Hey people, I have so many different feelings about the finale and I don't want to think about it anymore, so I am going to start a fic on how I think Season 10 could go for Callie and Arizona. I'm heartbroken for them but I do think this will give us an opportunity to see Sara and Jessica shine.

Please enjoy and review.

I do not own Grey's or its characters.

The ticking of the clock could be heard loudly throughout the room, it seemed like time was moving at a snail's pace. The floor looked normal and had been holding Arizona Robbins' attention for almost twenty five minutes. She has tried staring at the walls but they were bland and she could not be bothered to count the tiles on the ceiling any longer. She was frustrated, she should be in surgery. She should be with her tiny humans.

"Why are you here Arizona?" the questioned caused Arizona to look at this man with brown eyes and grey hair. He had a kind face, looked like someone who could be trusted. Trust. Now there was a word. The problem is she didn't know who to trust anymore.

"I don't know, Dr Simmons," sighed Arizona looking at the therapist's kind eyes once more.

"Okay well, I shall recount some of the circumstances that I have been told brought you here," began Dr Simmons pleasantly and as he spoke Arizona looked at him and tuned him out. She was good at that, pretending to listen and pretending that she was in the moment. She had done this for most of her life, try to gloss over the hard things and not really listen. She was an expert at it. She loved feeling like she was in control, even when she probably wasn't. As long as she could make it look like she was in control, she could get through anything. Dr Simmons continued to talk and her mind flashed back.

6 Months Earlier

It was 2 weeks after the storm and everybody seemed to be trying to get back to normal, Meredith and Derek were enjoying baby Bailey, Alex and Jo were basking in glow of love but the effects of the storm could still be seen and all was not well. Christina and Owen were actively avoiding each other but one of them would often be caught by other staff members staring at the other. Jackson and April appeared not to be talking, no one knew what was going on with them and April's wedding wad getting closer. Dr Webber has suffered a cardiac arrest and had by some miracle managed to be saved from death.

Arizona was sitting at a lunch table in the cafeteria looking at her lunch tray and playing with her food, she had a blank look on her face and her eyes were cold but you had to really look closely to see that something was swirling behind those crystal blue eyes. Her companion Dr Lauren Boswell was sitting next to her, happy to be enjoying the silence and company of Arizona. She looked at her lunch companion,Lauren Boswell, she was young and pretty, full of ambition and buzzing with creative ideas. Lauren could feel Arizona's eyes on her and looked up at Arizona with a simple smile.

"What?" Lauren asked curiously as Arizona continued to look at her almost blankly.

"Nothing," replied Arizona as she looked back down at her tray, a familiar voice began to echo through her head.

"Apparently, I've lost you too"

Arizona shivered and then shook her head, that voice, those words, they had been haunting her ever since they were first uttered. The images of a broken woman tears running down her cheek and a look of utter devastation, heartbreak and defeat played on that beautiful face. She shook her head again. Now was not the time to be dwelling on this.

"I was thinking," Lauren said interrupting the thoughts that swelled within Arizona's mind, "Maybe we could do something." Arizona looked at this woman, this pretty woman she had slept with, who had urged her to let go and lose control.

" I can't Callie will be back with Sofia and I want to see Sofia," replied Arizona plainly as she looked at Lauren intently once more.

"Well maybe, we could do something after you see Sofia," suggested Lauren the hope clear in her voice.

"No I don't think it would be possible," replied Arizona aware that by the look on her face that Lauren had missed what Arizona was really saying, but that was because Arizona was good at that, saying one thing and meaning other without the person realising it.

"Well what about tomorrow?" asked Lauren who was obviously not determined to give up and before Arizona could answer she was paged. She looked at Lauren with a somewhat apologetic look and then quickly grabbed her tray and left the table. Lauren was left sitting there on her own, thinking about the possible places they could go to for dates, unaware that that was the last thing on Arizona's mind.

Arizona rushed to her patient assessed her and got the intern to book an OR immediately and she paged Karev. She would need his help for this surgery. By the time she had gotten to the OR and scrubbed in Karev was already ready to go. They began to operate on the child working efficiently as a team and her professional take no prisoners mask was back on. All of a sudden there was a surge of electricity and the lights flickered before the power went out, it was one of the short term effects of the storm, the temporary black outs, they were not serious and the hospital had been assured that things would return to normal very quickly.

As the lights went out, Arizona heard a clicking sound like the locking of a door, she looked up and all of a sudden she felt as if the ground was giving way underneath her and she could see the blue sky and the various tree tops. She heard the crash and felt both her legs were stuck under the plane. She blinked and Mark was lying on top of her and she was begging him to stay alive for Callie, for Sofia and for herself. The next thing she knew she was screaming at Callie for cutting off her leg, as Callie lifted her up out of her own urine and moved her in to the shower and she saw Callie crying, the tears staining Callie's face as she broke down. She blinked again and saw Lauren in the elevator, telling her she didn't care about the leg and then they were in the on call room kissing passionately both disrobing and she felt the momentary pleasure and then the pain, the pain of Callie's broken face as Arizona screamed that she would take a bone saw to Callie's leg to even the score and then the defeat on Callie's face as she said that she had lost Arizona too. Those words kept haunting her, pounding though her ears like her heartbeat. Arizona closed her eyes as other words began to plague her.

"Phoenix"

"Blondie"

"Momma"

"I asked her to marry me and a truck came out of nowhere"

"You're nothing"

"You are allowed to lose control"

"Apparently I lost you too"

The last sentence kept playing in her head, again and again as her eyes stayed closed, soon she could hear another voice.

"Arizona!"

"Arizona!" Arizona opened her eyes and realised she was no longer standing next to the OR table, she was sitting huddled in the corner rocking back and forth, with Karev in her face clearly trying to get her attention but someone was screaming a really loud wailing sound. She looked around the OR floor, there were more doctors who were obviously finishing the surgery and others who were looking at her concerned. Some of the surgical instruments were on the floor and she wasn't sure why. The screaming. Someone needed to shut up the person who was screaming, she thought as she continued to rock back and forth and then she recognised those screams. They were her own. She was screaming with total abandoned. She looked at Karev who was hovering over her with fear in his eyes and she heard the screams did down. She finally stopped screaming but continued to walk back and forth.

"Arizona," Karev said gently "I'm going to get you out of this OR." He did so with no protest from her, it was like she was not controlling her body, but she could feel the soreness of her prosthetic on account of being huddled in that position. Karev took her home, well to the Archfield hotel where she was staying. He said he would stay with her and despite her protests he stayed. She sat on her bed and stared into space as many thoughts consumed her.

A week later

Arizona was still at the hotel and Karev had come by every day to check on her. She knew he was checking to see if she had tried to commit suicide and honestly, she couldn't blame him. However, this particular day, it was not Karev that came to see her but Lauren. She had brought Arizona some grapes, like she had just been getting over the flu. The two women engaged in idle chit chat, Lauren much more engaged than Arizona. Finally Arizona looked at Lauren, who was still pretty.

"I'm sorry Lauren," Arizona said simply as Lauren looked at her confused.

"Why?" asked Lauren quite perplexed as Arizona looked at her with a blank look on her face.

"I've been lying to you," Arizona answered plainly.

"What are you talking about?" questioned Lauren still confused and Arizona just sighed.

"When we ...we slept together you thought we had a connection right?"asked Arizona and Lauren nodded in the affirmative.

"Right," agreed Lauren.

"Wrong," corrected Arizona as her voice took on a neutral and detached tone, "I was not connecting with you in an intimate way, I was using you to escape from my life, trying to hide away from who I thought I had become."

"I was not falling for you Lauren, you were falling for me, I was losing control and breaking Callie's heart. Breaking my own heart and tearing apart my family. I wanted to feel something but besides the momentary gratification I just felt numb and guilty. I was horrified at what I had done," continued Arizona.

"But Arizona, we," began Lauren.

"There is no we Lauren and there never will be," stated Arizona firmly as she watched Lauren slowly process the information and then the look in Lauren's eyes went desperate.

"But Arizona I love you and I know you feel something for me too," cried Lauren looking to cling onto any possible hope.

"Honestly Lauren I have only loved one person, my wife Callie Torres. I will always love her with everything within me," said Arizona as a fire began in her eyes and as Lauren looked at Arizona it was very clear who she had chosen, who no matter what Arizona would always chose. Lauren gathered herself together and looked at Arizona.

"Goodbye Arizona," said Lauren gently as she left the hotel room, never to be seen by Arizona again and Arizona was once again left alone with her thoughts and that chilling voice rang out once more

"Apparently I lost you too"

Tears were running down Arizona's cheeks she knew that she loved Callie more than anything and yet she was blinded with rage and feelings of bitterness and resentment kept taking over and it was leaving her confused, emotionally drained and exhausted.

Present Day

Arizona looked at Dr Simmons who seemed to be looking at her expectantly and she wasn't sure why.

"Sorry could you repeat that?" she asked trying not to feel guilty for tuning him out.

"I said, I know why I think you're here but I want me to tell you why you are actually here," repeated Dr Simmons . Arizona looked at him, he had such kind eyes and he was patient. Why was she sitting in the hospital shrink's office? What was she doing here? Then an image flashed through her mind it was Callie, Sofia and herself. A voice rang out in her head.

"Apparently I've lost you too"

She looked Dr Simmons straight in the eye and allowed the words to come out of her soul.

"Because I've lost myself. I don't know who I am and I want to find myself again," Arizona stated firmly.

Well people, that is the first chapter done. It was very Arizona –centric and that is because I think this issue starts with her but don't worry I will get to Callie. I was saddened by the finale (I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE INFIDELITY) but I believe season 10 presents the writers with the opportunity to properly allow both Arizona and Callie to heal and I look forward to that. Please let me know what you think. Hugs to all of you x