;Disclaimer: I do not own the shows The Mighty Boosh, or Saturday Night Live. I'm merely borrowing two rather fabulous characters, and making them fall in love... for science? Yeah, I'll go with that, so I seem less bizarre.
A/N: I want to start this by stating that this fic is NOT to be taken seriously whatsoever. One of my best friends, known as Opalynne (check her shit out, it's really good) suggested that the group of friends we went with on our river trip this summer, should all write a terribly written one shot with a completely random pairing. So um... I had a hard time for a while coming up with an Idea, until it hit me. Old Gregg, and Stefon. If you don't know these characters, Old Gregg is a scaly man fish thing from a British comedy show called The Mighty Boosh. Stefon is a character from SNL played by the glorious Bill Hader, who shows up on the Weekend Update with Seth Meyers. Yeah, it's just pure crack, and written over dramatically for comedy effect. So if you're reading this, please enjoy.
A Tale of Two Broken Hearts
The bump-ba-da-thump rhythm pulsed madly throughout the night club; strobe lights and techno music keeping the party alive. It was a night club any party goer would proudly claim to frequent - well, as long as you were into the freaky stuff.
Club *insert dolphin noise here* was situated in an old fishing wharf, smack-dab between a tuna cannery, and a fishing sports store. In the cold, foggy evening that London had to offer, it was a night that felt like some thing magic could happen.
At least, that's what Stefon convinced himself. After all, a great dance club was always a great place to start, when you had to mend a broken heart. A tear fell poetically into his bright blue cocktail, a drink that so perfectly mirrored the eyes of his former love. Stefon still bore the fresh wounds of a terrible break up; his relationship with the one man he had been convinced gave a damn about him, went up in smoke... Oh how foolishly naive he had been.
No, in the end he had just been a, "Playful experiment," as Seth so eloquently put it. In the end that beautiful bastard ate him up, then spat him back out like the vile trash he was. A week later, while on set for his segment on the, "Weekend Update," Stefon noticed the ring on Seth's left hand... he had finally proposed to his whore of a girlfriend apparently.
After they were done playing nice for the camera, Stefon took Seth aside, and begged the hunky news anchor to take him back. Seth merely laughed in his face, and walked away; a cruel grin twisting those once sweet lips. The sort of emo realized too late, that the man he once loved, was a devil disguised in an angel's body...
Swept up in a blind rage, Stefon went home, and trashed his already messy apartment; breaking every gift, and sweet present that Seth ever gave him. Chest heaving, and tears streaming down his face he decided then, that he needed to get away - he desperately desired a new change of pace, to keep his mind off of his shattered heart. So Stefon packed up what little things he had, and purchased a one way ticket to the only place it made sense to go - London, England.
Stefon shook himself from the bizarre flash-back like moment, and downed the rest of his hideous blue drink; his mood now soured from unhappy memories. Some thing caught his attention from the corner of his eye: two midgets doing hand stands, and making out. The sight brought a smile to his lips, seeing some thing so bizarre made him feel more at home then he had in a while.
He debated going over there, and asking the midgets if he could join in... but it was still too soon for even casual, freaky sex. Instead, Stefon decided to dance for a while, hoping that he could just lose himself in the pounding thrum of techno versions of Elton John songs - the only music this club ever played.
~I have a Mangina!~
The night air was cold, the dense fog hanging heavily above the still water, was too reminiscent of a time long passed. A time where big strong fisherman types, would reel you into their muscled arms.
Lights, and wonderful techno beats layered over Tiny Dancer poured out into the night air, as Old Gregg walked along the rickety pier. Club *insert dolphin noise here* used to be an old haunt of his; the infamous club where people go to wee on each other. Only the true freaks dared to step foot in a seedy place like this...
He made his way into the night club, sticking to the shadowy bits along the walls. Old Gregg skulked in a corner, teetering back and forth occasionally, when the beat over took him. He would stop suddenly though, when his body got too carried away with itself - because dancing always made him sad these days, without his sweet sweet Howard at his side. Harsh memories stabbed at his thoughts, memories of how he had met his one true love, and how ultimately, he lost him.
Old Gregg had met Howard Moon, on a night not unlike this one. Howard had reeled the scaly man-fish into his tiny boat. In a flash of pure spontaneity, he showed the stuffy gent his down stairs mix up: his Mangina.
The bright flash of his glorious Mangina had caused Howard to faint; probably because he had never witnessed some thing so beautiful, and scaly in his entire life. So, Old Gregg spirited the heart throb away, and down to his cave/bachelor pad.
He had shown Howard so many things: his wonderful water colors, Baileys (creamy), and Curly Jefferson. The two of them played Love Games, and danced and sang together. He even showed Howard, "The Funk," and asked the brunette to take his sweet hand in marriage. And Howard had accepted, had let Old Gregg put on his wedding dress, and took him on the road with him to start The Family Funk. The two of them were going to have the perfect life together - they were going to have 3 children, all named Baileys, and live happily ever after.
But all of his dreams came crashing down, when Old Gregg found Howard in their bed naked, and in the arms of the man's best mate Vincent! Oh how the scaly fishmanwomanthing cried, when his loyalty, and love was thrown so candidly in his face. Old Gregg had done to them, what he did to Curly Jefferson, that night...
That had been almost three weeks ago now, and Old Gregg needed to find a place, where he could just get lost. Where kindred souls could press against each other, in the bump and grind, that is the dance.
~I have a Mangina!~
Stefon danced like there was no tomorrow, sweat clinging to him like a second skin. He needed a breather though, so he went back to the bar, and ordered a drink. Tipping back the clear liquid, what it was he couldn't even remember, some thing- or rather some one- caught his eye.
In the corner beside him, was a man with dull green skin, and beautiful bright red lips. The colorful strobe lights played off of his seaweed hair, and his bright silver 80's style jacket. A pink tutu rested playfully about his curvy hips. All-in-all the mysterious man was a, total catch.
Stefon's heart beat picked up speed, and his stomach did summersaults; he hadn't been this attracted to some one since Seth... Stefon bit nervously at the frayed end of his favorite long sleeved shirt, he was never very good at approaching new people.
Blue eyes locked onto him though, when he dared to take a peek again, and he blushed at their intensity. Stefon drank up the last remnants of what tasted like a Kamikaze, the rush of alcohol addling his senses for just a moment. It was all he needed though, to give him that little boost of courage, that moved his feet forward.
~I have a Mangina!~
Old Gregg had been very tempted to join the throng of dancers, because Rocket Man had started playing, and it was one of his all time favorite songs! That was until he set his big, blue eyes upon the hottest little tart in the club. By the bar a young-ish brunette lounged, his hair styled to almost cover one of his eyes, and parted off to the side. The man had an open, and honest face, his brown eyes shining brightly beneath rather intense eye brows.
"Dear mother Mary, is he scrumptious," Old Gregg thought to himself, wondering how best to approach the enigmatic looking sex God by the bar. His thoughts came to a screeching halt, when he noticed the man coming his way!
~I have a Mangina!~
Stefon approached the tutu'd stranger cautiously, hoping that he wouldn't make at utter fool of himself, by asking the man to dance. "Um, hello..." Stefon mumbled shyly, not able to meet the man's bright, blue eyes.
"Whatcha want, motherlicker?" The man asked, his expression rather guarded. Stefon started covering his face with his hands, which were half covered by his long sleeves; trying to hide his burning cheeks.
"Well I uh... wanted to ask you, if you would like to dance with me? M-my name is Stefon by the way, if you wanted to know."
The man with the seaweed hair eyed Stefon up, and down, before a smile cracked his red red lips. "Sure Sir, I'll dance with ya' Sir... the name's Old Gregg."
Stefon smiled winningly at Old Gregg, taking him by his frilly pink waist, and pulled him close. The two men stared deeply into each other's eyes, and every thing in the room shifted; time seemed to slow down just for them as, Can You Feel the Love Tonight? Began to play. It just felt so right in Old Gregg's arms, Stefon swooned, thoughts of evil exes now far from his love drunk mind.
Old Gregg wrapped his arms around the brunette's neck, and practically melted. He was surprised though, when Stefon leaned in and began singing in his ear, "Can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are." Small tears gathered in Old Gregg's eyes, the love and tenderness so apparent in Stefon's angelic voice; How could in not make him cry?
The scaly man fish placed his webbed hands on either side of Stefon's pale cheeks, and pulled the stunned man into a very passionate kiss. When they broke apart for air, they both knew there was no turning back.
~I have a Mangina!~
Deep in Old Gregg's cave that night, he showed Stefon his Mangina, and they proceeded to make sweet, passionate, scaly love. As they lay in the afterglow, Stefon played with strands of Old Gregg's sex tussled seaweed hair.
They both knew not where this would lead them, if they would even see each other again after this. But what Stefon did know, was that right now he was happy, and it seemed like Old Gregg was happy too. For now he would be content in this, after all- it was all two broken hearts, could ever ask for.
THE END.
E/N: This has become one of my favorite crack pairings, because it kind of seems like it could happen. I mean, don't they seem absolutely perfect for each other?! *is stoned by any possible SethXStefon fangirls* Yeah... this was sadly really easy for me to write... I just love bad fan fiction so much. I hope you enjoyed it? Please, review how you see fit. I'M OLD GREEEEEEGGGGG!