it pretty clear to her, or so I thought, that I wasn't the least interested in standing for president. But it appeared that my protestations had fallen on deaf ears for minutes later she was pursuing me all around the place trying to persuade me to stand.
'You've got to be joking. I'm not going to help run this place!' I said as forcefully as I could without actually shouting it out from the rooftops. Emily tried desperately to get me to change my mind, trotting around behind me and coming up with all manner of ridiculous reasons why I should run for president.
'Come on, you know about politics, you're always talking about it, 'was her final feeble attempt at persuading me to stand and at that point I had had enough and I just couldn't stop the cutting put-down coming out of my mouth.
'Emily. We've had about three conversations in our entire lives, so the idea that you know I'm always talking about anything is a bit ridiculous.'
I knew even as I said it that it would come over as really hurtful and ungrateful. I could immediately see Emily's face turn all sad and forlorn and I felt a terrible pang of guilt at having so clearly upset her so much. After all it was quite flattering that she had such a high opinion of me that she thought I would make a really good president and I knew I shouldn't have reacted the way I just did. She looked down at the floor in embarrassment, muttered something or other that I didn't hear and started to walk away slowly, leaving me feeling absolutely rotten but not knowing what to do or say to put things right.
In any case, even if I had known Cook suddenly appeared on the scene from nowhere and instantly distracted me from thoughts of Emily by greeting us with a cheery 'Morning ladies!' and then a rather pathetic but predictable comment of 'Ah! Love is all around,' as he watched Emily walk away from me, clearly upset.
'Piss off,' I said to him vehemently and turned to leave but unfortunately he seemed determined not to let things rest with that. He proceeded to chat me up or at least that's what I imagine he thought he was doing. Using all the irresistible charm of Jack The Ripper he began badly by calling me Naomikins, which made my blood boil and almost made me vomit on the spot at the same time. He then went on to suggest that I 'should see more cock' as he delightfully and poetically put it. It was comforting to know that I figured so prominently in his thoughts. He reckoned that he and I should 'go to it' at which point I found it impossible to humour the misguided fucking twat any longer. I decided to let him know where we stood good and proper so there could be no room for doubt or misunderstanding.
'You've got about as much chance of fucking me as you have of becoming the democratically elected student president of this dump.' I figured that this would shut him up and put an end to his miserable, feeble attempts to impress and charm me into bed with him. However his reaction to what I thought was a fairly blunt and comprehensive brush off went way beyond my worst nightmares. It was more horrific than anything I could have dreamt up in my most masochistic and pessimistic of moods.
'Yeah? Well, I enjoy a challenge,' he nodded and then beamed at me with a huge grin forming on his face.
'What?' I replied in disbelief that he hadn't been put off by my ridiculous suggestion.
'Babe, you have got a deal.' He leaned forward almost right into my face, still grinning massively and I could have sworn he almost winked at me. I stood there speechless and aghast as the full significance of what he had just said came and smacked me right on the nose.
'No, no, no, no, no! I didn't mean it like that,' I said in frantic desperation but all to no avail. It was way too late to get out of it now. Cook had already turned his back on me and was walking away around the corner of the corridor, happy with the deal he felt he had just struck up with me. 'Guaranteed shag' were the last humiliating and depressing words I heard Cook say from out of sight. So there I stood, rooted to the spot for the second time that day, feeling totally embarrassed and furious for having brought so much fucking shit on myself. This was fast turning into one of the worst days of my life!!