Preface
With the Star Wars site continuing its annual This is Madness tournaments despite questions about the integrity of the votes, I've wanted to parody it in some way. So, I've decided to combine the tournament with my Press Your Galactic Luck (PYGL) game show.
Expect some changes with the format, however. The biggest difference is that there will be no questions for earning spins. Spins will now be allocated randomly as follows:
» Every player will get at least two spins in round one and three in round two.
» No player can have more than twelve spins (the maximum possible for having four correct buzz-in questions).
» The sum of all spins each round cannot exceed twenty (12 for being perfect and four each for the other two players).
» The lowest seed(s) will get the least number of spins each round.
As with my main PYGL episodes, all announcer dialogue will be enclosed in [italicized square brackets].
With some characters appearing as contestants in my mainstream PYGL story, I've chosen to have them keep their references to that show to a minimum so to avoid any major spoilers on how well they did on that version of the show.
Also, with the droids R2-D2 and BB-8 participating in this tournament, I chose to use the in-universe spellings for their full designation (Artoo Deetoo and Beebee-Ate).
Acknowledgments
Very special thanks to the Walt Disney Company for Star Wars characters and concepts.
Also, very special thanks to the FremantleMedia Group, the current distributor for Press your Luck.
Special thanks to the random·org website—my source for generating the random numbers used for spin allocations.
Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
With the tournament format, the screen showed a darkened stage that light up as soon as the announcing began.
[Today, these three players are after big creds! But, they'll have to avoid the whammy as they play the most exciting game of their lives.]
A whammy appeared on screen, silently pointed and laughed, and then disappeared again.
[From Holovision City on Coruscant, it's time to press... your... galactic luck. And now, here's your host, the star of Press Your Galactic Luck, David Oilfin.]
David walked up to his podium and removed his hat. There, he said, "Thanks, and welcome to Press your Galactic Luck where we'll be doing something new for the next several episodes. As you may have noticed, we once again have Donny O'Charles filling in while Todd Toddy is on vacation. We expect to have him back in time for the semifinals and finals of this tournament version of our show. Donny, are you ready to get started?"
[You bet. Let's meet the players and explain how this works.]
"We've taken 32 of your favorite people from around the galaxy, seeded them based on popularity, and grouped them together in tournament brackets to determine who will be our overall champion. We won't be asking questions to award spins, but we'll talk about that more in a moment. With 32 people and 27 spots in the quarterfinals, we had to do something. So, we decided the top 25 get in automatically and seeds number 26 though 31 compete in two play-in games to get the last two spots. Our 32nd-seeded character, the Fifth Brother, unfortunately doesn't qualify. So, we'll be sending him a Press Your Galactic Luck t-shirt as soon as possible so the suspense doesn't kill him.
"On that note, let's meet our players. First, we have our 30th seed, Padmé Amidala."
After a round of applause, Padmé replied, "Thanks, David. It's good to be here, though I wish I was more popular. I guess Jedi are liked more than senators these days."
"I wouldn't know, but good luck. Next, we have one of our younger contestants, Ezra Bridger. Ezra is our 29th seed."
"This is so cool. If I win, I won't have to steal fruit anymore."
"Right. OK, so let's meet our final player. He's relatively new here, but an up and coming star. Give a big welcome to our 26th seed, Finn."
"Thanks, David. I hope this is much less stressful than dealing with crazy guys brandishing laser claymores," Finn said.
"We'll see how you fare today, Finn. Good luck. Let's get the big board started here. In lieu of asking questions during our tournament, we've decided to allocate spins based on seeding. Let's see how the computer has allocated your spins."
With a ding, the player displays updated to show four spins for both Padmé and Ezra and seven spins for Finn.
"We have close to 50 000 credits in cash and prizes. If you finish first in round one, you go last in round two. Four whammies is very bad; that puts you out of the game for good. And, you can passed earned spins any time you fear the whammy.
"We have a tie for the least number of spins. When that happens in round one, I start with the player the farthest on my left. Padmé, that's you with four spins. I assume you want to press."
"OK, David. I want big creds with my four spins. Let's start off good. Stop!"
"Stop on 200 credits. That beats a whammy. First place for the moment with three more spins."
"Alright. I want big creds this time... no whammies... and stop."
"Stop on 'Go Back Two Spaces' to 1500 credits. That's big creds. You're up to 1700 with two more spins. Press or pass?"
"I'll press on, David. Let's get something else good here... stop!"
"Stop on 525 more. You've got 2225 now with one more spin."
"I'll take it. Let's get something good here on my last spin. Stop!"
"Stop... on a whammy."
After a synthesized foghorn sounded, two whammies with lightsabers appeared and said, "First we swing, then we slash. Then, we take away her cash." They disappeared with a boing.
"Aww, Padmé, that hurts to hit a whammy on your final spin. You've got no credits, but don't despair. Stranger things happen on this show. Next, we go to Ezra who has four spins."
"Let's see how this works," Ezra replied. "This is for all the Jedi I never got to know. Stop"
"Stop on 600 credits. You have the lead for now with three spins."
"I may as well go for more. Let's get the big creds here. I'll even settle for that 'Add-A-Two.' Stop."
"Stop on 550 more. You're up to 1150 with two spins to go. Press or pass?"
"I need to go at least once more. Let's get one of the bigger amounts this time... Stop!"
"Stop on 650. You have 1800 with one spin left."
"David, if I pass, who gets it?" Ezra asked.
"Both Padmé and Finn have zero, so you can choose either of them."
"Give it to Padmé since Finn has seven spins already."
Padmé's display chimed and reflected her passed spin.
"Padmé, you have a spin you must take. You want anything but a whammy to get back into the game."
"Alright, let's take this second chance here. I want big creds. Stop!"
"Stop on 525 courtesy of Ezra. That puts you in second place for now. Finn, we now turn to you with seven big spins."
"Alright, David. Let's get this party started. I want to get off to good start. Let's get something big. Stop!" Finn called out.
"Stop on 100 and a spin. Ironically, that's our smallest value on the board, but you picked up a spin to stay at seven. I take it you want to press on."
"Alright, let's get something bigger this time. Big creds, and stop!"
"Stop on 750 and a spin. Finn, you have 850—good for second place—and you have all seven of your spins."
"I'm pressing on. Let's keep getting good stuff here, more money and stop."
"Stop on 250. You're up to 1100 credits, 700 shy of Ezra for first, and you have six spins."
"You know I'm going again. OK, I want first place, so give me that 750 again... stop!"
"Stop on 700 credits. You're now tied for first with Ezra, 1800 credits each, but you have five more spins for breaking the tie."
"This is it, David. I'm going for first place right here. I'll even take that two credit space. Stop!"
"Stop on 300 and a spin. Finn, you're in first place all by yourself by that much. What would you like to do with your five spins?"
Finn pointed at the board as it started up again.
"I guess that answers my question."
"This is spin is for all the great people I met. This is for Rey... stop!"
"Stop on 350. You're up to 2450 now. You have four spins and a 650-credit lead over Ezra."
"I'm pressing, David! Big creds this time. Let's open up my lead here... stop!"
"Stop on 750 and a spin again. Finn, you have 3200 credits and you still have four spins."
"I'll press again. I need big creds, big creds. Let's build my lead. Stop!"
"Stop on 750 credits without a spin. Thirty-nine fifty now, 2150 more than Ezra with three spins."
"David, I'm going to pass before I hit a whammy," Finn said.
As the spins moved to Ezra's passed column, David said, "Ezra, you have three spins you have to take. Avoid the whammy, and you'll finish in either first or second place."
"Sounds good. This spin is for Chopper, so let's make it count. Stop!"
"Stop on 350 credits. You've moved up to 2150; two more spins you must take."
"This spin is for Jabba the Hutt, wherever you may be... stop."
"Stop on 200 and a spin. That's 2350 credits now. That spin goes into the earned column, but you still have a passed spin to take. Can you avoid the whammy?"
"No problem. I don't even need any training for this. This spin is for Fulcrum, whoever that may be. Stop!"
"Stop on a whammy."
Ezra and the crowd groaned together as a whammy appeared on the screen and said, "Roses are red. Violets are blue. I took the credits and left none for you!" It then disappeared with a boing.
"Ezra, wouldn't you know you hit it with your last passed spin. You still have one earned spin left. You can take it to see what happens, or you could pass it to Finn and hope he hits a whammy."
"Payback is so much fun, David. So, I'll pass."
As the spin moved back to Finn, David said, "Finn, avoid the whammy with this spin, and first place is yours. Hit a whammy, and Padmé will take the lead with her 525 credits."
"Let's do this. This spin is for Ezra to show him what he missed out on. Big creds and stop!"
"Stop on 750. At the end of round one, we have Finn in the lead with 4700 credits, Padmé has 525, and Ezra has zero." After this break, we'll play the second round.
###
Back from the commercials, the players remained in their previous spots watching the board update.
"Welcome back to Press Your Galactic Luck, the madness edition. We have 100 000 credits worth of cash and prizes this round. We also have Double Your Credits and Lose-1-Whammy to help you out. We also have the whammies, but you want to avoid those as much as mentally unstable Force-wielders.
"Let's see how many spins everyone gets this round. Padmé and Ezra, you each received five spins. Finn has six.
"With that in mind, let's review the scores. Finn, you'll play last because you lead with 4700 credits. Padmé has 525 and a whammy. Ezra has no credits and one whammy, so you'll play first."
"Alright, let's start over," Ezra replied. "Big creds here, no more whammies, and stop!"
"Stop on 750 and a spin. That puts you in second place. You still have all five spins."
"I've got more catching up to do. This spin is for Kanan. Big creds and stop!"
"Stop on 700 and a spin. You're up to 1450, that's 3250 less than Finn, and you still have your five spins."
"I've got to press. Big creds here, I need a new lightsaber... stop!"
"Stop on a prize space. That's a trip to Cona worth 1933 credits."
The audience applauded for the first prize hit of the game.
"Ezra, your new total is 3383 credits. That's 1317 shy of first place. You have four spins and a whammy."
"I've got get first place here. Big creds. How about that double space, and stop!"
"Stop on 2000 credits. That's enough to put you into the lead. Fifty-three eighty-three now. That's 683 more than Finn. You have three spins."
"I'm definitely going. I need big creds again, no more whammies, and stop!"
"Stop on a prize space. That's a game table valued at 2371 credits."
"All right!" Ezra replied, pumping his fist.
"Ezra, that gives you 7754 credits now—a little over 3000 more than Finn—and two spins. Press or pass?"
Ezra ignored the audience's advice and replied, "I'm going to press my galactic luck."
"Can he do it again?"
"Alright, let's get more credits here. Nothing is too good. Stop!"
"Stop on another 2000 credits. You have 9754 and one more spin."
"I can't afford to pass, so I have to take it. Let's get credits one more time... and stop!"
"Stop on 'Advance Two Spaces' to 2500 credits!"
"Ezra, that puts you in five-digit territory with 12 254 credits. That was a great job avoiding the whammy. Now, we go to Padmé who has 525 credits and five spins."
"Alright," Padmé replied, "I have some catching up to do. Big creds and stop!"
"Stop on 'Pick A Corner.' You can choose 1750, '2000 or Lose-1-Whammy,' or a prize."
"I'll take the prize."
"That prize is a year's worth of gift certificates to Stacey's Spa and Salon. That prize is worth 2694 credits, bringing your total to 3219. You have four more spins."
"I'm still trailing by a lot. I have to go again. Alright, I need the big creds. How about that 5000? Stop!"
"Stop on 1250 more. You've got 4469 credits and three spins. You're just 231 credits away from second place."
"Then I have to again. This is for second place. Padmé needs some comfortable day wear. Stop!"
"Stop on 700 and a spin. You've moved into second, Padmé, with 5169 credits. That's just under 7100 shy of Ezra, and you have two spins. Press or pass?"
"I've got to press again. We've got to get something big on the board here. No whammies... and stop!"
"Stop on 2000 credits. That gives you 7169 total, 5085 less than Ezra. What will you do with that spin?"
"Pass," Padmé said.
"Alright Ezra, that spin is yours to take. You need to avoid the whammy to stay in the lead."
"No whammies," Ezra replied. "I can't get a whammy. One credit will even help me. Stop!"
"Stop on a prize space. That's his and hers blasters valued at 1783 credits."
"That works."
"Ezra, that moves you up to 14 037 credits. Now, we go over to Finn with 4700 credits and six spins. You trail by just under 10 000 credits, so let's see what you can do."
"Let's get rolling, David," Finn replied. "Let's get 1700 credits or more here, big creds... and stop!"
"Stop on 1500. Every credit helps. You're up to 6200 now; a thousand credits would give you second place."
"We need big creds here, now. Let's get that big value or a spin... stop!"
"Stop on 'Move One Space' to either '2000 or Lose-1-Whammy' or 2500."
"I want the 2500, David!"
"And you can have it. Finn, you moved into second place with that 2500. You have 8700 now. That puts you about 5337 shy of Ezra for first place with four spins."
"I can do this. Let's keep getting big creds or even a prize... or a spin... stop!"
"Stop on a whammy!"
"Ahh!" Finn exclaimed as the audience groaned with him.
A whammy appeared brandishing a lightsaber, saying, "Look at me!" After slicing off its arm, it added, "Mom said I was a real cutup."
"Finn, that was a rough break. You have a whammy just like everyone else, now. You still have three spins, so what would you like to do?"
"I've got to press, David. I'm not going to win in third place."
"That's the spirit."
"I've got to get big creds or a spin here... or a really expensive prize... c'mon now... stop!"
"Stop on a prize space. That's a trip to Zeltros worth 2682 credits. That puts you back in the game with two more spins."
"I have to go again. I need big creds and a spin, anything and a spin, and stop!"
"Stop on 2000 more. Forty-six eighty-two with one spin left. Finn, let's talk. We don't have a space worth 9400 credits, so you'd need anything with an additional spin to stay in the game. However, you could pass the spin to Ezra. If he hits a whammy, Padmé will become your best friend because she will win. So, will you press or pass?" David asked.
Finn listened while the audience offered its own split advice about passing or not.
"It looks like I can't win, so I may as well be a spoiler, David. Pass it!" he replied.
"Ezra, that spin is yours. If you hit a whammy, Padmé wins. If you hit anything else, you keep the lead."
"Sure, there's no pressure here. This isn't like activating a death ray or anything. Let's get some credits here; any value will do... and stop."
"Stop on 4000 and a spin!"
The audience cheered and applauded.
"Ezra, we'll talk about that spin in a moment. Your total is now 18 037 credits. That spin goes into the earned column, so you can take it yourself or you could pass it to Padmé."
"Cool. Let's pass it. I don't want a whammy."
"Padmé, that spin is passed to you. You have 7169 credits; Ezra has 18 037. You need something and a spin to stay in the game, or Ezra is our winner."
"I've had senate sessions that are more stressful," Padmé answered. "You heard the man, we need credits and a spin here. Let's not get a whammy... and stop!"
"Stop on 5000 and a spin!"
Once again, the audience cheered.
"Padmé, that was just what you needed. You've moved into five digits with 12 169 credits, about 5868 less than Ezra. Your spin goes into the earned column, so you can choose to spin again and try for something else with a spin. Otherwise, Ezra wins. Or, you could pass to Ezra. If he hits a whammy, you'll win."
"I may as well try this myself. Let's get credits and a spin again. Let's win this for the senate... stop!"
"Stop on 2500 credits—it's not enough. Ezra, you're the champion."
"Yes!" Ezra exclaimed as the congratulatory music played.
"We'll be right back to talk about Ezra's win right after these words."
###
Back from the final break, David said, "Ezra, you pulled off a slight upset with your win. First, Donny O'Charles will summarize your winnings."
[Thanks, David. Ezra, your winnings start with his and hers blasters. With variable intensity settings, you—and a friend—will successfully defend yourself from most weapons. These blasters are worth 1783 credits.
Next, you won a trip to Cona. Spend three days and two nights on this planet known for its mineral resources. We'll even throw in a complimentary breathing mask. This trip is valued at 1933 credits.
Finally, you won a game table. Enjoy endless entertainment with games such as holochess, sabacc, and others. You and your friends won't be bored when you gather around this table worth 2371 credits.
Adding in your 11 950 credits in cash, your total for the day is 18 037 credits. Congratulations, Ezra.]
"Padmé, Finn, although you didn't win, you played well today. We'll have some nice parting gifts for each of you.
"Ezra, your win means you advance to the quarterfinals. You'll play the eighth-seeded Maul and 11th-seeded Han Solo."
"Cool, it will be a reunion of sorts," Ezra replied.
"Our next game is the second play-in featuring three new players. Until then, thanks for watching Press Your Galactic Luck. See you next time."
The show wrapped up with a list of sponsors and consolation prizes.
[This is Donny O'Charles speaking for Press Your Galactic Luck, a Mallet Media Production. This program was edited for broadcast.]