A/N: I created this journal on a whim while working on "Through the Eyes of Madness." It has since become a part of the plot, and I intend to use pieces of this in the body of that thread-parent fic. The chapters will be short, and there are likely to be gaps... Think of it as if you're reading the journal as John is writing it. This is an exercise for me, but I do hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: The original character of John is uniquely created by Sir ACD. Any adjustments to his original characterization or personality as defined by this Journal are completely and totally fabrications by me.
Wednesday.
Almost a week ago now, E suggested I do this. Write. She thinks it will help me cope with my...experiences in Afghanistan. To be honest, I'm not all that sure it will do anything but waste paper.
I already started that damned blog she told me to. "Share your experiences," she said. Horseshit, if you ask me. Who is going to want to read a blog from a damaged army-doctor...former army doctor, excuse me.
And this journal, she said this would be for those thoughts that I wanted kept private. Public consumption of a veteran's war wounds would not be universally accepted, and I would receive criticism. This is meant to be my safe medium...
How frustrating. A soldier spends his time practicing the establishment of freedom, only to be the subject of gossip-mongering. And the target of anger and hurt. To displace their own pain, they will shell it out on our country's returning fighting men.
Right. As if I had a choice of what I did during the war. I was there to save lives. Part of the RAMC. But did I serve as a doctor? Even when that was my formal training? No. I was a sentry, guarding the perimeter of the camps. I was a close-combat officer sent to eliminate threats to our efforts. Gratefully, they were mostly small-scale attacks with one or two targets at a time. It always unsettled me to go after lives so callously. But, those were orders.
I see now what she meant about public consumption of this kind of information. Most of what I did is classified action… I really shouldn't be revealing details of what I had been involved in... And that's why I am to write it here.
A/N: I know...it's short. But these entries are intended to be little more than snapshots into John's mind. I would still very much like to know what you think, review or PM!