Changed For Good

By: marauderette-47

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, it's characters, or any of the songs used in this work of fiction.

A/N: Because everybody else is doing it, here is my take on a St. Berry story! This is only a one-shot, but it's a super long one-shot, so it's kind of like a mini-story. If Season 4 doesn't satisfy our St. Berry loving hearts, we can just turn to this as an 'alternate' ending of sorts. I hope everyone enjoys and please review!

PS: Why do we love St. Berry oh so very much?

The snowflakes fell from the sky in perfect little shapes, making New York City seem like something out of a fairytale world rather than a real place. I walked briskly down the street, pulling my favorite red coat more tightly around me. It was my first winter in my new home, and I could not have been happier. School was going as perfectly wonderful as I had always dreamt, and I was living just a floor above two of my closest friends, Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson. I had made connections with several promising looking directors in the theater circuit, my instructors at the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts actually appriciated my obvious talent, and my friends liked both my voice and my personality. I was high on life, and it seemed to me that there was nothing the universe could bring me to make me any happier.

As usual, the universe seemed to be under the impression that it constantly had to remind me that I was not its center, and I was proven wrong nearly the instant the thought of perfect happiness crossed my ever-changing mind.

To say that I had mixed feelings when I saw his face in the crowd was an understatement. It had been six months since we'd spoken, and even then it had only been civil conversation before Nationals. I had still been engaged to Finn back then, and it had been easier to reign in any feelings I'd still harbored for the talented and seductive Jesse St. James simply by thinking of my goofball fiancéeand how excited he'd been when I'd finally told him "Yes". But now - alone in the street and single - my heart was pounding furiously in my chest and my palms were sweaty.

But why? Why did he still have such an effect on me? We had only dated for a little while, and I never did find out exactly how much of our relationship had been real. We'd had another opportunity to be together during my Junior year, but I'd made it painfully obvious to my former flame that I was still irrevocably in love with Finn Hudson. After all that we had been through, I wasn't sure that I could even refer to Jesse as an aquaintance, let alone as a friend. Which left me wondering what I should do about seeing him.

He was walking towards me in his signature leather jacket, the snowflakes landing in his hair - sadly now void of curls. He didn't seem to have even been looking my way, so I let out a breath of relief. Nothing needed to be done - I could just walk away like I'd never even seen him. There - he was just about to pass me...so close...

"You didn't think you'd get out of talking with me so easily, did you, Rachel?" came a familiar voice that I'm sure emerged from behind smirking lips. I internally groaned, and turned to face my destiny.

"No, really, I swear!"

"Streisand. The Barbra Streisand?"

"How many others are there?"

"You met her? You got her autograph?"

"I said that already, didn't I?"

It was just another Friday night. Jesse and I were hauled up in my apartment, the snow outside barricading us in completely. It had been years since such a heavy snowstorm had hit New York, but Jesse and I weren't complaining. We spent nearly every minute together as it was, being stuck together wasn't a big deal at all. For the past thirty-six hours we'd been eating pizza, drinking a lot of energy drinks, and watching every Barbra Streisand film that I owned (which was all of them, of course).

Being a Junior in college, I had made a lot of friends. But none of them were as close to me as Jesse was. Ever since we'd run into each other by a happy accident in the middle of the street, we'd been inseperable. I'd made it very clear to him immediately that I was still recovering from the heartache of a broken engagement, and that friendship was all I could give him. He'd seemed eager enough, and we'd gone for dinner that very evening. Over the course of the past year and a half, Jesse had become my very best friend. He made me smile like no one else could, and he completely understood me - sometimes better than I understood myself.

"What are you thinking about?" he murmured, as if he could tell there was something on my mind. He probably could.

"You," I teased, playfully shoving him. Jesse laughed loudly in response, and ran a hand through his hair. I'd finally convinced him to let it grow out again - I'd missed those curls more than I would ever admit to anyone.

"I am a common object of fantasy," Jesse said seriously, nodding his head as though a girl thinking about him was nothing new to him. It probably wasn't. "I was wondering when you would finally give in and admit how attracted you are to me."

I rolled my eyes good-naturedly, and grinned my thousand-watt smile at him. "Okay, cowboy. What movie's next?"

Jesse sighed, and checked the pile of DVDs we'd made on the floor next to my couch. He selected one at random, and held up to me. I only needed to see the cover art before I recognized the movie as The Way We Were. While not my favorite Streisand film it was a close second, and I would happily watch it with my Jesse.

"Put it in," I said giddily, settling myself further into the cushions of the couch. The heater in my apartment wasn't working, and the maintance man couldn't get there to fix it, so Jesse and I had taken to lighting the rarely-used fireplace and burying ourselves beneath the thickest blankets in all of Manhattan. I shivered somewhat violently when Jesse removed himself from next to me to switch out the movies. We'd been cuddling together for warmth, and his sudden departure had made me feel cold and very alone.

It was then that I realized how much that statement applied to a previous situation between us. Jesse had left me cold and alone so many times, but he always came back. He was always there for me to lean on and cuddle with. But what did that mean to me?

He's my best friend, I told myself firmly. And that's all you will ever be is friends. Live with it - you've got no choice.

By the time baby Rachel was conceived in the film, Jesse was fast asleep. His head leaned heavily on my shoulder, and his mouth was open in a cute 'O' shape. He looked so young and vulnerable in his sleep, that it made my heart melt. I shivered for a reason that had nothing to do with the cold, and ran a hand through his hair. The curls bounced slightly under my touch, and I felt a stab of desire for the man in my apartment. Pushing my feelings away for a later time, I contented myself with watching Jesse sleep. I couldn't help but wonder, though, what his dreams were...

"You need to relax," Jesse told me firmly. His words barely registered with me - I was too busy pacing the bedroom of our penthouse apartment. I couldn't listen to him - he was probably trying to tell me to stop the dreaded pacing, but if I stopped that then I would begin chewing my nails, and the director would not want an actress who chewed on her nails. He would need someone who was driven, focused, and powerful - someone like me, and someone like me did not chew her nails!

"He said he would call between Monday and Friday - it's Friday, and it's closing in on 10:30. He's not going to call. That's it - I made a fool of myself, thinking I could actually -" but my sentence was cut off by something soft, warm, and familiar being pressed to my lips. Despite my nerves, I deepened my kiss with my official boyfriend of one year, and let myself melt in his arms.

"You're such a drama queen," he chuckled, his hot breath tickling my hear. For a moment, just a moment, I completely forget all of my anxiety, and let Jesse hold me. It felt so right, so natural being in his arms. Everything was so wonderful when I was with him - like he was my missing puzzle piece. Every since I'd graduated from NYADA nearly three months previous, Jesse and I had been together literally 24 hours a day. It had been true and utter bliss in my mind - until I had started my auditioning for Broadway. It had quickly dawned upon me that it would be difficult to just get my three dream roles and call it quits - I would have to start small and work my way to the top. Despite that fact going against everything I believed in, I allowed myself to accept that that was the way it would have to be here, and -

My mental train of thought skewed off-track by the ringing of my cell phone.

The applause was deafening. It was like one thousand claps of thunder ringing at the same time. It was larger than life, and larger than any applause I had ever recieved before. I heard whoops and chants, and I basked in the glory that these people were clapping for me. I was their star, I was their Elphaba.

And I never would be again. The next night, my understudy would get her first chance to shine. It was my last night on Wicked, and - while I was incredibly proud of my two-year run on the show - I couldn't help the tears that were stinging my eyes. 8 shows a week and Jesse in between (when he wasn't at his rehearsals for the upcoming opening night of a newer show called Spring Awakening) had basically become my entire life. To suddenly have all of that gone would take more getting used to than I was ready for.

Before I knew it, the curtains were closed and the applause was gone. When I looked in the mirror again, my skin was back to it's normal tone, all traces of green completely wiped away. It was truly over.

I was alone in my dressing room. I stared in the long mirror across from me, and took in my appearance. I still had a youthful look about me, but it was a sexy youthful. Of course it was! I was a woman, and not a pathetic child pining over the star football player and wishing I was as pretty as the head cheerleader. In fact, I had secretly bet myself that most of William McKinley High School wished that they were me. I had been sure to keep in contact with most of my friends from Glee - especially Quinn, which had both surprised and delighted me - and they had all been to see the show more than once. Even Finn, who had returned from the army, had been cordial to Jesse with a polite manner that I had never known he'd possessed.

I was still staring in the reflective glass, so I saw plainly when Jesse came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He wasn't in a joking mood for once, either - he was being completely serious. He swayed me gently back and forth, burying his face in my hair and singing quietly a song from Spring Awakening under his breath that I recognized as 'Word of Your Body'. I fell back into my Jesse's familiar embrace, and let him kiss away the tears that had sprung from my eyes at the thought of leaving Wicked.

"There will be other shows," he murmured, taking a break from singing. "Your Broadway legacy is far from down."

"I know," I laughed breathily, planting a single kiss on Jesse's jawline. It was the highest part of him that I could reach without standing on my tiptoes. "It's just sad, I suppose. Bittersweet. Like graduating high school - I knew it was going to come, but thinking about it hurt too much, so I tried never to focus on it. Now that it's over..." but I trailed off, unsure of where I had been going with that sentence as Jesse began to kiss me, more passionately than he ever had before. He quietly suggested that we take a walk through Central Park, and - even though I was exhausted and it was the middle of the night - I happily agreed. I wouldn't notice the ring in his pocket until he pulled it out thirty minutes later.

My understudy for Evita had shown more emotion than I had ever seen her display before when I told her that she would be taking over my lead role. There was no way I could go back, even after little Baby St. James was born - I would have my hands full, and so would my loving husband. He'd had to tell the director of Phantom to replace him, too. We both realized that we were giving up our dreams, but it was for the best cause in the world. We'd had our fair share of time on the stage - it was time to give our attention to our protégée, who would surely be the most talented person alive once he or she was born. With parents like myself and Jesse, how would he or she not be?

It was the middle of the night as I stayed awake thinking about possible baby names. The soundtrack of Funny Girl was playing softly in mine and Jesse's bedroom. We had immediately agreed the moment I'd discovered I was pregnant to immerse this child in the arts. We'd played different music every evening, and even put a pair of headphones on my non-existant baby bump for an hour twice a day. The headphones were always playing Queen songs, though. Jesse had said that if we played Broadway classics during the evening that Freddie Mercury was a must during the daylight hours. He wanted our child to be well rounded, he'd explained, and I'd understood his point. So I got to hear Under Pressure and Let Me Entertain You at least six times a day. Wonderful.

Suddenly, I began to feel uncomfortable. I sat up against my pillows, and spent a good ten minutes trying to figure out exactly what was the matter. I wasn't in pain - it wasn't anything like that. And as my stomach gave a loud rumble that echoed through the room, I realized exactly what it was that I wanted.

"Jesse?" I asked quietly, shaking my husband's shoulder gently. "Jesse? Jesse? Are you awake?"

Jesse mumbled something unintelligable before turning a few times in his sleep. A minute later he was wide awake, and staring at me in utter panic.

"Rachel?" he shot at me immediately. "What's the matter? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Is the baby?"

I giggled, and shook my head. "Relax. I'm okay - just hungry."

"Oh," sighed Jesse immediately, looking as though a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulder's. "Alright, then. What do you want?"

I gave serious consideration to that question before I answered him, "A large order of fried chicken from that vender we passed earlier."

Jesse stared at me in disbelief. It was at that moment I think it dawned on him what exactly he'd signed up for for the next nine months.

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

'Cause I wonder where you are

And I wonder what you do

Are you somewhere feeling lonely?

Or is someone loving you?

"That sounds wonderful, Benjamin, absolutely wonderful." I praised my eldest son. He was seated at the piano, playing a beautiful rendition of Lionel Richie's Hello. He was going to perform it for his school's talent show, and - as it was his last year in high school - he wanted to be absolutely perfect.

"Thanks, mom." Ben beamed, giving me a smile that greatly resembled his father's. "Dad told me you'd...appriciate the song choice."

I was sure I blush was creeping up on my cheeks, and Ben laughed. I smiled at him, and threatened to ground him as my daughter, Susanne, bounded down the steps. Still young at heart, my gorgeous twelve year old had her curly brown hair pulled back in what she called "Dorothy braids", and was singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow as she skipped around the music room.

"Mom!" she declared giddily. "It's decided - I shall be playing Dorothy when they re-make The Wizard of Oz."

I laughed at my little angel, and gathered her small form in my arms. "Dream big, honey."

It was at that moment that my wonderful husband made his presence in the room known, and he told our beautiful daughter, "Only it's not a dream, dear - it's an inevitability."

I vaguely remembered what it had been to once live alone, just Jesse and I. It had been years, but we fell back into the old patterns easily. Despite our older ages, we still had our Friday night movie marathons, and despite the end of all Broadway careers and pregnancies, we still played showtunes and Queen songs in the CD player ever night when we went to sleep.

One night, as I tried to fall asleep to the beautiful sounds of For Good, I really thought back on my life. How - just decades before - I had been singing that very song on a Broadway stage. I'd achieved all I'd ever dreamed of - many wonderful roles on the stage, my own Tony Award (or, rather, awards) and I'd married my best friend. I'd produced two beautiful children, and they had given me wonderful and perfect grandchildren. All in all, my life had turned out pretty well.

I heard Jesse begin to snore next to me, and I laughed out loud - some things just didn't change. Some things never could change, no matter the circumstances. One of those things was the way I felt about my wonderful husband of over fifty years. Jesse St. James had always been the love of my life - I just hadn't always known it. He was my everything, my other half. I could tell him anything, and I trusted him with my life. When I looked at him, no matter how gray his hair or how wrinkled his face, he was still the most beautiful man in the world to me. And I loved him with my whole self - that would never, ever change.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

The grass was cold and damp - it had been raining again. It seemed to rain every day, now. Every day, the heavens cried for her. Every day, I cried for her. I stood in the middle of my yard, staring at the mailbox that still held our names. I stared at the garden, which she had planted and tended to. I stared at the porch swing, that she had convinced me to buy. Everywhere I turned, she was all that I could see.

I constantly asked why. Why did she go before me? Why couldn't I protect her? Why was I alone?

It had only been a week - I was entitled to grieve for much longer than that. But I could already tell that no one wanted to be near me anymore - especially people who had been close to her. I was hurting - my heart, especially. I couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist.

The sky that night was void of stars - I like to think it was because the brightest of them all had just burned out, and they were mourning as well. But in reality, I knew that this wasn't the case. I found it impossible to dream without her.

There is a willow tree, that acts a curtain around two fallen stars. They had come from the same star, and had reunited on the planet, Earth. For years they were together, constantly making each other brighter, and even adding more stars to the world.

Now, the stars have been given names, which rest on cold, hard stone beneath the willow. But the stars are no longer there - they once again are in the sky, shining brightly, side by side. Forever.

So...yeah. The ending was a bit depressing. But at least they ended up together! :D I hope everybody liked and pretty please review!