My note….this fic is a birthday present for Kelley(lilfiftyfour). We discussed the plot and agreed on a season seven based JimAsh fic, using the storylines the writers have given us so far and will immediately follow the events of 'We got the beat'. Please forgive me if there are any glaring similarities between this story and One Small Step, I am doing my very best to try to keep this one as unique as possible.
YOU'RE STILL YOU
CHAPTER 1: TELL ME LIES
The huge oak door swung open, Ashley inhaled deeply and bit her lower lip, "I screwed up El…big time".
Ellie offered her best friend a sympathetic smile and reached out, urging Ashley to come in from the blustery early spring wind. Ashley was surprised with Ellie's low-key demeanor...she'd expected wide eyes, a gaping mouth and an stunned "What happened Ash?". And it wasn't until she fully entered the foyer that she realized why Ellie had reacted the way that she did.
"Hey Ash", Marco greeted warmly from where he stood at the other end of the hall. The same compassionate smile that Ellie had given her just moments before, now graced his lips.
"Hi Marco", she returned softly. Ashely's eyes only momentaily grazed over her friend as she spoke, then returned longingly to the figure that was seated next to him.
Their eyes met for a split second. Ashley felt the sting of fresh tears as Jimmy pursed his lips together and averted his attention away from her and back to his hands, clenched in his lap. He cleared his throat uncomfortably and looked up at Marco.
"Ah, thanks for this man", Jimmy acknowledged greatfully as he placed the completed statements from the months online sales off the SquatchWear website Paige promised him, into the net under his chair. "I'm um...gonna get going", he added quickly, as he motioned over his shoulder to the door.
Marco nodded and patted Jimmy on the shoulder. "No problem man", he assured, with yet another strained, yet kind-hearted smile. "You sure you don't need a ride home?", Marco offered questionably.
Jimmy shook his head and smiled appreciatively. "No really, I'm good", he paused, trying hard not to look over in Ashley's direction. "I...ah, I'm...meeting a friend here on campus".
"Oh", Marco whispered, trying to keep his surprise and curiosity to himself as he turned to walk Jimmy to the back door, where the ramp was located.
"See ya El", Jimmy called out as he pivoted around, completely ignoring Ashley...a common occurance these past few days, but one that Ashley was having a very difficult time getting used to.
"Bye Jimmy", Ellie returned awkwardly, not daring to look over at her distraught best friend.
Ashley watched as Jimmy and Marco made their way down the other end of the hallway. A million emotions were running through her at that very moment, she lowered her head and let the tears she was bravely trying to hold back, fall...completely missing the pained and equally longing glance Jimmy sent her way, just before he pushed through the door.
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Jimmy waited at a small window table in the campus coffee shop Trina promised to meet him at. He felt awkward sitting there, perpared to meet with a girl he'd only known for a few days, when all of this thoughts were of another girl he'd left sobbing in the hallway of the house occupied by their mutual friends. Trying to shake the mental image of Ashley crying into Ellie's arms, he forced himself to remember what she did to cause that reaction...and started to feel it was completely justified.
Jimmy sighed and propped his head up in his right hand, his neck naturally twisted to the left and he now found himself with a view through the large picture window. He sighed again...there wasn't much else to do but watch the people go by while he waited. A few small groups of people, who were obviously students, passed...the backpacks and books kinda gave it away. There were a few older people too, possibly students but probably parents, Jimmy surmised. Not much vehicle traffic on this tree lined street.
A blur caught Jimmy's attention and he watched as a young man, around the same age as him, jog in front of the window. He was dressed in running gear, not much different from the apparel Jimmy wore to his physio sessions. Not much else in comparison though...Jimmy's lips turned up into an ironic smirk as the man passed.
If that wasn't enough, a young couple entered his field of vision next, this time coming toward the coffee shop, rather than passing it. She was attractive, a few inches shorter than him and thin. He was masculine, tall and strong. Their hands were clasped tightly within each others, their arms swinging lightly between one another. Her long brunette curls bounced with each step. His smile widened as he looked down at her. They laughed as they walked in time together.
Jimmy focused on their clasped hands and wondered when the last time he and Ashley laughed like that...
He was so deep into the array of thoughts, both good and bad, swimming through his head, that Jimmy hardly noticed a red car swing into a parking spot right in front of the coffee shop...that is, until the driver struggled out. He didn't know why it took him by surprise, he knew it was possible, even looked into it for himself, but seeing Trina actually drive her own car, gave Jimmy yet another goal to work toward.
Trina slowly shuffled toward the shop, painstakingly taking each of the five steps up to the front door. Jimmy marveled at what he'd be able to do if steps weren't such a big issue anymore...use the front entrances instead of side ramps or back doors, into the Dot, or Marco and Ellie's, or the campus club, or Ash...
Ashley's house. Right. Jimmy shook the thought from his head dismissively.
"Glad you could come", Trina greeted cheerfully as she stepped in front of Jimmy, bringing him back to the present.
Jimmy looked up at her and smiled a bit bashfully as he nodded, "Yeah, me too".
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"He hates me", Ashley mumbled as she settled into the large leather chair, next to Ellie, tightly clutching the steaming mug of coffee Marco had just handed to her.
"He doesn't hate you Ash", Marco tried to reassure her. Ashley flashed him an incredulous look and nodded her head. Marco glanced over at Ellie for help. They were both at a loss on how to continue.
After a few moments of awkward silence, Ellie inquired softly, "Why'd you do it Ash?".
Ashley sniffled and shrugged in reply. "That's just it El...I really don't know", she paused to think it over. "I was just so pissed off at Craig for stealing my song. I wanted to show him up...make it big. Be bigger and better than him".
The two friends waited patiently for Ashley to continue. "It all sounded so good in my head. I'd get my foot back in the door with the talent show and move on from there. Then I thought about Jimmy...all the plans we made together, and I wanted to include him somehow. His rhyming skills are so amazing, so I thought, what better way to include him by asking him to perform with me?". Another wistfull pause, followed by a deep sigh.
"But when it came to the day of the show...I don't know...it just didn't feel right. Didn't sound right. I tried to make it work...", she trailed off and looked down at her still full mug. "Then when the crowd started to boo, I felt this energy take over and knew I could get them to like it if...then Jimmy came out and they fell in love with him...and when Griffen...".
Ashley bit down on her trembling lower lips. "I just got so jealous of him", she whispered painfully, looking between her two friends for some kind of redemption. Ellie gave her a sympathetic smile and Marco sat next to her, on the side of the chair and placed a comforting arm around her shoulders.
"I really didn't mean to hurt him", Ashley shuttered slightly. "And now he hates me".
Marco gave her shoulders a light squeeze as he tried to reiterate, "Ash, he doesn't hate...".
"Yes he does", she cut in adamantly, then closed her eyes slowly as she remembered his stinging words. "He said I was his biggest disappointment".
"Oh Ash", Ellie sighed heavily and reached out for Ashley's hand.
"That just goes to show how much he still really loves you Ash", Marco encouraged, nudging her playfully. Ashley looked up at him expectantly. "If what you did was more disappointing to him than losing the use of his legs, then...".
Marco trailed off as Ashley's slumped down defeatedly and groaned, "God Marco, was that intended to actually make me feel better...?".
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"Wow, you were quite the basketball star, weren't you?", Trina stated, impressed by Jimmy's stats as they sat and talked over coffee.
"I guess", Jimmy blushed and shrugged indifferently. "I still coach", he added quickly and Trina looked impressed. "...head coach for the junior girls team and assistant coach for the boys varsity".
Trina raised a brow and smiled. "There's a wheelchair league at the physio center..."
"Yeah, already tried that", Jimmy cut in softly. Trina waited patiently for him to continue. "I played for a little bit...but it just wasn't the same", he explained, his voice harboring a disappointed tone.
"I know what'cha mean", Trina nodded in agreement and took a long sip from her mug.
Jimmy leaned forward attentively. "So, what was your special talent before your accident?", he asked curiously.
"What makes you think I had one?", she smirked playfully.
"Doesn't everyone?", he quipped in reply.
Trina blushed slightly and rolled her eyes before blurting, "Dance". Jimmy shot up, definitely surprised by her answer as he was having a hard time picturing her in a tutu. Trina chuckled softly at Jimmy's expression as if she could read his mind. "Hip hop", she clarifired, amused.
"Oh", Jimmy smiled and blew out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding...almost relieved. "That's cool", he stated genuinely with a slight nod. "I've been playin' around with the hip hop vibe recently...", he started to respond, but quickly trailed off when he notice Trina narrow her eyes questioningly.
"Not the dancing of course", Jimmy joked laughingly. "...the rhyming, rapping aspect of it".
"You sing?", Trina prompted curiously.
"A little, I played guitar and sang backup in a friends band for a few years", Jimmy admitted modestly. "But his rap thing is something new". He shrugged, trying to play it off, "Just something I found easy to do while playing karaokee revolution with my friends".
Trina chuckled at his reply. "Karaokee revolution?", she chided playfully. Jimmy blushed with embarrassment and nodded a slow confirmation. Another laugh erupted from Trina as she asked, "You any good?".
"Well right now, my gir...", Jimmy paused, unsure of why he stopped, but unwilling to divulge any further. He couldn't bring himself to talk about Ashley, not right now. Not when he wasn't sure exactly where they stood with one other. "There's an arcade across campus...you wanna find out for yourself?", he challenged playfully.
Trina cocked her head to the side and smirked, "You're on".
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Ashley softly closed her bedroom door and flipped up the switch on the wall next to her. She squinted slightly as the bright lights assulted her sensitive eyes. She had cried all the way home.
It had been a long day, hell, a long week...and she was tired. Ashley unceremoniously dropped her coat and bag onto the floor by her feet, which were currently kicking off the shoes that encased them. She stepped over to her bed and flopped down, preparing to replace her current attire with the cartoonish sleep pants and tank top, sitting next to her.
Once her clothes met with the growing pile on the foor, Ashley crossed the room slowly, and took a seat at her vanity. She took out her cleanser and a cotton pad, not that there was much eye makeup left to remove...most of it had washed off hours ago. She looked critically at the image starring back at her, and didn't like what she saw. It wasn't the visible unattractiveness that bothered her...sure, her eyes were puffy and her nose was red...it was the internal ugliness that did...the green-eyed monster of envy that caused her to do what she did to Jimmy.
A photo sat to the right of the mirror. Silver etched metal framing the image of a couple in happier times. It seemed to Ashley like a lifetime ago, but in reality, it was less then three months ago. Christmas day. She was sitting on his lap, her arms laced around his neck, his firmly hugging her waist...both donning Santa hats and grinning from ear to ear.
Ashley glanced away from the picture and returned to the task of makeup removal. She almost unconsciously watched as her hand moved from slow, gentle strokes, to a hard painful scrubbing, as if trying to wash away her wrongs. The tears followed immediately.
Ashley sobbed uncontrollably, shoulders shaking, chest heaving, until there was nothing left but a painful emptiness. She slowly opened her eyes to find her reflection, still starring back at her. This time the image almost made her sick. Unable to look at herself anymore, Ashley slapped the mirror down onto the vanity top and ran across the hall to the bathroom.
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Jimmy wheeled sluggishly out of his attached bathroom and into his bedroom, after having finishing his nightly routine. He didn't get far, stopping in the space between his desk and bed, blankly fixated on the trophy case on the other side of the room.
He thought hard about the days events...the embarrassing fall at physio that morning, and his even more awkward attempt at getting back into his chair. But he did it, dragged himself backwards across the mat to his waiting chair and hoisted himself back into it, not an easy feat with the added weight of his braces, and took Trina's advise...and while Jimmy hadn't atempted to take anymore steps, he did get back up. That's when Trina invited him for coffee. They were standing face to face, Jimmy had just finished working with his therapist, Trina looked up at him and before he could think about his answer, a soft 'sure' had escaped his lips.
He never expected to run into Ashley when he stopped at Marco and Ellie's before he was scheduled to meet Trina...he thought the weekends would be easier. Avoiding her at school was next to impossible, reason being, the majority of their classes were together. Jimmy was greatful for the distraction that his intense physio sessions and Trina had given him.
He'd had a lot of fun with Trina today, really he had...but it was becoming increasingly more difficult to push aside thoughts of Ashley, especially when every other one, was of her. They were conflicting though, one minute he was enraged at what she had done and the next he was missing her and wishing that he was with her. It was that feeling of guilt...guilt for being out with Trina and having a good time, that ultimately forced Jimmy to decline her invitation to get a bite to eat, stating that he already had dinner plans, even though he knew he'd be coming home to an empty house.
At the sound of the garage door opening, Jimmy quickly pushed over to the side of his bed and flipped the comforter over so he could climb in. Once situated, Jimmy settled down into the pillows, closed his eyes and sighed, his sore and stiff back and shoulder muscles protesting from the days activities. It only took a few seconds for him to realize that the overhead light of his ceiling fan was still on and the switch was next to the door.
Groaning exasperatedly, Jimmy shifted to move from the bed, back to his chair, but the sound of nearing footsteps caused a slight deviation in his plans. He hadn't told his parents about what happened between him and Ashley, and he didn't feel much like talking about it now. So instead, Jimmy tapped the play button on the cd player next to his bed, laid back onto the pillow and closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep.
But he had forgotten all about the cd he'd left inside the player...until Ashley's voice filled his room.
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Okay, so there it is...hope you all liked it, especially you Kelley. Now if everyone would please join me---Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Kel-ley...Happy Birthday tooo youuuuu!!!
Very nice.
I really wanted to do a post-WGTB fic, because I felt the episode really didn't cover everything I think it should have. I know it was a b-plot, but still, we need way more detail than the choppy scenes gave us...so now, I'm trying to rectify that. I hope I'm doing a good job...please let me know what you think.
Degrassi is not mine.