Greetings! Today I will be writing a story about South Park...the most offensive cartoon in the world! At least in my opinion, anyhow. I suppose it might be contested a bit by Family Guy and Beavis and Butthead. Trey Parker and Matt Stone really came up with something, didn't they?
Of course, having said that, I'm probably not going to make this fanfic as offensive as the show itself. Sure, my father loves it...but of course my mother hates it. I guess I'm going to try to find a middle ground. I wouldn't want this fanfic to be deleted because it was too inappropriate. I'm not the type of person who wants to head to , thank you. Those types of fanfic are not for me...though I am legally an adult.
And yes, this fanfic is inspired by the Stick Of Truth...so a lot of elements from that game will be there, such as our protagonist having special powers. Again, it won't be as offensive as the actual thing...though I think you'll still find it funny. Writing comedy is what I do and enjoy best. It's part of the reason I wanted to write this fanfic...well, that, and I'm a South Park fan.
Still, I'm going to try to make this fanfic original even if a lot of elements from the show are still there. I hope you enjoy.
Chapter 1: Going Down To South Park
"Here we are!" exclaimed a man in his 30s.
"Finally..." answered the voice of a young boy. It had been some trip getting to Colorado. It felt like hours since he had left his old house.
Not only that, but he was starting to feel cold. Did someone forget to turn on the air conditioning?
Who was this young boy, you ask? His name was Daniel. His parents had decided to move to South Park, a mountain town where the adults acted like children and the children acted like adults.
According to him, there were among other things, friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation (except for Eric Cartman), ample parking day and night, and last but not least, people spouting "Howdy, neighbor!" At least that was what the man with the guitar said. Speaking of which, he was outside playing some rather catchy songs. Maybe he could teach him some songs sometime.
Sure enough. someone did in fact shout such a thing. He could see his parents' logic. Still, he wondered if there was a reason for his parents moving to a quiet mountain town like this instead of the city that he used to live in. He had heard some rather interesting rumors involving South Park.
The only downside was how cold the town was. Of course, it was a mountain town so snow and hail could be expected. But he could get around that by wearing a coat. In this case, he was wearing an eskimo outfit. He thought that it suited him even though he technically was not an Eskimo...nor did he really look one other than his coat.
However, he had decided to remain unhooded.
He had short red hair, was about ten years old, and was Caucasian. He also had blue eyes.
Immediately, he entered his new home along with his parents. Personally he just wanted to get on his laptop so that he could chat on Facebook. He happened to have quite a few Facebook friends.
In fact, he just had a new friend request.
Quickly, he got settled in.
Curious, he decided to look outside. As it turned out, there were other people moving in to South Park as well. There were three moving trucks parked outside.
Personally he wondered if he should try meeting them.
Sure enough, his parents wanted him to do just that. Go outside and meet some friends.
"Why don't you make some friends?" inquired his mother.
"Go out there and meet some kids your age, why don't you?" asked his father. He had better go home before night falls or he would be grounded. And for some strange reason they could find him regardless of where he went...even if he was in the middle of nowhere.
Daniel nodded. It might be a good idea to get to meet new people...though personally he would rather simply stick to Facebook for the matter. How many friends did he have on Facebook, anyway?
He had last count.
Immediately, he went outside so that he could go make some friends.
Outside, he noticed that there were some moving vans down the block. Apparently he wasn't the only person who was moving to South Park.
Sure enough, there was a girl about his age moving in.
From what her parents had said out loud, her name was Angela. She had blonde hair, her eyes were white, she was dressed in a white coat with a yellow scarf.
For some strange reason wherever she walked, flowers appeared to sprout out of the ground...even though it was in the middle of the winter. It was rather unusual.
Taking a closer look, he noticed that another boy was moving in. Judging from his head that for some reason split apart whenever he was talking (which stranger still did not result in him dying), he was Canadian. He still didn't understand why their heads split apart like that and why their eyes were so beady.
Suddenly, the Canadian let out a fart.
Perhaps he was a fan of Terrence and Phillip. Of course, it would probably be hard to find a Canadian that WASN'T a fan of Terrence and Phillip.
Unsurprisingly, his parents happened to be Canadian as well. Like him, they happened to have rather strange heads that resembled Pacman.
"Do you have to always fart in public, Samuel?" asked his father. If he kept it up, he was going to stink up the whole house.
"But it's fun!" exclaimed Samuel. Terrence and Phillip had taught him never to fart in moderation.
Of course, a lot of Americans didn't like Terrence and Phillip. Maybe he would have trouble fitting into South Park.
"If you say so..." answered the man. He had in fact decided to move his son here because he kept on annoying other people with his farting. Not all people were as big fans of Terrence and Phillip as he was.
The last person to move in appeared to be awfully rich, to say the very least.
Sure enough, she appeared to be living inside a mansion with her parents.
Her name was Phoebe.
Immediately, she moved in with them.
Shrugging, Daniel decided to explore town a bit more. So far there didn't seem to be anything peculiar.
At that very moment, he noticed a boy around the same age as him. He was wearing a blue hat and was dressed in brown.
Quickly, he decided to talk to him.
"Hello?" asked Daniel.
"Hey..." answered Stan.
Apparently, he was waiting for something.. Well, obviously he was waiting for the bus...but he was waiting for somebody too.
"Who are you waiting for?" inquired Daniel.
"It's my friend, Kyle..." stated Stan. Usually he would show up whenever they were waiting for a bus.
Sure enough, Kyle showed up.
For some strange reason, Daniel noticed that the characters seemed to hop from place to place rather than just plain walk. It was kind of weird...but this was apparently how all the citizens in South Park walked. Maybe he should try it too...though admittedly it likely would take some time getting used to.
Unfortunately for Kyle, his baby brother Ike had decided to follow him to school...again. Why couldn't he take the kindergarten bus?
For some strange reason, his head resembled that of a football. Maybe it was because he was Canadian? Also, he could split his head in two without dying. In fact, that happened whenever he talked.
As such, he decided to make the best of the situation.
"Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!" exclaimed Kyle gleefully.
Ike looked at his older brother Kyle. Technically, they weren't actually related...but they were brothers regardless.
Unsurprisingly, Ike was not looking forward to that...even if the ground in question was covered in snow and was therefore soft.
"Don't kick the baby!" bellowed Ike. Just because his head looked like a football didn't mean that he SHOULD be used as a football.
Unfortunately for Ike, his brother did not listen. In fact, he NEVER listened.
"Kick the baby!" screamed Kyle.
Immediately, Ike was sent flying.
Luckily, he landed in the snow. It would be a lot more painful if he landed in concrete.
Daniel had to...question Kyle's moral ethics.
Still, as he was about to find out, he was a saint compared to one of his so-called "friends".
At that very moment, Eric Cartman showed up. For some strange reason, despite him being a horrible kid,
"Who's the chubby kid?" asked Daniel.
Suddenly, Eric Cartman punched him in the face.
He then followed by kicking him in the shin, causing him to cry.
"Yeah! Run home to mother, you big baby!" exclaimed Cartman.
Daniel decided to do so.
Naturally, Stan and Kyle decided to call him out on it.
"Why do you always beat up our friends?" asked Stan. This was far from the first time that it had happened. Of course, his girlfriend Wendy had once beaten up him.
"Nobody likes them!" exclaimed Cartman.
Daniel began to wonder what exactly was Eric Cartman's problem. For some strange reason something about him seemed...evil.
And to think that he had only known him for a few minutes too.
Shrugging, he decided to go back home. Hopefully his injuries weren't too severe...he wouldn't want to have to go the hospital on his first day of moving.
Sure enough, his parents decided to ask him about how he was doing make friends...and why exactly was he bruised and battered. They wouldn't be surprised if Daniel had bled a bit across the snow.
"What happened?" asked his mother.
"A mean, fat kid beat me up..." answered Daniel. He sure hoped that not all kids at South Park were like that. There was something...off about that boy.
"I heard that!" exclaimed Eric Cartman from a distance.
lDaniel gulped. How big were Cartman's ears? Perhaps it would be best to check if Cartman was around before he said anything. He could be spying on him.
Daniel's parents wondered if they should have a talk with Eric Cartman's mother.
Sighing, he decided to go to bed. Hopefully things would go better for him from here. Why was he even friends with those two boys? At least Stan and Kyle seemed friendly enough. Perhaps he should hang out with them sometime.
Meanwhile, the rich girl decided to check out her new estate. She wondered why her parents had decided to move her here. They said that they would gain tax benefits from their former home or something like that.
She didn't seem to recall them ever selling real estate though.
"Are you enjoying your new home, Phoebe?" asked her mother.
"Yes, mother." nodded Phoebe. It certainly was a nice place...even if it was rather chilly. She was under the impression that her parents would rather go somewhere warmer than somewhere colder, but what did they know?
"Good! Remember to act like a lady...you're privileged to be part of our family line so make sure to act the part, alright?" asked Phoebe's mother.
"Alright..." nodded Phoebe.
Immediately, she went into her room.
Shortly afterwards, she looked at her fireman calendar. For some strange reason, none of the firemen on the calendar were wearing shirts. Maybe they were too sexy for them. She certainly thought so.
Quickly, she began to drool.
Hopefully there would be attractive guys in South Park.
Unfortunately, her parents had told her to stop flirting with every male she sees...apparently they thought she should restrain herself so that she didn't get slapped with a restraining order.
Besides, that was not how a "proper" lady should behave...or at least, that what was what they said. Why did the rich have to have such high standards? Sometimes she wished that she wasn't part of that family.
What a disappointment.
But perhaps it was best to listen to her parents. They did want her best wishes after all.
On the other hand, South Park Elementary might be a good place to find boys. She would just have to meet them after school, after all.
However, there was something that she wanted to keep secret.
Something that was rather strange.
Well, that was the first chapter of my fanfic. As you can see I'm not going to introduce just one OC...I'm going to be introducing four...I figured that would be appropriate since there are four boys as main protagonists...I'm going for an equal gender ensemble, though. In the next chapter, I'll be featuring Mr. Garrison...and the evil Mr. Hat.