"Unexpressed emotions never die."
-one-
Familiarity was a warm feeling. When she met Chase for the first time, that sunny August day, on her move-in day to PCA, she felt as if she was reuniting with an old friend. He had the personality that gave off the impression of genuine interest and concern. She knew within the short conversation they had at the flagpole, that he was someone she wanted to get to know. And she got the sense that the feeling was reciprocated.
Over the year that followed, her and Chase did just that. He ended up becoming her best friend in a very short period of time. He was dorky and awkward, but managed to pull it off in a way that was both hilarious and extremely cute.
When the year ended, and she hugged him goodbye and left for the summer, she reflected over the months that had passed, and came to the conclusion that he was someone she could not live without. She barely remembered what it was like to not know him, and never wanted to go back to that.
The summer was painfully slow, but as the school year approached, and as she walked onto campus for the first time in three months, she found that sense of familiarity again, and smiled.
-two-
Pain was something she had felt externally on many occasions. She had broken her wrist at the tender age of six, received a concussion at the age of eleven while playing basketball, and broken her ankle the previous semester. She had never before, though, had any experience with emotional pain. With heartbreak.
Sure, she had experienced jealousy, sadness, grief. But heartbreak was different. It was the type of pain that started somewhere in her chest, a place she didn't even know existed, and spread throughout her entire body. Her stomach would drop to the lowest pit of her body. The world around her would stop. It was like someone was ripping her body open from the inside out, and she couldn't find the will to stitch it back together.
She couldn't stop playing it over and over in her head.
As she opened the door to his room, seeing for only a second, his lips pressed up against hers.
It was the longest second of her life.
She had wanted to run away, but she was strong, or at least, that's what she told herself. She held her head up high as he introduced his at-the-time girlfriend, Rebecca.
But she knew she didn't disguise the pain she felt.
-three-
Loneliness is a feeling that you only truly know, when you sit with your best friends, the most familiar ones, and you no longer get a feeling of belonging inside of you. That's how she would describe it, anyways.
Her friends barely noticed the change, and sometimes she wondered if it was all just inside her head. Like, she was blowing things out of proportion. That this was just a temporary thing, nothing to be concerned about.
She felt as if she didn't have a connection to them, or anyone for that matter. Their conversations were trivial and the things that once excited her no longer gave her a spark. PCA's first prom was coming up, now that there were finally enough girls in the school to host a proper event, and she didn't care.
Sometimes she'd just tune them out and pick aimlessly at her food, sometimes she'd excuse herself early and walk around campus, not paying attention to where she was going.
She thought she was going insane.
When in reality, she was missing her best friend.
He wasn't there.
Loneliness was truly evident when she stood with her friends but wished silently that they would leave.
-four-
As a sixteen year old girl, she knew that she had barely experienced the world. But if there was one thing she knew for certain, it was that she was in love with Chase Matthews.
She wouldn't deny that she had her doubts, but looking into his eyes that night, prom night, the first night together in nearly six months, she found herself with a brand new feeling.
She did know she loved him before, but she did not know to what degree.
Being in love was just like the familiarity she had felt before, but stronger. The hole that had been created through heartbreak and loneliness ceased to exist.
She was strong and independent. She did not rely on the validation of a boy to determine her happiness, but as she looked at Chase, she realized that he was the one who brought out the best parts of her. Without him around, she had forgotten who she truly was.
When she kissed him for the first time, she was so nervous, yet comfortable, that she lost her complete train of thought, and kissed him again just to feel the spark. She was wholly, truly, deeply in love with him, and that wasn't going to change any time soon.
A/N:
Yet another attempt to get back on this site as an active writer. This past year has just been really shitty, so thank you to everyone who has been supportive of me and continues to hang around. If you didn't pick up on it, this story is centred around Zoey and some of the emotions she had faced through her time with Chase.
Give me feedback, please. This is FAR from my best work but I'm just trying to dust off the cobwebs and write from the heart.
-Sarah