Our Secret Notebook…

Mamoru narrowed his eyes against the harsh glare of the sun, taking in the last drag of his cigarette before crushing it under the heel of his shoe. He was ditching class again, but he didn't really care. It was just art, after all. Why should he sit around with those nerds and pretend he knew what he was doing? He only signed up for the class because he thought it'd be easy.

He heard voices coming in his direction, and he didn't want to be caught. Why not go to the roof? It was a restricted area, so no one would bother him. He'd be able to pick the lock easy enough, so why not? Easing off the tree he was leaning on, he started towards the junior class building.

Everyone avoided him as he walked through the hall. His tie, striped with the schools uniform colors of a dark burgundy and black, was loose, as well as his jacket. His shirt was untucked, and he had his hands shoved in the pockets of his black slacks. Not even the teachers tried to correct him. Any why should they? With all the rumors going around school about him, he'd be having second thoughts about approaching him too. Sighing, he reached for the door handle of the stair case.

And blinked when he got an armful of blonde.

The books she had been carrying fell to the ground, and he just stood there staring down at the petite girl in his arms. Mamoru jerked his chin back as her head flew up, and then merely stared at beautiful blue eyes. She looked like a princess, was his first thought. Interesting, was his second as he watched a light blush rush across her cheeks.

Then she jerked out of his arms, grabbed blindly at her books, and then ran down the hall.

"Wait!" But she didn't stop, so Mamoru only sighed as he bent to pick up a notebook. "You forgot this."

Shrugging, he tucked it under his arm and carried it up to the roof. Mamoru stared at it for awhile, leaning up against the parapet and pulling out another cigarette. Curiously, he fingered the pages, wondering what was inside. He hadn't meant to. Well, he tried not to mean to, but he found himself opening the notebook to the very first page. It was dated to the first day of school, nearly three months ago.

I just saw the most beautiful man today.

Mamoru snorted. Women.

But also so sad. We have the same class together, and yet, I doubt he even knew we were in the same room. When he happened to glance over my way, I smiled, but he didn't even care. He ignored me. I doubt he was seeing me then, too. I must be an idiot. Why should I start liking this rude man, especially one with such a bad reputation? How did he get such a rep anyway? It's the first day of school! Hmm, I bet some jealous boy took one look at him and started spreading nasty rumors. No one here wants such a good looking man stealing all the available women. Well, not exactly available, but at least beautiful. Too bad I don't have to worry about him. I'm not really all that special, after all.

A frown creased Mamoru's brow as he read that last part. Not really special? The girl he saw was one of the loveliest girl he's seen all year! Who was the idiot that ignored her? He flipped to the next entry.

Why is Rei being so mean? All I told her was who I liked. Isn't that what girlfriends do?

That was all she put on that page, the rest of it was a little doodle of a dark haired girl with flames around her breathing fire over a teary eyed bunny. Mamoru smiled a little at the cute little sketch, and read the angry scribbles around the dark haired girl about she was a pyro and a witch.

For the next half hour he read all her entries, reading about this man that she liked so much but was too afraid to bring it up, and reading her thoughts about school and how she hated failing English and Math all the time. She seemed like she tried really hard to please others, but no one was helping her in return. Poor princess. She seems like such a nice person too...

Flipping past a few pages that only held notes passed between her and another girl named Molly, Mamoru read her last entry, dated just a couple of weeks ago.

I saw him again today. How can a person so lovely look so lonely at the same time? I passed him in the hall, but instead of ignoring him, I smiled and said hello. He didn't even glance in my direction.

I want to know him, so badly. I want to make him smile at me, and enjoy the things around him. He doesn't look very happy, and I'd like to change that. Is that so wrong? Is it so wrong to hide something like this from your best friend, because all she does is get angry and call me names?

But I don't care anymore. Rei can say all she wants, but I won't tell her anything else about this man. She thinks I'm stupid for wanting to be near someone who is said to have done horrible things. She thinks all I'm going to do is get myself in trouble for wanting to see if I can make this man smile. I don't care.

Maybe I am stupid. No matter how hard I try to pass my tests, no matter much I ask for help, I always fail and no one ever helps me. Is that their fault, or mine? Do I seem like such a simpleton that no one wants to bother helping me? Am I so unworthy that the one man I want doesn't even know I exist? It's not lack of trying.

Maybe I should just give up. Why should I bother trying to be friends with people who don't even bother to know me? To help me? Maybe I should give up on bringing happiness to someone who's on such a higher level than me?

But... I don't want to. I shouldn't feel self pity, and I'm not going to give up on this man. I will not be beaten.

Slowly, Mamoru closed the notebook, staring thoughtfully out at the bright blue skies.

Usagi wiped her forehead with the back of her hand tiredly, wondering when this sweltering heat was going to let up. Seriously, when was the last time Tokyo was this hot? And so close to White Day, too! It had been such a bad week. First, she took a little snooze on top the roof and was late for Art class, and then while barreling her way out the door, she ran into the object of her affections. She could smile a little at that, especially when she remembered the wide eyed look of surprise in his eyes when they met with hers.

But she lost her notebook. How mortifying would it be if someone found it and read it?

Sighing, she went to her locker, opening it with a jerk and yelping as something fell out. Blinking, she looked down in amazement at her notebook that lay innocently at her feet. Slowly, she bent down to pick it up. There was a little sticky near the back, and she hesitantly opened it.

Usagi-chan.

"Eep!" Usagi squealed and shut the book so hard it slipped out of her hands. She stared at it for a moment, too shocked to do anything else. "Okay, don't be stupid, Usa-chan. You can do it. Just open it up, read whatever person wrote in the notebook you wrote your personal feelings down in. Okay, pick it up."

She picked it up, opened it.

Ha, I bet you're wondering who the hell this is, don't you? Well, don't be too mad I read your notebook. I'm sorry to say I couldn't help it. Your words... touched me, somehow. I cant really explain it, but when I went home after reading it, I felt I had to write you back. Don't be angry, please.

You have... the most purest heart. I've never met anybody who's quite like you. You're probably rolling your eyes right now, thinking I'm bullshitting you. I'm not, truly. The words you put down were your personal thoughts, and I don't think someone could make up what you felt.

About your friend Rei... Have you ever thought that maybe she's jealous of you? Don't be discouraged by her upsetting words. If you need help with something, just ask. I'll be glad to help you.

But tell me... who's this man you're in love with?

Mamoru Chiba.

P.S. Please don't tell anyone I wrote this, it'll ruin my reputation. :)

Trembling, Usagi sniffed as she hugged the notebook to her chest. On a leap of faith, she took out a pen and jot down the first thing that came to her head.

Don't be nice to me, Mamoru-kun. I might think your reputation isn't what it seems. But thank you anyway. By the way... what were you doing going to the roof? Don't you know that's a restricted area?

She couldn't answer his question on the man she was in love with. She didn't have the courage to tell him, You! She could barely contain her excitement. What would be his reaction, she wondered, when he showed up in Art class and found her sitting there? Smothering giggles with the back of her hand, Usagi looked around sneakily as she slipped her notebook in his locker, just a few rows away from hers. She couldn't wait to see his reaction.

She went home feeling lighter, forgetting that she was supposed to meet Rei after school. Smiling to herself, Usagi hesitated only a minute before heading upstairs to her room to do homework. And struggled a full hour trying to finish it. Sighing dejectedly, Usagi wondered if she'd ever be smart enough to finish simple English and Math questions.

At school, Usagi couldn't wait to see Mamoru. They were exchanging notes! How exciting was that? She hoped that, in the long run, they could get closer this way. Unless, of course, he found out that the man she always wrote about was him. Having just met each other, she was sure finding that out would be too creepy for him. And if not creepy then... something else.

When it came time for Art, Usagi practically hummed in her seat while waiting for Mamoru to show up. And when he did... she nearly deflated when he all but ignored her. He came through the door and didn't look at anybody. Then, dropping in his seat, most unbecomingly, in Usagi's opinion, he just tipped his head back and closed his eyes. Usagi's mouth dropped open. What was he doing? The teacher wasn't going to like him falling asleep in class like that.

How to get him to notice her sitting practically right next to him? Sure they weren't side by side, and she was in the front of the class – but she was still in plain view if he just opened his eyes! Frowning, Usagi listened to the teacher talking about the oil painting they had to turn in today, and how each had to present what they had painted on the canvas. An idea popped in her head. When the teacher asked the class for who wanted to volunteer first, Usagi eagerly raised her hand.

"Usagi-chan. Thank you for volunteering."

Too nervous to look in Mamoru's direction to see if he was paying attention, Usagi walked to the rear of the class to retrieve her painted, then set it on the stand next to where the teacher was standing. Everyone stopped the idle chatter that went around the room, staring in awe at what she painted on the canvas. Taking their silence as disapproval, Usagi started prattling on about where she got her inspiration.

"This... is what I call 'Luna'." She began, staring at the painting rather than the class. "In truth, this is actually my cat. How I see her as human. I remember when we first got the assignment, I wasn't too sure if I'd get inspiration, so I started looking around everywhere for it."

Usagi smiled a little as she remembered. "My black cat Luna was lounging back on my pillows like a queen. She was purring, and I could've sworn I saw her smiling. So I started thinking... if Luna really was human, what would she look like? Would she be young or old, regal or relaxed? I'd paint her beautiful, because she was already beautiful to me. So I painted her what I saw in her."

Gesturing to the painting, Usagi paused long enough so that everyone could get another good look. Long, wavy black hair that surrounded a slim, delicate body. She was laying on her stomach with her chin resting in the palm of her hands, and you saw her knees bent and feet crossed. She had a face like an angel, all pale with the slightest blush painting her cheeks. Her lips were a soft rose color, and her eyes were the color of burnt cinnamon. Those long waves of black were bound in two buns on either side of her head, but the hair was so thick, you couldn't really see where it parted. She had a golden crescent moon mark on her forehead, and even in the painting, it almost looked as if it were glowing.

She was indeed beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, that Usagi was almost jealous of the face staring back at her. There was a little yellow ribbon tied around her throat, making a cute little bow in the front. Her dress was a soft yellow, with skirts tiered like flower petals, an underskirt of black lace peaking behind the hem. Two little golden anklets encircled one of her ankles. She was surrounded by yellow daisies.

Her teacher cleared his throat, a small smile on his face. "Well done, Usagi. You made a personal portrait of yourself, but you changed the colors, making it almost a mirror image of yourself. Almost like the dark side of you looking back at you from the mirror. Extremely well done."

Usagi blinked at his description. A mirror image of herself? She looked hard at the painting, but she still didn't find any resemblance at all to her own features. Smiling in thanks anyway, she took her painting down to hang it back up in the rear of the classroom.

She met Mamoru's eyes, smiled. The only reaction she received was the slightest bit of emotion flickering in his eyes before they shuttered again. Well, Usagi thought with a sigh, at least he knows she's here.

What do you mean, why was I going to the roof? You were there first, you know.

Hugging the notebook to her chest, Usagi giggled and hurriedly wrote another note back.

Was I? I don't know what you're talking about. :)

Anyways, why aren't you participating in Art class? It really is wonderful.

Usagi

I don't know how to do Art. I thought it'd be an easy class. But I see why you're in it. You're wonderful.

Mamoru

Wonderful? I don't think so. 'Luna' was actually the best piece that I've ever done. I don't think I can do something as wonderful again. Tell me, why don't you ever talk to me outside this notebook?

Usagi

Why do you doubt yourself? If I think you're wonderful, than you are. Quit asking questions.

Mamoru

I'd quit asking questions if you started answering them. But that's alright. If it annoys you, I'll just keep on doing it. It's a lot more funner that way.

Usagi

Funner? I don't even think that's a word. But fun around as much as you want, I'm made out of steel.

Mamoru

Liar. If you were made out of steel, you wouldn't be writing me, Mr. Marshmallow. And that's not an invitation to stop writing me, so don't think it is!

Tell me about yourself, please. You've read my notebook. You know how I am.

Usagi

... Alright. I live alone in my apartment in East Village. My inheritance pays for it, and my job keeps me afloat. I don't have parents like you, so I cant tell you something warm and fuzzy. My favorite color is blue. I like long walks on the beach and ice cream on Sundays. What say you we go for some this weekend?

Mamoru

Long walks on the beach, or ice cream? Given the choice, lets go for some ice cream.

Usagi

It's a deal. I'll meet you at Andy's Arcade around noon.

Mamoru

Hugging the notebook to her chest like a lifeline, Usagi jumped around her room doing a happy dance. This was date, right? They were going out to ice cream! He better pay too, because if this was a date, the girl should never have to buy her own triple scoop sundae. Calling Rei, she asked if she wanted to come over and help pick out an outfit.

"What for?" Rei asked, sounding bored.

Usagi couldn't contain her excitement as she squealed. "I'm going on a date with Mamoru-kun!"

"What?" Rei screeched over the phone. "I'm coming over right now!"

Usagi turned on the radio and danced while she picked out her favorite outfits to choose from. She had to dig a bit in her closet for all the shoes that might match, then brought out the makeup and started to apply it lightly. Not anything drastic. Just a little bit of blush, some black eyeliner and mascara to bring out her eyes, some blush, and her favorite coral lip stick.

Rei practically slammed in her room, breathing hard. "What do you mean you're going on a date with Mamoru-kun?"

Usagi was too happy and buzzing to notice the jealous sheen to Rei's face. "Isn't it great? I couldn't believe it when he asked me. I'm so excited. I've liked him for so long."

Rei paused, looking at Usagi. Really looking. Her face was flushed with happiness, and her eyes were shining with excitement. Sighing, letting go a little her own crush on Mamoru, Rei helped Usagi dress for her date.

She wore black leggings under a red smock, sliding on her black sandals and brushing out her hair. It was short, and wavy, falling just underneath her shoulder blades, curling naturally around her heart shaped face. On impulse, she brought the notebook with her, writing in only one thing.

I like you. Do you like me to?

Usagi

She skipped to the arcade, laughing when she saw him waiting outside. He was dressed in a white button up shirt and faded blue jeans. His hands were jammed in his pockets and he looked almost bored as he leaned against the building. She was hoping he'd smile at her, but all he did was straighten from his slouch and wait for her to reach his side.

Discouraged, Usagi smiled brightly at him anyway. "So are we going inside, or somewhere else?"

Shrugging, Mamoru stepped closer to her and guided her down the sidewalk with a hand placed lightly at the small of her back. Usagi blushed slightly at the touch, as it's the first time he's done so. "There's this little parlor over by the park."

"Right! You better be paying buddy, because I can't wait for a triple scoop sundae!" Usagi threw an excited fist in the air, forgetting to feel embarrassed for acting so weird.

Mamoru looked down at her in surprise. "Triple? Are you sure you can pack all those calories down?"

She beamed a smile up at him, forgetting to be insulted. "Of course! I run to school every morning – and practically everywhere else since I'm always late, so I lose whatever calories I eat."

"That's right," He murmured. "You ran right into my arms from the stairs. Surprised the hell out of me."

Usagi blushed. "I bet. I snuck up there to hide from Rei since I ditched our lunch date, and fell asleep. When I woke up, I realized how late I was for Art and decided to book it. Good thing you caught me, otherwise I would have fallen on my face!"

Mamoru looked down at her with a strange expression, but it was gone too quickly for her to figure out what it meant. Instead, she watched him shrug again and look forward. A thought popped up in her head, and she could barely contain her laughter. "Oh, I get it!"

Again, Mamoru looked down at her as if she were crazy. "What?"

Laughing, she playfully punched him in the arm. "You're not anti-social at all, are you? You're just shy!"

Was it just her, or did he blush? Valiantly, she forced down the laughter. When they reached the ice cream booth, she set the notebook down on a little picnic table right in front of the booth and ran in line. If he was going to be her friend, she reasoned, he'd have to see her for what she was. A silly, happy teenager.

She completely forgot about the notebook she left behind her, so when she started to come back with both their treats, she had to quickly set them down at another table before she dropped them. Mamoru was sitting there, reading the last bit that she wrote, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open.

Oh God, was her first thought. He looks horrified. How could she be so stupid? Of course this wasn't a date. He just thought they were friends, and now he'll be completely turned off by her come on. Turning on her heel, she ran past the ice cream booth and towards the other side of the park, where it faced Tokyo Bay.

The back of her eyes burned, but she refused to cry. If Mamoru approached her right now, she'll have to pretend she didn't know he had read it. She'll have to pretend everything was normal and nothing had changed. Pretend that she wasn't in love with him when really... she was.

She started to sniffle right as strong, warm arms wrapped around her from behind, one across her chest, a strong, male hand curled possessively around her shoulder, and the other hand placed atop her head. Mamoru's cheek came to rest against hers, his breath whispering across her cheek.

"I like you too, Usa-chan. I have the very first moment I saw you."

What? Was he saying what she thought he was saying? Hesitantly, Usagi brought her hands up to curl around the arm that was strung across her collarbone, slightly embarrassed when a few tears escaped.

"Really?" She whispered, turning around slowly to look up at his face. His arms were still around her, but she didn't mind. Instead, she smiled brightly and threw her arms around his waist with a shout of laughter. "Good!"

And for the first time, when Usagi looked up at him with shining eyes, she saw him smile.

Later, much later, she looked through their secret notebook, something she hadn't read since that day, and read his last message to her.

Marry me, princess. I love you.

Mamoru

It was dated to that same day they admitted their feelings to each other. Closing her eyes, she smiled before she answered.

Darling, I wouldn't settle for less.