Disclaimer: I do not now nor will I ever own twilight or any of the characters. They belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Nor do I own the song, which is "Skin" by Alexz Johnson.
My first song fic so please be nice. I might add more chapters if it gets positive reviews.
Chapter 1: Skin
Bella heard them introduce her on stage and took a deep breath preparing herself. She walked on stage and waved to the audience, when they saw her there was a thunderous applause and screaming, but that all quieted when the music started and she began to sing.
I drift away to a place
Another kind of life
Take away the pain
I create my paradise
Singing this song never felt completely right to her, even though she had written it, some of the words she had wrote didn't seem to fit to her. Every time she sang it she laughed bitterly in her head, like the pain would ever go away, like she would ever be in paradise again.
Everything I've held
Has hit the wall
What I thought was mine
Wasn't mine at all
Paradise was with him. And he was gone. She had thought that she was hers, he had told her he was hers but he didn't want her. Didn't want her to become a vampire, didn't want her to spend eternity with him, didn't want her love he just didn't want HER.
Falling apart, and all that I'm asking
Is it a crime, am I overreacting
Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie
She had fallen apart. She had barely managed to pull her self together again. Charlie had convinced (okay forced) her to see a therapist who convinced her to write all her feelings down. And out the came, in song, and they just kept coming. Even now. They came to her fairly easily. Because when Edward had left he had lied. He had said it would be like he had never existed, he had taken his pictures and his lullaby but there was one thing that he couldn't take or erase. Her memory and the love she had for him in her heart.
One might wonder how she went from writing songs for therapy to being on stage and actually singing them. To people buying tickets to watch and listen to her perform them. Well she wasn't to sure either. It had happened so fast. She had been singing at an open mike night at a coffee shop in Port Angeles and it just so happened that a music producer had been there. He wanted to give her a record-deal right then and there. At first she was hesitant but then a thought came to her. Her music showed her pain, if she signed a record deal her music would be put on the radio.
And if her music got put on the radio he would be sure to hear it. And maybe then he would understand the pain he caused her. And even though he didn't love her anymore maybe hearing her pain would hurt him. She just wanted him to know how much he hurt her.
I don't believe I'll be alright
I don't believe I'll be OK
I don't believe how you've thrown me away
I do believe you didn't try
I do blame you for every lie
When I look in your eyes, I don't see mine
He had hurt her so much. The pain was indescribable. It was worse than the fire from vampire poison. It was something that she would never fully recover from. She knew that she would never fall in love again. She couldn't. Edwards leaving had been in vain, assuming that he had only left to protect her but he hadn't loved her either. Maybe that's what hurt the most. If he had left but still loved her it might have numbed the pain a tiny bit. Knowing that he was out there and still loved her.
Her lyrics said that she wanted him gone. But there was more to it than just that. She wanted him to love her again, she wanted him to come back again but if he wouldn't if he didn't, then she wanted the torturing to stop. The pain to go away. But she knew that wouldn't so she wanted to cause him pain, to let him hear what he did to her, by voicing her pain across the nation.