A/N: Ever wonder what Volkner and Flint do after you and your rival defeat them outside the Battle Frontier in Platinum? Some people seem to think they get laid, but I like to think it's more like this.

"Hahaha! That was a blast! Our combination came up short, but you're also a lot tougher as well. Promise me we'll do this again. I'll see to taking this husk home." Volkner grinned widely at the two young boys as they left, and his exhilarated expression softened into a sympathetic smile when he turned to the man next to him. "You gonna be alright, Flint?" A low grunt was his only response. Volkner sighed fondly and took Flint's limp hand to lead him home.

Flint's mood soured further while they surfed home, as they only had Volkner's Lanturn and Octillery to use. Flint was always uneasy with surfing, but Volkner knew it would be worse if they had to wait around for the ferry to Snowpoint City and walk back from there.

At last, the two arrived back at their seaside cottage in Sunyshore City. Volkner almost chuckled at the way Flint dragged his feet over the doorstep, and his laughs were even harder to suppress when the man made his way over to their couch and flopped onto it with a dramatic groan.

"Whyyyyyyy did his Torterra have to have Earthquaaaake? UUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!" he wailed. Volkner actually did laugh this time.

"Don't worry, Flint, they just got lucky this time." He ambled over to stand behind the couch. "If his friend hadn't had that Staraptor out, he couldn't have even used it...well, at least not without hurting his friend's Pokémon, too." He draped his arms around Flint's shoulders and buried his face in his hair, taking in the sweet, comforting smell with a relaxed smile.

"Still!" Flint pouted. "What are we supposed to do for that?"

"I mean, you could get a Charizard or a Talonflame, and I could get an Emolga. I've suggested this before."

"But then we wouldn't maaaaaatch!" Flint whined. Volkner laughed again at his plaintive cry and started rubbing Flint's shoulders.

"And that's the price we pay for...what do you call it? Our 'aesthetic,' is it?"

Flint's lower lip poked out childishly. "These things are important if we want to put up a strong, unified front to intimidate our opponents!" When Volkner giggled at his proclamation, Flint looked over his shoulder, eyes narrowed. "You're certainly all smiles today. Don't you know we lost?"

"Flint, we just fought a very tough battle against two powerful trainers, one of whom dismantled a major group of villains and defeated Cynthia, and we did really well...all things considered." He wrapped his arms around Flint's shoulders again and leaned in to kiss his cheek. Flint wasn't fazed by this. "You know how I get after a fierce battle, Flint. We did a great job in the face of a challenge, and I'm proud of us. You should be, too!" Flint only grumbled.

Volkner had a feeling reason wasn't going to work this time, so he didn't allow himself to be discouraged. Instead, he took a blanket from the couch and draped it over Flint gently.

"Don't need this. I'm not cold," Flint mumbled.

"Yes, you are. We surfed earlier, and you're always cold after surfing." Flint made a choked noise of protest, but Volkner wagged his finger to stop any further denials. "Flint, we've lived together for years. I know you get cold easily. Why else would you decorate your room at the Pokémon League with lava?"

"Hmph."

"Don't think you can fool me. I know you too well," Volkner bragged, sticking out his tongue at Flint as he walked in the direction of their kitchen.

"Where are you going?"

"Just getting you some comfort food. You can keep complaining if you like. I can still hear you," Volkner teased.

"I'm not complaining!"

Volkner didn't acknowledge that. He just smiled and grabbed some food from their cabinet. He was still well within earshot of Flint; their cottage was small, but it was home. He popped some Easy Mac in the microwave to heat up while he retrieved two packages of pudding (chocolate for Flint, butterscotch for him). He wished he had the time to make proper macaroni and cheese, but Flint was always grumpy when he was hungry, and he didn't want the man to be sad for that long.

Amusing as it was to watch him pout, a frown simply didn't suit Flint.

Three and a half minutes later, Volkner emerged from the kitchen and returned to see Flint was still pouting, but he was now snuggled in the blanket as well. He couldn't help it this time; he let out an involuntary cackle and nearly dropped the food.

"What is it now?!" Flint demanded indignantly.

"Nothing, you just—pfft." Volkner had to take a moment to gather himself. "You just look exactly like a grumpy Swadloon right now!"

Flint tried to look appalled at the jibe, but his mouth was starting to twitch. Volkner knew that look; Flint was stubbornly resisting the urge to laugh. Unfortunately, he managed to hold it back and retain his indignant scowl.

There was a ghost of it...but it's not enough yet. I'll have to try harder.

Volkner regained his composure and handed Flint the Easy Mac and a fork.

"Be careful. It's hot," he warned breezily, dropping down on the couch next to Flint with an encouraging smile.

"You didn't need to make this. It's not like I really needed it or anything." Despite his denials, Flint started to eat. His pace was controlled and methodical, as if he was trying not to show his enthusiasm. Volkner didn't say anything, but he knew Flint was hungry. Flint was always hungry.

He eventually gave up and picked up the pace of his eating, and he was done with the Easy Mac within a minute or two. As both men started in on their pudding, Volkner got another idea. His eyes shone as he started in.

"You know, Flint, I thought of something interesting a couple of days ago."

Flint tried not to look intrigued. Volkner wasn't fooled.

"If you had a rebellion in the Distortion World run by dried-out grapes, you could say they're...raisin hell."

Flint just blinked, but Volkner could see the amusement dancing behind his eyes, so he tried again.

"Someone once asked me where the nearest nudist colony was. I told them it was close enough to see with the naked eye."

Flint made an involuntary noise that sounded suspiciously like a muffled snort. He was refusing to look at Volkner at this point, and his hand was covering his mouth to hide what was probably a reluctant smile.

"Oh, you know what else? What did Dialga and Palkia say when Arceus took a cigarette break?"

Flint was obviously doing his best not to sound amused. "I don't know. What?"

"Holy smokes!"

At that, Flint's body started shaking, but he refused to let the amusement show. Needless to say, Volkner didn't quit.

"What do you call it when the king's boyfriend was too rough the night before?" Flint didn't respond this time, but Volkner was undeterred. "A royal pain in the ass!"

Volkner heard Flint mutter something under his breath. It sounded something like "Son of a Bidoof," but it was hard to tell behind the stifled chuckles.

And here's the kicker...I know Flint can't resist terrible puns for too long, so here goes...

"If you ran into a Drowzee in front of the lab in New Bark Town and it hit you with Hypnosis and Dream Eater, would that be a Nightmare on Elm's Street?"

At that, Flint slammed the empty pudding cup on a side table and dashed from the room, keeping his hand over his mouth the whole time. He headed to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. The door did little to hide his cackles. Volkner beamed.

Not quite yet, but we're making progress here. While Flint took some time to get himself under control behind the closed door, Volkner looked around and smirked when he figured out his next move.

A little less than a minute later, Flint emerged from the bathroom with that obstinate scowl still decorating his now reddened face. He plopped back down on the couch with a huff and glared straight out the window at the beach.

He wasn't able to brood for very long, however, because something small and soft poked his cheek. He wrinkled his nose in annoyance, but he didn't look over.

"Flint?" a small, cute voice whined. He still wouldn't turn his head.

"Flinty?" He forced his face to twist into an irritated snarl.

The small voice grew more insistent, and the small, fluffy thing poked his cheek again. "Flinters?"

Flint let out a confused noise at this.

"Flint-flont?" It was obvious he was losing his will to continue ignoring what was going on, but he held on, until...

"Hotshot?"

Deeming that to be a worthy title, Flint finally turned his head and groaned, "Oh my Goooooood, what's—"

He couldn't finish his sentence. Instead, he went silent, his mouth hanging open in dumbfounded exasperation at what he saw.

A few inches from his face was an adorable, fluffy Victini plush with a perpetual grin stitched onto its face. It wore a tiny, dapper top hat and bowtie, and it held a small cane in one paw. Volkner was sitting behind it with a childish grin, and he used his fingers to make the Victini wave one of its tiny paws. "Hi!" he chirped in the same cute voice.

Flint sighed. "Volkner, what are you doing now?"

"Aww," Volkner pouted teasingly. "Don't you wanna play with Victor?" He wiggled the Victini's paw again invitingly.

Flint had been about to protest, but his expression changed halfway through Volkner's sentence. "Hang on. What did you call...?"

"Who, Victor?" he asked innocently. He snickered inwardly, knowing where this was going.

"Okay, first of all, it's Victoria," Flint clarified with authority.

Volkner snorted. "Flint, Victini is genderless. Isn't that right, Victor? 'Right, Volkner!'"

"Maybe, but this one prefers to be called 'Victoria,'" Flint scoffed, unperturbed that Volkner had just spoken to a stuffed animal. "We've been over this. It's Victoria."

"And I say it's Victor."

"It's Victoria!"

"Victor!"

"Victoria!"

"Victor!"

"Victoria!"

"Victoria!"

"Victor! ...Wait, wait, no! I mean—"

Volkner clapped in triumph. "Ha! I win!" Flint threw a miniature hissy fit at having been outsmarted, and Volkner couldn't help but snicker. Then, he smirked. "You know, this seems kind of familiar...hold this." Volkner handed Flint the stuffed Pokémon. Then, he removed his jacket and laid it over the back of the couch before making his way to the other side of the room.

Flint regarded the Victini with suspicion before looking back up at Volkner. The man was fiddling with his iPod, which was hooked up to their modest speakers. Flint narrowed his eyes. "I don't trust you. What are you up to?"

"Just listen." A moment later, a subtle, sophisticated tune came from the speakers. Not long after, a male voice began to sing.

"Hah. 'Victor Victoria?' You would have show tunes on your iPod," Flint sneered sarcastically. "What are you, gay?"

Volkner caught the snide look over his shoulder. Almost the right smile, but not quite. "Takes one to know one. You identified it pretty quickly."

"Hmph." While Flint sulked and crossed his arms, Volkner skipped ahead a few tracks and returned to stand in front of the couch. He glanced down at Flint's hand, and he suddenly adopted a look of concern.

"Oh, Arceus, what's on your hand, Flint?!" he fussed. Though confused, Flint allowed Volkner to grab ahold of his hand.

"What do you mean? What's—ACK!" Flint let out an indignant squawk when Volkner took ahold of his hand and yanked him to his feet. The blanket and stuffed Pokémon fell as he was pulled into Volkner's arms and dragged to the center of the room. Volkner placed one hand on Flint's waist and held his hand in the other. "What are you—"

Flint's unfinished question was answered when the music started again, a jaunty tango piping into the room. Volkner matched Flint's glower of betrayal with a smug grin. "Just thought we should get some exercise."

"You...you tricked meeeeeee—!" Flint's sentence ended in a scandalized yelp when Volkner began to move to the music, launching them into a quick tango. His hand shot up to grasp Volkner's shoulder as he was yanked along unceremoniously through the steps. He staggered around ungracefully as he did his best to follow Volkner, who seemed to glide effortlessly through his movements.

"I—will NEVER—ack!—understand how you can—eep!—remember...these steps!" Flint managed, letting out frequent yelps as Volkner easily pulled him around like a ragdoll.

Volkner chuckled quietly at the clumsy picture Flint painted. "We went to Fantina's class together, remember? How come you don't remember? Fantina's a good teacher." He briefly released Flint's waist to twirl him, delighting in the alarmed noise he made.

"You—! We went to exactly ONE ballroom dance class, and you were wearing a suit. You know I can't focus when you're in formalwhoooaaaaa!"

Flint's declaration ended in a wail when Volkner pulled them both into a spin and then twirled him out to arm's length, only to promptly pull him back in. He followed with some deft footwork, and Flint struggled to keep up in his old, worn sandals. "It's not so tough," Volkner encouraged. "Just follow my lead." He made his way around the room with skilled steps, and Flint was just able to keep up, though his movements were stiffer than his partner's. Volkner considered himself lucky that they were in the most spacious part of their house.

"Well, this part isn't so bad," Flint panted as they circled the room. "I think I'm getting the haaaaaang of it!" His voice rose when Volkner suddenly dipped him, but he regained his bearings when he was snapped back upright.

Volkner pulled him close and continued leading him in the quick circles. He beamed as Flint studiously watched his own feet. He was surprised they hadn't stepped on each other yet. "Are your toes really that interesting, Flint?"

Flint sputtered at the teasing and snapped his face up to meet Volkner's. He looked like he was about to argue, but his expression turned flustered when their gazes met and he noticed they were only about an inch apart. "I...uh...wh—argh!"

One of Flint's sandals slipped up on the carpet, but Volkner caught him with no trouble, turning it into another step in the music as he dipped Flint at a different angle. He laughed. "Careful. I don't think you have the best footwear for this."

"No, you think?!" Flint joked breathlessly, his tone exhilarated rather than indignant when Volkner pulled him seamlessly back into the dance.

Volkner took pity on Flint and slowed their tempo to half speed. He switched to a couple of simplistic steps, smiling when Flint managed to keep up. "You're actually doing pretty well for a guy with two left feet and sandals."

Flint preened. "That's right! I always...hey, wait! I—waaaaah!" His protests were cut off when Volkner laughed and yanked his body around again and turned them both in another spin.

"Calm down, Flint, I'm only kidding." He slowed them down again and pulled Flint in close to rub their noses together. "You really are getting the hang of it."

Flint snorted as he tried to catch his breath. "Yeah, just give me a few hundred more classes with Fantina, and maybe I'll nearly be on your level," he admitted with a smirk.

"Only if you can keep your eyes off my butt."

"Hey, give me some credit!" The song was beginning to wind down, and Flint finally got into the swing of things, stepping along at the correct pace for the last few measures. "It was mostly your face. You're handsome in suits!" Volkner raised an eyebrow skeptically, and Flint let himself be dipped once last time for the final note. "Okay, fine. I also liked your chest. And your legs. And your butt."

The tune gradually faded, giving way to a slower love song. Volkner pulled him back upright and placed his hands on Flint's waist to sway with him gently. He pressed their foreheads together. "So, are you feeling better now?" he asked hopefully.

Panting, Flint rested his arms on Volkner's shoulders and furrowed his brow, but then his features relaxed. "Yeah. Yeah, I am!" A look of realization flashed in his eyes. "Don't tell me you did all this just to cheer me up, Volkner. Did you really?"

One side of Volkner's mouth twitched up into a shy smirk. "Maybe."

"Aww, that's sweet!" he crooned, playfully pinching one of his cheeks. "But you didn't have to. You know I always cheer up on my own eventually. Why'd you go and act all goofy?"

Volkner absently registered the words, but he mostly focused on the way the corners of Flint's lips rose high on his face, spreading his mouth into the wide, shining, brilliant smile he loved so much. He felt his own grin grow to match Flint's.

Finally.

"Because I love you." Volkner took Flint's left hand and tenderly kissed his ring-adorned finger, keeping eye contact as he did so. "And you're worth it." The romantic gesture earned him a light blush and a kiss from Flint.

And because your smile is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

The end