Pizza Boy
By: Sugar
Disclaimer: Don't own it. None of it. Except the storyline. Every thing else is SO not mine. The End.
A/N: Good lord, we really messed up poor Frodo. And we're sorry Legolas is so mean. Please don't hurt us.
~*~
"Get a job!" Bilbo yelled.
"Dude, I can't." Frodo popped a chip in his mouth.
"You're 61, I've been supporting you for too long! You dropped out of hobbit college and you haven't worked a day in your life!" Bilbo screamed.
"Okay, man!" Frodo slumped across the room and picked up the phone that wasn't invented yet. "Hello Pizza Hut, I'd like a job." Frodo grunted. He paused for a moment then snorted a Thank-You.
"Well..." Bilbo tapped his foot impatiently.
"I got a job." Frodo sat down to smoke a joint...I mean a pipe.
~*~
The next day was Frodo's first day on the job, he had a major hangover, and he was an hour late.
"You'd think that destroying the Ring would be considered work..." He grumbled as he entered the Pizza Hut.
"You're late!" Legolas shouted.
"Legolas! What are you doing here?" Frodo asked, looking up.
"I'm Manager." Legolas proudly pointed to the little tag on his shirt that said Manager.
"Wassup?" Frodo put up his hand for a high-five and stuck out his tongue. He figured that since they were in the Fellowship together, he'd get the day off.
"Get in the kitchen before I fire you!" Legolas pointed to a door in the back.
Frodo scuffed in and joined a group of pimply-faced teenaged hobbits rolling dough and spreading toppings. He tied a frilly apron on his waist and went to find someone to do his work for him.
He spotted a pretty, young, female hobbit in a corner with a checklist and a tag that said 'Vicki: Assistant Manager'.
"Excuse me, I'm...uh...the new guy." Frodo burped and scratched his head.
"Yeah, you will, like, be making dough." She eyed him suspiciously.
"I'd like to make some dough with you anyday, baby." Frodo pitifully attempted to hit on her. She turned, mouthed 'Ewww...', and walked away.
Confused, Frodo walked over to the nearest dough boy (A/N: And poked him in the tummy...).
"Dude, show me how to make dough." He pointed to a roll of it on the table.
"Okay, first you take flour, water, and...hey, are you listening?" The dough boy asked, seeing Frodo leaning back to have a smoke.
"Yadda yadda, I got it." Frodo flicked his lit match into a boiling pot of cooking oil. It immediately burst into flames and caught the kitchen on fire. While Frodo searched for flour in the cupboards, the other workers struggled with the flames.
"Aha, here it is." Frodo held up a bag of flour just as the workers put out the fire. He mixed the flour with water in a dirty metal bowl and struggled to remember what came next. "Oh yeah!" Frodo pulled out a bag of pipe weed and dumped it in.
"All done!" He cheered and pushed the bowl aside, just as he noticed the whole kitchen burnt and empty. "Okay, who took a lunch break without me?" He called and looked for a way out of the locked kitchen. But he got tired and took a nap on the counter.
When he woke up the restaurant was empty and dark.
"Closing time already?" He thought and jumped off the counter. "Alcohol, alcohol, where's the alcohol?" He wondered to himself and searched the cupboards. "Ah, here we go!" He said, pulled out a bottle of Vodka, and sipped from it.
(A/N: What's a bottle of Vodka doing in Pizza Hut?)
After he was nice and drunk, Frodo decided to make some more dough. In the process, he managed to spill three bags of flour and add Vodka and pipeweed to the mixture.
Eventually Frodo found his way out of the kitchen but fell asleep in the Pizza Hut lobby.
~*~
The next morning Frodo woke to Legolas viciously kicking him and demanding to know what he did to the dough.
"Abuse, abuse!" Frodo yelled drunkenly, and rolled out of a coat rack.
"You're fired!" Legolas yelled.
"Dammit, man, I need this job, my uncle will kick me out!" Frodo attempted to stand up.
"Alright, I know what it's like, my dad kicked me out to join the Fellowship...You can be a pizza boy. First day tomorrow." Legolas sighed.
~*~
"Uncle, I need your car that isn't invented yet!" Frodo yelled to Bilbo when he returned home that day.
"No way, you totalled it last time!" Bilbo answered from the kitchen.
"Fine." Frodo said and stomped off to bed.
~*~
The next morning Frodo actually got to work on time.
"Okay, here's the rules." Legolas looked at him skeptically. "#1, don't eat the pizza. #2 If it doesn't get there in half an hour it's free and comes out of YOUR paycheck, and #3 Get the money and bring it back HERE." He pointed at Pizza Hut and looked down at Frodo's bicycle.
"Oh, this." Frodo noticed Legolas staring at the bike. "My car is...at the doctor's." He said stupidly.
"I hope you never use that excuse again!" Legolas yelled and handed Frodo a pile of pizza boxes and a list of addresses.
~*~
"Here's your pizza." Frodo handed a pizza over to the first person on his list. "That'll be $10.65." The older hobbit handed the money over and snatched the box.
"Somebody's cranky." Frodo grumbled as he pedaled out of the driveway. (A/N: Do they even have driveways?)
~*~
At the end of a week of delivering pizzas, Frodo got his first paycheck.
"$10.00?!" He yelled. "I get more from a pizza!"
"Too bad!" Legolas growled.
~*~
Pathetic Epilogue: Frodo spent the rest of his days working at Pizza Hut, drinking, smoking, and living at the Tavern.
~*~
A/N: I would advise anyone that read this not to try what Frodo did or write a story like this. It hurt me to write this, but I needed to let out my dark side. I really love Frodo and Legolas, really!
By: Sugar
Disclaimer: Don't own it. None of it. Except the storyline. Every thing else is SO not mine. The End.
A/N: Good lord, we really messed up poor Frodo. And we're sorry Legolas is so mean. Please don't hurt us.
~*~
"Get a job!" Bilbo yelled.
"Dude, I can't." Frodo popped a chip in his mouth.
"You're 61, I've been supporting you for too long! You dropped out of hobbit college and you haven't worked a day in your life!" Bilbo screamed.
"Okay, man!" Frodo slumped across the room and picked up the phone that wasn't invented yet. "Hello Pizza Hut, I'd like a job." Frodo grunted. He paused for a moment then snorted a Thank-You.
"Well..." Bilbo tapped his foot impatiently.
"I got a job." Frodo sat down to smoke a joint...I mean a pipe.
~*~
The next day was Frodo's first day on the job, he had a major hangover, and he was an hour late.
"You'd think that destroying the Ring would be considered work..." He grumbled as he entered the Pizza Hut.
"You're late!" Legolas shouted.
"Legolas! What are you doing here?" Frodo asked, looking up.
"I'm Manager." Legolas proudly pointed to the little tag on his shirt that said Manager.
"Wassup?" Frodo put up his hand for a high-five and stuck out his tongue. He figured that since they were in the Fellowship together, he'd get the day off.
"Get in the kitchen before I fire you!" Legolas pointed to a door in the back.
Frodo scuffed in and joined a group of pimply-faced teenaged hobbits rolling dough and spreading toppings. He tied a frilly apron on his waist and went to find someone to do his work for him.
He spotted a pretty, young, female hobbit in a corner with a checklist and a tag that said 'Vicki: Assistant Manager'.
"Excuse me, I'm...uh...the new guy." Frodo burped and scratched his head.
"Yeah, you will, like, be making dough." She eyed him suspiciously.
"I'd like to make some dough with you anyday, baby." Frodo pitifully attempted to hit on her. She turned, mouthed 'Ewww...', and walked away.
Confused, Frodo walked over to the nearest dough boy (A/N: And poked him in the tummy...).
"Dude, show me how to make dough." He pointed to a roll of it on the table.
"Okay, first you take flour, water, and...hey, are you listening?" The dough boy asked, seeing Frodo leaning back to have a smoke.
"Yadda yadda, I got it." Frodo flicked his lit match into a boiling pot of cooking oil. It immediately burst into flames and caught the kitchen on fire. While Frodo searched for flour in the cupboards, the other workers struggled with the flames.
"Aha, here it is." Frodo held up a bag of flour just as the workers put out the fire. He mixed the flour with water in a dirty metal bowl and struggled to remember what came next. "Oh yeah!" Frodo pulled out a bag of pipe weed and dumped it in.
"All done!" He cheered and pushed the bowl aside, just as he noticed the whole kitchen burnt and empty. "Okay, who took a lunch break without me?" He called and looked for a way out of the locked kitchen. But he got tired and took a nap on the counter.
When he woke up the restaurant was empty and dark.
"Closing time already?" He thought and jumped off the counter. "Alcohol, alcohol, where's the alcohol?" He wondered to himself and searched the cupboards. "Ah, here we go!" He said, pulled out a bottle of Vodka, and sipped from it.
(A/N: What's a bottle of Vodka doing in Pizza Hut?)
After he was nice and drunk, Frodo decided to make some more dough. In the process, he managed to spill three bags of flour and add Vodka and pipeweed to the mixture.
Eventually Frodo found his way out of the kitchen but fell asleep in the Pizza Hut lobby.
~*~
The next morning Frodo woke to Legolas viciously kicking him and demanding to know what he did to the dough.
"Abuse, abuse!" Frodo yelled drunkenly, and rolled out of a coat rack.
"You're fired!" Legolas yelled.
"Dammit, man, I need this job, my uncle will kick me out!" Frodo attempted to stand up.
"Alright, I know what it's like, my dad kicked me out to join the Fellowship...You can be a pizza boy. First day tomorrow." Legolas sighed.
~*~
"Uncle, I need your car that isn't invented yet!" Frodo yelled to Bilbo when he returned home that day.
"No way, you totalled it last time!" Bilbo answered from the kitchen.
"Fine." Frodo said and stomped off to bed.
~*~
The next morning Frodo actually got to work on time.
"Okay, here's the rules." Legolas looked at him skeptically. "#1, don't eat the pizza. #2 If it doesn't get there in half an hour it's free and comes out of YOUR paycheck, and #3 Get the money and bring it back HERE." He pointed at Pizza Hut and looked down at Frodo's bicycle.
"Oh, this." Frodo noticed Legolas staring at the bike. "My car is...at the doctor's." He said stupidly.
"I hope you never use that excuse again!" Legolas yelled and handed Frodo a pile of pizza boxes and a list of addresses.
~*~
"Here's your pizza." Frodo handed a pizza over to the first person on his list. "That'll be $10.65." The older hobbit handed the money over and snatched the box.
"Somebody's cranky." Frodo grumbled as he pedaled out of the driveway. (A/N: Do they even have driveways?)
~*~
At the end of a week of delivering pizzas, Frodo got his first paycheck.
"$10.00?!" He yelled. "I get more from a pizza!"
"Too bad!" Legolas growled.
~*~
Pathetic Epilogue: Frodo spent the rest of his days working at Pizza Hut, drinking, smoking, and living at the Tavern.
~*~
A/N: I would advise anyone that read this not to try what Frodo did or write a story like this. It hurt me to write this, but I needed to let out my dark side. I really love Frodo and Legolas, really!