A/N: The first chapter concerns The Taming of the Shrew. Lets face it, while Shakespeare was brilliant he was a bi-product of his time - A ignorant chavanistic jerk. Has Katherina given up on seeking "rule, supremacy and sway" when she is "bound to serve love and obey."? Or is there more up the Shrew's sleave. This is during the most duitiful wife bet at the climax of the play (or Act Five; Scene Two for all of those playing at home). The play has Shakepearean bookends but the rest is in modern English.

The Taming of the Shrew: Assume a virtue, if you have it not.

Offstage

Bianca:

Am I your bird? I mean to shift my bush;

And then pursue me as you draw your bow.

You are welcome all.

The women enter the parlour after the banquet

Kate: Bianca, I've been meaning to congratulate you. I always knew you would make a beautiful bride.

Bianca: yes, despite your efforts.

Both laugh insincerely

Kate: The dress is lovely, by the way.

Bianca: yes. And your dress… is so… individual.

Kate: yes! It was my husband's idea.

Bianca: I'm sure it was. I remember you're wedding quite well.

Kate: Viviana. I'm sorry about back there, I nearly lost my temper.

Viviana The Widow: You're forgiven. As long as you pour me another drink.

Kate: You were probably right after all, I have been known for my reckless behaviour in the past, and you have been asked to marry by… what is it?... thee men now?

Viviana: Yes, It seems my charms are too irresistible for any man.

Cackles at her own joke before going to sip some more wine. She is disappointed to find her cup empty.

Bianca: You look so tired Sis. Must be all the duties of wifehood. But I haven't seen you frown since you got here, and you've lost so much weight…

Viviana: Whadda do? Have a personality transplant?

Continues to hoot while she refills her cup to the brim

Bianca: Viviana!

Kate: Bianca, it is quite alright. I am well aware that my… usual behaviours have been changed.

Bianca: Really? I haven't noticed.

Kate: Come off it B! You are the same girl I tied up and beat not a fortnight ago. You are the girl who I forced into spinsterhood because men were so terrified of me they would curl up in the foetal position when I walked by…

Bianca: Oh come now, that was only Primo…

Kate: And you are the girl who wants to know why haven't I been arrested for the murder of my husband yet. And want's to know why and how my...

glancing at Viviana

Kate: ...personality was transplanted.

Bianca: No no! It your secret and if you don't want to tell…

Kate: Okay…

Bianca: Fine. I lied. I really want to know.

Viviana: Yeah! Tell us how the wicked witch really died.

Once again manic laughter. Bianca moves the bottle of wine out of reach.

Kate: Well get yourselves comfy. This will take awhile. Okay. Petruchio's had been acting crazy ever since we'd got to his home. Well crazier than normal. I hadn't eaten and slept in days because he found fault with everything. The bed was unmade so we didn't rest; the food was "burnt" so we went hungry. Not the best but an effective way of shedding winter pounds mind you. And all the time Pet was ranting and raving and throwing things about. Then I overheard him talking to himself.

Bianca: First sign of madness, that.

Viviana: And marrying Katerina wasn't?

Bianca is completely ignoring Viviana by this stage

Bianca: What did he say?

Kate: He said he was going to train my like a falcon. You know how they don't let the birds sleep or eat until they get under their control. This way he'll and I quote "curb my mad and headstrong humour."

Bianca: Really… Um… how… How did you take that?

Kate: The usual way.

Bianca: Ah.

pause

Bianca: Was their much blood?

Kate: No it missed his head all together. I must be getting out of practice.

There is a knock at the door. Bordello enters.

Bordello: Mistress Bianca, your husband bids you come to him.

Kate: I'm busy, he can wait.

Bordello: But mistress…

Bianca: It's not like I won't see him every day for the rest of my life. Got tell him no.

Bordello leaves

Bianca: Go on Kate!

Kate: Anyway we had a bit of a tiff. I yelled at him about how I wasn't going to be starved like a bird, he yelled at me about throwing a chamber pot at his head. I suspect it's the sort of normal tiffs all newlyweds have.

Viviana: For newlyweds no. You and him yes!

Typical cackling

Kate[holding back the urge to punch Viviana Anyway, I asked him why he was doing something so stupid, and immoral and above all mannish. He said that it was about making me a proper member of society but when I threatened him with the wash basin he told the truth.

Bianca and Viviana: What?

Kate: Money.

Bianca and Viviana: Ah!

Kate: He had this bet going on with Hortensio from before our wedding which involved me becoming "The perfect house wife". Seems that I was a bit more trouble than he anticipated.

Viviana: No Kate, you must be mistaken. Hortensio doesn't gamble.

Kate: Really? Petruchio showed me about 20 crowns that he said he won off Hortensio in a card game.

Viviana: He said he was robbed!

Kate: He probably was. Petruchio cheats.

Viviana: I'll kill him!

A knock at the door. Bordello re-enters.

Bianca: I told you last time, I'm not coming.

Bordello: Um… This time Hortensio wants his wife…

Viviana: I'm not going to that pig! If he's so desperate to talk he can come to me! And I'll have a few words to tell him, I'm sure of that!'

Bordello: Er… okay…

He leaves shaking his head

Bianca: Okay so he had a bet he could make you into Martha Stewart.

Kate: Now I have my pride. I have my dignity. But one thing I don't have much of is money. So he and I made a deal.

Bianca: Really? You actually agreed with him on something?

Kate: I'm just as surprised as you are. I agreed that I would pretend to be the happy house wife in public and at home I can do what ever I want.

Viviana: He must have been desperate to make that deal!

Kate: No. Astoundingly he said he wouldn't have it any other way. And neither would I.

Bianca: Wait a second… You're going to let down your shrewishness for HIM.

Kate: Yes. I think I am. He's the only man who's ever given me any credit. When I first met him he talked to me as a person and not just a woman. He could have just left it but he let me in on his plan. It's like I'm his partner and not just his wife.

Bianca: Are you trying to say you LOVE him?

Kate: I don't know about love, but I at least respect him. And that's a step up from every other man in Padua.

Viviana: Wait? You haven't told us your plan that you and he made in order to rip our men off.

Kate: I'm sorry how silly of me. He made a bet with your husbands saying that I was the most obedient wife out of us three.

Pause

Bianca: Yeah right.

Viviana: You wish!

Kate: I dunno. When your fellas asked you to come to them, did you?

Pause. Bordello re-enters.

Bordello: Mistress Katerina. Your husband commands you come to him.

Kate: Game. Set. Match.

She grabs Viviana and Bianca by the arms.

Kate: You two are coming with me. I work very hard on this speech.

Kate half drags the other women off stage. Off stage can be heard

Kate: Fie, fie! unknit that threatening unkind brow,
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes,
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor…

End of scene