A/N: This is me apologising on behalf of this fic. It's just stupid and pointless, but I'm posting it anyway lol. Rating is for Captain Jack's dirty mind. :P

From: Jack Harkness 03-Jan-2009 21.05pm

For Xmas I asked Santa for a condom I got a 12 pack. I also asked for a wine bottle he gave me the finest in the world. Then I asked for a hooker...I got this number. LOLZ!!

From: Martha Jones 06-Jan-2009 2.04am

U no dOctnr I alwas luvd u if u wnt I cud ttlly do my haiq blond if thatz the kiNDd of thins u like.. plz luv me… marta xXxoxXxxxx

TO: Rose Tyler 06-Jan-2009 4.04am

Miss you :'(

PROGRESS: Failed.

From: Martha Jones 06-Jan-2009 14.54pm

Sorry if I txtd you last night, it was meant for Tom. He's a doctor too you know. Did I mention I'm getting married? Martha xox

From: Donna Noble 07-Jan-2009 15.03pm

Who is this numba? Did I meet u out on the drink?

From: Martha Jones 10-Jan-2009 10.42am

Sorry to bother you I think I left my watch in the tardis after we brought the earth back and stuff. I need it for my wedding. Did I tell you I'm getting married? Martha xox

From: Jack Harkness 15-Jan-2009 22.45pm

Friendship is like peeing ur pants. Every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth. Thanx for being the pee in my pants xD

TO: Jack Harkness 15-Jan-2009 22.55pm

Don't you have work to do? Torchwood stuff, like flirting with things and looking thoughtful and brooding when you're really just thinking about flirting with things.

From: Jack Harkness 15-Jan-2009 23.01pm

I'm multi tasking. Ianto's helping ;)

TO: Jack Harkness 15-Jan-2009 23.06pm

Can't text anymore. Being attacked by stuff. Passing a black hole.

From: Jack Harkness 15-Jan-2009 23.08pm

That's what I'm doing! LOL!!! XD

From: Donna Noble 17-Jan-2009 17.30pm

Why do I hav an old txt off u sayin 'Odd Oods Ollie Obstacles'?

TO: Donna Noble 17-Jan-2009 17.35pm

Wrong number. Delete it and don't think about it ever. Definitely don't think about space or blue boxes. Seriously. Don't even read this message.

From: Donna Noble 17-Jan-2009 17.40pm

I'm so barring your number you fruitcake.