Tavish Degroot (aka Demoman) sat in an uncomfortable chair, the kind of fold-out chair that you set up when you have too many guests over and they take up all the decent seats, and even though you set them up nobody actually sits in them and everybody chooses to cram into the couch, so now you've got like 9 people on one couch so the cushions will never be the same again. Tavish squirmed a little; trying to find a comfortable position, but failed.

"So, ye want to hear 'bout me time as a mercenary?" he asked the person in front of him.

"Yes, start from the beginning, if you don't mind." The person nodded its head, it was sitting in a shadow, and it kept writing stuff down on a clipboard.

"Nah, I don't mind," he scratched his chin, "it all started 'bout 11 years ago…"

~0~

Loch Ness 'bout 11 years ago

~0~

Tavish set up his several pounds of dynamite, preparing to blast a mythical beast out of the lake. Just before he was able to completely destroy a landmark, a small letter with an ornate seal floated down in front of him. He walked over and picked it up; it had his name on it. He looked up, trying to find out where it came from, but there was nothing around except for him and a curious squirrel who was nibbling at the fuse.

Inside the letter was a request for him to use his explosives expertise to protect Reliable Excavation and Demolition from the evil Builders League Unlimited, then it said the amount of money he would receive for his hard work. Pretty straightforward, suspiciously straightforward, but the pay that was listed was horrifyingly huge. The sheer amount of zeros was incredible.

~0~

Present

~0~

"Then they shipped me out ta New Mexico, and introduced me ta the rest of the boys." Tavish sighed, and cracked a smile, "Bunch of nut jobs they were."

"Tell me more about them."

"Well, first ya got Scout; a fast as a bunny, the only thing quicker than 'im was his mouth. I'm pretty sure that he was just around to annoy us." Tavish grinned, "Next was Soldier, he was the craziest of all of us. Then there's Pyro, strangest beast I've encountered. One moment he's the most horrifyin' thing you've ever seen, and then he's as tame as a puppy!"

"Those are the 'Offense' correct?"

"Yep."

"You were a 'Defense', right?"

"Aye, along with Heavy and Engineer."

"Heavy?"

"Heavy weapons guy, but that's a mouthful; he was a wall of pure Russian fury, but had a soft spot for sandwiches and small animals. Not too bright either."

"And the Engineer?"

"Ah, probably the most sane of us all, smartest too. Then again he did cut off his own hand and 'upgrade' it…"

"Excuse me… he did what?"

"He replaced his hand with a robot one."

"Okay… moving on." The person shook their head, "Lastly is the 'Support', correct?"

"U'huh, those three were the strangest people I've met, with an exception for Pyro. First is Spy, was always going on 'bout his sophistication and crap, but on the battlefield he had as much tact as a 12 year old! Always had this ski-mask on too. Second is the Medic… oh boy, this guy was sadistic, crazy, and the last person ye'd trust with yer innards, but for some reason we trusted him. Last is the Sniper, poor lad…" Tavish leaned back a bit.

"Is something wrong?"

"Nah, I'll get to that later. Anyway, he considered himself a 'professional' but he had severe anger issues and was incredibly naïve when it came to dealin' with people. Musta been all those years alone…" Tavish was deep in thought for a moment, "So that's the team."

"Okay, tell me about your first day…"

~0~

RED Base

~0~

Tavish awkwardly lugged his suitcase up to his room, it was kind of like moving into your first college dorm, only with more explosives and your roommates are psychotic mercenaries. The base itself wasn't the most structurally sound building ever, seeing as it was speckled with patch work; a result of a previous battle.

He got to his room, he knew it was his because of a crude drawing of a bomb etched into the wooden surface. He was about to open it, but a random blur smacked into him. The human-shaped projectile turned out to be the Scout, who was rushing to his room which was just next door to his.

Once he was safely inside his room, he unpacked his crap; the room was pretty nice, there wasn't any patchwork, and he had the room closest to the bathroom. He just hoped the human bullet next door didn't snore or have night terrors.

After he got his stuff set up he hiked downstairs to the mess-hall. Everyone else had just arrived too, and they were all still off getting settled in. Tavish figured that he'd make dinner for tonight; because, why not?

Soon the base was filled with the smell of food. Nothing else; just food. No in-detail description of said food. It was just food. Then all the guys got together and ate that food. They argued a bit, there were at least five fistfights, and I'm pretty certain someone lost a tooth. Otherwise, it was a pretty good night.

~0~

Present

~0~

"After that we went to sleep, and the next day we fought. Nothin' much happened until the third day."

"What happened?"

"Let's just say some bizarre stuff happened there. Before I tell ye what happened, just remember that this is not even the bottom of the barrel…"