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You're Lucky: A Goodbye Story

The rain poured hard upon his visage, tearing through the air with a menacing force. Every single drop of the substance felt like another knife piercing the armor that now surrounded his heart. He just stood there, motionless, like a statue of stone. The streets of Konoha were clear, that much he knew. If there were ninjas around the vicinity, either the ones from his squad or the ones that were sent to watch him, he did not know. He didn't want to know. He was happy here, he had convinced himself. Happy to be alone. He didn't need anybody here with him. Not anymore.

The cold pit of darkness continues to grow wider, it had seemed. Just to grow until it finally took him into its dark and painful depths. There were many times escape had been his choice; where he had the cold steel of the kunai in his hand, sometimes rusted, jagged, cracked even. There were times that it would have been all the more easier to just stab it deep into his neck and end it all. But he couldn't: that would prove him to be a coward; and he was not a coward.

Not Uzumaki Naruto; not ever. He would never, ever, be a coward. Not anymore. Not while his spirit remained.

Escape was so close, though. Right now, he could end it here, taking that kunai and jamming it into his heart, his throat, piercing it through his forehead, or slitting his wrist; but he wouldn't. Uzumaki Naruto would not dig a way out of hios personal Hell. Especially this personal Hell: the one that he had constructed, and the one that he had shaped in her image. The woman that he thought would help him out of the pit.

Yuuhi Kurenai.

Now, even the name seemed like poison to him. Cursing himself, the blonde hit the ground with a closed fist, causing the earth to shatter within a two foot radius. His eyes flashed; red, and then blue again, and then nothing; a dull lifeless colour that one would compare with the sadness brought with a storm's passing. Despair; loss; suffering. He knew what those words meant, and he knew what it was like to bestow those three curses upon the living.

The feeling that you had just damned a man to suffering, and was paid gold in exchange of it.

Oh, he knew what it tasted like: bitter; disgusting, like a drug. But, somehow, looking back on what had just happened, it was all justified. He was a sinner, he had decided, at that moment, and he couldn't care less. Whatever that had happened up to now was justified, the thought had repeated itself. Kyuubi had killed, no, he had killed. Such was his life; such was his destiny; the road that the Fates had chosen him to walk. His hand felt sore now, and he grimaced. Sakura would have a field day berating him, and then heal him, with all that maternal care that she held within he teenage frame. Fourteen, he decided, was an age for lessons to be learnt. When reality destroyed whatever was left of your pitiful soul.

He hated being this. A kid; nothing. The demon kid; a a void. Himself; he hated being himself.

Because Uzumaki Naruto knew that being himself was never enough for her. Never being good enough to be what he wanted. Hokage? What was that? A dream? An ambition? A goal? It didn't matter. One hand crushed it all. One gentle hand; a hand that he wanted to hold gently, that he wanted to kiss. Her hand. The one of the woman that he wanted to protect with all his being. His angel… but now, he knew that it would mean next to nothing.

Yuuhi Kurenai.

He cursed his mind; why would that name keep appearing in his mind? He had to stop it. Stop it before he went mad. He never loved her. He had to remind himself. He never cared for her. He had to remind himself. Never wanted to protect her. Never wanted to be the man in her heart. Never wanted to be the only man in her heart. The name that she cried out while sleeping. He never wanted any of those. He never wanted them.

He was past that. He, Uzumaki Naruto, was past that. There was no use looking back over a regret. He would be driven insane. That was why he was a shinobi; why he was a ninja.

A shinobi must possess a heart that shows no tears, nor knows to love…

A basic guideline. Emotions kill you during your mission. Hesistation was the road to death. Retreating was a path to shame. He would not be swayed by anything; not anymore. But still… the scent of her hair was distinct; beautiful to his senses. Her touch sent shivers up his spine. And the melodious sound of her voice made his troubles fly far away.

Now, however, things were different. He would not be swayed by such a harlot; not any longer.

There was nothing left in that barren emotion called love. No woman had been as special to him as she had been. No touch that could send him into nothing more but a messy puddle of goo as hers. Gritting his teeth, he hated the fact that he had gone through all this; the pain, the effort, just to bring him back.

It was déjà vu with Uchiha Sasuke all over again. Only this time, it was involuntary.

Naruto felt disgusted. Nothing compared to how low that the blonde felt at the moment. He had… wanted to let him die… just so he could be there for her…

It made him sick to the core. And through that, he had thought once again: was this what it was like to be Kyuubi?

To be a demon? To take whatever you want by instinct and damn the consequences?

No.

This was what it was like to be Uzumaki Naruto; that much, he knew. To always be denied. To always be found wanting. To fall and rise, only to fall deeper. He had decided, as much, that he was a sinner.

And she was pure…

"Let it go, Naruto." He recognized that voice. He looked upwards, to come with the visage of his two close friends; his ANBU Captain and former Jounin Instructor, Hatake Kakashi, and Uchiha Sasuke, his brother. They were both clad in the same armor as him, and the same uniform. Being a young ANBU was pretty much a privilege; probably the only privilege that he had enjoyed, after two years as a ninja.

Prejudiced for failure during the Genin Exams…

Not chosen as Chuunin because of the Clans…

Kakashi said "Let it go," but Naruto, this Uzumaki Naruto, couldn't.

Because she was the one he loved.

And he couldn't change that. Never.

She giggled slightly, her voice like summer bells on a warm day. Asuma held her close as she cooked their dinner, his arms wrapped tightly in bandages. He could still use them, but it would be some time before he had full dexterity of both his hands. Nevertheless, he had more than enough ability to make her smile, laugh and whatever he so pleased. The red-eyed woman in his arms giggled some more, before elbowing him lightly to make him understand that she had a hot object in her hands, and wasn't afraid to use it.

"Not now, Asuma," she laughed lightly, and elbowed him some more, making the giant of a man lean against the wall opposite the position where she was cooking, continuing to eye her physique. Noticing his gaze, she couldn't help but blush, and Asuma only smirked as he began to take out a cigarette from his pocket, putting it into his mouth but not lighting it just yet. She turned to face him for a while, then went back to her cooking, "So what did the nurse say about your injuries? Any certain length of time before you go back active?"

"A week." He took out a lighter, before she frowned, and promptly put it back. "My head took a pretty bad knock, though." He indicated the bandage around his head, "She didn't take anytime to check on that."

"Maybe she didn't have to." Kurenai smiled, "Your skull's so thick that the injury probably qualifies as a scratch."

Hearing those words, Asuma pouted, but in his mind, gears clicked, having heard the phrase before, although it had been under different circumstance; and under a cold and bloody tone…

"My head… I think I'm losing blood…" he had said, in that weak voice…

"I doubt it… Your skull's so thick that it probably qualifies as a scratch," the ANBU had said, slinging his arm roughly over his much smaller body, around half a foot shorter…

And that distinct orange-painted fox mask…

Codename: Kitsune

"Naruto…" Asuma said, the words unfamiliar upon his tongue, and at the same time, Asuma felt somewhat… fearful.

"Hm?" Kurenai turned slightly, catching the word that Asuma had uttered, "Naruto…?"

"Oh, nothing," Asuma followed up, and Kurenai gave him a puzzled look, before going back to her cooking.

"I… I don't think I can make it," Asuma said, gripping his upper ribs, before smirking and resting against a nearby tree, as the fox-masked ANBU looked at him with his hidden eyes. Sensing more pain, Asuma took a cigarette out of the left pocket of his flak jacket, torn and weathered as it was. His hands were burnt too, it seemed, but it didn't matter, "Kid," he began, "leave me here, and please… give this letter," Asuma took out a crumpled old letter from the pocket of his pants, "to a woman named Yuuhi Kure-"

A fist met the left side of his face, and he wouldn't have been surprised if quite a few of his teeth had fallen out.

"Keep your letter." Came the words, cold as steel, even as the surroundings were enveloped by the sounds of explosions and the shouts of Asuma's former captors, "You can give it to her yourself." He then hoisted Asuma, "Because you're going to come back to Konoha, and tell the Hokage your long-term mission is complete."

There was an edge in the young man's voice, and it sent whirlwinds through his head.

"Kid-"

"My name isn't 'Kid', Sarutobi." The name was there with spite, that much he knew. "It's Kitsune." He took a step forward, the sounds of explosive tags going off here and there were clear, and despite the name that he was given, Sarutobi Asuma knew who was behind that mask, "And you're coming back alive… because I promised you would."

His name was Uzumaki Naruto.

Asuma picked at his food, laden on the plate where Kurenai had presented it, drawing the foul stare of the red-eyed woman that shared a table with him.

"Asuma, what in the world is bothering you? You've been spacing out for almost half an hour!" Kurenai exclaimed, drawing the grown man out of his state. She placed a comforting hand over his, and he smiled to her in return, but no reply came, "Tell me?" she then frowned, "This isn't about Naruto is it?"

Asuma fought down an embarrassed blush, drawing another glare from the red-eyed Genjutsu Specialist.

"Oh, for goodness sakes!" Kurenai placed both hands on Asuma's left, "Asuma, why are we going through this? You can't possibly be worried about Naruto in our relationship!"

He said nothing.

"Asuma, look at me." And the bearded man did, "Whatever you think is going on between me and Naruto is wrong!" she exclaimed, and then smiled slightly, "You're the one that I want! Not him! Naruto, he's- he's been like a brother to me the past four months you were gone! Nothing between us happened; and nothing between you and me has changed!" she then smirked, "Do I even look the type to go around with a young boy, hm?"

"Sure do look like it," Asuma smiled, putting his other hand above both of Kurenai's, holding them gently.

"Oh, you." Kurenai blushed, "And to confirm that I absolutely am still in love with you, tomorrow, we're going to the Sakura festival!" she exclaimed, before kissing him.

And as their thoughts strayed away from the meal, and onto Sarutobi Asuma's couch, the rain outside poured harder.

As though the sky was crying.

It was.

And through it all, a shadow stood, unnoticed and unseen by anyone, before disappearing in a shroud of darkness.

He slammed a Rasengan into a tree, the rain around him being blown away by the sheer force. Another Rasengan then began its motion, charged up and ready to strike. This time, he slammed it into a boulder, and it, in turn, freed some mud, covering him with the dirty substance. His left hand began to bleed.

It seemed that the flesh of his palm had become twisted and gnarled so much that it had actually began to look as though that there was a spiral of muscle and flesh forming in the middle of his left hand.

"Damn it!" He exclaimed, forming another Rasengan, slamming it into another tree, effectively leveling it and making it crash into other trees. His eyes flashed a feral red, cursing the world and everything that it contained. Everything. The pain in his left hand intensified, but he went on, charging up another Rasengan…

"Naruto! Stop it!" Sasuke had locked his left arm, effectively ending his motions and the steps to the jutsu. Looking at Naruto's almost mutilated hand, Sasuke's eyes widened, "My god… Naruto… what are you doing to yourself?"

"Training." Was the cold answer, but Sasuke, instead of letting his arm go, tightened his grip upon it.

The raven-haired ANBU was not in the mood for Naruto's sarcasm.

"Training?! Naruto, is this what you call training?! You've been using Rasengan after Rasengan non-stop in this area, and if your target was to destroy this particular training ground, you've probably succeeded in leveling the whole-"

"Shut up, you damn traitor!" Sasuke paled, "Compared to what I did you g-"

Sasuke hit Naruto. There was no chakra involved, but this punch…

It shook him to the core.

He tasted the coppery flavour of his own blood.

"I'm trying to help you, Naruto." Sasuke said coolly, the wet locks of his hair sticking to his face as the rain poured down heavier upon the both of them, "By saving me from a bad choice, you practically have me in your debt. But if you keep this up… consider our friendship over."

There was silence, and Sasuke dropped the adolescent boy onto the muddy ground.

The temperature experienced a sudden drop around Sasuke, until he could see his own breath before him.

"I… loved her, you know?"

"Ano sa, Miss, do you need help with those bags?" Naruto said, walking up to the woman.

And as he gazed into those deep red eyes, Uzumaki Naruto did not know want, or desire, and for once, he had something that he would hold dear, or so it seemed…

He took care of her, and she took care of him, and for the four months that Sarutobi Asuma did not return, Kurenai was content to have at least some company with her, even if it was Uzumaki Naruto, recent ANBU entrant and all. The days ticked by, they laughed together, and Kurenai would ruffle up his hair once in a while, and Naruto, insead of getting all riled up, as he had with Jiraiya and the like, had warmed up to it.

The feeling; that feeling that someone actually wanted to be with him was addictive; something that he had always dreamed. Outside of his ring of friends and acquaintances, there was no one in Konoha that he actually knew as a person. But Kurenai, she had been beautiful to him; absolutely beautiful.

And he fell. He fell in love. In love with her.

In love with those beautiful wine-red eyes, with the hair that smelled like the scent of angels, the grace that swans would be jealous of, and the fine physique that was sculpted by the gods above.

Uzumaki did not know want.

He now knew love.

And then, that day had come…

"Tsunade-sama; Sarutobi Asuma… his team! They've been found out, Hokage-sama!"

Uzumaki Naruto's head turned towards the messenger, a Chuunin Ninja, likely one of the Gate Guards

"The Oto forces found out? How did you come across this information?" Tsunade barked.

"One of his squad members told me, Madam. He arrived at the gates… and fell unconscious because of blood loss. The wounds were too severe for him to make it here, so he entrusted that task to me. He's in ECU right now!"

"Damn it; and after the operation was going so well… Kitsune-fukutaichou!" Tsunade turned to him. "Get Rou-Taichou and Suzaku and depart at 1900 hours. Your mission is to retrieve Sarutobi Asuma and his team." She folded her hands, and in an instant, threw a scroll to Naruto, "Those are the coordinates of the mission directive. Get in there and get out."

"Yes ma'am." Naruto bowed, before opening the door.

To find Yuuhi Kurenai, eyes wide and mouth hanging open…

"Kurenai?" Tsunade said, eyeing the red-eyed woman through her doorway.

"Asuma… he's actually… my God…" she fell to her knees, but before she reached the ground, Naruto caught her.

She was now sobbing and shaking uncontrollably, and embraced Naruto out of pure shock.

She had to hold on to something… anything…

"Asuma…" she uttered.

"Kitsune; you have to leave now. Sarutobi Asuma has information valuable to the village; and S-class clearance for Konoha's secrets. You have to depart now before Orochimaru exploits anything he knows!"

He looked hopelessly from Tsunade to the sobbing Kurenai, who was still in shock.

"Kitsune; NOW!" she bellowed at him, but Naruto did not budge.

He wasn't listening to whatever Tsunade was saying now, instead, looking towards the kneeling and sobbing woman.

"Naruto!"

"Naruto…" Kurenai said, her voice barely above a whisper…

He dreaded the words that would come next, because he knew them. He knew them too well. The words that Sakura had said those two years ago.

The words that broke him, masked by a perpetual smile.

"Please… bring him back to me."

"I promise,"

And he was broken once more.

Sasuke stood silently, looking over the form of his friend.

After a brief moment of silence, he spoke.

"We have a mission in two hours; do what you have to, and then we're leaving for Mizu no Kuni."

A nod.

And a chance for escape.

But he needed to see him first. Even if it killed him.

A piece of paper had woken him up, landing straight upon his face as he lay next to Yuuhi Kurenai. He did not know how it got there, nor did he know if he someone had broken in, but the message was clear.

Someone wanted to see him. And it was important. Taking out a cigarette, Asuma reached for his lighter, before pain kicked in and he dropped it onto the muddy ground; remnants of the heavy downpour that had hit Konoha just now. He bent over to pick it up…

And noticed a pair of two shinobi sandals, black as the night. He looked upwards, trailing his eyes upon a familiar ANBU mask…

Kitsune.

No.

Uzumaki Naruto.

"So you're the one that called me here, eh?" no response. "Figures."

Naruto said nothing, instead, bending down and picking up Asuma's lighter, flicking it and lighting it, motioning for Asuma to bring his cigarette over.

"Thanks." Asuma said, taking a drag.

Naruto flipped the lighter shut, putting it into his pocket and following it through by putting both his hands into the pockets of his ANBU pants.

They stood in silence, man and boy reading one another. There was no movement, and an air of tension set between them. It had to be said. It had to be ended. Something had to be done; right here and right now.

"She cares for you." Naruto said, relaxing his stance slightly, as Asuma steadied in comparison to his motion. Naruto drew his ANBU sword, causing Asuma to narrow his eyes. If the boy was up for a fight… "She loves you, doesn't she?"

The sword, battered and broken from the tip two inches down, was now pointed at Asuma, before the blonde withdrew his blade, and kept it in his holster. Asuma relaxed, but not enough to let his guard down.

"And you care for her too, don't you?" Asuma questioned him.

A nod, "Yes," he looked into Asuma's eyes with his dull lifeless ones, "I love her."

Asuma's eyes narrowed.

No more words were said, and both of them came to an understanding.

"Take care of her." Naruto began, making Asuma raise an eyebrow, "It may sound silly, but please," Naruto continued, "love her as you always have. As she loves you. And as you both walk together… towards a future."

"Oi… what are you saying?"

There was no answer, and Naruto turned on his heel, not willing for any tears to show.

They were frozen by the cold knife in his heart.

He looked to Kakashi and Sasuke, his teammates, standing upon a giant sakura tree.

"You're a lucky man, Sarutobi Asuma." He said, as the sakura petals blew around the both of them, like an omen, "You just don't know how lucky you are…"

And he was gone.

"Che, kid…" Asuma took a long drag from his cigarette, "Saying something so depressing like that…"

"You done?"

A nod.

"We're gonna be gone for a long time…"

"Hopefully," the blonde said, "hopefully before we return, I'll forget all this… and be Naruto again."

"Let's go, then." Kakashi said, donning his ANBU mask, "Akatsuki are waiting."

And hopefully, he, Naruto, would find peace…

Be it even in the arms of Death.

Kurenai turned in her sleep, rolling upon the spot where Sarutobi Asuma had once lay…

Naruto ran down the hallway, before she called out to him.

"Promise me too… that you'll come back."

Because Naruto was nothing without keeping his promises…

She was sure of it…

I promise…