Jamie navigated the busy streets of New York with Eddie by his side. They had some rocky times in their partnership lately but most recently they have patched things up. Jamie stole a worried glance over at Eddie. She had both hands wrapped around her middle and her legs pulled up in to her chest. It was pretty clear she was in pain.
"Eddie, let me take you back to the house. You can change and go home, get in bed and rest. I knew that gyro was questionable when you ate it. Take this advice, do not ever eat a gyro from a place called Ralph's Pagoda.
Eddie sighed, the pains were incredibly sharp, making even her back and knees ache. She didn't feel nauseated, she just hurt. "I don't think that's it Jamie, but I really don't feel well, I think yeah, let's go back."
Jamie lifted his radio to call in their return to Renzulli before turning the car around.
Jamie carefully walked Eddie back into the precinct, "Go to the locker room, get changed and showered, then head home. I'll come by after tour with something to eat and something for your belly."
"You're too good to me," Eddie replied and headed back to the locker room while Jamie headed back to the street solo.
"Janko, you okay?" Kara Walsh asked her friend when she saw he pained and pale expression on Eddie's face.
"Yeah, I just…" Eddie doubled over in pain. "Oh…"
Kara hurried over to her friend, "I'm getting Sarge."
Kara hurried out and came back with Renzulli. "What's the matter Janko? You're having stomach pains?"
"Yeah. It was there this morning, now it's worse. The pain is getting worse," she sniffled. "It really hurts, Sarge. I need to go to the bathroom."
"Kara, help her. I'll get a radio car we'll get her to a hospital, might be her appendix or something," Renzulli speculated.
Kara put her arm around Eddie and helped her to the bathroom. When Eddie got into the stall, still fighting sharp sickening pain, she noticed blood all down her legs and inside of her panties. "Oh God…Kara! I'm bleeding all over the place!"
"Okay," Kara sighed. "Okay, take a deep breath and just put tissue there. I'm going to get Sarge, we'll get you to the hospital all right?"
Kara understood without being told what this meant. She lost a baby before her son was born and it happened just like this. Kara ran to get Renzulli, "Sarge, Eddie is bleeding. We need to get her to the hospital now.
Renzulli ran as fast as he could and with Kara's help got Eddie into a radio car. He radioed to St. Victor's that an officer was coming in with abdominal pain and bleeding then hit the lights to get Eddie to the hospital.
When they arrived, Renzulli wrapped his strong arm around Eddie's shoulders and helped her inside, "I called ahead about my officer, she's having pain in her stomach and she said she's bleeding."
Linda appeared from behind the triage desk, "Come on back with me," she said not recognizing Eddie as Jamie's partner. Eddie saw the name tag, "You're Linda, Jamie's sister-in-law. I'm Eddie, I ride with Jamie…" Eddie doubled over at another sharp cramp. Linda took Eddie's arm and led her to the triage room.
"You're having pain in your abdomen, is it on the right side?"
Eddie shook her head, "No, it's not that. I had my appendix out when I was seven. I took a home pregnancy test and it came back positive, so I'm pretty sure that's it."
"And you're bleeding?" Linda clarified.
Eddie nodded, "Yeah, it's soaking the pad I put on and the tissues, it's all over the place."
Linda noted this and took Eddie's blood pressure, "Your pressure is a little low. Do you feel dizzy?"
Eddie nodded, "When I change positions."
"All right, let's get you back and I'll page the OBGYN on call."
Linda escorted Eddie to a curtain area and elevated her legs on pillows to help with the bleeding. "Do you want me to call anyone for you?"
Eddie shook her head, "No, Renzulli will let Jamie know, but this is private. I just want to the pain to stop."
Linda smiled and covered Eddie with a blanket before going to arrange for her care.
The OBGYN responded quickly to the page and examined Eddie. "Officer Janko, I'm so sorry but you are experiencing a miscarriage. It appears that you are bleeding more heavily than you should be and that's why you are feeling so sick. I'd like to take you up to the OR, I'll do a D&C, which will clean everything up and slow down the bleeding. Because you are bleeding so much, I want to put you all the way under and just explore and make sure everything is okay. It will take about a half hour."
Eddie took a breath, "All right." She felt so confused and not for the first time she wished Jamie was there. "Will that make it so I can't have babies?"
"Do you not want to have babies?" the doctor asked. Eddie was getting pale.
"I want to have babies…with Jamie," she sighed. "I want to have his babies but…I feel funny."
The doctor checked Eddie's vitals, "Nurse, let's get her up and prepped, pressure is dropping."
That was the last thing Eddie remembered as her sight blurred and her head lolled to the side.
"Officer Reagan, 10-3, please call you command," came the call over the radio as Jamie finished out the tour he'd began with Eddie. He was only an hour from the end of tour and checking in on Eddie. He was worried when he saw how much pain she was in.
Jamie stopped and pulled out his phone dialing the 12th and waiting to be patched through to Renzulli. "Sarge, what's going on?"
"Reagan, return to the precinct and change then get over to St. Vic's. I drove Eddie there earlier. They took her up for surgery a few minutes ago."
Jamie quickly ended the call and headed back to the 12th. If Eddie was having surgery, Jamie wanted to be at her side when she woke up.
Jamie arrived at the hospital only twenty minutes later and was permitted to wait in the family waiting area until the procedure was concluded. Jamie held Eddie's medical power of attorney, he was hoping to use that to get some information about the health of his partner.
"Eddie Janko? Anyone for Eddie Janko?" the doctor called just ten minutes later.
"I'm here for Eddie," Jamie replied. "I'm her partner, Jamie Reagan. I have her paperwork here that says…"
"Eddie gave us permission in the ER to speak with you," the doctor replied. "She's going to be fine. I performed a D&C to clear Eddie' uterus and that significantly slowed the bleeding and should ease some of the cramping as well. I'll give her a mild muscle relaxer to help if the pain is still as severe."
"D&C? Eddie was…She was pregnant? Is that…?" Jamie's mind was a flood of thoughts.
"That isn't the only reason we would perform this procedure, but yes, she was. The nurse is just getting her settled, then you can sit with her," the doctor replied. "She will need a few days off of work and she'll need her rest. Most importantly is that you remember it's not just physical trauma, and the emotional healing might take longer."
Jamie nodded, "Thanks, Doc for taking care of her." Jamie shook the doctor's hand and waited patiently for the nurse to escort him to Eddie's side.
Jamie sat beside Eddie's bed. She looked so tiny with the IV in her arm and the white sheets covering her. Pregnant, Eddie had been pregnant and he didn't know. She hadn't told him. Jamie sat by her side and cradled her hand. If this had happened in the field it could have been devastating, she might have fallen chasing a suspect because of pain or dizziness. Jamie sighed, he was thankful that he'd pushed Eddie to go back to the precinct, he just wished he'd been the one to accompany her to the hospital. She must have been scared and he wasn't here to hold her hand and make it all right.
Jamie wasn't going to leave until Eddie was awake. He kept her small hand in his own and kissed it softly. "I love you so much Eddie," he thought, but he'd never say that out loud. It was too big a risk.
It was hours before Eddie finally stirred. Jamie hadn't left her side except to use the bathroom and get a cup of coffee. He wanted to be there when she woke up. He had questions that needed answers but he would wait.
Finally he heard a small groan and looked to see Eddie's eyes starting to flutter. "That's it," Jamie whispered softly. "Come on back to me, Eddie. It's all right. I'm right here."
Eddie forced her eyes to open, "Jamie? What..."
"You got sick at the precinct," Jamie replied gently. "You had stomach pains in the car and went back to the house to change and go home to rest. I was going to bring you dinner and something for your belly but...Eddie, I have to ask you...did you know?"
Eddie's face turned red, "Barely," she replied. "I missed and thought it was stress or my new work out regime but...then I started to feel dizzy and...I lost it didn't I? I lost the baby..."
Jamie slowly nodded, "Yeah, yeah you did. I am so sorry honey." The term of endearment slipped out of Jamie's mouth before he could control it. Inside, he felt an overwhelming sense of loss and pain as well. He knew Eddie, he knew she didn't just sleep around with men on a whim which only meant one thing...the baby she'd been carrying had belonged to him.
Jamie wasn't sure how Eddie felt about this. "Talk to me," Jamie urged. "How long did you know and why didn't you say anything to me about it?"
Eddie sighed, "I just found out and I didn't know how…" She sniffled. "Doesn't matter now anyway."
Jamie could see Eddie was trying not to cry, "It's okay to be sad, Eddie. That was your baby, whether it was a surprise or not, it was your baby."
Eddie swallowed the huge lump in her throat, "Our baby, Jamie, that was our baby Jamie."
Eddie began to cry, covering her face with her hands. "I'm sorry, I should have said something the minute I knew but I was scared. I didn't know what you would say or what it would do to our partnership. It was just one time, after that mess with Ray and…We swore we would never mention it again, never do it again…"
"I know we did," Jamie sighed. "I know…" Jamie gently moved closer to Eddie, moving the bed railing and sitting down next to her so he could hold her close. Eddie buried her face in Jamie's chest and cried for their lost child for all she was worth.
Jamie held Eddie in his arms rocking her slowly back and forth, his heart hurt as well for the little one that would never be, the baby made on a night when he was forced at least inwardly to to face his feelings for Eddie, she was his, and Ray had no business trying to touch her. "Ssh, it's all right, you're going to be all right. I'm here…"
Eddie sniffled and hiccupped, "The most basic thing a woman can do and I can't do it right."
"Eddie, don't talk like that," Jamie soothed. "Please don't. This happens to like 20% of women, it's totally normal and natural. The doctor said you can have kids when you are ready for them." Jamie took a deep breath. "And I' be honored, Eddie, if when you decided to have kids, you wanted to have them with me. Honored."
Eddie lifted her puffy, tear streaked face and looked up at Jamie. "What are you saying Jamie? Are you taking back everything you said the morning after? Are you taking back that making love with me that night was a mistake?"
Jamie bit his lip, "That night was a mistake, doing it after drinking and being so emotional…was a mistake but the mistake was when we did it, not what we did."
Eddie looked down at her lap then up into Jamie's eyes. "What about work? What about all the things we said about not wanting new partners?"
Jamie stroked Eddie's cheek with the back of his hand. "This opened my eyes," Jamie replied. "That being your partner all the time, is more important than being your partner on the job. There are other cops that can do that…only I can do this, at least I want to be the only one to do this."
In spite of the still searing pain in her heart, Eddie smiled. She was at the worst moment of her life perhaps and here was Jamie with his hazel eyes and beautiful, soft smile tell her what she longed to hear since they shared a kiss outside her apartment nearly two years ago. "You're the only one I want to do it. I love you, Jamie, and someday, when we're both read and I feeling a lot better than I do right now I want to have babies with you…"
"We'll have babies, Eddie," Jamie whispered. "When you feel ready…there's no time limit on how long you'll feel bad about this, and I'm going to be here for you every step of the way. I love you so much."
Eddie settled back into Jamie's strong arms as he held her tight and close in her hospital bed. "I love you too," Eddie replied leaning against him. Earlier that day, Eddie felt like her everything she dreamed had gone up in smoke, but now, out of the ashes, was rising an incredible love that could only lead to a wonderful and fulfilling future for them both.
A/N: This story is dedicated in to my friend Karen who lost her baby early just like Eddie and to anyone that has lost a pregnancy. It is often so silent that he feeling and emotions get pushed down and aren't dealt with. I did tell my friend was writing this story and she fully approved. There will be one more installment of this story hopefully coming up on Monday. I think I got the typos, but if I missed I apologize.
Special thanks to all my readers and reviewers for all of my stories, you guys truly make the hours upon hours I spend writing them all worth it! Thank you so much!