Rating: PG13
Warning: May contain some triggering material, so please proceed with caution.
Words: 655
Summary: For a prompt at the rq_angst meme- sexual abuse. From Quinn's POV, there are too many questions with no good answers.

A/N: Crazy, weird format. Let me know what you think.

Why?

Why did this happen to me? Why do I have to deal with this? Did I do something wrong?

How does this affect me? My identity and who I am?

Will it change how people see me? Will it become a way for people to disregard or explain away everything I do that they don't like? Will I become the poster child for sexual abuse in their minds?

And how does the…well, how does the perpetrator being a girl change things? Does it provide a convenient excuse for anyone who dislikes my orientation? Will they cry in outrage that I need to be "saved", that I was corrupted and am now a tarnished shell of what I was meant to be?

Will I become just another broken-souled martyr with tear-stained cheeks?

Will they say, "Well, you must have done something to encourage them?"

Will they say, "Well you must not have meant it when you said stop?"

I mean, I was five for Christ's sake, but will that really matter to them? Will it be enough to absolve me of the blame they think I'm steeped in? Or will they only see the person I've become?

I know I'm not some simpering naïve little virgin, but will it cross their minds that maybe this is why? Will they even stop to consider that maybe I was just looking for someone to make things better all along?

Will they be too absorbed in the fact that I appear to be one big fake? Will they be able to look past the now-ironic attempts at being a Christ Crusader? Or will they call me "harlot" and "whore" and a host of other names implying that this was all somehow my fault?

Will they even believe that it happened? Will they trust my memory? I know that I suppressed the memory for years, but what matters is that I remember now, right?

They won't call me a liar, will they? And if they do, will I be able to stand under their scrutiny and disbelief? Will I be able to have strength like hers in the face of so many rising in opposition to me?

I have to live with this for the rest of my life, but will it define that life? Will this define things with her, or any significant other for that matter?

What's fair to her?

What's fair to me?

If I tell her, will she be supportive? Angry? Afraid?

Will she love me any less? Will she accept it and simply ask what she can do to help? Could she be the person to finally comfort me and make everything just a little less scary?

Or will she be disgusted? Will she be sad? Will she look at me and see someone who's too much work? Who's too fucked up to save?

Will I be able to prove myself worthy of her, or is she too good for me? Is it fair to her to drag her down with all my issues? Does she deserve better than that? Better than me?

I guess I know the answer to that, but will I ever have the strength to tell her so? To tell her that she should find someone who's not broken, not damaged goods?

Will my selfishness get in the way of that? Will I tie her down and cage her in the remnants of my hand stitched and still-holey heart?

Would I be able to live with myself if I did that? I don't know- but then, who does?

There are just too many questions and not enough answers.