Dreamer
I don't own any part of FFVIII. I used a lot of direct quotes from the game script, so I have no claim over them either. Thank you and enjoy reading~
"Where is everyone!?"
"Rinoa! Where are you?"
"Zell! Selphie! Quistis! Irvine!"
"Rinoa!"
...Am I...alone?
Which way...do I go?
I can't make it back...alone.
The white in his eyes were filled by patches of a bleary sky, and slowly his senses came back to him one by one. Searing pain flooded his every joint as the feeling returned to his body, ripping his eyes open. There he was blinded by the bleak light, his orbs sensitive, and as he lifted a shaky hand to protect his face he began to realise that something was wrong. He was shivering from the unbelievable chill, and yet he could have sworn that he stood in the middle of a desert. With his eyes dry and burning, his breathing shallow and his head throbbing like an intense fever, the warrior looked out into the distance. Eyesight still wavering, he saw the thick feathery mist around him, circling his body and forcing him to spit and cough. He tilted his head upwards and felt no warming rays of sunlight, nor chills of fresh winds slapping his cheeks. It was only the cold, unnerving and unrelenting. Always cold.
It took a while before he attempted to get on his feet, afraid that his legs would collapse underneath him. And even when he did he started shivering violently, the harsh climate a new experience for him. The throbbing in his forehead ceased, and basic thoughts gradually returned to him.
Where…am I?
What happened…?
Cautiously he scanned his surroundings, newly alerted, and finding reason to do so. In his memory, or what he remembered of it, he knew he'd never set foot in a place like this. The island had no boundaries, no ending, no beginning. There was an unrelenting haze circling above and everywhere around him, threatening to consume everything. His fingertips were already crackled when he removed his sleek gloves to feel the unusual dry quality in the atmosphere. No thoughts were needed, he knew exactly what the situation was.
This was most definitely not earth.
Then he was afraid to ponder further, cautious that what he was to imagine would be the truth. For if this foreign land wasn't the home he'd held onto so dearly, then he was simply in the wrong place. In the wrong era, in the wrong lifetime and in the wrong time. For it seemed perfectly clear at that moment; the guardian had traveled through time and become lost. Lost in time. His first incentive was to remain calm, relying on his strict schooling as a youth to rationally think through the situation.
Think…think…
What can I do? How can I return to them?
Eventually he took steps forward, small and uncertain, but growing steadier. His leather boots grated heavily against the jagged ground, dragging a one foot after another haphazardly. He knew not the direction in which he traveled, whether it was forward or backwards, but somehow he didn't seem to care. All he knew, all he could think about, was maintaining as much distance from where he first found himself: in the midst of time compression.
Just keep walking… I'll find a way out.
Just keep walking…
At that exact moment a violent pain seized his mind so suddenly that he was reduced to his knees in agony, hands clutching at his forehead. The searing ache blinded his senses momentarily; the only thing left was the sounds of iron screeching deafeningly against the boundaries of his head. His thoughts were wiped out and he was about to scream when a certain memory forced itself into his mind. And all he could do was to be swept away in its unrelenting course.
"So, Seifer's taking all the blame?"
Words were flowing through Squall's mind too easily, not fully grasping their initial meaning. Did the grim expression on Zell's face mean that the worst possible scenario had eventuated for his age old rival? Even then it still felt too foreign, too unbelievable. Galbadia was blaming Seifer for the attempted murder of the President and a sentence had been announced. However a part of him refused to believe that execution had been the result. He turned to Quistis as she sat carefully on the floral couch, hands rested together as always.
Pausing slightly, she ran her fingers over her forehead to clear up any excess sweat that had accumulated. "The trial's over, and the sentence has been carried out."
The silence may have affected the rest of them, but in his head Quistis' words continued to circle.
It couldn't be… no way…
"No…he was executed?"
Rinoa's eyes were fixed upon the rug underneath her, head shaking softly side to side as if dismissing a petty thought. "…Of course he was. He attacked the president; he sacrificed himself for the Forest Owls…"
An irritated sigh escaped from his instructor's lips, only loud enough to be heard by him as he stood beside her.
"It was your group that got Seifer involved in all this. You're a resistance faction, right? You must have been prepared for the worst. I'm sure Seifer was prepared, too. So don't think of it as Seifer sacrificing himself for you." She exhaled heavily; unconsciously she'd been holding it since she started speaking. He could easily see the strain that had been put on her shoulders. "I'm sorry. I guess that wasn't much consolation."
So… Seifer's finally gone. Not that it gives me any joy knowing this. His age-old rival had at last fallen, which probed Squall's mind about his feelings for the cocky gunblade specialist. It was now Quistis' turn to shake her head, glancing up at the open window wistfully.
"I don't have any good memories of him. I've seen some troubled children, but he was beyond troubled." She managed a mirthful smile, but they all knew it was for show.
"Well… he wasn't really a bad guy."
She says it like he's an old acquaintance, not her ex-student of only several days. How pathetic.
"I…really liked him."
"He was always full of confidence, smart... Just by talking to him, I felt like I could take on the world."
"Your boyfriend?"
"I don't really know…"
"I think… I was in love. I wonder… did he feel the same?"
"Do you still like him?"
"If I didn't, I wouldn't be talking about it. It was last summer... I was 16. Lots of fond memories..."
Why are they saying these pointless things? You just found out he's dead, and now you've already put him into the past…
"I didn't like the guy, but executed...?"
"You really hated Seifer, didn't you, Zell?"
"Yeah, but... He was from Garden... He was one of us. If I can, I wanna get revenge."
Seifer…you've become just a memory. When I die… will they say these stupid things too? Will I only become a memory…?
No… never… I won't let it happen!
"Shut up everyone!"
Confused stares cornered him and he felt his face start to burn hot and red. He pulled his hair away from his eyes, beads of sweat left on his fingertips.
"What? Have you gone mad Squall?"
"What's wrong Squall?"
"I'll never have anyone speak of me in past tense!" And with that he left the sitting room with an intense stare and the slam of the door.
"Whoa!"
Thud.
"Ahhhhh!"
Thump.
"Oww…"
"Hehe… sorry 'bout that…"
Jumping back onto her feet like an elegant cat, Selphie brushed back her ruffled curls and took a look at the mess they had made upon their arrival. A radiant smile made its way onto her lips as she took in the warmth and familiarity of a world without time compression, inhaling the crisp morning air and distinct scent of course salt water from the nearby beach. She and her companion had landed in their bedroom, inches away from the neatly kept beds on which, in the past, they had so often used as trampolines to propel towards the high ceiling and beyond. Rays of sunlight flitted through the gaps of the timber walls and their gaping entrance in the ceiling, sinking into her skin. There was nothing better than home, and Selphie smiled warmly at the thought.
However she wasn't going to lie to herself; time compression had been more bitter and grueling than she'd ever let her mind imagine. For a moment she allowed the goose bumps to rise on her arms and neck as she remembered its fearful grasp upon her.
"Geez…maybe I could have some help down here Sefie?"
Remembering her situation the girl lowered to her knees and watched as her cowboy friend brushed off the accumulated sand and remains from their fall off his hat, an irritated frown on his lips as he did so. He stood up and dusted his coat off before finally taking a look around, a wide grin growing upon his face. His senses indulged in the familiarity of a free world, light and fresh and without restraint. Living. After a few moments Irvine heard the soft clink of Selphie's boots once and a while as she paced around the bedroom, bringing him back to their current situation. Even though they had survived time compression, their job wasn't done yet. He turned and advanced towards her as she stopped and gazed through the little window to their private shore.
"Sefie, you okay?"
As he placed a concerned hand upon her shoulder she nodded vigorously before turning and showing him her radiant smile. "I'm fine, just so glad we made it back! WHOO-HOO!"
He nodded solemnly despite her enthusiasm. "But we can't stop yet. Where is everyone?"
She froze in the middle of her victory dance to glance up at him as the situation dawned upon her. "I don't know… do you think they made it back okay?"
A confident smile found its way onto his lips despite the nagging worry in the back of his mind. She was just the cutest when worried, and despite the serious moment he couldn't help acknowledging it. "Come on Sefie, of course everyone's okay. Don't you trust them?"
Her smile now mirrored his. "Yeah, of course! Now let's go find everyone!"
A few moments passed before Squall allowed his brain to think freely. In cases like this he was afraid that if he puzzled too long on the irrational situation he'd lose his mind. Not to mention the fact that he was alone, and that made the process of insanity easier. However the possibilities could no longer be ignored, no matter the consequences they could cause.
He wondered daringly if they succeeded in defeating Ultimecia.
He had been so sure that he'd seen her devilish form start to squirm and contort underneath his neon blue blade as he slashed away, her shrill screams ringing in his ears. He had remembered using Renzokuken just as her final words left her lips, her smiling face cut straight through. The invisible platform holding them up fell through and suddenly vibrant colours blinded them and the world was spinning. He drifted in the sea of white, his heart pounding in his ears and his body heavy. And the next thing he remembered was lying on the ground, grazed and bruised and utterly lost.
Squall lifted his focus to the sky, into a mixture of ominous churning clouds. But despite all their efforts time compression remained, trapping and torturing them. Perhaps killing the sorceress wasn't enough to free the world after all. He grunted with irritation, his gaze falling down to his tarnished boots.
What's going to happen to the world now? Is this irreversible? Ultimecia is dead, and yet her spell hasn't been lifted… the world is forever frozen in time.
Is this the end… of the human civilisation?
His calloused fingers wandered to his forehead where a noticeable scar was. Everything, every single event that had happened to lead to this moment… All the sacrifices made, were they all in vain?
…this can't be the end. It's not possible.
I can't give up yet.
I can't give up until I get back to everyone…
He trudged on; step by step, getting slower and slower. Opening his mind to the swarming memories swirling above his head, he felt the strange need for company. A particular one came to his attention, and before he knew it there was a flash of white and suddenly he was trapped within its words.
"W-What did you say? If you have something to say, just say it!"
This was it. Squall turned abruptly from the face of his fellow SeeDs to stare callously into her fiery ones. For their entire trip she'd been testing him, but this was the last straw. Her incompetence and inability to plan ahead proved to him that she wasn't taking anything seriously. And in Squall's eyes that also meant them.
"How serious are you really? The three of you plop down on the floor to discuss strategy? On top of that, you can't make a decision without our input, right? How do you think we feel, working for such an organisation?"
Zell let out a small grunt and Squall turned to see the withdrawn expression on his face. Their eyes met for a moment, and immediately he realised that he'd been too hard on her. Turning to face her once more he managed to hold in his mounting frustration and gave her a look of slight regret. She was now the one looking away, arms crossed with a determined frown that quivered ever so slightly.
All I did was tell you my opinion, and now you go and act like a spoilt child? He shook his head and looked up towards her pale face.
"Sorry. Guess I got too carried away…"
There was no answer on the receiving end of the apology and Squall wondered vaguely if she'd even heard him. Her eyebrows were arched dangerously close, her crimson lips trembling to spill the words they held. After a while of waiting he lowered his head to hide the irritated expression growing on his face, his lips pinched into a small displeased frown.
Don't tell me she expects me to grovel on my knees for her forgiveness? Grow up already…
"You know…maybe this was all a big mistake."
He barely heard her low mutter and lifted his head, his eyes making contact with her resolute glare.
"I thought everything would work out fine once SeeD came to help us. But, I guess it's not that easy. You were all hired. It's not like you were one of us." A faint smile appeared on her lips and faded, replaced with a grimace that reminded Squall vaguely of someone else.
"Um, let's see…we'll cancel the plan, and we'll disperse for now. We don't stand a chance if we take 'em head on, right? So…you guys probably think this is all a game to us."
In the distance Squall heard the beginning of Selphie's protest but Rinoa gestured lightly with her hand for her to stop. He let out a diminutive sneer, breaking the eye contact for a moment before returning her serious gaze with his equal. Of course, only he was her problem.
"Well, it's not! We're serious."
Behind her Watts grunted in agreement, shortly before turning away as to not look suspicious. She stared straight into Squall's eyes, like fire blazing against ice.
"So serious…it hurts."
The intensity in her words was something that surprised him at the time. The urgency to free Timber of its Galbadian grasp was important to her, and from that moment on he'd never forget it. He had no idea she was a person with such a resolute opinion, and due to her previous actions she hadn't shown him that she was capable of much.
In fact his first impression of her was a gaudy little rich girl who would smile and get everything she wanted. A diminutive smile crept onto his parched lips; he remembered her entrancing eyes upon his figure as it leaned against the marble pillar of the glittering dance floor. His first thought; is she trying to flirt with me? What a waste of time… He'd turned his head in a gesture of disinterest; his bluntest way of rejecting a person's moves upon him. If he hadn't been such a lonely man, he would have been popular with the other female SeeDs who had been eying him since he was 15. As much as Squall would like to deny it, he knew how to deal with women interested in him.
That night he had occupied himself with thoughts of future SeeD missions and assignments, oblivious to the fact that the rich girl's eyes still gazed at him. Selphie and Zell had both approached him and were starting a conversation, but he'd seen them all before and quickly dismissed their hopes. After they had left he found himself immersed in the velvet sky, finding the festive dancing going on around him tiresome. His gaze followed a falling star as it descended upon the earth, an event he had rarely seen, leading his vision directly back to the brunette. This time Squall couldn't escape, and before he knew it she'd appeared in front of him, mouth curved in a mirthful smile.
"You're the best looking guy here. Dance with me?"
That was her sole excuse for approaching a complete stranger and asking something that was way out of decorum, at least to him. When the silence remained, she used a different technique on him, one that even he had never experienced before, and therefore was quite surprised by.
"Let me guess… you'll only dance with someone you like. Okay then, look into my eyes… You're-going-to-like-me… you're-going-to-like-me…"
She leaned in closer than others had dared to, holding his gaze and twirling her pointer finger in circles in front of his nose. Her eyes sparkled at him as she saw the subtle change in his expression, and considering it a job well done, her hypnotising fingers retreated away from his face.
"Did it work?"
What a stupid thing to do… what is she, twelve? He thought of multiple ways to cut her off gently, but ultimately decided that it would be too difficult now that she'd made such an ambitious advance. A slight sigh escaped his lips as he pondered the many terrible things she might force him to do. The only option was to cut her off bluntly. How troublesome…
"…I can't dance."
He watched as she waved off his excuse effortlessly, as if she knew exactly what he'd been planning to do. But before he could protest, she grabbed his hand, her golden bracelets jingling against his sleeve as he was suddenly swept into the middle of the dance floor.
The particular dance hadn't been in their SeeD regime and so at first he was left stunned. She continued to guide him, lifting his arms when they drooped too low, pushing him towards the right direction. He was desperately trying to put together whatever he'd learnt from his past lessons, however the beat was too fast and after the second slip-up and an ugly meeting with an irritated couple, he'd had enough of being embarrassed. What he wasn't expecting was what happened next.
After chasing after him and jolting him back to the dance floor she paused for a moment; a soft, almost secretive smile appearing on her lips. Then she leaned in to his ear and spoke just above a whisper.
"Come on, I know a SeeD can do better than that."
Soon the next phase of the lively waltz began, and he could feel her guiding him through her moments, graceful, elegant and flowing. And then before he knew it he was the equivalent of her; stepping, turning and spinning.
Flowing. Just like her.
It ended before he could even fathom what transformation had affected him, leaving his eyesight slightly hazy. They ended up closer than expected, however it barely mattered considering the waltz they just performed. The analysing, calculative thoughts had left him for that moment. He tried concentrating on the quiet yet content grin she had on in order to stabilize his thoughts, but just as before her sparkling eyes caught onto something else, and hurriedly she muttered an apology and left.
He'd seen the interest bloom on her face just as fast as he'd seen her catch his image at the back of the ballroom. He watched for a while, curiosity making him long to know what had overridden his significance, jealousy striking a chord inside him, but then it was gone, and he turned and walked off just as she did, as if he'd never seen her at all.
"We're gonna make it home, right?"
He gazed deep into her eyes, trying to understand into her thoughts.
"We can only hope."
Rinoa shifted to lean lightly against his shoulder, her warmth spreading across his chest. There wasn't much room in the pilot seat of the Ragnarok but her petite frame could just fit into the miniature gap between the arm rest and Squall's legs. He could remember her expression; slightly frightened with a wandering look in her eyes. At that moment she seemed to be somewhere else.
"When we get back...We won't be able to stay together, huh?"
No matter how much he'd been preparing he was still thrown back by her words. Of course she'd been thinking about their situation and what would happen when they got home. Squall had been tactfully avoiding the question, until now.
"...Maybe. No one can predict the future, there are no guarantees. Those were your words, Rinoa."
He felt like a robot, repeating the words of another that had been programmed into his data system. Stupid, stupid… for god's sake, she isn't dumb… He could tell that she wasn't content with his answer as a small frown flickered across her face.
"That's not what I meant."
He could feel her anxiety, stiffness building up in the arm muscles against his chest, even though her face portrayed no signs of it. But the truth was even he didn't know what would happen to them. For once in his life Squall truly didn't know what to do and he was frightened to death by it. He looked back towards the girl who he'd saved from space, watching her stare into the clear glass windows and out into the boundless sky.
"We'll figure out what to do once we get back."
Seemingly content with his answer Rinoa carefully got off his lap and made her way into her passenger seat, holding onto his hand for support. When she was settled and secure she turned away from him, her eyes avoiding his anxious gaze.
"They'll all be angry at me."
"Angry?"
At that moment she met his eyes with her determined ones. She blamed herself for thousands of deaths caused by the terrifying Lunar Cry, he knew that. Clearly he could see that she was struggling to say the next words, tears pinching at her eyes.
He'd rescued her countless times, putting life and limb in danger every time, but it still wasn't enough to save her. And the only thing he wanted was to save her.
God… what's happening to me…?
Lost in his thoughts he nearly missed the rasping call of the Airstation on the intercom. He was hesitant at first but he soon picked up the receiver as he'd been taught to and reported back to the base, his voice adopting a monotone sound to hide his trembling. In the background he could feel her fingers tighten faintly against his black jacket, her arms cuddling his. And as the attendant stated alarmingly that 'Sorceress Rinoa' was with him, he could feel her body shrink away from him.
"I've...become a sorceress. I can't stay with you anymore, Squall."
He abruptly turned, unguarded eyes questioning her. He had thought…no, he didn't want it like this. It wasn't meant to be like this.
I saved you… you're alive… why is this happening?
The hurt in her eyes was evident as she relayed the words that had been circling through her head for the last few moments. And even as he knew, aware of what she would tell him, he still couldn't stop himself hoping against it.
"I don't want the future. I want the present to stand still. I just want to stay here with you..."
At that moment the intercom blared once more, a strong voice shattering Squall and Rinoa's hopes.
"The sorceress will be seized upon arrival. Be sure to follow the crew's instructions."
"I'm...scared."
I can't fight it… I can't believe this is it…
Lowering his head he meekly found her shaky hand with his and held it tight, a gesture he'd never done before. Without looking he could hear her tears, she was moving as she tried to stop her lengthy breaths. He himself was weeping inside. At that point of time he was still confused about what the two of them had, or what they would have in the future. But this time he saw no way of protecting her from her very destiny.
Sorceress…Rinoa…
I've fallen for you… and now, I'll let you go…
This time he had no words and the both of them just sat in complete silence, watching the world they knew and loved so much come closer and closer.
No matter how it hurts me.