An Oshi/Ato which was supposed to be for Yuushi's b'day, but is making it here way too late :)
This is a sequel/ part II to ' Thoughts of a genius. ' That was the TezuFuji version, this is the OshiAto one. Both can be easily read as standalone.
Disclaimer - Prince of Tennis does not belong to this poor fangirl :)
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/ What do you see when you look at me/
If you look at me.
If and when.
/ Am I just another face/
For you to dismiss? Or am I invisible?
/ Tell me where I stand. /
In those eyes of yours.
Tell me because...
/ I want to know. /
I need to know rather.
Na, Atobe, did you know?
/ You drive me crazy. /
I follow your every move, I follow you with my eyes, I want to follow you everywhere.
/ I want to know what you are thinking. /
Don't ask me ' why ' - I won't be able to answer.
/ It's hard to explain. /
I know I'm not the only one who thinks of you. We all think of you for one reason or another, the team I mean.
And sometimes I wonder if I'm the same as them.
/ Because. /
Just like them, I don't like to let you down. Just like them, I look up to you without telling you.
Just like them, I like to….
/ See you win. /
No matter what methods you choose to use, no matter which weakness of the opponent you choose to explore.
It's strange because our tactics are different. It's strange because I don't even agree with all your ways.
Still.
Every time you play, you leave me spellbound. Because every time you play it's like….
/ I see more of you. /
And I'm just not getting enough.
So every time you show me something new, I find myself….
/ Wanting more. /
Till it's not even remotely related to the game…
And you know what? It scares me.
…Because I don't even know what I'm thinking. I'm having thoughts that I simply….
/ Shouldn't have. /
One by one, I want to peel of those layers that surround you.
/ Each and every one of them. /
I want to peel off your pride, peel away that cloak of your so-called responsibilities, which you seem to be so fond of wearing.
I want to strip you bare; I want to strip you….
/ Naked. /
To see the real you.
/ Such dangerous thoughts. /
These thoughts of you. It's …not normal, is it?
Actually, it's funny I should even entertain them. Since I don't even know if I'm allowed…
/ To touch you. /
You touch me sometimes, simple, casual touches. Like a pat on the back after a game well played, or the light brush of shoulders when you sometimes take a seat beside me.
I don't think it's some thing you do consciously on or purpose.
It's just who you are. And to be honest…
/ I like it. /
Because a single touch from you is enough to make anybody feel just that much more….
/ Special. /
Fortunately/ Unfortunately I'm no exception.
And I don't think I'll mind if you decide to….
/ Touch me more. /
I won't stop you. Not necessarily because I wouldn't want to, but because I would not be….
/ Able to. /
Yet I still hesitate when it comes to you.
Even though I make sure it's not too much, I do…
/ Keep my distance. /
Because you are like the sun. And I don't want to….
/ Burn. /
So I'm instinctively protecting my heart. From you.
/ From myself. /
But I don't think its working.
Because I'm…..
/ Burning anyway. /
Slowly but surely. Everyday, every minute that I spend with you, a part of me turns to….
/ Ashes. /
Every time I hold back, every time that you fail to notice.
So sometimes, I wonder what will happen if I….
/ Burn out. /
Will you notice? Will you be disappointed?
Will you finally …
/ Look only at me/
Because I want to be the only one you see. Selfish as it sounds, I don't want to share even your gaze.
No matter how much I refrain, no matter how much I restrain, I know I want to….
/ Keep you all to myself. /
I think this is the part where I admit to myself that I'm hopelessly in love with you.
/ Love. /
A simple four lettered word. A double edged sword.
/ So different from what I thought it would be. /
He just might be in love with me you know; he actually blushed when I complimented him on practice today ( I ruffled his hair too, maybe that had something to do with it? ).
Seriously, he is so adorable sometimes, that Gakuto.
It would have been better, no great, if I could have just….
/ Loved him instead. /
But no.
Cupid, or whatever deity of love that is out there, if such a deity even exists that is, must have a pretty morbid sense of humor, to make me…..
/ Fall for you. /
These feelings are mine to keep, and I'll be keeping them.
I don't know if there is anything more I could or should do except….
/ Watch you. /
So I watch you from the shadows, I watch you like I always do.
And today everybody is ….
/ Watching you. /
You are playing a worthy opponent. And the entire burden rests on your shoulders now.
Our victory depends on this one win. You even go so far as to wager your….
/ Pride. /
Yet you are.
/ Calm. Confident. /
You know exactly what you are doing. You don't waste anytime; you are pushing his buttons.
As you take him apart, you…..
/ Show no mercy. /
But he is not such a simple one to handle, is he?
Maybe you knew it. No, of course you knew it.
Your confidence is not hampered. And from the looks of it, doesn't seem like he will be giving up without a fight either.
/ And fight he did. /
The battlefield became even - and the outcome can no longer be predicted.
He is pushing you to your limits; you are doing the same for him.
/ And play you did. /
You played like hell, you showed us a name we've never seen before, you played till your knees refused to support you; you played till you didn't even….
/ Know yourself. /
And even after that, you looked like you could….
/ Keep playing. /
And in spite of all that, you actually…
/ Couldn't win… /
He doesn't spare you, the promise you made is kept even as you are unaware - I don't know from where he produced the damn shaver.
I stay rooted to my spot. I don't know what I'm feeling, or what I'm supposed to feel for that matter.
I won my battle today, but you…
/ Lost. /
Hyoutei lost. We lost. As a team this is as far as we could go.
I closed my eyes. Maybe I'm just glad that it's finally….
/ Over. /
And it's time to go…..
/ Home. /
It was time to take you home.
And when everything was said and done, we somehow end up together.
/ You and me. /
The others left one by one. It's not like they wanted to, really.
But while it was unspoken, we all knew how you would rather be in your own company when you do come to. Actually I almost did the same too.
But in the end I guess I couldn't bring myself to….
/ Leave you. /
Not like that.
As of now, you are still unconscious; and so even if these efforts are going to be far from appreciated, I take responsibility because I do not want you to be….
/ Alone. /
You open your eyes just as I am done packing the last of our things in the lockers.
And when I turn to face you, my heart almost stops…
/ Beating. /
Because this time, you really are….
/ Looking only at me. /
Maybe because there is no one else to look at, maybe because the rest of the club room is just way too uninteresting to suit your taste.
Either way, your gaze - so focused yet unfocused is staring straight….
/ At me. /
Yes me. And while I'm bared under your gaze, right now, I can see a lot more clearly too.
Because right now, you are so…..
/ Transparent. /
Your pride, your anguish, whatever is conflicting inside of you … just about everything you are feeling. A cold, cold storm is reflected in crystal blue eyes.
You are fighting your own demons; even after everything is over, you still have to fight so hard.
And I can no longer just stand there and….
/ Watch anymore. /
My steps are slow, but I close some of the distance between us anyway. I tentatively raise a hand, which hesitated once midair, before lightly touching your face.
You neither encourage, nor discourage, your eyes don't leave me, not even for a moment.
But most important of all, you don't….
/ Stop me. /
Even as I take a seat beside you, even as I slowly wrap my arms around you, even as I pull your body close, gripping you tighter as if I have no intention of ever letting you go….
Admitted that you don't put your arms around me, admitted that you didn't make any effort to even move. But you are still not….
/ Stopping me. /
I murmur quiet words in your ear. I don't really know what I'm saying, why I'm saying it, or if you are even listening.
Maybe I'm saying it because I want you to feel better. Maybe I'm saying it because I want myself to….
/ Feel better. /
Either way, I'm trying to tell you how lucky we felt to have you, that you are, and would always be the best we could ever ask for, how much we really love you.
How much I really….
/ Love you. /
About five-six minutes of that and you actually fell asleep.
I smile wryly; it seems like my words had a different kind of effect. Not to mention that you do need the rest.
So I let you sleep.
/ In my arms. /
You slept for about an hour more and I held you all the while.
It was surprisingly un-awkward when you finally did wake up. I released you from my embrace; you just called for your ride.
The ride back was quiet, and you dropped me off at my place.
It was like nothing ever….
/ Happened. /
Or maybe it was just me getting ahead of myself just then.
Well, either way, I really don't have any…
/ Regrets. /
So the next morning when you show up to school, I choose to complement you on your new haircut; I walk just one step behind you as I always have.
But your next words catch me off guard.
/ Whatever you said yesterday, did you really mean it /
So you ask. Yesterday, it seems like you were…..
/ Listening after all. /
I stop in my steps; my silence is my answer.
You ask me again if I actually remember everything that I said.
I reply with a positive, because yes, I do. Also I don't see the point in running away from my own words.
Running away….
/ From you. /
You just tell me to not forget what I said. And then you make a casual use of my given name, a faint smirk lingers on your face, before you resume walking.
.
.
.
And this time I fall in step with you as I accompany you. For the first time maybe I'm neither watching you, nor following you.
Instead I'm walking….
/ With you. /
Right beside you – from now on, that is where I intend to stay.
And somehow, tomorrow has brought in a much brighter day.
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Owari
A/N: Reviews loved, so if you liked it, do review :)
Thank you for reading!