Title: Best Left Unsaid
Fandom: The 39 Clues
Rating: K+ (brief language)
Genre: Humor, Friendship
Characters: Evan Tolliver, Ian Kabra
Summary: Why have the Cahills heard absolutely nothing about the parentage of Evan Tolliver during the time they've known him? It's enough to make anybody – or at least Ian Kabra – suspicious. There are a surprising number of possible explanations... Here are six, with a complimentary side of American Junk Food! Post-TMP AU.
Disclaimer: The 39 Clues (c) its respective owners. I'm just poking a little fun at my conspiracy-theorizing friends: the vast majority of fandom, and Ian Kabra.
Author's note: As usual, nothing past TMP is canon (especially since I started writing this collection waaaayy back in the beginning of 2012). It's more than halfway done (3/6 instances complete), so expect to actually see the end of this sometime fairly soon. List of subtitles: Boringly Normal; Awkward Job; Has Two Mommies; Tumultuous Home Life; None In Existence; EBUL VESPRES!1!11!
.oOo.
i. Boringly Normal
(Twinkies)
"So, Tolliver." Ian allowed a triumphant note to creep into his voice as he fell into step behind Evan, who was heading back up towards the Command Center at a leisurely pace while munching on a – something unidentifiable but decidedly nasty-looking, Ian decided hastily, and vowed to keep his distance from such foods in future. That most likely wouldn't be difficult, seeing as how Tolliver would have a one-way ticket out of this establishment in a few moments. So long as Ian played his cards right, the bespectacled bastard wouldn't be able to come up with any sort of feasible excuse – and there was no way Ian was wrong about this. It was just too suspicious.
"Yeah?" Evan replied, swallowing a chunk of that cake-like little bar in his hand. He sounded apprehensive. Good, he ought to.
"I was just wondering," said Ian casually, and paused for a carefully timed beat before adding almost delicately, and in a bit quieter tone, "something about you."
"Mmhmm?" Aha, still apprehensive. Well, Ian had him now.
"It's interesting to note that you are not very swift to volunteer many…ah…personal details. Life anecdotes. Helpful stories. That sort of affair. If you know what I mean." Narrowing his eyes in what he supposed was a suggestive manner, Ian confidently stared the other teenager down.
"Uh-huh." The last piece of Twinkie disappeared. How utterly disgusting. Evan still appeared to be oddly bemused, but he wasn't clever enough to even adopt a defensive tone of voice. "I know. You don't either." Before Ian had the time to object to this totally unfair and off-topic diversion of the conversation – good grief, wasn't it practically an ad hominem attack? – Evan added, "Nobody really does. It isn't important, is it?"
"Well, I will have you know – " Ian considered what would be appropriately menacing to say at this moment. "I will have you know that it's important to me. Tolliver," he added venomously, as a kind of afterthought. To reinforce this statement, Ian decided he might as well come up with a decent excuse, but the best thing he could hit upon on the spot was, "You are the last person I've asked. No-one else seemed to have a problem giving me a brief sketch of their family environment."
"Jeez. Okay. I don't have a problem with doing that." At last he sounded a little defensive. Ian leaned forward slightly, waiting for the inevitable emotional breakdown, but to his chagrin Tolliver's voice returned to its disinterested tone. Well, at least now Ian was getting some proper information out of him. "My dad is a biotechnological researcher. My mom's a part-time teacher. They met each other at the coffee shop where my mom worked in college. I have an older sister who lives in California; she's working on getting a degree in medicine. We have a golden retriever called Abby but no cats, since my dad's allergic. Is that what you wanted to know?"
Well, that was disappointingly normal, and delivered in an unbroken, perfectly calm voice, at that. Ian still wasn't quite convinced, though to be honest he did feel a tad crestfallen. So far all the signs pointed to Tolliver's being just another aggravating American citizen who spent far too much time holed up on his computer. Of course he didn't say this to Evan. "Yes, that's adequate, I suppose."
"Alright. 'Scuse me, I have to get back online." Evan pushed his way past Ian, not impolitely – the hallway was just a bit narrow at that point. He paused suddenly, and appeared to think something through before asking abruptly, "Do you want a Twinkie? Because I think there are a few left on the kitchen counter. I know Sinead likes them so you might want to hurry and grab one if – "
"No, Tolliver, I do not want to partake in your country's charming little portable packages of heart disease and diabetes. Honestly."
"Okay then. Don't get all offended. It's not like anyone's going to make you eat them. Anyways, I'm glad I could make your day by telling you all about my completely normal family life – it doesn't make you come off as a stalker or anything…" His voice faded away as he tramped up the stairs. Idiot was going to get himself killed walking around a restricted area someday when something he didn't want to hear him did and came to get him.
.oOo.