Final Fantasy VII?

"But dad, you're no good at stories," complained the ten year old. His father had offered to tell them another bedtime story of his, but he never was able to come up with anything they thought was good enough.

"Yeah, dad," the boy's eight year old sister agreed. Their father had always tried to be creative for them over the years, but they were always disappointed. They also felt they were getting a little old for stories.

"This time will be different," their father assured them. "I've been saving this story for a very long time, until I thought you were both mature enough for it. I must say that the day has come sooner than I thought."

"Dad, we're giving you one last chance."

"Yeah. If you mess this up then that's it."

"Don't worry, you won't be disappointed."

"Well then what's it called?"

"Uh…how about Final Fantasy?"

"Final Fantasy?"

"Dad that title is so lame. Is this about princesses and dragons or what? What happened to mature?"

"Well, there are dragons, but if you don't like the name then how about Crisis Core?"

"Well, I guess that will have to do," Jake agreed.

"I can tell you're going to need our help," Chloe added.

"Our story begins in a huge city called Midgar, where the evil Shin-Ra corporation is sucking out the planet's energy through giant reactors to supply electricity to the people."

"Hey! If they're giving the people electricity then why is the company evil?"

"Because they are killing the planet and charge too much. Now, a small resistance group attacks one of their reactors and blows it up with the help of a mercenary named Cloud."

"They blew it up?"

"That's terrible! People could be hurt!"

"Yeah, I say the company be good and these guys be evil!"

"What? That's completely wrong!"

"Trust us, dad. Just keep going."

"Oh, fine. The 'evil' group was called AVALANCHE and their leader was named Barret. He hired Cloud to help them destroy another reactor. Cloud agrees because his childhood friend Tifa is also a member."

"What's Tifa like?"

"She's a master fighter and very pretty."

"Naw, a fighter girl should be a tomboy."

"Yeah, and really big too! Bigger than Barret!"

"Uh, Barret's pretty big, and he has a gun grafted on to his arm so he's pretty scary."

"A gun? That's no good. How about a flamethrower?"

"Well, he has different attachments..."

"Oh, come on. You expect us to believe he has a gun for an arm AND that he can customize it whenever he wants?"

"Let's just continue," their father sighed.

Cloud meets Aerith.

"Is she the heroine, dad?"

"Well she's one of them."

"Let's make her blond and pretty!"

"Yeah, and wear a cool blue and white martial arts suit!"

"Uh, she's a spell caster and she wears pink."

"PINK? Come on, dad. That is so stereotypical! And anyway, she should be a fighter since Tifa already became our materia user."

"But you're mixing up their characters! And I thought only fighters had to be big!"

"Don't worry, dad! We know what feels right!"

Cloud tells of his past with Sephiroth after being banished by the "hero" Rufus, who aided Sephiroth in removing the dangerous Jenova before AVALANCHE could release it into the world.

"I say Cloud went nuts and killed everyone in Nibelheim!"

"Poor Sephy," Chloe added.

"I'm starting to dislike this story," their father groaned.

Much later.

"Okay, so Jenova isn't calling Meteor, but multiplying until she overcomes the planet?" the father asked.

"Yeah! Its way better than that stupid 'become a god' idea of yours."

"And Sephiroth has been running from AVALANCHE with Jenova's heart to keep it from their hands?"

"Exactly! And Aerith has realized how evil AVALANCHE is, so THAT'S why she leaves to summon Holy and defeat the Jenova duplicates."

"And Cloud's even more evil now because he's totally obsessed with Aerith and now wants her dead for betraying them."

"What was wrong with my original story?"

At the ancient capitol.

"You want Sephiroth to kill Cloud!?"

"Of course! Why would Sephiroth kill Aerith? They're on the same team."

At the Northern Crater.

"So Jenova is using Cloud's dead body as a host to call its duplicates together, and Rufus arrives in time to rescue AVALANCHE, who has learned the error of their ways. Sephiroth stays to battle Cloud, but WEAPON comes out and he must also flee."

"Your really getting in to it now, dad!"

"Yeah keep it up!"

At the final battle.

"And so Sephiroth valiantly dispatches the mutated Cloud with his Holy-infused sword, killing all of the lesser Jenova offspring and saving the world. He smiles as Aerith runs in to his arms and..."

"What's wrong, dad?"

"Yeah, you're almost done!"

"What the heck am I saying? This is all wrong! Listen up, kids! This is the real story, from start to finish, and I don't want any more fuss!"

Jake and Chloe listen as their father quickly, and angrily, tells them the entire plot of Final Fantasy VII.

"Well," the father said, slightly out of breath. "What do you think of that?"

"Dad, that was so lame," Jake responded.

"Yeah, totally," Chloe agreed.

"What? Why?"

"Come on dad. That story had swords, guns, magic, dragons, robots, aliens, demons, ninjas, mutants, and talking animals."

"Yeah. You can't just throw everything together like that and expect it to work. It's just too much," Chloe stated. "Not to mention that you go through all the trouble of making Aerith so important then kill her off."

"And why on earth would Sephiroth kill her if Holy is only released when the one who prays for it dies? He should have been protecting her! Also, why would she even want to release Holy before Meteor was summoned? She wouldn't have even had to sacrifice herself if the team just did everything they could to prevent the summoning."

"And that's not even mentioning that Holy couldn't stop Meteor in the end, anyway! The planet had to use the Lifestream to do it, making Aerith's death completely pointless."

"And another thing, Cloud's mental problems were way too complex. Who wants a schizophrenic hero?"

"Yeah. What were you doing, just trying to create the illusion of a clever plot?"

"I also have a hard time believing that Cloud could have beaten Sephiroth originally at the Mount Nibel reactor if he was some legendary super warrior and Cloud couldn't even make it into SOLDIER."

"No kidding. How'd he pull that off? And why was there a vampire and a ninja on the team? They were completely unnecessary for the main story. You just put them in because you thought it'd be cool, didn't you?"

"Kids, go to bed," their father sighed, feeling quite dejected.

"Goodnight dad, and don't feel too bad," Chloe offered as she left.

"Yeah, you're just not cut out for story writing, that's all," Jake confirmed.

As his children went off to their rooms the father walked to the den, where his wife awaited him.

"Did you hear what they said about the story?"

"Yes, Cloud, but don't feel too bad. They're just kids. Besides, their version was pretty interesting."

"I think they just wanted me to be the villain because they thought I was being egotistical naming the hero after myself."

"I'm the one who should be upset! They knew Tifa was named after me and they wanted to make me a giant tomboy spell caster!"

"Hehe, yeah. I fought them on that one."

"Not enough."

"Hey Tifa?"

"Yes, Cloud?"

"Why did Sephiroth kill Aerith?"

"... I don't know. Why did Aerith pray for Holy before Meteor was summoned?"

"..."

"..."

"?"