- How Much -
(free verse)
You've spent your whole life
learning how to
push
people away
learning how to
(((wrap your arms)))
tight around your heart
learning how to
XpXrXoXtXeXcXtX
yourself with crossed swords
of angry words
and bitter promises
that you don't even try to keep
And when a boy tells you
Just
- how much -
he likes you
you
pull
back because that's
*TERRIFYING*
to you
Far scarier than
Monsters in the Closet
or the Dark
or Nightmares
His embrace
(once so comforting)
has become crushing
His hands
(it was only just a laugh)
suddenly want to hold yours
instead of your body
You could deal with the
PHYSICAL
(it's what's {inside} your head
that scares you
Far More
than the Monsters in the Closet
ever could)
All this Emotion
All this Trust
All this Commitment
People aren't meant to stay together
f...o...r...e...v...e...r
(you've seen that firsthand)
And when a boy tells you
Just
- how much -
he likes you
it's all too much
too soon
too quick
too...
...everything
Why did he have to be so good?
And so kind?
And so sweet?
And so perfect?
Everything a girl should want
in a boyfriend
Someone to love you
Adore you
Hold up the sky for you
But you're not That Girl
-the one he thinks he sees-
When he told you
Just
- how much -
he liked you
he couldn't see the real you
(the screwed up you)
who uses her body
not her head
to keep the emotions away
Far Away
where you can't get hurt
Or be used
Or abused
love doesn't last
you're not meant to be together
f...o...r...e...v...e...r
So the next time you see him
you take the
COWARDS
Way Out
and pretend nothing
h. a. p. p. e. n. e. d
between you
And he's hurt
but he doesn't show it
(he's that kind of guy)
And after a while
everything's back to normal
You let another
Nameless
boy use you
because it keeps your head clear
free from emotion
But suddenly,
you find yourself watching him
Wondering if
When he told you
Just
- how much -
he liked you
he really meant it
(?)
Because you're suddenly watching him
and realising
- how much -
He could have loved you
Adored you
Held up the sky for you
(if you'd only given him the chance)
So you use your body
-because that's all you've ever known-
And you hike up your skirt
And stretch out your legs
And lean forward
so he can see your chest
And you use your pretty face
And suddenly,
you feel so cheap
You know what they call you
behind your back
"Look at her,"
they whisper;
"Slut."
He doesn't even look at your long legs
He doesn't even notice your pretty face
you lost your chance
because you were so afraid
to let yourself go
Free Fall
into something that could of
meant everything
But in The End
meant nothing
And as for That Girl
that New Girl
He doesn't say
When he told her
"Just
- how much -
he liked her"
He tells her
He loves her
and guess what
(?)
She loves him back
He's braver than you could ever be
And suddenly,
those fingers sliding up your skirt
or shirt
don't seem so safe now
and you're wondering
Why
you were ever such
A Fool
to let him go
because you wouldn't
couldn't take the risk
and let yourself
Free Fall
It's still more scary than
Monsters in the Closet
or the Dark
or Nightmares
but perhaps that's how it's meant to be
(?)
People aren't meant to be together
f...o...r...e...v...e...r
you know that
(you've always known that)
From a distance you watch the boy
Who would have held up the sky for you
Walk Away
into his own
Happy Ending
and you turn back to the
Nameless
boys who want to
Use you
Abuse you
and you keep your head clear
even though your heart's
Crying Out
for someone to listen
for someone to care
But what's the point of someone caring
(?)
you'll only
push
them away again
because that's what the world taught you
that people aren't meant to be together
f...o...r...e...v...e...r
But you still
(sorta
kinda)
wonder
If you had it to do over...
What would you do?
I'm not exactly sure where the inspiration for this piece came from. All I know is that's it resonated with me - and I can understand her exactly. Judge her or not: there's people like her out there, kids from messy divorces, abusive parents, kids who have seen what the world does to love.
Maybe this seems cynical, but looking through the eyes of someone who has seen what love can do, I don't judge her, sure she's made some stupid decisions but then haven't we all? We all have to deal with our lot in life and I think it's poignant to ask the question
"If you had it to do over what would you do?"
because really, we ask ourselves that every single day.
A very wise man once said:
"We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path." ~Paulo Coehlo
perhaps it's worth thinking about?
let me know your views...I'm always willing to see things from a different point if view.