Prolog
I'm perfect.He thought. I'm the best. He thought. That's what he was told by his parents. The perfect child. He was proud, cold, had manners, was good looking, he could sing, play instruments, could draw and had a secret power that could be the ultimate weapon. A child parents can be proud of.
It was his first year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry, he had the best grades of his house. But not the best of his year. He knew his parents would be disappointed maybe even sad or worse they wouldn't be proud anymore, ashamed of their perfect child. Therefore, he tried even harder to make them love him. It made him sad.
It was his second year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry, He was only second best in his year. His parents would be so ashamed if he wouldn't be honoured this year. They seemed sad when he told them he wasn't best in his first. So he did everything to be the best. He got to be a part of the Quidditch-Team, so he had to be best there also. With an amazing new broom, his father got him and the team, they needed to win. However, they didn't. He blamed himself for everything. He wanted to be their perfect child so bad. It made him even sadder.
It was his third year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry, he still wasn't the best. He thought. So many of the younger Slytherins looked up to him. He wanted to be perfect for them and of course his parents. He never was pleased with his efforts, he never thought it was good enough, he never thought he did everything he could have done to be the best. It made him so unbelievably sad.
It was his fourth year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry, he still wasn't good enough, he thought. So he became colder. He also even started to tease his own housemates. Because he couldn't bare the stares anymore. They knew he wasn't perfect. And he was sure he saw them whispering, definitely about him and how pathetic he was. Things started to change at the Manor to, they weren't visiting the other part of the family anymore. His parents became so brutal, so cold, so ... unlike them. The dark Lord was there again, and his parents were his biggest supporters, his perfect world was falling apart. He was so sad, he was depressed.
It was his fifth year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry, No one looked up to him anymore, they were scared. Nevertheless, he wasn't like his parents, he was scared himself, he didn't want to follow the same path as they did. But he had to...to make them proud. He needed all the perfection back, at least were he could. Of course he couldn't change his parents, but he could change himself. Now he was angry, cold-hearted, didn't even smile with his friends. He missed the other part of his Family, so he convinced his parents to let him go over Christmas. He tried to flee into a world full of love and warm-hearted people. He enjoyed the time with his grandma, and her she never has been the perfect child, that's why she lived with their grandma in France. Their parents couldn't bare her. But he still loved her because she was his, his little girl. His sister. He loved his Grandmas food, especially the Christmas Dinner. When he came back to school, one of his housemates said something and he broke, he said, "you really loved the food where you were, huh ?". First, he didn't know what he meant, but then he realized... He said he was fat, that's what he thought. He needs to lose weight, he thought. He became more depressed.
It was his sixth year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry, he wished for perfection. He needed to follow his parent's footsteps. It was unbearable for him. He was exhausted all the time, because he was still in need to get in shape. He couldn't see that his body was perfect. He tried talking to his parents, if he really had to do all of this. He wasn't as dark as everyone thought. But he didn't want to disappoint even more people around him. He never stopped trying to convince his parents for the "good-side", but every time he asked, he was beaten up. It was unbearable for him. They want him to be evil, to be cold, to not care about anyone, they wanted him to kill. He couldn't. Living, now was unbearable for him. He was so depressed he didn't know what to do.
It was his seventh year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry, he only wanted his old live back, he wanted to flee to his grandma, just to have someone to hold in his arms. He started to be always tired, from exercising and not eating, he was skinny but his body was still in perfect shape, ha had a bit if everything, defined abs, a little bit of muscle definitions on his arms and back, and a cute butt. Everyone wanted to have a body like he has. In his seventh year he had to do so much he never even could think about, he was part of the "evil-side", that fact destroyed him from the inside. If Potter just killed him last year, he wouldn't have to deal with all this. He needed to find relief from his pain. He didn't know where he got this from, he didn't know why he considered it. But it was the first time he took a blade, pushed it into his skin and pulled it across his forearm, he began to cut himself, in deep small, or fine long cuts along his arms and thighs. In the final battle of war, he finally convinced his parents to go back to France to his grandma and sister. His parents never loved his sister she was never like them, she was never a true Malfoy, she was a happy loving and caring young girl. If his parents only knew that, he was like her in the inside. But he needed to keep his facade of the oh so perfect son. He wrote letters to his friends, wanting to know how everything is going on at home... yes Hogwarts was his home. They told him that some of the seventh years could go back to get their N.E. he really wanted to, now that he didn't need to be on the dark side anymore. He wanted to go home so badly, he missed his friends. He knew it was save to go back home. Even though it would break his grandmas and sisters heart. One day while eating, he had the courage to tell.
"Mother, Father..." he paused, "I want to go back to Hogwarts".