Mindy

Friday, January 1

5:50AM

I woke with an aching head and a sick feeling in my stomach. I slowly extracted myself from Dave and his bed without waking him. I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. My breath came in sharp bursts and I couldn't seem to calm my heart rate. What would Daddy have said?

Why had I stayed here? Because spending another night alone when I could spend it with him was unthinkable. Because Marcus was dead and my Daddy was dead and my Mother was dead and Dave's father wasn't dead, and neither was he, so when I was invited to spend New Years Eve with them I agreed without thinking about how my stomach twisted when I looked at Dave too long. Because he didn't have a girlfriend anymore and I didn't have a boyfriend and anything can happen in that split second between years.

And it had, okay not really- it was just a kiss, but it was a kiss! The first one I had ever had and I know enough about teenage girls to know that we all react this way. But fifteen year olds usually kissed fifteen year olds, not twenty two year olds. Most had friends to gush to.

I was most certainly not a normal fifteen year old.

But I couldn't worry about that now, now I had to get out before he woke up because watching him sleep is not healthy for me and I needed to figure out how I was going to deal with this before I faced him. If I could ever face him again, that is.

I need to run. It would clear my mind so I could figure out how to proceed from here. I grabbed my shoes and crept out the door, I slipped them on from the porch and walked my motorcycle down the street before turning it on. My ride home was blur as I sped through alleyways and small side streets that should be avoided.

Maybe I was looking for trouble.

I made it home without incident and changed quickly into workout gear and running shoes.

My warehouse was in Chelsea and I ran along the river until I got to riverside and then I ran all the way around the island, an exhausting run, even for me. I was trembling as I crept back to the warehouse a good time later.

I stumbled to the shower and leaned against the wall, closing my eyes and trying to relax my quivering muscles. When I was finished I wrapped myself in a towel and then soft sweats and worn out fleece jacket. I crept out slowly to my kitchen and began going through the familiar motions of making hot chocolate, I made enough for two, 'cause old habits died harder then homicidal ex KGB cunt-bags.

I left the other cup to cool on the counter and stumbled to the couch. My hand found my gun instinctively as I melted into the cushions and without thinking I twisted around and locked my gun on Dave.

"Put that thing down," he snapped. I blinked. Was he angry with me? I tossed the gun back to the couch.

"Dammit, Dave! You're lucky I didn't fucking waste you! You know not to sneak up on me!"

He didn't pounce all over that sneaking up on me bullshit like I expected him to, instead, his eyes grew colder. I gulped, hating the feeling of him being mad. I wanted to shrivel up inside, not knowing how to apologize for the kiss when I wasn't sorry and maybe it was bad, I had never done that and he thought of me as a fucking child and-

"Why the hell didn't you wake me to run with you?" He demanded.

"What?" I blinked, wasn't he mad about the kiss? "I- I didn't think-" my legs collapsed suddenly and I ended up on my ass, which was not where I wanted to be with Dave.

"Mindy?" he asked, concerned, reaching over to help me. I smacked his hand away, harder than I should have.

"I don't need your help," I hissed, my face burning as I tried to heave myself onto the couch. I had definitely run too much and it had done nothing to calm my mind and it was all his fault! "Don't touch me!" I snapped, because if he did I would just die, I really would, I felt helpless and vulnerable and he made it worse and I hated him for making me feel like this.

I wasn't used to this feeling, to anyone pitying me. I thought I broken Dave of that habit after my daddies death. So I reacted the only way I knew how, violently.

I lunged at him suddenly, taking him by surprise and forcing him backwards, pummeling him with my hands and feet. My technique was shit but I surprised him and had superior training. How dare he look at me like I was a pitiful fucking child!

For the first time in my life I was actually trying to hurt him.

His nose broke beneath my fist like it was nothing, but my follow up was sloppy and I had taught Dave well enough and was tired enough that that was the only slip he needed. He maximized his superior weight and strength and pinned me to the mat.

I grew even more furious because his body against mine was making me feel things that I didn't have words for, this was almost as bad as the kiss because I was looking up at his lips and could remember what they felt like against mine.

And I had lost.

Not just the fight, I didn't really care about that. I had lost his respect and affection the moment I threw the first punch outside of the training room, and it was only because I couldn't control myself.

Daddy would be so ashamed.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Dave shouted. It was the first time he had ever been truly angry with me.

I flinched. "I-"

"You don't get to talk right now," my mouth closed with a snap. "You attacked me for no reason. We have a system, Mindy! This isn't a game; you could have killed me if you had done that two years ago! I have never thought you were a violent psychopath like everyone else does, until maybe today." his voice dropped an octave. I opened my mouth to reply, but that damn lump in my throat prevented me from speaking. How had I gone from kissing him to losing his respect? Or had I lost him, too? "I was so proud and impressed of your discipline and honor," he shook his head, "but now I see you are just a spoiled child."

He turned and left me there on the mat. I sat there numbly until the heavy door slammed behind him.

And then I did yet another thing that would shame my father; I began to sob.