I lovelovelovelove LOVE Lily Allen. I adore her and all her songs. This story is named after her second album, It's Not Me, It's You, released in... 2009? I think. Anyway, each chapter is named after a song in the album. Don't worry, you don't have to know the songs to get what's going on in the chapter. So, without further ado, here is chapter 1.

Chapter 1: The Fear

Kaoru's POV

I had always known how it was going to end. With Hikaru and Haruhi together, happy as could be. Me, I would just fill my place in the shadows. No sense disrupting something as wonderful as their relationship with something as volatile as jealousy.

Of course, it's not like that yet. But at this rate, it will be.

My name is Kaoru Hitachiin. I am fifteen years old. I go to school at Ouran Academy in Japan. I have a twin brother... Whom I love.

You always love family. No doubt about that. But I love Hikaru too much. Too much to be just a brother, or a friend. Yes, it's wrong. Yes, it's illegal. But I can't help it.

I don't think it would have been so bad if we were not in the Host Club. That ridiculous brotherly love act... Well, for me it's not an act. I don't know what it is for Hikaru. But all I know is that if we hadn't joined, my feelings would probably have stayed safely buried under a mountain of ice. They way they should.

Instead, they've blossomed up and out and created something huge. Something that cannot be ignored, something that threatens our stable, yet somehow still fragile, dynamic.

I think I know who Hikaru loves. It's pretty obvious, he makes no effort to hide it. He has a thing for Haruhi Fujioka, a girl in our class. In fact, she's sitting next to me right now.

I think about how easy it would be for Hikaru just to kiss her right now. Just do it. I say in my mind. Do it and get it over with. But neither of them makes a move. I sigh and put my head on my desk, willing the classroom and all the students to just vanish away, and my room to appear in its place.

Suddenly, the bell rings, scaring me out of my wits. I jump up and slam my books shut just as most of the others are stretching groggily. Thank God it's the end of the day. Now just hosting, then I can finally get the hell out of here.

Walking to music room three, I expect Hikaru to fall into step beside me and talk to start up, like always. However, this time, he skips-I'm not kidding, skips- to catch up with Haruhi. I find myself gritting my teeth in disappointment. I unclench them and shake my head a bit. No need to let on that you're upset. No need to burden other people with your problems.

I pull out my iPod, the white earbuds clicking together softly. Reminds me of the clackers. My mother used to have a string, with two balls attached to the ends of it. You'd move the string and the balls would smash together, making the best noise. I loved them. But she only showed it to us once, before putting it away. "They're dangerous." She had claimed, although at the time I saw nothing dangerous about them. Then again, I was eight.

I slide the white plastic into my ears and select a song. The sounds of piano, strings, and an accented voice reaches me.

I wanna be rich and I want lots of money,

I don't care about clever, I don't care about funny,

I want loads of clothes, and fuckloads of diamonds,

I heard people die while you're trying to find them.

I smile a bit at the last two lines. Fuckloads of diamonds. I always liked that.

And I'll take my clothes off, and it will be shameless,

'Cause everyone knows, that's how you get famous,

I look at the sun, and I look in the mirror,

I'm on the right track, yeah I'm onto a winner.

I reach the hosting room. I look around and realize, since I was walking to the beat, I left Hikaru and Haruhi in the dust. I wait for them to catch up.

I don't know what's right and what's real, anymore,

And I don't know how I'm meant to feel, anymore,

When do you think it will all become clear?

'Cause I'm bein' taken over by the fear...

Hikaru and Haruhi reach me. I hold the door open for Haruhi, like a gentleman, then slip in myself and slam the door on Hikaru. I can hear him cursing from the other side, and I laugh a bit. I open the door again.

"What was that for?" He asked grumpily.

"Nothing. Just to make you squirm a bit." I chuckle.

Hikaru walks in and the door shuts again, making the most awful clanging noise on the word fear in my song. That's when I realize...

My biggest fear is losing Hikaru to Haruhi. And it's already starting to happen.